Tattooed Hearts

by C. A. Harms

  Apparently my sweet little Southern belle had a naughty side.

  Mental note: do whatever necessary to make Jenny wail and holler out vulgarities during sex. It was sort of hot to hear my girl say the word fuck when I was in fact doing just that.

  “Yes.” Her hands flew out to her sides and she pressed her palms flat against the hood. “Right there, oh my God, right there, Sean. Do. Not. Stop.”

  I had no intentions of doing so.

  I tried not to smirk, but damn she had my ego swelling, among other things. Nothing is sexier than a woman letting go and giving in to what her body is feeling. She was hungry and had no problem taking from me what she needed.

  The moment she exploded, I followed, unable to hold back any longer.

  Now here we lay across the hood of my car, my chest slick with sweat pressed tightly to hers. Her legs were still wrapped tightly around my waist as I remained buried inside her.

  Each time she twitched with aftershocks of her orgasm, I shivered uncontrollably.

  “I needed that,” I confessed as I nuzzled her neck.

  “Me too,” she whispered.

  A few minutes passed as we silently continued to catch our breath.

  “You ready to come back to the house with me?” she asked, and that was my cue that our dirty time had ended.

  I lifted my body from hers and looked down at her. Jenny’s blonde hair was matted, and I smiled. She was a hot mess.

  “I was thinking I needed a shower now,” she said before biting her lips to hide her smile.

  “You offering me the chance to wash you?” I asked, and she nodded. “Only if I can dirty you up a little more first.” Her giggles as I lifted her from the hood and pulled her body against mine did something to my insides. I knew without a doubt I would do whatever it took to be able to hear that sound for the rest of my life. Jenny’s laughter was better than anything else I had ever heard, ever the sounds on the track, the roar of an engine, or the cheers of the fans.

  JENNY

  NO.

  This couldn’t be real.

  It all had to be some kind of dream, or the worst possible nightmare.

  No. No.

  This couldn’t be happening.

  The chatter around me and the gasps of the horrified crowd couldn’t break through the mind-numbing terror.

  With each roll of the car, I flinched in horror, feeling like I was being stabbed in the chest. I sat motionless, holding Landyn securely at my side, as I watched my future flash before my eyes as if in slow motion.

  All the dreams I had for us and the memories we would create.

  Tears rolled along my cheeks, yet I made no sound.

  I wasn’t even sure I was breathing.

  When the yellow car finally came to an abrupt stop, I slid off the bench and collapsed to the ground on my knees.

  Landyn’s terrified cries penetrated the haze as I held him close and we cried together.

  No movement from the car as people ran toward it.

  No sign of Sean.

  I begged for any indication that he was okay.

  A hand on my shoulder, a soft whisper of reassurance. But I couldn’t look away.

  At no point in my life had I ever been more petrified than I was then.

  It wasn’t fair.

  Just when I got him back.

  I couldn’t lose him.

  “No,’ I cried, holding on to Landyn a little tighter. “Please no.”

  SEAN

  Six hours earlier

  “YOU SEEM RELAXED, boss,” Monty said as I slipped into my yellow jumpsuit.

  I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. “I am,” I said as I looked to my left and winked at the beautiful girl who’d made sure I had little time over the last twenty-four hours to psych myself out. “I feel like I’ve been given a double dose of Xanax.” I leaned in and kissed Jenny’s cheek. “I can feel your sweet body pressed to mine.”

  When I pulled back, she was flushed as she looked around to make sure no one heard me. When her eyes met mine once more, she smiled, and once again we were lost in the moment as if we were the only two people around.

  What I wouldn’t give to go back to this morning in our hotel room as I moved inside her as she scratched at my shoulders. At the tantalizing sound of her whispering for more in my ear, I gave her what she begged for.

  “You’re getting that look in your eyes,” she said.

  I hung my head, knowing now was definitely not the time to get turned on. I was less than an hour from one of the biggest races of the year, and all I could think of was making love to the girl of my dreams.

  Landyn was occupied with a couple of the guys as they walked around the car, looking things over. They always made him feel like he was part of my team, and in my eyes he was.

  I took the opportunity to hook Jenny around the waist and pull her in closer. “I always get that look when I think of you, naked.”

  She buried her face against my chest, and I could feel her lightly shaking. Oh, her laughter was the best form of medicine. I needed to record that shit so I could listen to it over and over.

  “You are impossible.” She lifted her head and looked up at me with humor in her eyes.

  “Impossible, but baby, you love me.” And the love of a woman like Jenny made me feel like I was floating. It was the best kind of high.

  “Yes, I do,” she confessed, her face softening as she tilted her head to the side. “So very much.”

  I moved toward her and pressed my lips to hers, and for a moment we got lost in one another. Another dose of the best kind of calm.

  She pulled back, and both of us were breathless as we stared at each other. “We should get going so you can get you head back in the game.”

  “I can think of another place I’d like to place my head.”

  She swatted at my chest and shook her head, laughing once again at the crudeness I just spouted.

  “Hold on to those thoughts,” she said with a smirk. “We can take care of them later.”

  “Promise?” I asked, and she nodded, slowly stepping back.

  “Come on, Landyn,” she hollered, and he came running toward her.

  “Hold up,” I called as I lowered myself to the ground on one knee. “Hey, pal,” I said, reaching out for him. “I need a pep talk from my main man.”

  A huge smile stretched out over his face, and it was like an electric shock to my heart. I fucking loved this kid.

  “Okay,” he said, stepping in closer and putting a hand on my shoulder.

  Jenny covered her mouth with her hand, trying to hide her smile as Landyn broke it down for me.

  “You remember our talk about side drafting?” Landyn asked, squinting as he looked straight at me. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen.

  “I do.” I nodded.

  “Remember to not lose momentum. You be the one in the side-drafting position and not the other way around.” He gave a quick nod. “Got it?”

  I tried not to smile, “I got it,” I said, offering that same quick nod.

  Landyn offered me a light squeeze on my shoulder before turning to face Jenny. He took her hand and began leading her away.

  “Bring me a trophy, big guy,” Landyn hollered, and neither Jenny nor I could contain our laughter.

  That kid was amazing.

  “How’s it feeling, Sean?” Monty asked through the headset.

  “Steady,” I replied, gripping the wheel tight as I came up on the first turn. “Shimmies a little on the turn, but on the straightaway were good.”

  “You got number twelve moving in fast on your left,” another voice broke through. I knew that voice.

  “I got it, little man,” I assured my new crewmember.

  Hearing Landyn come on throughout a race giving me heads-ups made me even more motivated than before.

  I was not only racing for myself now, I was racing for him and for Jenny—even though the woman got lost in the logistics of the game. It was funny as shit to see he
r crinkle her face in confusion as Landyn and I got lost in discussing how it all worked.

  “Hold tight,” Monty added.

  “I got it,” I assured him.

  But something didn’t feel right.

  I could feel the hop of the front, and before I got could control it, everything went to shit.

  And all I could do was brace myself as the entire car began to roll.

  “Sean,” Monty cried.

  I heard metal crunching, and sparks flew as my car rolled again and again.

  “No!” A terrified cry rang out through my headset, and fuck if that wasn’t the most heart-wrenching sound I’d ever heard. Knowing Landyn was seeing this and hearing it through the headset nearly broke me.

  “Landy,” I tried to holler, but my head jerked so hard to the left that my mic got knocked off.

  And suddenly everything went black.

  JENNY

  “MOMMA.” LANDYN’S VOICE was muffled as I held him close.

  It was too late to stop him from seeing the events that already took place, but I couldn’t let him see anything more.

  I wanted to shelter him.

  I didn’t want to see it myself.

  I wanted it all to be a dream.

  “Mom,” he said louder this time as he pushed against me.

  “Landyn, no,” I said, practically begging him to not fight me. But he was determined to break free.

  And when he did, my little boy held me together.

  “He’ll be okay,” he assured me. “But we need to go.”

  “Go where?” I asked and followed the motion of his hand as he pointed toward our left.

  Only a few feet away stood Miquel and Louis, two members of Sean’s team, waving us forward.

  Sirens rang out, mixed with the revving of engines and the commotion of the crowd.

  Landyn pulled at my arm, and I quickly crawled from the ground, leaving behind our souvenirs and other items.

  “Is he okay?” I asked when I reached the two men.

  The look on Miquel’s face was like a kick to the stomach.

  “We don’t know anything yet, Jen. We just need to get you both ready.”

  “Ready?” I repeated as the tears continued to fall. “For what?”

  My legs stopped moving and grew weak. I felt as if I was crumbling to the ground from the thoughts racing through my mind.

  Louis stepped up and gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “They have him out of the car,” he said, and my heart hammered in my chest. “He’s unconscious, but they’re loading him up for transport, and we need to get you in the truck to follow.”

  The seriousness of his words mixed with my fear had me moving toward the awaiting vehicle, clutching Landyn’s hand.

  When we got inside, my son and I turned around in the chair, searching desperately for the ambulance to appear. My heartbeat hammered in my ears and my pulse raced, making my vision blur. My stomach ached so bad I felt nauseous.

  Sirens once again filled the silence as Landyn and I watched the ambulance carrying Sean pass us, moving toward the exit. Louis wasted no time at all easing out of the exit and following closely behind. Everyone within the cab of the truck remained perfectly still as we stared ahead. It was as if the flashing lights and the screeching holler of the emergency vehicle had hypnotized us all.

  The seriousness of the situation and my fear were too much. I closed my eyes and began to pray that he was okay.

  I needed him to be okay.

  I had never felt a pain so deep. Never felt such an intense, crippling heartache as the one I did now.

  How could I go on?

  This couldn’t be happening.

  I wanted to yell and scream, but I knew nothing would bring him back. It was unfair. Life was so cruel.

  How could I live a life without the man I loved with every single part of my soul?

  I couldn’t breathe.

  Oh my God, it hurt so much. I felt like I was dying on the inside as I leaned over, trying to catch my breath.

  He couldn’t leave me, not like this.

  I stood tall once again and took another step toward the casket, but my legs gave out and I crumbling to the ground.

  Tears fell heavy as I held my head in my hands, sobbing harder than I had ever cried before.

  I needed him.

  The ache in my chest was so strong, I was sure I’d never feel anything worse.

  “No,” I cried, trying to gain some control, but it was impossible. I had lost the only man I’d ever loved. I’d never feel him hold me again, or see his sweet smile. I’d never hear the words I love you, and that was an unbearable thought.

  My body began to shake, and I felt a hand on my shoulder that jarred me.

  Jerking, I looked around and found the entire thing was just a nightmare. The most heart-wrenching nightmare I had ever experienced in my life. Slowly I looked around the room, and memories of where I was and why I was here came flooding back, reminding me of the harsh reality that I still was unaware of Sean’s condition.

  The waiting room was now crawling with racers and friends—family Sean had gained over his years in the sport; people that had become family to Landyn and me as well. So many men paced the room with blanks stares, just hoping for one ounce of reassurance that Sean would be okay.

  Seeing just how many people truly loved Sen was heartwarming. These weren’t just men who shared a love of racing, but brothers that hurt when one of them hurt. Sean had not only touched my son’s heart and been my rock for more years than not, but he had also touched the lives of so many others.

  Had it not been for them and all their support over the last few hours, I wouldn’t have been able to hold it together, if what I’d done could be called holding myself together. On the inside I felt like every part of me was slowly dying, and each moment that passed I struggled harder to breathe.

  An eerie calm had set in over the room. No one knew exactly what to say to each other, so everyone mostly sat in silence. Even my son sat motionless at my side as he stared out the window that overlooked the hospital parking lot. I softly rubbed his arm, trying my best to offer comfort. But it wasn’t penetrating the haze he was in. My lost little boy was so fearful of losing the only man who’d shown him an ounce of love.

  The unknown was the hardest part. Imagining a life without Sean in it was like imagining a day without light. It was an impossible vision. I needed him; we both needed him. I didn’t feel weak for admitting that. Sean wasn’t just the man I’d fallen in love with and longed for over the last six years. He was the first person I wanted to turn to when I had a great day or even a bad one. He was my best friend, and the one person I could see growing old with.

  My heart broke with each second that passed as we waited for information. I sat there in silence, still stroking my son’s hair as I became lost in the memories of the last few days. If I closed my eyes, I could almost still see Landyn and Sean running around the backyard tossing a football. I could hear their laughter as they hollered out plays as if they were in a real NFL game. The two of them together were comical and infectious.

  The ding of the elevator and the crying of a woman still did nothing to penetrate the world I created in my mind. It was my safe place because there, Sean was still safe. I didn’t react as Molly and Jerry moved toward me. I felt like I may have finally reached that point where I’d lost my mind.

  “Jenny,” Jerry said as he placed his hand beneath my chin, forcing me to look up at him. I could see the worried look in his eyes, but like his son, he was trying to remain strong. He was a protector just like Sean was. He had to be the one that held us all together.

  Monty and Dirk had booked the first flight out after the accident for Jerry and Molly. Sean’s parents had watched the entre thing unfold on television and felt completely helpless being hundreds of miles away. Monty had picked them up at the airport and driven them here.

  I was still amazed that so much time had already passed. The fact we stil
l knew nothing in regards to Sean and his injuries hurt even more.

  “I don’t know anything,” I confessed, my lip trembling with emotion.

  “He’ll, be fine,” Jerry said, but I could tell even he was unsure. He was trying to be strong for not only Molly but Landyn and me too. He had never reminded me of Sean more.

  I wish I had it in me to do the same, but I couldn’t find that strength. I searched for it, God, did I, but it was lost the moment that car took its first roll. And by the time it stopped, I was gone.

  SEAN

  I COULD SEE her sweet and angelic face. It was hazy, but she was there.

  My beautiful girl’s smile lit up her features as she looked at me as if I was her world. I loved that look in her eyes. It honestly made me feel like I ruled the world. Like I was so powerful that nothing could ever touch me. That I was unstoppable.

  Knowing someone thought your love was all they needed to survive was the most empowering thing. That feeling of being connected to one person and feeling like they completed you was the strongest thing I had ever felt.

  “I need you,” Jenny whispered. And I could sense her desperation, her longing.

  And I needed her too.

  “I’m here,” I replied, reaching out for her. Only I couldn’t feel her. It was as if she was there but I couldn’t touch her. She was too far away.

  “Come back to me,” she spoke again as her beautiful face began to fade.

  My heart raced, and the fear of losing her surged through me.

  “No.” I reached out once again, my throat tightening at the idea of her disappearing. “Don’t go,” I begged, starting to panic.

  Why was she leaving me?

  “We need you.” Her voice filtered through the haze, but I could no longer see her. “We both need you more than anything. Please, Sean.”

  She sounded so far away.

  “Jenny,” I hollered, waving my arms in the darkness in search of my beautiful girl.

  Pain coursed through my body, but I couldn’t let it stop me. I had to find her.

  I couldn’t lose her, not again.