Behind the Mask

by J. L. Ostle

  “Will this nightmare ever end?” Tegan says, heading out.

  “Well, that’s you told.” Troy claps Nate’s shoulder, laughing before leaving with Sam right behind him.

  “I think it’s going to be brill,” Naomi sings out.

  I look at Nate and he is looking at the ground. “I’m sorry I got you into this.” I feel a little hurt he is making a bigger deal out of this than what it is. Hand holding and smiling is nothing.

  “It’s okay. I’m being stupid. Let’s get out of here. We need to head to the photoshoot.” He takes hold of my hand. “Let’s go make the fans go ballistic,” he jokes. I giggle. We swing our hands, heading outside.

  We all head back into the limo, going to our next destination for the photoshoot. We need posters, flyers, etcetera, of me being in the band, hence why I am going to probably pose in something skimpy. I’ve seen what they make Tegan wear, so I know I won’t be any exception. When I walk into the building the photoshoot is taking place, my mouth hangs open.

  I feel like I’m starring in a movie. It doesn’t look real. I see a white sheet, board type things over the walls, different kinds of lights and cameras scattered around. Everyone is walking around quickly like they are buzzed up on speed.

  I am excited, but I’m also nervous. I hope the pictures come out okay. I know I’m not ugly, but compared to Tegan, I’m not in the same league as her. When someone notices us, they come over hugging each of us, leaving me until last. The woman is my height with long gray hair, warm brown eyes.

  “You are beautiful. The camera is going to love you.” She smiles at me then starts walking away before shouting out some directions. “Boys, go in room three. Your outfits will be in there.

  “Ladies, room one. Then off to makeup.”

  Makeup? They are going to wash off all this work? I follow Tegan to room one and when we get in, two women say their hellos and pass us clothes wrapped in a sheet. I unzip it, revealing a black leather jacket and black lace panties.

  And nothing else.

  Where is the rest of it?

  “Excuse me,” I ask one of the girls. She passes me black suede heels.

  “Is there a problem?” she asks me.

  “I think there some clothes are missing. It’s just a jacket and panties.” I show her.

  “Yeah, that’s right.”

  I look at her like she’s crazy. Hell no, I’m being naked.

  “I can’t wear this.” I pass her the hanger. I may be confident in my own skin, but I don’t want the world to see my naked skin.

  “Stop being such a baby. Put it on.”

  I watch Tegan put on leather pants and a white shirt, opened, exposing a red lace bra. Why couldn’t I wear that?

  “I am not exposing my breasts,” I tell her.

  She comes over checking out the outfit, biting her lip. For a moment I see she looks uncertain, but I might have imagined it as it’s gone as quickly. “They will be covered by the jacket.” The girl tries to reassure me. “It will be tasteful.”

  “I warned you. I warned you what you are getting into. Just suck it up, put on the damn jacket, and deal,” Tegan says before leaving the room. This is a normal reaction. I start taking off my clothes and underwear, putting on what I’m given. I look in the mirror, zipping up the jacket. I will open it during the shoot but until then it’s staying closed.

  “You look good.” The girl smiles at me.

  “I look like I’m ready to pass out.” Why did I think all this was going to be fun and easy? I have watched Tegan do shoots before and I’ve seen her in skimpy outfits. I guess I didn’t realize I was going to have to also. “I can do this,” I say to my reflection. I walk out and see a room that says makeup, so I head that way. Tegan is already getting her makeup done. I see her look at me in the mirror before closing her eyes.

  “You must be Star. Please have a seat.” A caramel-skinned girl with short black hair takes my hand. I follow her to a chair. In front of me is a counter full of makeup messed about. “I love your hair.” She glides her fingers through it.

  “Thank you. I just got it done this morning.” I smile to her.

  “It suits you. I will just tidy it up, but I need to wipe off all your makeup and start fresh for the look they are after.”

  I nod in response. I watch her take cotton pads, pouring some liquid into it, and she starts wiping away the makeup.

  Twenty minutes later my skin looks flawless. I have bright red lipstick and gray and blue smoky eyes with thick eyeliner. With my new hairstyle, I am still surprised how different I look every time I see my reflection. Looking down at the jacket, I feel myself start to blush.

  I want to quickly do this and get back into my clothes.

  Soon Naomi walks in and her mouth drops open when she sees me. “Holy shit, girl, you are so hot. If I swung that way, I would so keep this image for my spank bank.” She winks at me.

  “Thanks for that.” I laugh. “I can’t believe I have to go out there in this. They want me to unzip it.”

  “Now that is hot. I am sure Nate is going to like it.” She saunters over to me with pep in her step. “I also think you are going to like what he’s wearing.” She waggles her eyebrows at me.

  Now I’m curious.

  “What is he wearing?” I ask.

  “Come out and see,” she sings, leaving the room.

  I take in a deep breath and walk out. The guys are standing near a blank canvas and when they spot me, all their mouths drop open. Sam and Troy are wearing jeans, buttons undone with white opened shirts showing off their toned bodies.

  They look really good.

  But my eyes zoom onto Nate, who is shirtless, wearing only a pair of black jeans, his buttons also undone, showing a hint of white boxers. I find it hard to swallow as I walk toward them.

  “Right places, people,” the photographer shouts, clapping her hands.

  A few people adjust lights, moving equipment around. My body gets really hot. Nate’s body heat is radiating off him onto me. I stand like a statue, waiting to be told what to do. I look from the corner of my eyes and notice him looking at my legs before shaking his head and looking away.

  Was he checking out my legs?

  I almost laugh to myself.

  “You look good, Star,” Troy accentuates my made-up name. “Maybe you should wear stuff like this more often,” he jokes.

  Nate gives him an angry look.

  “You are not funny, Troy,” Nate says.

  “Troy, she is like your sister,” Sam scolds him.

  “I was joking.” He huffs.

  “Of course you were.” Sam rolls his eyes.

  “Right, let’s start, I have a bubble bath and a bottle of wine calling out to me,” the photographer yells once again. People move away from the shooting area. “Nate and Star, I want you both standing in the middle. Tegan, you stand next to Star. Sam, stand next to Nate and, Troy, stand next to Tegan.”

  We all take our places.

  “Star, I need you to open your jacket, honey.”

  My mouth goes dry. I pull the zip down, exposing skin. I try not to move too much so I don’t accidentally expose my breasts.

  “Right, put your right arm around Nate’s neck, your hand holding the back of his head. Press your body close to his, you both looking at me in a sultry look. Tegan, place your right hand on your hip, your whole body facing the camera. Give a serious, don’t care look.”

  I know she will have no problem with doing that.

  “Sam and Troy, I want your hands to go to the buttons of your jeans, looking like you’ve just undone them. You both face the camera also.”

  We do what she says.

  I press my body to Nate’s, his skin pressed against mine. I hold the back of his head. I swear I feel Nate’s body tense up.

  Why does this feel so good?

  I know I shouldn’t get this kind of feeling, but my body is a little turned on being this close to him. I can feel my erect nipples against the cool leather
jacket. I look up at Nate and he looks down at me.

  “Nate, Star, keep that look,” the photographer shouts and soon I hear a few clicks and flashes. Nate’s eyes stay on mine. “Nate, pull her closer into you. Star, look at the ground. Nate, you keep watching her.”

  My body shivers when I feel his hand wrap around my waist, causing the jacket to open a little more, exposing more of my breast, but I’m still pressed against him, so no one can see.

  He pulls me in closer, his fingers digging into me.

  “Right, Nate, stand behind Star. Star, gently place both arms behind his neck but try not to expose yourself.” She laughs. I raise my arms slowly. “Nate, place your hands on her hips and look toward her face and, Star, look up at him as if you want to kiss him.”

  Now that I can do.

  More photos get taken. Each one she makes Nate and me get closer, touching each other in some way. I am sure my body is vibrating. This feels like one massive foreplay and unfortunately, I won’t be getting any sort of climax at the end.

  “I want all the guys around Star. Tegan, can you stand to the side, sweets?”

  Tegan huffs but does what she’s told.

  “Star, I want you facing the camera, holding your jacket like you’re ready to open it fully. Nate, stand to her left looking down at her. Sam, stand on her other side doing the same. Troy, kneel down and look up at her like she’s the world.”

  We all take our places and more flashes go off.

  “I am an artist,” the photograph says, praising herself. “I want one of the girls.”

  I watch Nate walk away from me and I miss his heat already.

  “I want your bodies facing one another, but your faces looking at the camera.”

  Tegan steps up and we pose.

  “Great, now I want you both to be back to back, looking at the camera.”

  After ten minutes of doing different positions, I am sure we are finished, but she calls me and Nate back.

  “I’ve just been on the phone to Jeffery and he wants a couple of just you two.”

  Nate rubs the back of his neck.

  “Fine,” he says and we take our spots.

  “Can you both do some couple like poses? Pretend you want to rip each other’s clothes off. The need to touch one another.”

  Nate pulls me into him, lifting my leg so it wraps around his waist, and I feel his erection press against my core. I gasp out in surprise.

  “Yes, keep doing that. That’s hot.”

  Breathe.

  Just breathe. I chant.

  Next Nate fists my hair, pulling my head back as his lips go to my neck. Goosebumps rise all over my body. I smile devilishly as I press my front to his, sliding my jacket off my arms slowly, it falling down to my wrists so now my breasts are fully pressed against his chest. My hands are pressed against his jeans buttons, pulling him closer to me.

  “And perfect. If you ever want to model, Star, give me a call.” She winks at me, walking away.

  I quickly place the jacket back on, zipping it up, stepping back. Nate is looking at me with dark eyes. I see his chest rising and falling quickly.

  I look at the time on the wall and am surprised we have been doing this for almost two hours. It felt like only ten minutes.

  If I could do that all over again.

  I would.

  It is probably the only time I will have his naked skin against mine. I head back to the room where my clothes are, ready to get changed. I’m putting my top on when Naomi comes in screaming.

  “Fuck me, girl, that was so fucking hot. Nate was looking at you like he could eat you alive. I can’t wait to see these pictures out there in the real world.” She jumps up and down, causing me to laugh.

  “Glad you’re excited.”

  She plops down on a chair as I continue to get ready.

  “I bet you loved every single second of that. His perfect smooth skin against yours. I bet your nipples are screaming out at him.”

  “I am sure you should have been born a guy.” I take a seat as I put on my shoes.

  “Maybe I should have, but I would have been gay as I love cock too much.”

  I chuckle. Once ready I stay seated, feeling a little drained. Pretending to be someone else is tiring. I step out of the room and I see the girl who gave me the clothes smiling up seductively at a dressed Nate.

  He is smiling back at her, his hand placed on her hip, her body close to his. Naomi stands at my side, watching the scene in front of us with a confused look on her face.

  “I swear he was into you.” She tries to reassure me.

  “It was all for the pictures. It wasn’t real,” I tell her and also myself before walking toward the exit, when I hear my name being called out. The girl leaves Nate’s side and runs over, smiling at me.

  “I was told you could keep the jacket. You did look good in it,” she says nicely.

  I can’t hate a girl who has been nothing but friendly toward me. She doesn’t know how much I am pining over the lead singer.

  “Thank you so much.” I take it off and she practically skips back to Nate, who is watching me. I leave, wanting some fresh air. I stand outside, leaning against the wall before sliding down, sitting on the floor as I wait for the rest of the guys to come out.

  “You need to stop running away, missy.” Richard comes out, standing at my side.

  “We walked actually,” Naomi teases him.

  “You are so funny,” he tells her. “You have to make sure either Gav or I come with you if you ever need to go anywhere. It’s for your safety.” He looks around at our surroundings.

  “Sorry, Rich, still getting used to all this,” I say in a defeated voice. Maybe I got myself into something I can’t really handle.

  No wonder they say be careful what you wish for.

  I just wanted to play. I didn’t think about the rest, or what it would entail.

  “You looked great at the shoot.” He smiles sweetly at me.

  “Thank you.”

  “She was amazing. The camera loved you.”

  I wave Naomi off.

  “Nate seemed to like it.” Rich smirks.

  Naomi hits my arm. “See. I said he was looking at her like he could fuck her there and then, but she won’t believe me,” Naomi tells him before sticking her tongue out at me.

  “I agree with Naomi. I have seen Nate do plenty of photoshoots and I have never seen him look at a girl like he did you.”

  Are they both crazy?

  It was fake. That is why he is hitting on the fashion girl. They are probably fucking right now. I think sadly.

  “He wanted you. What guy would say no to you after having your body pressed against them?” Rich says, looking around our surroundings.

  “Maybe it was lust you both saw, but that is it. Men think with their dicks most of the time. No offense.” I look at Rich, who shrugs. “Any guy would get a little turned on if any girl pressed against them.” I’m getting turned on hard-core. If I could have his erection grind against me I am sure I would fall apart.

  “You will see. I will be there to tell you a big I told you so,” Rich says as the door opens with the guys coming out. I notice the fashion girl isn’t with them.

  “Thank you, Rich.” I stand up, giving him a hug. He hugs me back.

  “Anytime, but I am a guy and I know these things.” He winks at me before stepping behind me as we head back to the limo. I notice Nate looking at Rich before looking at me then at the limo.

  “That was weird,” Naomi whispers in my ear before we climb in.

  It is the day the tour will start for me. We are on a tour bus heading to the first concert. Once we arrive we are going to rehearse straight away. Make sure I am fully confident in what I’m doing.

  I am sitting at the booth with Naomi next to me as we play cards, trying to pass some time. I am humming a song when Nate stands up, walking toward me. I stop humming, looking up at him. He hasn’t spoken to me since the shoot.

  He is back to preten
ding I don’t exist.

  For reasons I don’t know.

  “I think I’m going to lie down for a little bit,” I say standing, heading to the bunk area. I can feel Nate’s eyes on me, but I decide to ignore it.

  The bus is massive. The far end of the bus is a room with a double bed that belongs to Nate. The first door to the right of it is the bathroom. A little farther down from the room is a bunking area for each of us. I feel like a kid ready for a sleepover.

  At the front of the bus is a cream couch opposite a huge widescreen TV, a couple of booths on the other side.

  Once I’m lying in my bunk, I place in my earphones, deciding to listen to some music. I close my eyes, imaging what it’s going to be like on stage. The crowd screaming out for more.

  I place my mask to the side, looking at it before closing my eyes once again. I hum now and then until sleep starts to take over. Images of the photoshoot play in my head.

  I open my eyes sometime later. Checking the time on my phone, we must be nearly there. I get back to the booth to find Naomi is sitting next to Troy as he smiles at her while she talks. I decide to go sit on the couch next to Nate and Sam, not wanting to interrupt Naomi as I can imagine she is having the time of her life.

  They are playing Resident Evil on a game console. Zombies are coming from everywhere. I lean forward, watching intently. I am looking at the screen when I see Nate’s character walk past a herb.

  “Nate, go back,” I tell him. “There’s a herb under the table.”

  Nate goes back, picking it up and it says rare. I hardly play games, but I remember playing the original one on the first ever PlayStation.

  “Want a go?” Sam asks me.

  “Are you sure? I may suck.”

  He laughs.

  “That’s what she said,” Troy shouts out. I roll my eyes.

  “It’s just a game.” Sam passes me the remote and make my character walk slowly. I see a zombie walking quickly toward me. I start shooting it. When it goes to the floor I continue to walk. I accidentally scream when it wakes grabbing my leg, biting me before I kick his head. I press a hand against my chest. I look at Nate and Sam, who are laughing.