Give Me Strength

by Kate McCarthy

  Now he was taking me to dinner, which from the outside was a restaurant beautifully lit up in colours of gold and red. Reaching the exterior steps, the back of my neck prickled and I froze. The feeling was the same from before, but that didn’t make sense because David hadn’t been released. I made a mental note to get in touch with Mitch in the morning just to be sure.

  Travis paused, waiting for me. “Everything okay?”

  Unease rolled through me, busy telling me that nothing was okay. If someone was watching me, they were watching Travis. They were watching anyone I was with. The question was, who the hell was out there?

  The urge to run rose swiftly so I forced a smile, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. “Sure.”

  His brow furrowed, but he led me inside without another word. The interior screamed Michelin star Asian cuisine, and I felt completely out of my depth. The waiter seated us with menus, paying an exorbitant amount of attention on Travis when he asked if we’d like to start with a drink.

  “Wine?” Travis asked me.

  At my nod, he ordered a bottle and sat back in his chair when the waiter disappeared, running his eyes over me in a way that told me he was remembering everything that lay beneath the carefully chosen outfit.

  I let out a shaky breath and smiled at him. That was about when the text messages began. Evie’s came first, the words highlighted across the screen as I picked it up.

  E: I bet he’s taking you to Mr. Chow’s. Bring me back a doggy bag if you want to live.

  Henry’s followed not long after.

  H: Text me if you need a rescue.

  I heard more flood in after that, but I switched off my phone with an apology, not reading the rest.

  His lips curved. “Friends, huh?”

  Something warm settled within me. “Mmm hmm.”

  The waiter left again after pouring wine and taking our orders, and I looked at Travis across the table. Lucy and Tim had versed me through the art of meaningful dinner conversation during our shopping expedition. Great conversation doesn’t happen by accident Tim told me. Lucy’s suggestion was to ask open-ended questions. I protested that Travis and I had been alone together before, but apparently wild sex, beach swimming, and work situations didn’t constitute a formal dinner environment. In the end I think they made me more nervous than I already was.

  “It’s good to finally have you to myself,” Travis told me.

  I frowned. That wasn’t an open-ended question. What was I supposed to do with that? Tim’s advice was to be myself, but it was firmly established I was socially inept, so that advice went straight to the bin.

  “You’re frowning. It’s not good I have you to myself?”

  “No. Yes.” I picked up my wine. “No.”

  His eyes crinkled. “You seem nervous.” He reached over and grabbed my free hand in his. “Will it help if I told you all the things I want to do to you when dinner is over?”

  I took a gulp of wine as Travis started rubbing his thumb in circles on my palm. I coughed and sat my glass down hastily.

  “Um, no,” I rasped and coughed again. “I don’t think so.”

  Having pity on me, Travis sat back and asked how Lucy and I became friends.

  “I met her when I moved in next door,” I told him. The waiter brought our dinner as I regaled him with the story of her barging through my door with a plate of biscuits that even Rufus eyed with trepidation. I’d palmed a couple to him, and he proceeded to trot out to the back courtyard and bury them deep into the rocky layers of the earth. “I had to teach her how to cook.” I sighed. I saw Rick the other day. He looked like he was losing weight. “Not sure how good a job I did with that though.”

  Travis swallowed a mouthful of wine. “Who taught you?”

  I shrugged, finished chewing a delicious bite of snapper, and set my fork down. “I taught myself.” Not wishing to delve into the reasons, I changed the subject. “What about you and Casey? You became friends at uni, right?”

  He nodded. “I punched him in the face.”

  “What?”

  Travis laughed. “I did. Casey was wild back then. Drunk at footy tryouts. Took me in a high tackle and gave me a concussion. I got in a solid punch before they pulled me off him.”

  “Oh my God. What happened after that?”

  Travis grinned. “We went out for a beer.”

  I shook my head, but my lips twitched. “I wish I knew how to throw a solid punch.”

  “You never learned self-defence?”

  “No, but I should.”

  “You want to learn, I’ll teach you.”

  “Really?” I said with surprise.

  He nodded. “You’re too small to ever throw that solid punch, but there are things you can learn that could mean the difference between getting hurt and getting away.”

  “Thanks, Travis.”

  He shrugged. “Want you safe, sweetheart.”

  When our meal was finished and the bill paid, Travis drove us back to his loft, changing gears in between resting his hand on my thigh. My heart thumped in my chest when Travis opened the car door and held out his hand. “I’d ask you how I did for your first date, but the night isn’t over yet.”

  Once inside, the smile on his lips turned dangerous and nerves rolled through me like an ocean. I tossed my bag somewhere and made a beeline for the kitchen.

  “You mentioned dessert, right?” I opened the freezer door. “Ice cream?”

  A tub of Ben and Jerry’s strawberry cheesecake met my eyes, and I felt thoroughly blindsided. The flavour was far too sedate and sweet for someone like Travis. Although, I imagined if there was ever such a flavour as badass swirl with tough guy toffee crunch, it would be the one I’d pick for him.

  I reached for it when a pair of hands grabbed my hips and yanked me back. My breathing escalated when Travis put his lips on my neck and nibbled his way upwards to my ear.

  “Travis,” I moaned and turned in his arms. The ice cream was trapped between us. He plucked it from my hands and set it on the kitchen bench. Then his hands returned to my hips, and I was lifted up onto the bench alongside the ice cream. He pushed my thighs apart and wedged himself between them. Fire blazed in his eyes as he took my mouth, his tongue thrusting inside. My legs wound around his hips, pulling him closer, my body rubbing up against the hardening length in his jeans.

  Travis took a hand from my body and rummaged through the drawer next to us. He broke the kiss and waved a spoon in front of me.

  “Didn’t you say you wanted dessert?”

  “Oh,” I murmured and took the spoon.

  He grabbed the ice cream and peeled off the lid, offering it to me, so I dug the spoon in and scooped out a small mouthful.

  I started to bring it to his lips, but he snagged my wrist, jolting me, and it splattered on my forearm.

  He shook his head. “You’re my dessert, sweetheart.”

  My body throbbed painfully when he dragged my arm towards his mouth, his tongue snaking out to lick the trickle of ice cream from my skin. The spoon aloft in my hand, I brought it to my lips and licked the scoop into my mouth.

  Travis, eyes on my mouth, said hoarsely, “Put the spoon down.”

  It clattered to the bench when he brought his mouth back to mine. His tongue licked along my bottom lip until I opened my mouth and tangled his tongue with mine.

  “Your mouth is hot and cold and sweet,” he whispered against me and slid his hands into the back of my jeans. “Fuck,” he groaned when my legs tightened around him, my body rubbing against him. “There hasn’t been anyone since I had you months ago. I don’t know what you’ve done to me, but I don’t want anyone else.” He kissed me again. “Tell me you want me to fuck you,” he breathed against my lips before moving his mouth to my neck, his hands climbing underneath my shirt.

  Travis pulled back and lifted my shirt up and off, his heated eyes roaming over my body with intensity.

  “Tell me,” he ordered, tossing my shirt to the floor.


  My breath caught when he tugged off his own shirt and turned back to me, his eyes expectant as his hands roamed up my thighs.

  “I want you,” I moaned.

  “You want me to what?” he rasped, watching his hands as they slid up my torso to cup my breasts, confined in a new ivory and gold lace creation. He undid the clasp at the back and my eyes watched it join my shirt on the floor. I shivered when his hands returned back to my breasts, his thumbs rubbing across the hardened nipples. “Want me to what?” he repeated, leaning down to take one in his mouth.

  My head fell back, tingles shooting through my body. “To…to fuck me.”

  Travis groaned at my words, his tongue laving over my skin as his hands reached for the button on my jeans. He undid my zipper and with some wriggled movements on my part, he pulled away to yank off my boots and peel off my jeans.

  Sitting on the kitchen bench in nothing but a pair of lace panties, I somehow found a glimmer of sense to ask Travis where Casey was.

  “Out,” he muttered, his tongue licking its way up the insides of my legs. His hot breath and his mouth had me aching when he pressed a kiss between my thighs.

  “Oh God,” I moaned when he slid my panties to the side and licked me. My hands braced behind me on the bench at the feel of his hot tongue tasting me.

  “Fuck,” he groaned. “I need to get inside you.” Travis tore himself away and stood up. “Bedroom,” he rasped and grabbed my hand. I was yanked off the bench, my eyes watching the muscles play over his back as he moved. When I was picked up and tossed on the bed, a laugh bubbled out of me. His eyes on mine, Travis peeled off his jeans and underwear and my mouth went dry. He stalked his way up the bed until he hovered over me.

  “What’s so funny?”

  My hands wrapped around his hot, hard length. He shuddered, his eyes closing with pleasure.

  “Nothing’s funny,” I murmured, watching his jaw clench as my hands stroked him.

  His eyes flew open, the green bright as they focused hard on my face. “I want to savour you, Quinn, but right now, I need to fuck you.”

  Travis rolled over and opened his drawer, coming back with a foil condom packet. He handed it over. “I want you to put it on.”

  My hands reached for it, biting my lip as I tore it open. “You’re so bossy but—”

  His mouth slammed down on mine before I could finish saying that I liked it, his tongue tasting me over and over until my lungs fought for air. Travis broke the kiss, sucking in rapid breaths as I slid the condom on carefully. His arms wrapping around me, he pushed me on my back. His hands came to rest on my hips but only for a moment because they ripped the panties down my legs. It was just how I remembered him from the first time, and I didn’t care at all if they tore. I would buy a thousand pairs just to feel the desperation of his hands needing to touch my skin.

  They slid their way back up my legs, one of them finding its way between my legs, rubbing me, sliding inside as he shuddered above me. He breathed deeply, burying his face in my neck, his tongue snaking out to lick me.

  Travis rolled his hips and reaching between us, I took the hard heavy length of him in my hands.

  “Need you, Travis,” I panted.

  “Whatever you say, baby.” He slid his hand away, and my body ached from the loss. I shifted my legs, wrapping them around his hips to accommodate his body, and so very, very slowly, he inched his way inside me.

  I moaned, my eyes burning at the intense pleasure of him filling me.

  “Look at me,” Travis demanded. “I want you to see what you do to me.” I shuddered, but I opened my eyes and brought a hand up to cup his face as he began rocking his hips. “It’s never felt like this, Quinn,” he gasped, his movements becoming more forceful. “Not even close.”

  I leaned up and caught his mouth with mine, sliding my hands up his back. My thighs gripped his hips tightly, urging him harder and faster.

  He rolled us over until I sat above him, his hands running up over my ribs and breasts, his brow furrowing as he groaned. The green in his eyes deepened as I began to move over him. I leaned over, my hands holding onto his shoulders as my heart thundered in my chest.

  Travis slid his hand between my legs, his fingers hard and firm as they moved and when I felt tingles begin in my toes, I wrapped my body around him, burying my face into his neck as pleasure bore down on me so intense it almost hurt.

  “Quinn, baby,” he ground out as he began slamming hard within me, eventually biting down on the tender skin of my neck as he shuddered.

  After a few minutes our rapid breathing eased, but I remained burrowed in his chest, and he remained burrowed within me, both of us apparently unwilling to break the connection.

  ***

  My eyes blinked open sleepily and scanned the room, revealing I was alone. My hands skimmed along the cool blue sheets to my left. The blinds on the window were only half closed, telling me it was still dark outside.

  Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I found my panties and standing up, I slid them on. Picking out a shirt from the dresser, I pulled it on before leaving the room.

  The loft was dark and quiet as my fingers brushed through my tousled mess of hair. I noted our clothes no longer littered the kitchen floor and the ice cream had been put away as I padded softly through the kitchen. Catching movement out on the back deck, I wound my way outside, opening the sliding door.

  Travis sat on the outdoor table, his feet resting on the seat. He half turned at the sound, his lips curling upwards. “Hey.”

  He reached out an arm, snaking it around my waist and pulling me into his body. I wound my arms around his neck and curled myself into his lap, shivering in the cool night air.

  He was dressed in only a pair of half-buttoned jeans, and my hands roamed over his bare skin, finding it smooth and warm. “Aren’t you cold?” I muttered.

  “Nah.”

  My eyes fell on the cigarette packet. “I thought you only ever smoked when you needed to think.” I looked at him. “Do you need to think?”

  His hands rubbed circles on my back. “Are you gonna give me shit about smoking?”

  I pursed my lips because it was on the tip of my tongue to do just that. “Maybe.”

  Travis chuckled, the deep rumble vibrating against me, and I shivered again, this time from pleasure rather than cold. “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Yeah, good.” He tucked a curl of hair behind my ear and brushed his thumb across my cheek, a gesture that was becoming familiar. “Shows you care. I like that.”

  I did.

  Oh God I cared. So much. More than I should. Enough to know he cared too. But Travis didn’t know me. Maybe when he knew all there was to know of me, he wouldn’t care so much anymore. The ache in my chest broke wide open.

  The hands roaming his chest stilled, and I pushed back a little, but his arms around me squeezed, locking me to him. He pressed a swift, gentle kiss on my lips.

  Fighting to block out the ache, I buried my head in his neck and breathed him in. “Tell me about your job, Travis?”

  Travis exhaled, the sound deep and heavy. “Okay.” He let one arm go from around me and twisted, reaching for another cigarette. “Do you mind?”

  I shook my head.

  “I don’t know how much you already know about what we do. Jared and Coby focus on the hostage negotiation and security side of our business. Casey and I handle the kidnapping and child custody.” He lit the cigarette and drew deeply, turning his head to exhale a deep plume of smoke behind him. “The two sometimes even go hand in hand. Custody disputes are common and we get called in when they have the potential to turn dangerous or when they already have. It’s our job to diffuse the situation. Sometimes that involves using force. We pull kids out of emotionally or physically abusive situations.” He drew again on his cigarette, his eyes on the distance. “How can someone be given a gift that needs so much love and care, and treat it like rubbish? I’ve seen them starving and broken, Quinn, and every day
it tears me apart.”

  I nodded into his shoulder because I knew.

  “I think the guys aren’t sure I can do this job anymore, and some days I’m not so sure either. This scar,” he said, rubbing at his hip, “reminds me that I let someone down. That someone died because I made a mistake. I hesitated and a kid died. I’m scared of it happening again.” I could hear heartbreak in his voice, and my chest burned. He exhaled another plume of smoke and chuckled, but it wasn’t a happy sound. “How fucked up is that?” he muttered bitterly. “Look at what they’re going through, and I’m the one struggling to deal with it. But if I’m not there to help, who will? Who’ll be there for them?”

  “Travis.” I waited until his eyes, so full of hurt, locked on mine. “You can’t save everyone.”

  He twisted to put his cigarette out in the little ashtray, and turning back, tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. “Wish I could’ve saved you, Quinn,” he said gruffly.

  My stomach tightened painfully and Travis disappeared as tears blinded me. I wished to God Travis could’ve saved me, but it was too late for that. The damage had been done, never to be undone. A single slap, or a kick given so angrily and so easily, the pain and fear it evoked, could never be taken back. It lived with you, inside of you, forever reminding you that you were never worthy of love and care.

  “Some of us have to learn how to save ourselves,” I whispered, blinking the tears away.

  “How do you do that?”

  “All I know is that you have to find strength somewhere inside of you and hold on to it, but I’m still figuring out where mine is.”

  Maybe the strength was in simply getting out of bed because there were days when I had struggled to do just that.

  “Quinn… If you let me, I’ll be strong for you.”

  Why are you making this so hard?

  Travis was meant for something better than me. The thought made anger twist hotly inside me. I wanted to be that something better, the person who could give him happiness. Already I hated the woman that would belong to him. His arms would wind around her all night long, keeping her warm and safe. She would wake to his smile and the love in his eyes. He would be hers.