Tattooed Hearts

by C. A. Harms

  “No.” My heart raced. “Jenny, please.”

  JENNY

  I WAS HEARTBROKEN. Lost.

  He lay there in his bed thrashing around as if searching of something. And I couldn’t help him. Yes, the alternative would have been much harder to face, but what was happening now was terrifying.

  Molly was in tears watching Sean cry out in pain as he moved around in the hospital bed uncontrollably. Jerry had a look on his face that I could only explain as fear, and Landyn was crying so hard I had to pick him up and carry him from the room.

  Monty stood just outside the door and offered to take Landyn. At first I held him tighter and shook my head. But as Monty continued to assure me he’d keep my son busy, I finally gave in. He soothed Landyn by telling him just how strong Sean was.

  “He’s a warrior,” Monty said, and I couldn’t help but smile.

  Yes, Sean was.

  After they disappeared around the corner, I turned and stood in the doorway of Sean’s hospital room, watching him as tears clouded my vision. Nurses, doctors, and other hospital staff worked around him doing all they could to ensure Sean’s safety, and one injected something into his IV to relax him. One doctor explained that Sean was probably thrashing because his mind was reliving the accident. Of course, they honestly had no way of knowing what was going on inside Sean’s mind, but whatever was happening scared us all.

  He looked terrified. I wanted to run to him and hold him. I wanted to tell him we were all here and waiting for him to wake up, but I stood back.

  Dr. Milberg, the attending physician, looked back over his shoulder once Sean was relaxed and offered us all a compassionate look. “He’s sedated.”

  I was relieved to see it, but still that was just one more thing that stood between us and him. He was now unable to communicate with us, and we all desperately needed to hear him tell us he was okay.

  As Sean slowly relaxed, he continued to clench his hand at his side. I focused on it as the doctor continued to talk.

  “We may have to keep him medicated as he slowly starts to wake. For his safety.” Sean’s hand began to relax. “I know this is hard, but I assure you it’s necessary. He’s unaware of his injuries, and until he can remain calm and allow us to explain what they are, we have to ensure he doesn’t cause himself any further damage.”

  His fisted hand released, and my heart broke just a little more. My throat burned like I had swallowed acid, and I wanted to find a corner and just cry. My unstable emotions frightened me.

  I wanted to hear his voice, and I longed to feel his arms wrap around me as he held me close. I wanted to feel his lips pressed to mine and to see his gorgeous brown eyes looking back at me with such love.

  As the doctor and nurses passed us on their way out, they each offered a kind smile. When Molly, Jerry, and I were alone, we all still stared ahead at the man we loved in silence. I especially felt bad for Molly. As a mother, I knew if Landyn had been in that bed, I would feel so unbelievably helpless. Being unable to fix your child’s hardships was a difficult thing to accept. It wasn’t in our nature.

  I don’t know how much time passed, but when Jerry spoke, I jolted in surprise.

  “I think we’ll step out for a bit,” he said, and I simply nodded. I needed to go too, so I could check on Landyn, but leaving Sean was so hard.

  “We’ll check on Landyn,” Jerry said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. He was able to read my thoughts so well, just like his son. I was apparently the most transparent person when it came to my emotions.

  Instant relief washed over me, knowing Molly and Jerry would be at Landyn’s side. If Sean or I couldn’t, they were the next best thing.

  “You stay for a while,” Jerry whispered.

  I placed my hand over his and offered a gentle squeeze, thanking him without words.

  “It’ll be good for him to hear your voice,” Molly said, and I could tell leaving was hard for her, but she was also in need of a break.

  It had been almost two hours since his surgery. Two of the longest hours of my life.

  Sean suffered not only a severe concussion that made him lose consciousness, but a fractured thigh that required close to four hours in the operating room. As if that wasn’t enough, he also had a broken left wrist.

  I know it could have been worse, but him being in any amount of pain was too much.

  I moved toward his bed after his parents stepped from the room and just watched him. His breathing was calm, yet the beeps of the machines at his side made the situation that more intense.

  I ached to hear him speak, even if it was only a whisper.

  I sat in a chair at the side of his bed and brushed my fingers over the scruff on his jaw. It was soothing as I closed my eyes and remembered him hugging me close before the race began. That same rough feeling against my cheek that I shied away from earlier, I now found myself craving. I no longer cared if it left my face feeling raw, I wanted it.

  I lay down at his side, careful not to pull at any of the tubes running around him. I just wanted to close my eyes and think back to the time before this all. I wanted to pretend we were back at the house, laughing and carefree.

  I took in a deep breath, and even though the sterile scent of the hospital was so powerful, I could still smell Sean deep beneath it, that manly scent I’d always found so comforting.

  I curled in closer in search of that gentle touch along my cheek. It felt so real, almost as if I wasn’t dreaming. And I didn’t want to lose it.

  “Open those eyes, pretty girl,” a deep, raspy tone infiltrated my hazy dream. “Let me see those blues, baby.”

  I smiled. God, I loved this dream.

  “And there’s that smile I love.”

  The gentle skim of something over my lower lip left a tingling sensation behind. And almost instinctively my eyes fluttered open.

  And my heart felt as if it had leaped in my chest.

  I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

  “Sean,” I whispered.

  “It’s about time you woke up,” he said with a smirk. “Though I truly enjoy watching you sleep, I needed to hear your voice more.”

  He had no idea how much I’d prayed for just that since the moment the ambulance drove away from the track with him inside. I had never been more scared that I’d taken his words, or even his gentle touches for granted until the moment came when I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to experience them again.

  Tears clouded my vision before suddenly spilling over.

  “Don’t cry, baby,” he soothed. “I’m here. I’m okay.”

  Suddenly I remembered the pain he must be in and tried to sit up. “Stay,” he insisted. “For just a few minutes, lie here with me.”

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I said, trying to remain perfectly still.

  “It’ll hurt me a lot more if you leave,” he confessed. “I just need to hold you for a while.”

  I took in a deep, shuddering breath as I tried to keep the tears at bay. “I was so scared,” I confessed as I lowered my head once again to the pillow beside him. “I’ve never felt that kind of fear before.” I stared directly into his eyes, because they had the comfort I needed. The confidence and tenderness in them always seemed to make everything better.

  He stared back at me, and I could sense he was still feeling the effects of the shot they had given him, though he tried to fight it. His eyes were heavy, as if at any moment he may give in once again to fatigue.

  “I saw you,” he whispered. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and fought to reopen them. “In my dreams, you were there, telling me you needed me.”

  My throat burned as I blinked away the tears. “I do need you,” I said without hesitation.

  “I need you too,” he added with so much sincerity. “I’ve always needed you. I was just too damn stubborn to admit it. But never again.” His eyes fluttered shut once more. “I love you, Jenny. . . .” His words faded as he still tried to fight against his exhaustion.

&nbs
p; “I love you too,” I assured him as I trailed my fingertips across his jaw, still in desperate need of feeling him even in the smallest way. “So much it hurts sometimes.”

  “Hurts in the best possible way,” he added, still with his eyes closed.

  “It’s terrifying how much I love you,” I whispered, still not ready to lose him to his dreams.

  Sometimes my love for him is so intense that I feel like it’s hard to breathe. The idea of ever losing Sean made my heart ache intensely. He and Landyn were my world.

  “I got you, baby,” he whispered, surprising me.

  I’d thought he’d succumbed to sleep. His eyes remained closed, yet he continued to talk. “I’ll always have you, and I promise you I’ll never leave.”

  My throat felt raw. And I wasn’t sure the words would come out clear if I attempted to talk. The all-consuming reality of how close we actually came to losing him hit me, leaving me feeling raw and desolate.

  Silence settled over the room as I lay at his side, watching him give in to the need for rest. Calm settled over me as his chest rose and fell with each breath. I placed my hand over his heart, finding comfort it the steady thump beneath my palm.

  He was here.

  He was safe.

  “You do have me, Sean,” I whispered, even though he was now asleep and unable to hear my words. But it didn’t matter, because I needed to say them. “You always had me. Even when you thought you’d lost me, I was still yours.”

  SEAN

  “LANDYN, NO.” JENNY rushed to my bed as Landyn practically leaped onto it.

  Thank God he came at me from the right side, avoiding contact with my injuries. The jarring alone should have made me ache, but I was hyped up on some killer drugs, so I was feeling very little at the moment. And the happiness in Landyn’s eyes at seeing me alert helped too.

  Jenny’s look of panic made me chuckle. She was momma bear, trying to hold it all together.

  “He’s good,” I assured her with a wink.

  “But you’re—”

  “I’m good, Jen, really.” I gave her a reassuring smile.

  I’d heard about Landyn’s concern from a number of people who came to visit me over the last day. Since this was the first time he saw me since the accident, his excitement was understandable. He needed this, and frankly so did I. I’d missed his sweet smile and infectious personality, and hearing how he’d cried during and after the accident broke my heart.

  I opened my arms and accepted the hug he offered. “You’re okay?” he asked.

  “I’m sore,” I replied. “But I’m okay.”

  He pulled out of the hug and looked me over as if he needed to see that for himself. When his focus settled on the cast on my left wrist, sadness covered his face.

  “Hey, little man,” I said, gaining his attention once again. “I’m okay, I’ll heal.”

  He nodded, but when his lower lip trembled, fuck me if I didn’t feel my heart sink.

  “Buddy,” I whispered, because it was all I could do.

  “I was scared,” he confessed, which broke me even more.

  My throat burned as I pulled him close with my good hand and held him near, trying to hold myself together.

  Knowing this kid loved me the way he did was overwhelming. Though he and I may not share the same blood, we had a bond that ran deeper than that. I loved him as if he were my own, and knew he would always be mine.

  “I was scared too, Landyn,” I confessed, no longer giving a shit about the tears I was fighting. I let them fall proudly. “I was terrified I’d never get to see you or your mother again. I was worried I’d never get the chance to tell you I love you.” I took in a slow, calming breath. “Because I do, Landyn,” I whispered. “I love you.”

  He too sobbed as he said an I love you that both broke me and healed me in the same breath. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable as I thought of what losing me would do to him. He and I had become so close over such a short time.

  We remained in this position for a long time, needing to be near each other.

  I hadn’t even acknowledged the audience we had until Landyn finally sat up and turned around to face them.

  My mother and father stood side by side, curled into one another. Fresh tears stained my mother’s cheeks as my father gave me a look of pride. He nodded, and that was all I needed to know he felt that I was a good man, just like the one who raised me.

  Monty and Dirk stood in the doorway, both offering me a nod as well, but the blonde that stood tucked back in the corner was the person who gained my full attention. Her cheeks showed the signs of fresh tears, and her eyes were darkened, showing she’d barely slept. I didn’t like to see Jenny looking so frail. It reminded me too much of the way she’d looked when I first saw her at the track in Fort Worth when she’d been hidden within herself, lost in her own thoughts.

  “Come here,” I whispered hoarsely, still feeling raw from my interaction with Landyn. She slowly moved toward me, and when she reached my bed, I patted the area at my side.

  She looked over my injuries as if debating whether she should accept my invitation.

  “Sit, woman,” I said, more authoritatively now, which made my father chuckle.

  Jenny smiled and my chest tightened. I’d only seen that sweet smile of hers a few hours ago, but it felt like years. I think I could base my life’s happiness on the love of these two alone and be perfectly happy having just them to complete my world.

  When she was finally seated at my side, I arched my neck, and she instantly knew what I was asking. Timidly, I assume because of our audience, she pressed her lips to mine. When she tried to pull back entirely too soon, I cupped the back of her head and took a little more.

  I didn’t care who was around. If they didn’t want to witness how strongly I felt for this woman, then they could look away or even leave.

  I needed just a moment with my girl.

  The emotional roller coaster of the last few days had taken a toll on us all. I felt guilty for making each person in this room suffer, but together we’d heal.

  I’d let Jenny fuss over me all she wanted if it meant she’d keep bending over like she was at this very moment. First it was to adjust the pillows behind my back, then the one currently holding up my left leg. Now I once again had a clear view of her tits as she bent over to offer me my pain pills.

  I smiled up at her and she arched a brow, wondering, I am sure, what the hell I was so happy about. My current condition would definitely make most people grumpy, to say the least, but I couldn’t be happier.

  I was still alive. I had the love of a beautiful woman, and two of the best friends anyone could ask for by my side.

  Not to mention the current view I had. I looked at her chest and then back at her, raising my eyebrows suggestively, then watched as she attempted to figure out what I was so giddy about.

  Her expression changed when she saw just how far the front of her shirt gaped when she leaned over.

  “I’m loving the view,” I said with a smirk, causing her to focus on me once more. “But I think maybe you should take off your bra and bend over again.”

  “Perv,” she said with a wink, holding out my pills and the water she still held. “But you do understand that all shenanigans have been placed on hold until you recover, don’t you?”

  “Oh, I’m good, feeling better every second,” I assured her as I reached for her, bypassing the pain meds.

  She shrieked, stepping back out of reach. “No,” she said with a motherly look in her eyes.

  “That look doesn’t work on me,” I retorted, trying to slide toward her. Yes, the movement was uncomfortable and my meds were beginning to wear off, but I missed touching her.

  And I was determined.

  “Behave,” she added as she looked back over her shoulder just as Landyn walked into the living room carrying a stack of comics.

  “Sean,” he said, still thumbing through the pile and apparently not noticing the heated look I was giving
his mother. “Wanna look at the new books I got today?”

  She should feel real damn lucky Landyn walked in when he did, because I was craving some action. And I was seconds away from pulling her onto the couch and taking what I needed.

  “Sure,” I said, trying to hide the excitement bulging in my pants. Sweats did nothing to conceal an erection.

  Jenny looked pleased that Landyn had managed to get my head out of the gutter. But this wasn’t over. There was no way in hell she and I weren’t going to be getting nasty real soon. She may have to do most of the work, but I was okay with that. It meant I got to sit back and watch her move.

  I lay in the dark, watching her move around the barely lit kitchen. She was attempting to clean everything up from dinner as quietly as possible, because she thought I was asleep.

  But she was so very wrong.

  I had been waiting for the time when I could collect on my earlier guarantee. I’d spent the last few hours imaginary just how it would all play out and fought off the hard-on it caused each time I pictured her hovering above me.

  I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but nothing had been with us, so why change things now?

  I heard the water running in the sink just before she began wiping the counter.

  This waiting shit was eating me up, and if she didn’t move her sweet ass, I’d be going against doctors’ orders and moving toward her instead. My fucking leg was already getting on my damn nerves and it hadn’t even been a week. I hated restrictions. Especially when they came between me and the feeling of my woman wrapped securely around me.

  I was chomping at the bit, only seconds away from getting up, when she flipped off the light and began moving toward the living room. Only the light coming from the hallway leading to the upstairs highlighted the room.

  I knew she would check on me, because it was exactly what she did every night since I’ve been home from the hospital. Not to mention several times throughout the night.

  Felt good to have her caring for me the way she did.

  I lay perfectly still, breathing as calmly as possible even though my heart was racing.