The Hardest Part

by London, Heather

  "I think I made a mistake," Reed said, stealing my thoughts. "Maybe this event wasn't such a good idea after all. When Lexi called me a couple months ago and told me she was ready to do this again, I thought it could be a good thing. I thought it would help her, but dammit…" He paused, trying to keep his frustration under control. "It's just bringing back old fucking ghosts. What was I thinking when I agreed to this?"

  My hand reached out to touch him again, to console him, but I stopped just before it reached him. Instead, I sat there in silence, knowing that touching him again could give him the wrong message. As far as I was concerned, Reed and I were business acquaintances and that’s the way we would stay.

  We pulled up to the back of Lexi's building where a tall, broad-shouldered man that I'd never seen before stood beside the door, holding it open for us. He looked similar to Hercules and the Hulk, but this guy was older. He had a head full of salt-and-pepper hair yet still looked like he could take on a man twenty years his junior.

  Reed's hand was on the small of my back as we walked toward him. This time, I didn't pull away.

  "Thanks for coming so quickly, Robbins," Reed said as we walked toward the elevators.

  Robbins nodded and held the elevator door open for us.

  Reed kept his hand on the small of my back as we rode up the elevator and until we entered Lexi's condo. I can’t lie and say that I didn’t like his touch. It felt warm, strong, and safe.

  When we entered the living room, I saw Brandon pacing the room while Lexi's two bodyguards stood near the window. Reed and Robbins immediately made their way over to them as I made my way over to Brandon.

  The guy was a mess. His face had a mix of relief and sadness when he saw me.

  "She won't talk to me, Emily," Brandon mumbled as I approached him, looking like he was about to lose it right there in front of me. "I don't know what she's doing in there. I'm going crazy. I'm about to break down the goddamn door."

  "Hey, hey, just calm down for a second and tell me what happened," I said. I'd never seen him like this. He was usually the one telling me to calm down—the few times I had lost my cool in class.

  His nostrils flared; he looked like he wanted to punch something. "Those asshole reporters cornered us on the way home from dinner. By the time I knew what was going on, they had swarmed her. I couldn't get to her. They were shouting at her, saying horrible things, asking her all sorts of questions…" His voice dropped down to a whisper. "God, Emily. It was awful… the things they said. Peters and Warren finally pushed through them and I was able to get to her, but she wouldn't say a word to me. The second we got back to the condo, she ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I can hear her crying in there and it's killing me."

  I pulled him in for a hug and then glanced over to Reed who was looking in our direction. He stared at me for a moment before turning back toward Peters and Warren. Robbins was already heading out of the condo. I wondered where he was going.

  "She may talk to you," Brandon said, his voice strained, desperate.

  "I'll see what I can do." Pulling away, I gave him a small smile and then made my way over through her bedroom to the closed bathroom door. I knocked lightly but got no response.

  "Lexi, it's Emily. Can I come in? I just want to talk." Still nothing, until after a few seconds. Then I heard the lock roll over. I glanced back to Brandon. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath of relief.

  I turned the knob slowly, opening the door. Lexi was sitting on top of the toilet seat. Her knees were close to her chest with her arms wrapped around them. Her face was red and her eyes puffy.

  "Hey," I said, cautiously walking toward her.

  "Hey," she croaked out and put her head down into her hands. "I don't know what happened. I just flipped out." Her voice broke on the last word.

  "Hey, you're allowed to flip out. What they did to you tonight was wrong, Lexi."

  She sniffed and wiped her cheeks. "I've been trying so hard. I thought doing this charity event would be good for me, good for Reed and me." She closed her eyes as tears ran down her cheeks. "I wanted to feel close to my mom again, but I'm not sure if it's the right thing anymore."

  I knelt down beside her and wrapped my arms around her. I didn’t know what else to do or say to her.

  "Brandon must think I'm a freak." She sniffed and shook her head.

  "He's worried about you. He cares about you."

  She sniffed again. "I know he does. I just don't know what he sees in me. I mean, look at me." She raised her hands, pointed at her scars, and then wrapped her arms tighter around her knees. "I'm so messed up… inside and out." She let out a small whimper before resting her head back on her knees.

  "I’m looking and I see you. You're beautiful and sweet. He's lucky to have you. I know how hard that is… to feel worth it… to feel like you're good enough and deserve to be loved. You are, Lexi. You just need to believe it, too."

  A soft knock startled us both. Reed stuck his head in and I stood up, knowing what a mess he was and how badly he wanted to make sure his sister was all right. I glanced down at Lexi and she nodded, giving me a small smile of reassurance.

  As I walked out the door, Reed grabbed my hand, making my breath catch.

  "Thank you." His eyes bored into mine as his thumb caressed the top of my hand. My heart melted at the way he looked at me. It was at that moment that I knew I wanted to get to know this man. The hardest part was that I wasn’t sure if that was the right choice or how I would do it without letting out all of my pain along with it.

  "Sure," I whispered.

  Brandon was sitting on the bed. He jumped up when he saw me. "How is she?"

  "She'll be okay. The cameras and people, it just freaked her out."

  "God, Emily. What do I do? She won't talk to me. I want her to let me in, but she keeps shutting me out."

  My heart broke for him. He clearly cared for her. However, I knew how hard it was to let anyone in after you'd been hurt so badly. "Just keep doing what you're doing," I assured him. "Be patient, and she'll talk when she's ready. You can't force it."

  "I just care about her so much."

  "She knows."

  The bathroom door opened again. Lexi stood there with Reed close behind her, his hands on her shoulders. Brandon moved slowly toward her, afraid to spook her or make her upset again. Lexi took a couple steps toward him and when she was close enough, she fell into him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

  My eyes connected with Reed's and then I turned to walk out of the room, wanting to give Lexi and Brandon some privacy.

  "Would you like a ride home?" Reed asked after he closed her bedroom door behind him. "The reporters are still out front and there's still the car waiting for us out back."

  "That would be great."

  On the way back to my apartment, the two of us sat in silence until Reed's phone rang. I studied his face as he answered. The frustration and worry it held previously had returned. For a moment, I was afraid something was wrong with Lexi again.

  He shoved his phone down into his pocket and shook his head.

  "What is it?" I asked, my heart thumping hard against my chest. His expression was beginning to scare me.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he looked over at me. "That was Robbins. Earlier, I heard the reporters calling your name. I'm not sure how they got it, but when I sent Robbins to check your apartment, he found it covered with reporters. I don’t know how they moved so fast. It didn't take them long to find out who you were or where you lived."

  "What?" My stomach clenched and I suddenly felt ill. "They know where I live? They're there right now?"

  He nodded. "I'm really sorry, Emily."

  I barely heard his words. The press is at my apartment. My apartment! Fear crawled up my spine and my mouth went dry with fear.

  "Emily." Reed's concerned voice caused my thoughts to dissolve. "I'm so sorry. I know it's a lot for you to take in."

  I stared back at him. For a second, I wanted to s
cream at him. Tell him he had no idea what this could to do to me. The problems it could cause for me.

  "I think I should…" My voice faded because I wasn't sure what to say. I wanted to say that I should go home, but I couldn't go home. Not now. Not when there were reporters there waiting for me.

  "You can stay at my place until this blows over." His words caught me off guard, and I looked over at him.

  "I can't stay at your place, Reed." Is he crazy? I barely know him. "I'll be fine at a hotel."

  "Please, this is my mess. I have two extra bedrooms. It's already late. You can stay there tonight and then we'll figure everything else out tomorrow."

  Every part of my brain was telling me no. This was not a good idea. This was just going to get me deeper in this mess.

  "Okay," I whispered as the little voice in the back of my head continued to tell me how stupid and careless I was being.

  Twenty minutes later, we pulled into an underground garage. The car drove down a few floors to the basement level, finally coming to a stop in front of a small elevator door, away from the main ones near the front of the garage.

  Reed got out and then held the car door open for me. The elevator doors opened when we approached and we didn't speak a word once they slid closed. With each second that passed, the more and more I wondered what I was doing in here. Even though I felt a connection to the man standing beside me, I was still in a freaking elevator with a guy I barely knew, heading up to his apartment. And the only reason I was going to his apartment was because my place was covered with reporters and paparazzi. What had my life become in the last few hours?

  Even though all of this was going through my head, I was still curious as to what he was thinking. I couldn't even take a guess because my eyes were focused on the doors in front of me, but I swore he was looking over at me. I could feel his eyes on me.

  My mind swirled with everything that had happened over the last couple of days, starting when Reed walked into my office. That’s what had started all of this in the first place. The words Christine had said to me rang loud in my ears. Reed was trouble. He had a reputation for breaking girls’ hearts. Then I couldn’t help but wonder. What were his intentions for wanting me to stay at his place? Was he just trying to be nice because of what happened tonight? Or was he expecting more? Suddenly, my mouth went dry. What had I gotten myself into?

  When the doors opened we stepped into a brightly lit hallway. There was nothing on the plain, white walls, the carpet was a bland neutral color, and only one door was at the very end. Still feeling a little uneasy, I walked down the bland hallway.

  "We had to take the freight elevator. Robbins said the reporters were all over the front of the building," Reed explained.

  "Oh," was all I could say.

  He opened the door and allowed me in first. The room I stepped into was a stark contrast to the hallway I’d just left. The walls were painted a dark grey and beautiful paintings hung on the walls. A long, thin table with two brightly lit lamps sat to our right. Reed immediately emptied his pockets and set everything down in a bowl in between the two lamps. It looked like it was something he did every time he got home. I followed him down the hall and into the foyer where a large round table sat in the middle.

  The tall, broad-shouldered man I now knew was Robbins was standing near the kitchen, holding a plastic bag.

  "Thank you, Robbins." Reed took the bag from him and handed it to me. "Here are some toiletries. I'll find you something to sleep in, in a minute. I just need to talk to Robbins first."

  "Thank you.” I took the bag and glanced over at Robbins, who was staring forward. "Thank you," I said, looking directly at him. This whole situation seemed a little too familiar. As much as it hurt to even think about him, and even though they looked nothing alike, Robbins reminded me of Mike, even though the only thing they had in common was the same stoic expression they wore. I was beginning to wonder if it was a requirement in order to work in security.

  "You're welcome, ma'am." He turned to walk across the room, toward the floor-to-ceiling windows.

  "Make yourself at home," Reed said to me. He then turned and made his way over to Robbins. Even though I knew it was rude, I stood there and stared at them as they dove into a deep and serious conversation. Reed's eyes met mine for a second, catching my stare. I looked away immediately.

  Trying to find a distraction, I turned around in a slow circle, taking in the room. There were two dark-grey couches in the middle of the large living room, facing each other, and a black slate coffee table sat in between them. Besides a few floor lamps and another couple of chairs and an ottoman near the floor-to-ceiling windows, the room was mostly empty.

  I stole another quick glance at Reed and Robbins. Their voices were too deep to whisper. I couldn't hear every word, but I picked up on a few things. Their main concern seemed to be Lexi. They also mentioned her two bodyguard’s names, Peters and Warren. My name was mentioned a couple of times and then their conversation ended. Robbins went in one direction and Reed went in another. Where they went, I had no idea. Reed reappeared a few minutes later, coming from a different direction with something in his hands.

  "Here." He held it out for me to take. "It's really all I have."

  Without even knowing what it was, I took it. "Thank you." I could now see that he was giving me some clothes to sleep in. I held them, along with the plastic bag from Robbins, close to my chest. I didn’t know what else to say.

  "Your room is down the hall, second door on your left," he said, breaking the silence between us. "There should be fresh towels in the bathroom. If you need anything else, just let me know."

  "Thank you." I smiled softly and then turned to walk down the hall.

  I reached the bedroom and slowly pushed the door open. Standing there in the doorway, I looked over the room, wondering with each passing second what the hell I was doing here.

  The room held a king-size bed that was covered in a dark-blue comforter with many different pillows ranging in all shapes, sizes, and colors. The far west wall was floor-to-ceiling windows, matching the view from the living room. Nightstands were on either side of the bed and tall lamps with grey shades sat on top. I was more convinced than ever that Reed had hired someone to decorate. Everywhere I looked in his house, it had a woman’s touch.

  I walked in and placed the toiletry bag and the clothes he gave me on the bed and then made my way into the bathroom.

  The bathroom alone was the size of my bedroom in my apartment. It had all the modern fixtures. The walk-in shower was the largest one I’d ever seen and had multiple showerheads. It looked absolutely amazing right now. A claw-footed tub sat on the far right wall and fresh towels hung over the side.

  Stripping off my clothes, I took an extra-long shower, allowing the hot water to dissolve what had happened early this evening. It wasn't just the problems it could potentially cause me that filled my mind. I was more concerned for Lexi. What happened had really freaked her out and it was clear that, two years after the attack, the memories were still fresh and she was still suffering from them.

  After drying off, I wrapped the towel around me before picking up the clothes that Reed had given me. I held the shirt out in front of me; it was worn looking. I couldn't help it; I pulled the shirt up to my nose and took in a long, deep breath. The smell was a mixture of him and clean laundry.

  After pulling on the flannel pajama pants and rolling them up at the waist so they wouldn't drag on the floor, I combed through my hair and then walked back down the hall and into the kitchen. The place was quiet and dark except for a single light in the corner of the large living room. I craned my neck around the corner and looked around but saw no one. I wondered if Reed had already gone to bed.

  "How was the shower?" a deep but soft voice broke the silence. I looked to my right, toward the windows, and saw Reed sitting in an oversized brown leather chair with his elbows on his knees, his head cradled in his hands. A dark, amber liquid sat on the coffee table i
n front of him. Now, looking at the windows a little more closely, I could see his reflection in them, as well as my own.

  I took a few steps forward. "It was fine, thank you."

  He tilted his head toward me. The pained look on his face hit me square in the chest, feeling like a wrecking ball had slammed into it.

  "Would you like a drink?" he asked.

  I shook my head, taking another couple steps forward. "No, I'm okay."

  He nodded and then retreated deeper into his chair. I continued to make my way across the large room, finally taking a seat in the chair beside his. I watched as he slowly brought the glass up to his lips, how his lips curled around the edge of the glass. He titled his head back, taking a long drink before lowering the glass back down. After realizing I was staring at him and his lips for far too long, my eyes flew to something else, the rest of him. He was wearing blue-and-green plaid pajama pants with an old grey T-shirt. It was so old I couldn’t read the writing on the front. I fought to tear my eyes away as I curled my legs up to my chest.

  "How are you?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. Why am I whispering? I waited for his answer even though I was pretty sure I already knew what it was. The pain he wore on his face was evident.

  He said nothing for a long moment before finally answering, "You know, the most frustrating part about it all is that I can't stop them. I can't protect my own sister from the people who care more about a damn story than an actual human being. They terrified her today. They said things to her, things that she should never have to deal with or hear ever again." After his rant, he took another long sip from his glass before letting his head fall back against the chair.

  My heart ached from seeing him like this. I didn’t know exactly what he was feeling, but I knew he was still struggling with the guilt of what happened to his family. It seemed like all he wanted was to protect his sister, feeling as though he failed in protecting her two years ago, even though there was nothing he could have done.