Their Child?

by Christine Rimmer

  Nine

  Jean looked at the clock for what seemed like the hundredth time since the alarm had gone off half an hour ago. It was almost seven o’clock. She had spent the most miserable weekend of her life. Following Ry’s stormy departure Saturday morning until she went to bed Sunday night, she had moved almost trancelike from the chair to the sofa to the floor to the bed and back to the chair again. She knew she hadn’t gotten more than six or seven hours sleep total for both Saturday night and Sunday night. The loneliness pulled at her, reinforcing her feelings of abandonment by everyone and everything she loved and held dear.

  Each time she was sure she had finally cried out every last tear in her body, the whole thing would start all over again. She had never known that much pain, never believed anything could be as horrific as Ry’s immediate and total rejection. It couldn’t have hurt more if he had doubled up his fist and landed a solid punch.

  Never in her wildest flights of imagination would she ever have guessed that this would be Ry’s reaction to her being pregnant. It was so sudden, so swift, so painful…and felt so final. One moment he was caring and tender and the next he was angry and accusing her of trying to manipulate him. It was as if he had turned into a totally different person. She closed her eyes as the tears tried to overflow the brims again. She loved him so much. How could this have happened?

  She tried once again to get her emotions under control. She had to get out of bed. It was Monday morning and she needed to be at work in an hour. She would have to hurry if she was going to be on time and being on time was absolutely mandatory. This was the week Ry would be evaluating the various office procedures and that included her personnel department. The last thing she wanted to do was give him an excuse to put something negative into his report.

  His report—a shudder of fear made its way through her body. She was pregnant and alone. She had no one to depend on other than herself. She needed her job now more than ever. Would he try to get back at her by giving her a bad report? Surely he wouldn’t do such a mean, vindictive thing. But she knew it was up to her to make sure he had no reason to.

  Reluctantly she climbed out of bed and headed for the shower. She moved mechanically through the process of putting on her makeup, dressing and leaving for work. She arrived five minutes before eight o’clock, taking note of the fact that Ry’s car was already in his parking space. The anxiety knotted in the pit of her stomach as she entered the building. What should she say to him? Should she speak first or only acknowledge him if he made a direct comment to her? How should she act in front of the man she loved with all her heart—the man who had so easily dismissed her from his life?

  The tears welled in her eyes again. She glanced around, hoping that no one would notice. She saw Ry headed in her direction. She turned away and hurried to the rest room. The last thing she wanted was for Ry to know how much he had hurt her. She reached the rest room door just as he approached her office, managing to duck inside before he could stop her.

  Jean splashed some cold water on her eyes in an attempt to keep them from looking red and puffy. She had to get through five days of contact with Ry Collier. Five days in which her life would be in constant turmoil wondering what he was going to put into his report. Five days of seeing the rejection in his eyes. The sorrow once again washed over her.

  And she would have a lifetime to live with the pain.

  She squared her shoulders and set her determination. She certainly couldn’t hide in the rest room all day. She had a job to do and responsibilities to take care of. She ran a comb through her hair, touched up her makeup around her eyes, then went to her office to start her workday.

  Half an hour later, Ry entered the personnel department which consisted of a large room with half the space divided into individual cubicles for the staff and the other half filled with file cabinets and open work space. At the back of the room was one separate office for Jean where she could have her office door open to observe the workings of her department or closed if she was having a private meeting with one of the company employees.

  He walked casually through the outer office, pausing to say a polite good morning to everyone before arriving at Jean’s office door.

  “Do you have a moment, Jean?”

  “Yes, Mr. Collier. Of course.” She set aside the file folder and exited the computer program she had been working with, then looked up at him. “What can I do for you?”

  Her manner was formal and her voice cold, but the worst of it was the pain he glimpsed in her eyes before she shifted her gaze away from him. He knew this initial meeting with her following their explosive encounter on Saturday morning wasn’t going to be easy. He had been giving it a lot of thought over the weekend. A lot of thought…that was a laugh. He hadn’t thought of anything else. He also hadn’t eaten and had barely managed a few hours of restless sleep. In short, he had been miserable and he knew it was his own doing.

  Rather than responding to what she had said on its own merits, he had reacted based on all the stored resentment he harbored against Marjorie. It had been wrong. Jean was not Marjorie. Jean was the woman he loved and she deserved much better than she got. He had hurt her deeply and somehow he had to make it right.

  He sat on the edge of her desk. “Jean…we need to talk.”

  “I believe you said all there was to say Saturday morning. So, if that’s all you want you’ll have to excuse me. I have a very busy schedule today and can’t afford any wasted time.”

  He knew this was going to be difficult and the office certainly wasn’t the place to do it, but he desperately needed to clear the air between them so he could at least lay the foundation for them to discuss things that evening.

  “Give me a break here, Jean. I’m trying—”

  Her volume increased with her anger. Her eyes widened in shock. “Give you a break?”

  She glanced toward her office door, noting that a couple of the staff members seemed to have been attracted by her comments. She rose from her chair and walked around her desk until her back was to the outer office, but didn’t want to confirm any suspicions her staff might have had by closing the door.

  She lowered her voice. “This is a business office, Mr. Collier. What we conduct here is company business. I would appreciate it if you would confine your conversation to that and that alone.”

  He rose to his feet. “Certainly, business it shall be. I want to see the employee manual you hand out when someone is hired and I want to see the job descriptions you have on file for the various departments and positions within those departments.”

  His rapid change in manner threw her for a loop, but not as much as the type of information he was asking for. “Uh…well…yes, we do have an employee informational sheet that we hand out.” She reached into her desk and pulled out a file. She took out a sheet of paper and handed it to him.

  He took it from her, glanced at the front side, then turned it over and looked at the back. He leveled a questioning gaze at her as he held up the piece of paper. “This is it? You don’t have any type of employee manual?”

  She spit out the words between clenched teeth. “That’s it.”

  “What about the job descriptions?”

  “That’s usually handled by the department head where the person is going to work.”

  “You don’t have something already in print? Some sort of a job description for the people working in your department?”

  “Uh…no.” She felt her hackles rise. Was she hearing yet more accusation in his voice? Disapproval? She clipped her words as she spoke, her anger barely held beneath the surface. “I’ve never had the need to put one together.”

  “I see. Do you think you could have something for me by the end of the day?”

  “I have several other things that need to be done today, but I’ll certainly try.”

  “Good.”

  She watched as his gaze swept around her office, lingering on file cabinets and the numerous in and out baskets, then peering out her do
or to the large outer office with its cubicles and furniture arrangement. Without warning he slid off the edge of her desk, turned and walked out of her office.

  Jean went about her normal daily routine, as much as she could. It seemed that every time she looked up she saw Ry either watching her, watching her employees or asking them questions. And each time it sent a tremor of anxiety through her body. She made a special effort to provide him with the information he had asked for, but when she gave it to him the only response was a polite thank-you as he put it in his attaché case without looking at it.

  She had never been so thankful to see the end of a workday as she was when five o’clock arrived. She quickly gathered her things and rushed toward her car, wanting to make her escape before she encountered Ry again. Fortunately she had a meeting with her little theater group that night which saved her from having nothing to do other than go home. She stopped at the grocery store on her way home after the meeting. By the time she put the few groceries away, it was after eleven o’clock and she was tired.

  As soon as she entered her bedroom she saw the red message light flashing on her answering machine. There were four messages. The muscles in her stomach instantly tightened. She reached for the button to play back the messages.

  “Jean…it’s Ry. If you’re there, please pick up the phone…Jean? Are you there? We have to talk. I must…uh…I want to apologize…the way I acted Saturday morning…it’s…well, what you said was such a shock…uh, Jean…we have to talk. Please call me as soon as you get in. We have to talk.”

  She stopped the playback of the messages. He sounded so unsure of himself, so hesitant. It was something that she would never have associated with Ry Collier. She didn’t know what to do. He sounded so sincere in his desire for them to talk, but was it only to smooth over the way he had handled the situation? Would he really have anything different to say? He had made it so clear that he refused to accept the pregnancy and that they were through. What could he possibly have to say that would change the situation?

  The heavy weight of despair settled over her. Why couldn’t he just leave it alone? Was he trying to vacuum his conscience? Somehow she would manage to muddle through four more days of work, then he would be gone and she would be able to put the shattered pieces of her life back together. She played the remaining messages, all three of them from Ry.

  She erased the messages, then prepared for bed. Suddenly she was very tired and emotionally exhausted. All she wanted to do was sleep. Perhaps when she woke up she would find that all of this had been a horrible nightmare.

  When Jean arrived at work Tuesday morning, she spotted Ry in the accounting department. She hurried to her office. Hopefully he would spend the day with the accounting people and leave her department alone. She was still stinging from his attitude about an employee manual and job descriptions. Although, in retrospect, she had to grudgingly admit that he had been correct. It was something she should have done a long time ago rather than trying to make do with the meager information she handed out.

  It’s just that she was so busy with the myriad of miscellaneous tasks that continually landed on her desk. She didn’t have time to truly reorganize things the way they should be even though she knew it would be more efficient. Was it something that he would hold against her when he did his report? A nervous anxiety jittered inside her. It would be a derogatory comment she couldn’t refute.

  That afternoon Ry stationed himself in the outer office of the personnel department. It seemed that every time Jean looked up from her desk Ry would be snooping in files or talking to her staff members. With each passing hour her nerves stretched thinner and thinner until she thought they would break. Five o’clock finally arrived. She cleaned the top of her desk and prepared to leave, but before she could get out her office door, Ry blocked her way.

  “I called you several times last night and left messages for you to call me, but you never returned my calls.”

  She made it a point to be civil, but there was no reason to be anything less than formal. “It was very late when I got your messages. I was tired and went right to bed.”

  “It’s not late now. We can go to your place and talk this out.”

  “I don’t see why there’s anything left to say. As I told you yesterday, you made your position very clear Saturday morning. I’m sure you have many more important things to do than going over old ground with me, especially when it won’t change the fact that I’m pregnant. I’ve already told you that I won’t hold you to any responsibility in this matter, either emotional or financial. You have no obligation to me or the baby.”

  She quickly swallowed to prevent the sob from creeping into her voice. “I am fully capable of taking care of myself. That leaves us with nothing to discuss. Now—” she picked up her purse and car keys “—I’m finished here for the day and want to leave.”

  She quickly brushed by him before he had an opportunity to say anything. It had taken every bit of her internal fortitude to remain calm while talking to him. The tremors of apprehension tried to make their way down her legs, threatening to turn them to rubber. She hurried out of the building, desperate to get to her car and then home.

  Two days down and three to go before Ry would be finished at Jarvis Custom Furniture and out of her daily life. Maybe then she could start to put the shattered pieces back together. And what about his final report? Would it have an adverse effect on her job? A cold shiver darted up her spine telling her just how fearful she was of the prospect of raising a child alone while needing to work full-time to support herself and that child. Nothing had ever frightened her as much as that did. She had to be strong. She needed to rally more internal strength than ever before in her life. The tears tried to form in her eyes, but she quickly brushed them away.

  Wednesday and Thursday came and went with Jean doing her best to avoid Ry without being obvious about it in front of her staff. To her relief he didn’t call her either night and when she arrived at work Friday morning he wasn’t there. When he hadn’t appeared by noon, she began to breathe a little easier.

  Shortly after lunch Matt Jarvis appeared in her office. ’ ‘Jean, I just wanted to let you know that Ry Collier has completed his evaluation and his final reports will be available by four o’clock this afternoon. I’ll be giving each department manager a copy of the portion pertaining to their specific department so the report can be studied over the weekend. On Monday morning we’ll have a meeting of the department heads to discuss the reports and talk about implementing the procedures he has suggested. I’d like to start the meeting at seven o’clock. Will that early time be okay for you?”

  She smiled and extended a confident manner. “Of course, Matt. I’ll be there.”

  As soon as Matt left her office, her forced smile faded and was quickly replaced by a slight frown. What would be in his report? She glanced at the clock on her office wall. In another two hours she’d know for sure. Half an hour later she spotted Ry headed toward Matt’s office with a large envelope in his hand. Her muscles tensed and a sinking sensation left her almost light-headed. This was it. She would soon know her fate and what additional changes she would need to make for the future. She drew in a calming breath in an attempt to settle the nervous tension jittering through her body.

  She kept busy while also keeping one eye on the time. A few minutes after four o’clock Matt entered her office. He handed her the report. “Here you go, Jean. Study these recommendations and we’ll discuss them first thing Monday morning.”

  She hesitated a moment, then took the envelope from him. “Of course, Matt. I’ll go over the report very carefully this weekend.”

  She placed the envelope on her desk, then stared at it for several minutes without opening it. The anxiety level that had been vibrating just below the surface burst into full-blown panic. She finally picked up the envelope and held it close to her body, again without opening it. Intellectually she knew it wasn’t so, but somehow it seemed as if she would be spared and her
job would be secure if she didn’t read the report.

  She finally shoved it into her purse and tried to concentrate on her work, but without much success. When five o’clock arrived she cleared her desk and left for the weekend.

  Jean arrived home, changed clothes, then sat on the edge of her bed staring at the dreaded envelope. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her rampaging fears. Ignoring Ry’s report wasn’t going to change what he had written. Her hands trembled as she picked up the envelope and removed the contents.

  She started to read. Words leaped off the page at her. Complete overhaul of internal structure of personnel department…woefully out of date with today’s business requirements…revamp interaction with other departments. Then the most damaging words of all, words that practically screamed at her and put an immediate halt to reading the rest of the report. Eliminate position of personnel manager.

  The pages dropped from her hands as the final stab of betrayal sliced through her. She was pregnant, rejected by the father of her child and now he had recommended that she be fired from her job. The tears filled her eyes. How could anyone be so callous and unfeeling? He had played loose and careless with her emotions. It was a lesson she thought she had learned in the past, but this time she had learned it for good. She would never lose her heart again no matter how charming, sexy and desirable the man was.

  Eliminate position of personnel manager… the words swirled around in her mind. It was the final blow, the ending of five weeks in her life with Ry Collier. Even though he wasn’t married to Marjorie, she had apparently been right about one thing. He considered her as nothing more than a temporary out-of-town fling. And now the fling was over and he would be going back to his home in Chicago.

  The sick churning in her stomach tried to make its way up her throat. She swallowed several times to tamp it back down. Then the tears broke loose and cascaded down her cheeks, the sobs convulsing through her body. She had been holding it back all day, but couldn’t hold it one second longer.