Falling Away

by Devon Ashley

  Apparently, she liked seeing my face in agony, ‘cause she wasn’t doing anything to reduce the cringe to my facial muscles.

  “After all, it’s what my parents did to me. You see, I didn’t want to date Robert’s father any more than Robert wanted to date Anne. At least in the beginning. I only did it to placate my parents’ wishes, but with time I actually became fond of Michael. And that fondness slowly grew to love. That’s why I kept pushing Anne on him, and constantly inviting their family to spend time with us. Merging our families would be extremely beneficial to both. Not to be discourteous, but Anne and her family is in the same league as ours. You’re not.”

  Bitch. Now I was tempted to take the money and run, just to say a big, fat screw you! Ready to get up and throw her condescending ass out of my apartment, I paused when she added, “And I’ve noticed something these past few months, but perhaps didn’t pay particular attention to until we had our discussion.”

  Glad she found it enlightening, ‘cause we were on the verge of another.

  “Robert never smiles anymore. Not really. Nothing that isn’t forced anyway. Not like he did when he was with you. For those two and a half years it’s all I ever saw. Though I’m confident he’ll find happiness again as their relationship grows, like my husband’s and mine did, I’m left with an appreciation for what you gave him when you were together. You gave my son natural happiness. And I wanted to thank you for giving him that feeling for as long as you did.”

  Who’s to say that’s over? I was still considering his proposal of coming back home to him. “Can we be straight here for a minute? Just tell me. Are you trying to pay me off to keep me from being with Robert?” And did she suspect his sudden good mood as of late might have something to do with me?

  “No,” she replied matter-of-factly. “That’s not even up for debate. Even after what happened at Jhett’s wedding, Robert and Anne are still together.” I felt my eyes widen a bit, and Mrs. Jennings nodded knowingly. “Yes. I know about the wedding. Anne expressed her concerns about the two of you reconnecting, and I talked her down from leaving him. After all, it’s not like he broke up with her after that night, so why should she? Their relationship was tested, and still they endured. Even after you shouted that you loved him in our house, they’re still together. So no, I don’t feel the need to buy off your affections.”

  Oh, wow. This woman was so freakin’ delusional. But kudos to Anne for selling their continuing relationship. The girl really didn’t want pics of her goods spread around.

  “But my son still cares for you, and when I suggested continuing to pay for your education, it was the first true smile I got from him in a long time. That’s why I’m here.”

  My chest released a sigh I didn’t even realize had built up inside me. No wonder Robert was stressed out all the time now. This woman was exhausting. And it didn’t help when she felt the need to add, “I’m not trying to insult you, Jenna, and I don’t mean to rub their relationship in your face, but I need you to know he’s moved on. And so should you.”

  After all the bus rides I had taken over the past ten months, this had to be the longest. I sorta regretted wearing the dark red dress that ended mid-thigh, as a guy sitting near me couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off my thighs, regardless that I so obviously put my duffel in the seat beside me to minimize his view. But even this creep wasn’t gonna ruin my jovial mood.

  I’d just finished my first week of school at Rutgers, paid for by the Penelope Jennings’ Grant. Bleh…but I was hardly in a position to complain. Robert and Anne’s breakup hit the fan last weekend, so Mommie Dearest was apparently on the warpath all week. Luckily, my name had been kept out of the scandal, so I didn’t have to worry about her threatening to pull my funding. Robert said his dad wouldn’t let her do it anyway, even if she tried for some reason.

  My tuition wasn’t the only thing getting covered. I was given a decent one bedroom apartment within walking distance of campus, some extra spending money to cover basic needs, and had my old phone reactivated. All of which I was pretty sure was Robert’s doing. I was glad we were able to move forward as friends, though he continued to ask me to come back home.

  I’d been thinking about that a lot lately. Home. Some people considered home as their physical address, for others, it was simply where their heart lay. Me? It took awhile to figure that out. But now that I had, I was determined to get what was mine. My home.

  When I got off the bus at my destination, I took a cab to the new address that was emailed to me. My heart began to race waiting for the door to be answered. Muffled noises squeezed their way through the door cracks, growing louder until a set of locks shifted open.

  A semi-beefy blond guy with blue eyes answered, wearing khakis and a blue and white-striped polo shirt. Leaning against the door frame, he checked me up and down with interest, apparently pretty happy with what he saw. A wicked curl formed across his lips. “Oh, please tell me I can help you somehow.”

  College guys. Soooo easy.

  “I’m looking for your roommate.”

  “Damn.” His face went blank, already losing interest in me that way. Thank God. “Which one?”

  “Evan. Is he around?”

  “Nah. He and Kenny already took off for the night.”

  I reiterated his previous colorful sentiment and allowed the overnight bag to crash to the ground. My shoulder sighed at the release. “Do you know where he went?”

  He looked at my bag with curiosity. “Who are you again?”

  “Jenna.”

  His head jerked as his eyebrows shot north. “No shit?” It wasn’t really a question.

  As he rubbed at his chin absently, I probed, “Why? Has he mentioned me before?”

  “Actually, the mate won’t shut the fuck up about you. I think you’ve ruined him for all womankind, and I’ve already met two broads that’d love to claw your eyes out for it.”

  “Well, maybe I can help with the first part of that. Do you know where he went?”

  He drummed his fingers on the door frame, clearly debating over what to do with me, then finally pushed back to let me in. “Come on. I’m about to leave for work. I can drop you off on my way.”

  “Thanks,” I said as I entered and closed the door behind me.

  The blond walked through the living room towards the kitchen, but pointed to the left as he called out, “You can put your bag in his room. Last one on the left.”

  “Oh, thanks, but I’m not sure he’ll actually want me to stay here tonight.”

  Still walking away from me, I heard him mutter a sarcastic, “Yeah, right.”

  Deciding it was better to leave my things in Evan’s room than out in the open of a home filled with college guys, I begrudgingly went down the hall. His room was cleaner than the living room, that was for sure. And pretty minimalistic like it was back in Rutland. Either he didn’t care about having a lot of crap, or he didn’t want it here for his roommates to go through. I dropped my bag on the floor of the closet and turned to leave, eyeing what looked to be a pretty comfy bed. It was really easy to picture Evan laying there, sprawled out across the mattress, moving closer and closer to the edge to seek me out as he slept, which he always did on the nights our bodies broke apart.

  The soothing image caused a sigh to release deep within me. Home.

  I hated doing it, but I had to tell Robert the truth…that Evan was the one I wanted back. “Yeah,” he had said, his head dipping. “I figured, after that last kiss.” He wasn’t mad. Or even upset. At least not on the surface. He kissed me on forehead and held me in a long hug, murmuring for me not to be a stranger. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever get back the friendship we once had, and that saddened me. I could only hope that Evan wouldn’t mind a continued friendship, though I imagined any future in person contact with Robert would only be at public social gatherings between our shared friends. And that was something I was willing to do…for Evan.

  If he would even take me back, that was.

 
Shane, whose name I learned on the way to TJ’s Pool House, had me dropped off in less than ten minutes. But before I could step out into the warm air, he said, “I should warn you that Evan and Kenny are meeting some girls here tonight.”

  I froze, my head dipping at an angle towards him in disbelief. “Now you tell me this? You had me leave my bag in his room.”

  He shrugged. “You already came this far. Were you really going to turn around and go home?”

  I turned my attention out the passenger side window. Bright neon lights shined down from the rooftop, painting my bare legs a sickening shade.

  “Don’t worry about it. He hasn’t shown interest in any of the girls he’s met lately. Like I said, you’ve fucked him up pretty well.” My eyes glared as my head slowly turned his way, probably all creepy like that Exorcist girl, if the neon lights were hitting me right. It hardly fazed him. He lifted his fingers up on the steering wheel. “Just calling it like I see it.”

  “Don’t hold back, Shane,” I mocked. “Tell me how you really feel.”

  Again he shrugged, but his body language didn’t really scream ill-will. I muttered my thanks for the ride, then made my way in.

  It was only nine o’clock, but a surprising amount of people already filled out the warehouse, mostly kids my age. My heart really began to pound, and when I didn’t see him right off the bat, I ordered some liquid courage before venturing deeper in.

  Can’t believe he’s on a fucking date. Serves me right for just showing up at my ex-boyfriend’s without an invitation. The last time I did that I had a bitch-war with my ex’s mom. Maybe me and Evan’s new princess can have a go-round too.

  I meandered through, ignoring the suggestive leers of some and refusing the come-on attempts by the more confident ones. At least these guys were around my age. Older guys totally creeped me out when they did that.

  My feet froze on the cheap, stained carpet beneath them. There he was, at one of the pool tables along the back wall. It took a second glance to be sure, ‘cause he was now rockin’ a shaved head that was pretty damn sexy, a purr rolling its way up my throat in agreement.

  Sure enough, a girl was standing beside him as he leaned against the wall, playfully dragging her fingertips down the bicep that peeked beneath his short-sleeved gray t-shirt. He was talking to her, but his eyes were focused on the guy breaking the set. Blondie’s shirt left nothing to the imagination, and the hair she playfully flipped like a headbanger was longer than the length of her skirt. And since it barely skimmed her shoulders, that was saying something about the skirt.

  I groaned. Did girls turn their noses up at me the night I wore one of those freakin’ miniskirts?

  Call me nosy, curious, or even jealous, but I opted to sit at a table for awhile. Evan wasn’t doing anything wrong, or anything he wasn’t allowed to do, I just felt the need to observe. Or maybe I just needed a little more time for the alcohol to tame my jitters.

  I slowly sipped on my Amaretto Sour, enjoying Blondie’s attempts to connect their skin. For me, the best part came when she shot the cue ball wildly across the table, and it hit the back wall. That’s when she pulled out the pouty lower lip and begged for help. (Insert eye roll here). Evan obliged, of course, but I smiled when he kept a gap between their bodies. When he offered to show me, there wasn’t an inch of his body that wasn’t trying to invade mine. Though Blondie certainly tried numerous times to back into his package…

  I let this go on another ten minutes, shooing away two more hungry suitors, before I finally picked up my phone. Pulling up Evan’s name, I sent the text, Losing interest in teaching? You were so enthusiastic when you taught me how to play.

  About twenty seconds later he reached into his pocket. After reading it, he curiously scanned the crowd. My mouth spread east to west, knowing there was no way he would recognize my new number. Not finding me in the darkness, he thumbed his phone, then turned back to watch Kenny sink his next shot.

  My phone vibrated on the small round table. Who is this? I laughed to myself, not surprised I wasn’t the only girl he had enthusiastically taught pool to. Though with only one semester under his belt at Penn State, he probably didn’t have too many here.

  Dare you to come find out.

  The two girls made a beeline for the bathroom just as he pulled his phone out again. He pocketed it, said something to Kenny and left with his beer. Unfortunately, he went the wrong way around the bar, so I had to wait for him to circle and make his way into the dimness that enveloped me.

  I leaned forward over the table, the pound of my heart intensifying, waiting for the moment his eyes would connect with mine. His body halted the moment they did, so dumbfounded he did nothing. Eyes pinched, his advance was so glacial I feared this was gonna go south really quickly. With pressed lips, he set his bottle on the table and leaned over it opposite of me, still cold.

  “Hey,” I said fearfully.

  He just stared at me, and the heart that cried so hard for him these past two months began to panic against its prison of ribs.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Yikes. That wasn’t happiness to see me. Compared to the Evan that showed love and heartache for me walking out the door, this Evan’s attitude was reserved for the guy that used to give him wedgies in grade school. Suddenly I wanted to bolt. I’d run all the way back to Rutgers if I had to.

  Shaken, I said, “I need to talk to you.”

  He dropped his head and roughly stroked his eyebrows. “Jenna, you’re not supposed to be here,” he said slowly, firmly.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  His head shook, but when his eyes lifted to meet mine again, I recognized the resignation within them. It hurt him to see me, but something inside was fighting the desire to shove me off and send me away packing.

  “You surprised me that night, okay? There were things left unsaid, and I need my chance to say them.”

  I wished his face wasn’t so nonchalant. I could tell his mind was debating, but nothing hinted to which side was winning, the hear her out side or the kick her to the curb side.

  “You once asked me of the same, and even though I felt I shouldn’t have, I met with you anyways. For you.” And look how well that turned out. “Please,” I softly begged.

  “Alright,” he surrendered. “Say what you need to.”

  My lips curled to one side as the jitters in my stomach began to scatter and weaken. “Can we talk somewhere private?” My attention shifted back to his group of friends. “Some place you won’t have an impatient, maybe aggressive, date coming to look for you?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his head turn. Kenny and his date were making out, leaving Evan’s date to scan the crowd looking for him, her fingernails quickly tapping both sides of her hips. I could almost hear the tap-tap-tap clear over here.

  We turned back in sync and I lifted my eyes in amusement. Evan just replied, “Yeah,” finished his beer and motioned his head for me to get up. Internally, I ahhed when his hand found the back of my shoulder, guiding me through the maze of tables and out the door to his truck.

  As he opened the passenger door for me, I playfully said, “You brought Old Red with you.”

  That got a partial smile out of him. “She may be old but she’s still reliable.”

  Once out of the parking lot and headed wherever he was gonna take us, he asked, “So how’d you find me?”

  “You’re not the only one with P.I. connections.” I waited until I felt the yeah, right stare before adding, “Okay, I called your father.”

  “Figures. You know my mother would’ve given it to you, too.”

  “Yeah, but your father was less likely to rat me out.” He nodded his agreement. “Did he?”

  “Nope.” By the way his hand just tightened on the steering wheel, if this night didn’t turn out like I had hoped, Evan’s dad was gonna get an earful in the morning.

  The rest of the ride went in silence and I wished I had the ability to tune in to his inner monologue, ‘cause the
subtle head shakes and face twitches were endless.

  We parked outside his rental and were half way up the walk when his phone rang. “Yeah?...God, no…Just tell her you don’t know…Alright, I’ll see you.” He pocketed his phone as he opened the door and led us inside. “Kenny plans to bring that Tara chic back here, so let’s just go to my bedroom. Last thing I want to hear is her screaming about ditching her friend for you.”

  I nodded and followed him down the hall, where he closed and locked the door behind us. He kicked his shoes off in the closet – if he noticed my bag, he didn’t acknowledge it. I followed his lead and slid off my short heels and shrugged off my denim jacket, revealing the sleeveless cotton dress beneath with a ruffled bust, empire waist and eyelet lace hem.

  Evan’s eyes lingered longingly as he looked me up and down. Once he realized what he was doing, he got annoyed with himself and stalked me with fisted hands. I backed myself against a wall and he blocked me in on one side with his arm. My heart sped up, but I fought the urge to reach out and pull him flush against me, knowing he was walking a really fine line. “Jenna? Do you have any idea how hard this is for me right now?” he said with mild aggravation, the edge in his voice rising. “I had to fight so hard to stay away from you. I couldn’t even stay in Rutland because I didn’t trust myself not to walk into that damn bookstore. I had to delete your phone number because I kept opening up your contact page and looking at your photos.” The muscles in his neck twitched, and his lower jaw jerked twice. He didn’t say anything about deleting those photos… “Your being here is going to force me back to square one.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat with difficulty. I hadn’t meant to cause him that much pain, but after being miserable without him, I knew exactly what he’d gone through. My words quivering, I whispered, “I want you back.”