“Are you sure? I could go get Ja and be there by six.”
“No,” she said again, softer this time, and his heart cracked in two for the wanting to do something.
“Are you going to be all right?”
“I don’t know.”
When Dani hung up with Eric, it was only the shreds of willpower she still possessed that got her to click that button. He had said he would call her back later, but she told him it already was later where she was and that she was just going to go on to bed because she had a horrendous headache. That wasn’t a lie. It was the sad-awful truth, and one she was beginning to think would be with her for the rest of her life.
Eric told Caleb what had happened without even being asked. Caleb’s face, torn and worried, gave evidence to his desire to do something to fix things for his friend.
“You know,” Caleb said when they had cleared out all the remaining debris from that side, “you might hate this idea, but why don’t you go talk to the pastor about this? I’d love to help, and you know I’d go to the wall to do it. But I’m just not as good with this stuff as he is.” Caleb checked his watch. “It’s only after five. You could go talk for an hour and still make it home by eight.”
The center of his life had been spinning so when he got off the phone with Dani that it had disoriented him from space and time. “I don’t know. I’ve still got to pack up at Greg’s and get Ja.”
“Tell you what,” Caleb said. “You get yourself over to the pastor’s. I’ll get your stuff and Ja and meet you over there in an hour or so.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes. Now go.”
Dani didn’t so much as take the diary from its place on the nightstand. She didn’t feel like reading. In fact, she might never feel like reading ever again.
Feeling rather sheepish and quite embarrassed, Eric rang the pastor’s doorbell. Only when it had rung did he look down and realize he should have at least cleaned himself up a little. However, it was too late for that thought as the door opened to reveal Jane.
“Good evening,” he said, ducking on the words. “I’m really sorry to bother you all.” He tried to lick his lips to get the dry as parchment paper feeling from them, but it didn’t work. “Were you eating? Oh, man, I’m so sorry.”
“No,” she said, clearly sensing this was no time to be affixed to a formal time schedule, “it’s okay. Come on in. I’ll just get…” Keeping one eye on him as if to make sure he didn’t get away, she tipped her head toward the interior of the house. “Steve! Steve! Someone’s here to see you!” She didn’t so much as move until her husband appeared behind her, wiping his mouth with his napkin.
“Oh,” Eric said, his heart falling, “you were eating.”
“No. No,” Pastor Steve said with only a quick glance at his wife, “I was just finishing.” He looked at Jane. “Why don’t you save my dessert for a little later?”
“Of course. No problem.”
The pastor held his hand out toward the office when Jane left. “Please, come on in.”
Eric did as instructed now feeling worse. He looked like a tramp, and he showed up at supper time. “I’m really sorry.”
“No. No. Don’t worry about it. Please,” the pastor said as he went around to the seating area, “have a seat. What’s… What’s going on?”
Clinging to sanity with as much willpower as he still possessed, Eric explained the situation, about her parents, the divorce, her father’s remarriage, her mother and all the drama that went with her. For the second time that day he found himself with his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve never been close to her, to Dani’s mom. She’s not really somebody you want to get close to. I don’t mean that to be mean. It’s just… It’s the truth. But I feel so bad for her, and normally Dani does this stuff, but she’s not here.”
“Remember when we talked about broken hearts and fake smiles?”
Glad for not having to talk, Eric nodded.
“One thing it’s important to know when we come up against some of these prickly people in our lives is that broken hearts come at life from their brokenness, their hurt. They are hurting, and so they hurt others. They lash out or grasp for things. They get angry with others because they are already unhappy in and of themselves. One of the things I have learned is that I can love people, but I cannot make them happy. And more importantly, I’m not responsible for their happiness. You cannot make Dani or her mother happy. You can pray for them and be willing to talk when they want to. But their happiness is between them and God. You have to work on you, pray for them and put all of it in God’s hands.”
“But they’re…”
“I know. They’re unhappy, and they think it’s because of all of that stuff out there… just like you did. But I think you’re learning it’s not really about all that stuff out there. It has more to do with the stuff in here.” He put his hands on his chest. “Am I right?”
A moment and Eric nodded.
“Pray for them, Eric,” the pastor said. “Pray for them every moment you think about them. Put them in God’s hands. Pray for a miracle in their lives. Ask God to show you what’s going on, what’s really going on from a different angle.”
“Like the Satan attack thing?” Eric said, trying to make sense of all of it.
“Yes. Like that. You and I both know Satan wants you to give up this fight for your family. He wants you off that field, and if he can convince you to take yourself off that field, then so much the better. What I know is that Dani is in a truckload of pain right now. She’s hurting, and you are her safe space, so don’t be surprised if you get hit with some of the shrapnel from the bomb that just went off in her world.”
Fear and fatigue from the fight he’d been waging scratched up his throat. “What if it’s too much? What if this time she can’t fight her way back?”
“She probably can’t. Not on her own, but one thing I’ve learned about the bottom is that a lot of people end up finding God when they hit it. Pray for her to find God, Eric. She needs Him as much as she ever has.”
That much he was certain.
The only real good news that came the next week for either of them was the progress on Attabury. By Tuesday the outhouse was relegated to the status of memory. The front trees followed on Wednesday and Thursday. When Eric called to see how things were going in court on Thursday night, he was not surprised to hear not well. Because the case involved public land, they had relocated from Aberdeen where the project was to be done to Edinburgh where the land tribunal was to meet on Monday. Dani didn’t expect them to decide anything. In fact, she kept telling him not to expect her home for the next year. He thought she was kidding though she never sounded like she was.
Wanting to line out their living arrangements out for the weekend, Eric called Greg after getting off the phone with Dani. He assumed Jaycee was still inhabiting their farmhouse.
“Well, hello, stranger,” Greg said when he answered the phone.
Eric laughed. “I couldn’t get any stranger if I tried.”
“I’m not arguing.” In no time he had room reserved at Hotel Lawrence. He couldn’t wait.
On Friday he had to go to Greensboro. They were making the transition from Phase 1 to Phase 2, and he was determined it would go smoothly. He had no choice but to get Carly to pick Jaden up, and it was nearly 8:30 by the time he made it home. Knowing he faced a two-hour drive on top of the hour-plus one he’d just made, he decided to call Greg again just to let him know they were still on their way and not to lock the doors until they got there.
That turned out to be a really good decision because by the time they pulled up, the clock said 10:45, and Jaden’s eyes had been sleeping a good hour. At the back of the SUV, he unlocked her from the child’s car seat and went to lift her. He got it done but barely. He would have to come back for the luggage.
Greg met him at the door, took one look at the sleeping child, and laughed silently. Eric was too busy trying to corral the dangling arms and l
egs to do much more than shake his head. Into the house they went, Greg following along all the way to the room with the boy’s décor. Ryder. Eric still hadn’t had the good fortune of meeting the young man, mostly because he was now in an internship with Johns Hopkins in bio-medical or mechanical something or other. He knew it was more words than he could string together.
“She is out,” Greg said as they exited, and Eric shut the door.
“Long day. Longer drive.”
“You heard from Dani?”
“Yeah. Let me get the luggage, and I’ll catch you up.”
“I’ll help.”
It was nearly one in the morning when they finally went to bed. They hadn’t made any real progress with any of it, but Eric was thankful for a friendly ear and a nonjudgmental shoulder. He went to bed, praying for Dani to find the same.
“Does it feel like it’s been a month since we’ve been here to anyone else?” Caleb asked the next morning when they were all enjoying their first cups of coffee after the opening prayer. “Man, this has been a long week.”
“You think it’s been long?” Derek asked, sitting forward. “Try being up all hours of the day and night with a sick wife.”
“Get used to it,” Luke said. “Three a.m. feedings about killed me.”
“Is she feeling any better?” the pastor asked.
“Some,” Derek conceded. “At least she’s keeping actual food down now. There for a while I was seriously considering taking her in for an IV or getting one for myself.”
“But she’s being watched by a doctor?”
“Oh, yeah. I wouldn’t be trying to do this one on my own. It’s already all I can take to watch her go through this. I really think God should’ve made this a little easier.”
“Well, just so you know, it’s not like this with every one,” Luke said. “In fact, all three of ours were completely different, so don’t give up just because this one’s been rough.”
“Good to know.”
“How’s work going?” Greg asked his son-in-law.
“I asked them for a couple weeks off when we finally realized this wasn’t a two-day bug,” Derek said. “I’ve gone out and helped on the Attabury project a couple of times when I could sneak away and let Sage handle Jaycee duty. But what happens from here, I really don’t know. We’re trying to play it day-by-day and hope at some point it gets better.”
“And I have to say, even though I hate it for Jayc, I sure have been glad to have the help,” Caleb said. “From Derek and Eric. I think when I do the next place, I’m going to have to invest in more help. Running crews is stressful.”
“Tell me about it,” Derek said with a laugh. “Why do you think I freaked out when you quit? I haven’t had a foreman before or since that I could really trust with anything other than straight cuts and simple installs. I’ve got to be right there all the time, and that’s not just because of the camera.”
“Well, I used to laugh about that,” Caleb said, “but not anymore. I hear ya.” He nodded once, then took a breath. “Okay. I do have some news.”
The pastor waved him forward.
Caleb looked at his hands fiddling in front of him. “We called the state this week to see about me adopting the kids.”
“Oh, that’s awesome.”
“That’s so great.”
“Fantastic.”
“Yeah, well, the problem is they won’t even let me petition for six months from the day we petitioned. So that’s… what? August? September? Something like that. And because we haven’t been married two years, we’ll have to do a home inspection and I have to have a background check.” He was starting to sound overwhelmed, and Eric was starting to wish he hadn’t been quite so supportive of the idea the week before.
“Don’t worry about that,” the pastor said. “We had to do all of that and more. Wait times and home visits afterward too. Don’t worry. You’ll do fine.”
“I hope so.” Caleb twisted his hands. “It’s overwhelming enough to make that decision, you know? But then to have to jump through so many hoops, you begin to wonder, ‘Am I doing the right thing?’”
“You are,” Greg said with no question to the words. Caleb looked at him, and Greg smiled. “You are. Those kids need a dad. They need a dad who’s willing to jump through all the hoops for them, who’s willing to go the distance, to prove himself to whomever he has to that they are in good hands with him.”
A moment and a small smile came to Caleb’s lips. “You’re right. You are. Thanks.”
Greg nodded. “You’re welcome.”
“I’d like,” Eric said after a beat of silence, and he had to clear his throat to get more out. “I’d like to ask for… prayer, for me and Dani this week. Well, more for Dani, I guess. They start the tribunal process on Monday morning. I don’t really understand it all, but they don’t really go to court, at least right away. It’s some panel or something that they present to.”
“And this could be the end of the case?” Luke asked.
“Could be,” Eric said. “But I don’t even know that. Mostly I think she just needs prayers.” He let out another breath, and the stress from the week started bubbling to the surface. He put his head down, his face into his hands. “Her dad up and got remarried last weekend, and the whole thing’s just a mess. Her mom is… Her mom is her mom, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon. She’s always yanked Dani’s chain pretty good, but I’m afraid now it’s going to be worse, and with Dani in Scotland, nobody really right there for her.” He shook his head in desolation. “I don’t know. She’s strong, but all of this at once…”
“We’ve been praying,” Luke said, his voice somber. He nodded at the others. “We have, but we’ll double down.”
“You said Monday,” Greg said. “What time?”
“Oh, uh.” Eric thought through the question and calculated the time. “I think nine in the morning their time which is like four in the morning our time. Not that you have to get up or anything. I just, I think she can use some prayers.”
“You got it,” Caleb said.
“So how are you with doing yardwork?” Caleb asked when they got to Attabury. It looked so incredibly different with all the trees and out buildings gone. “They’re coming on Monday to put in some new trees and the landscaping, but we’ve really got to get all of this dead stuff cleared out and off of here.”
“Just show me what to do.”
Since the move to Edinburgh, Dani hadn’t felt herself. It was probably the turmoil her life was in, or maybe the different time schedule her body still hadn’t gotten used to. Whatever it was, it had taken her ambition and smashed it into a thousand pieces. On Sunday morning when she woke up, she knew they weren’t supposed to meet until eleven. However, her spirit felt so unsettled she couldn’t go back to sleep, so she decided to take a walk both for the exercise and to assuage the haunting loneliness this trip had caused to take up residence in her heart.
Out on the streets of Edinburgh, she ambled, paying particular attention to the landmarks she passed so she could get back to the hotel before Joel was ready to go. Thankfully he had given up on his ardor toward her. That was a blessing though the rest of the trip couldn’t be called that in any way, shape or form. At least this morning, for this moment, she had escaped from the dreariness of her present life. If only for this moment she resolved to live.
The streets were mostly barren though there were a few people out and about. She entered a large square with a huge stone building at the apex of it. A church. A huge church actually with an enormous stained glass window that looked out onto the stone courtyard beyond. Mesmerized by its grandeur, she walked toward it. The steeple soared high above the stone walkway, like a beacon to the outside world. The building had stone steps leading up to the door, and taken by their welcoming arms, she climbed them. Once at the top and through the doors, she realized she was not the only one inside, and she quickly felt her mistake.
However, before she could think to tu
rn around, a pleasant looking woman who looked to be about 90 greeted her at the door. “Good morning, Ma’am.” The Ma’am sounded more like mom or mum. “Welcome to the service at St. Giles this beautiful morning.”
Service? Dani almost said it out loud, but she stopped herself and took the little pamphlet the woman held out. “Thank you.” Realizing with a vengeance she couldn’t just turn and leave, Dani swallowed her misgivings as she followed the others into the second door where she found herself in a room with soaring ceilings, amazing stained glass windows, and stonework that must have taken the laborers years to design much less to build. Taking it all in, she slipped into the first seat in the back. She would leave as soon as the service started.
“Daddy?” the little voice said in the darkness, and Eric fought to get sleep to let go of him.
“Yeah, baby girl?”
“I miss Mommy. When is she coming home?”
He knew. He understood. Perfectly. “You want to sleep in here with me for a while?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Okay, baby girl. Hop on up here.”
Although she had vowed to leave at the first opportunity, Dani found herself still sitting there when the sermon started. Like all of her time in Scotland, she marveled at the differences of the accents as they moved from one place to the other. The language was English, but everything beyond that similarity sounded totally different.
“Good morning,” the preacher or minister or whatever he was called here said.
“Good morning,” those in attendance parroted back.
“We hear today the story of a man who finds a pearl of great price.”
Money. She heard it and sighed. Why did everything have to come back to money? If it wasn’t for money, she would surely do something different with her life, something… inspiring, valuable, worthwhile. Yes, being a lawyer was a fine, upstanding, laudable pursuit. Everyone had always told her how amazing she was for being one. However, sitting there in that church, staring up at the guy at the pulpit that hovered on a spiral stone casing high above them, she asked herself, maybe for the first time if this was really what she wanted with her life. If not for the money and the prestige of the position, would this be what she would do?
Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Page 34