Behind the Mask

by J. L. Ostle

  “That was not funny. You could have warned me they may not be dead even after shooting them.” I continue playing, being more careful. I follow the map, trying to find another character, and I get pissed off with the dogs. I reach a room with a demon looking vampire and when I die, I sit back, swearing at the screen. “This game hates my guts,” I whine.

  “You did good, though, even though you jumped like a girl every time something jumped out.” Sam laughs again.

  I grab a pillow, swinging at him, but he dodges and I end up hitting Nate across the face with it. I cover my mouth with my hands in shock. He looks at me with surprise also. I open my mouth, ready to apologize, when he stands.

  “You are so going to pay for that,” he says, lunging for me, but I quickly move, jumping off the couch, heading down the hall to his room. I see him running right behind me, so I close the door, but I’m not quick enough.

  He pushes the door open as I use all my strength to close it, but he wins, opening the door farther, causing me to jump back, looking around the tidy room. “There’s no escape.” He mocks.

  I head to the bed and he slowly walks toward me, smiling. He moves quickly and I jump on the bed, ready to get out the door, but once I think I’m almost out, I am lifted off the ground and thrown onto the bed.

  “So unfair.” I pout and he laughs, sitting on top of me.

  “Do you honestly think you could run away from me on a bus?”

  We both laugh.

  “No harm in trying.” I shrug, looking up at him.

  He looks down at me with a playful look. I can’t help but smile up at him adoringly. He appears so carefree right now. I try and wiggle myself away, giggling, but my giggle soon stops when I feel myself rubbing against his forming erection.

  I bite my lip, closing my eyes, not wanting to see how he is looking at me. It’s either going to be lust and want, which is the look I’m hoping for, but what if he looks at me in disgust or shame? That I ruined a fun moment.

  I still feel him on top of me. Opening my eyes, I’m shocked when I see how close his face has gotten. He has leaned down, his face close to mine that I can feel his breath against my lips. His eyes have gotten dark.

  I am starting to really like his eyes being like this.

  Looking into my eyes waiting for something I don’t know what, he moves himself, causing him to grind against me, making me gasp. I arch my back off the bed, pressing my body closer to his.

  It’s like a switch has been flipped. He starts grinding against me slowly, teasing us both. His hands go to my wrists, raising them above my head, keeping me there, holding me prisoner, but I wouldn’t leave.

  He presses harder against me. I dig my nails into his wrists and he presses in even more. I groan out into the room. Having him hovering above me is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I still can’t believe Nathanial Knight is being like this with me.

  I look at his mouth, wondering what it would be like to actually kiss him. Looking back at his eyes, he must know what I’m thinking as he leans in closer, until I feel his tongue on my bottom lip.

  Please just kiss me, I beg in my head.

  He is about to kiss me when we hear Naomi calling out to me. I look at the door, which isn’t even closed, then at Nate and it’s like a bucket of cold water went over him. He looks at me with no emotion, sitting back to the top of his bed.

  “You better go,” he says.

  I stand up, heading to the door. Before I leave I look back at him and he is staring at his lap with an angry look on his face, before he directs that look at me. I walk out, heading to where Naomi is standing with her hand on her hip.

  “We need to talk?” she says in a serious tone.

  Oh, shit, did she hear us? Did everyone hear us?

  “What’s up?”

  She grabs my hand, taking us to the bathroom then closing the door behind us.

  “You told Troy to stay away from me? How could you?” She looks at me with sad eyes.

  Oh crap, I forgot to tell her about my plan.

  “It’s not what you think. I did it for you.” I plead with her, trying to hold her hand, but she pulls it away.

  “You are keeping Troy away from me for my own good? That is the worse pile of shit I have ever heard.”

  “After we did our makeover, he was saying he wanted you underneath him, above him, and that, so I told him you were my best friend and you were off-limits. In doing so he admitted he’s going to see you as a challenge. Why do you think he’s always at your side? I thought if he had time to get to know you he could fall for you,” I say, hoping she believes me. “Sam knows the plan, so he will back me up.”

  “So you told Troy to stay away from me, so he will want me more, see me as something he can’t have?”

  I nod. She looks at me before smiling and shrieking.

  “Fuck girl, that is brilliant. You should have told me. I would have started playing hard to get. Make me even more untouchable.”

  We both laugh, then she pulls me in for a hug.

  “With everything going on, I completely forgot.” I sit on top of the toilet seat. “Nate and I just had a short grinding session in his room before he jumped away from me like I have the plague,” I tell her. She kneels down with big eyes.

  “Nate and you were dry humping?” Of course she would know the right word for it.

  “Yeah, you know, he was chasing me, then pinned me down on his bed and I accidentally rubbed myself against him trying to get free, and then we started grinding. I swear he was this close...” I lift my hand, showing a little space between my thumb and finger. “To kissing me.”

  “Holy shit. He almost kissed you.”

  “But he didn’t. I’m starting to get annoyed with the hot and cold thing he has going on. I can’t keep doing this, waiting for scraps of affection he is willing to throw my way. I quit.” I stand up.

  “The band?” Naomi asks with a worried look.

  “What? No. I quit him. From this moment on, I’m moving on. I will stay with the band until Tegan is better then I’m leaving. I’m going to leave the band for good.”

  Naomi looks at me with surprise.

  “You’re being serious, aren’t you?”

  “I am. I can’t keep doing this. I’m twenty-two, pining over someone I can’t have. Longer I stay here, the longer I’m going to be alone.”

  “What will you do?”

  “Be a music teacher, write songs for other bands. I may even start my own band.” I shrug. “I will get Nate to pay me everything I’ve earned and that will keep me going until I figure things out.”

  “If you leave, I’m leaving with you.” Naomi holds both of my hands. “I can’t not have you in my life. Wherever you go, I’ll be going with you.”

  I shake my head at her.

  “I can’t make you give up your career for me. What about Troy?”

  “I love you more than any guy. I did this job straight after college. I met you and you made me want to stay. This can be a new adventure for us.” She claps her hands in excitement.

  “We need to hand in our notice, though,” I say. “I don’t want the guys to know or they will try and stop us.” I bite my lip. Naomi thinks it over before smiling.

  “I got it.” She opens the bathroom door, yelling out to Tegan to come over.

  “I’m busy,” Tegan shouts back.

  “Yo, Ice-Queen, if you don’t get your ass over here, you will regret it,” Naomi shouts back at her. I see Naomi glaring at her, so I’m sure they are having a glare-off.

  “This better be good.” I hear Tegan say.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper to Naomi.

  “You will see.” Naomi pulls Tegan into the bathroom.

  “Spill it,” she says.

  “How badly do you want your sister out of the band?” Naomi asks Tegan.

  Tegan looks at me then back at Naomi.

  “What is this about?”

  “What if I say that your sister wants to quit the b
and once your hand is healed?”

  “She is only in the band for three weeks then she’s out,” Tegan says. Naomi rolls her eyes.

  “I mean leave the band for good. No more of her being your lapdog. She will move away, leaving you to it with the band.”

  Tegan looks at me confused. “You want to leave us?”

  I shrug. “Like you said, this band is yours. I kind of want to do something that’s mine.”

  For the first time in a long time, I see Tegan’s eyes soften.

  “Why are you telling me?”

  “We don’t want the guys to know,” I tell her. “I want all money owed to me, then I will be out of your hair. I need a new start, sis.”

  “What brought this on? Has someone hurt you?” Her eyes get angry. I want to say Nate, but if they are having something intimate, I don’t want to get involved. Just remembering that my sister and Nate could be an on/off again relationship, then there’s me rubbing myself against him.

  I am the shittiest sister ever.

  “No one has hurt me. I just realized that this isn’t for me anymore. You know how boring I am.”

  She looks at me before sighing. “Well, you never ever signed any contract, so you don’t need to hand in any notice. I will make sure you get paid every cent, but promise me one thing?”

  “What’s that?” I ask suspiciously.

  “Keep in touch.”

  I step back, taken aback. That I didn’t expect.

  “Of course, you are my family. I love you.”

  Tears brim in Tegan’s eyes before she pulls me in for a hug.

  “I’m sorry I’m always hard on you,” she says against my head. Soon I feel Naomi’s arms around us.

  “I feel the love,” Naomi says, causing us all to laugh. “Who knew you can actually be nice. Feels like we are in the twilight zone,” she jokes. “Why are you a bitch? Especially toward your own sister?”

  Tegan sighs, leaning back against the door. “Honestly…” She pauses. “I’ve always been jealous of you, Blair.”

  That I didn’t expect her to say.

  “Jealous of me? You have nothing to be jealous of. It’s me who is jealous of you. You are following your dream. Your band is famous. You are set for the rest of your life.”

  “Music comes easier for you. You can sing, dance, play the guitar like the devil.” She laughs. “I had to work extra hard to figure it out. You learned it so easily. Music is in your blood. Your voice, though…” She pauses. “If the band ever heard you sing, they would have made you join. But the band is mine. It belonged to me. I was scared that I would be thrown in the background. Growing up, Mom and Dad praised you, bragged about you, saying you are going to touch the hearts of many with your voice. They never said that about me.” Tears fall down her cheeks. I never knew about any of this. This does explain a lot on why she always stopped me when I wanted to sing.

  “I would never take your band away from you. I just wanted to play.”

  “I know. I just couldn’t risk it. I didn’t want you to actually leave, though.”

  “I wish you talked to me. Things could have been different between us, but I made up my mind. Once the three weeks are over, I’m leaving, but I will see you in concerts if you are ever in the area.” I smile at her, and she hugs me once more.

  “You better. I will make sure you get VIP treatment.”

  “We better, or I will make a scene at the show,” Naomi adds.

  “Thank you, Naomi, for being there for my sister.”

  “Now you know my name.” Naomi laughs. “Your sister is amazing.”

  I feel myself blush by all these compliments.

  “She is. I just don’t know who is going to make sure I get to bed after a party.”

  We all laugh.

  “It looks like you need to get a new PA, but you probably want to give them pay rises often as you are all pigs,” I say and we burst into laughter.

  “This is a magical bathroom, but if we don’t leave soon, the guys are going to think we’re planning world domination or something.” Naomi opens the door. I walk out, but I feel Tegan holding my hand.

  “I do love you. I always have, even during my bitchiness.”

  “I always loved you, even though you went all diva.”

  She smiles at me and we head to the couch, both of us plonking down. Troy and Sam look at us with their mouths hanging open.

  Changes are on their way.

  Definitely on the way.

  It is time for my first show and I have never been so nervous in my whole entire life. I’m in the waiting area, waiting to be told to go on. No wonder Nate gets a little stage fright every now and then, as this is nerve-wrecking.

  I am wearing black leather pants with a leather crop top, my hair in messy waves, giving it that just had sex look. Pressing my fingers against the mask to make sure it’s in place, I start pacing the room.

  Oh my God, I can’t do this.

  Why did I think I could?

  I’m having a panic attack.

  “Calm down.” Tegan stands in front of me. “You can do this.”

  Why does it feel like I’m not breathing in enough air?

  “No, you were right, you told me how hard this is. I’m going to go out there and choke. What was I thinking? Tegan, I can’t do this.” I feel myself starting to tear up then press my hand against my chest, feeling my heartbeat going a million times an hour.

  Tegan pulls me into a hug, stroking my hair. “I only said it because I was being a bitch. You know the songs, you rehearsed. Just go out there and only concentrate on the music, not the people. Just you and the guitar. I will be at the wing waiting for you,” she reassures me.

  “What if I mess up?” I dab under my eyes with my finger.

  “Then you take a deep breath and start over.”

  I nod.

  “We all mess up. We just need to learn to take control over the situation.”

  Travis soon walks in the room telling us they are ready for us. Travis gives me a wink and already I feel a little sick.

  “You got this.”

  “Girl, come on, show the world what you got.” Naomi bounces in. “What’s wrong?” The smile on her face falls.

  “She’s nervous.”

  “You are going to be great. Remember the mask you are wearing is armor. You aren’t Blair, you are Star. The sexy, hot guitarist.” I laugh at Naomi’s attempt for a pep talk.

  We walk toward the stage area. “Okay, I can do this. You two don’t move from your spots.” I point to them. They cross their hearts.

  Sam and Troy fling their arms around my shoulders as we walk closer to the stage. I can see the crowd already. Hundreds and hundreds of people, who are going to watch me. I look behind me, making sure my sister and my best friend are still there. Farther behind them, I spot Nate, who is watching me. Turning around, I take in as many deep breaths as I can.

  “You ready to rock, kiddo?” Troy asks me.

  “I think so.” Not really.

  Travis has my clipboard going through everything. This was always his job, but I just sort of took over when making sure everything was done right. He never complained about it. It’s weird seeing him doing it, as I feel it should still be me.

  “Sam, you ready?” Travis asks him.”

  Sam nods, heading to the drums. The lump in my throat gets bigger.

  Oh no, oh no, oh no.

  “Star?” Travis looks at me, my eyes on him. Okay, don’t panic. “You ready?”

  Can I say no? I look back, seeing the sign for the exit. I got this. I nod and he winks at me, pointing to my spot. I start walking onto the stage that is in complete darkness apart from the little glow-in-the-dark marks on the floor.

  I remember them being my idea.

  I lift the guitar, putting the strap over my shoulder, my fingers gently touching the strings. I can do this. I watch Troy’s shadow stand in his spot, then I see Nate stand in the middle of the stage. I look in front of me, seeing the cro
wd screaming.

  Chanting over and over.

  Holy shit, this is happening.

  This is actually happening.

  Light beams on top of Nate. I hear him talk to the crowd, introducing the band and himself. When the drums start behind me, my hands sweat up. I close my eyes, blocking everything out.

  It’s just me and the music, I chant in my head.

  Just me and the music.

  Soon my fingers strum over the strings, letting the music, the beat, Nate’s voice guide me. With each song we play, I keep my eyes closed until I feel my body relax. When I open my eyes again, my body is full of adrenaline.

  I move my body to the music, as I know for the first few songs I’ve stood like a statue. The crowd is screaming, their energy flowing through me. Nate is singing a very seductive song about sex and pleasure. I watch as he walks from one end of the stage to the other.

  Fans reach their hands out on the chance of being lucky enough for him to touch them.

  He smiles down at a few women, smirking at them, making different fantasies roll in their minds before he turns and looks at me. Sweat covers his forehead, soaking his hair, his T-shirt clinging to his body. It is such a sexy look that images of him and me enter my own head.

  I see his chest moving in and out fast, my mouth going dry. He walks toward me, singing the song to me. When he stands in front of me, making my body heat up for a different reason, my body starts to ache.

  His voice is always my undoing.

  He could sing to me now telling me to fuck him on this stage and I probably would, at this moment in time. With how he is looking at me.

  He comes in closer, his eyes watching my fingers effortlessly glide up and down the guitar head. I’m surprised I’m able to keep playing while I feel this is some sort of foreplay.

  When he sings a line about making me scream, I continue strumming until he sings about making me beg. I move the guitar to my side, wrapping my hand behind his neck, pulling him closer to me, as he continues to sing. I press my forehead to his before my lips go close to his. I pant against his mouth before I let him go, stepping back, playing my guitar once again.

  I see the look of surprise on his face, but there’s also need.

  The look that I’m starting to see from him is like a drug.