Losing Grip

by Mercy Amare

  “Text me when you get back to your dorm,” he says.

  “I will,” I say, then head back towards my building. I check in literally two minutes before curfew.

  When I get to my dorm, I go back on my computer. I read the message over again and reply.

  Grace (Blog Admin): Who is this?

  I sit there and wait for a response, but there isn’t one. Whoever it is obviously isn’t online right now.

  What should I do about it?

  My phone vibrates.

  Sebastian: Did you make it in time?

  Me: Yes. Sorry. I’m distracted. Worried about whoever is snooping around on my blog. Kind of scared to post anything else now.

  Sebastian: I wouldn’t worry about it. Whoever it is obviously doesn’t have malicious intent or else the world would already know.

  Me: I guess you’re right.

  I decide to make a new blog post.

  Sebastian is right.

  Eventually, I will figure out who this person is.

  The door opens and Hope walks inside. I didn’t even notice she wasn’t here when I came in.

  It’s going to be so weird getting used to a roommate.

  “Hey, you okay?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “You just... looked upset when you ran out of here.”

  I shrug. “So, were you late for curfew?”

  “Naw. I just went to another girl’s room. My friend. Or not friend. I really don’t know how to describe her. She’s a pain in my butt,” she says. “Nicole Wright. Do you know her?”

  “Unfortunately, yes.”

  “Well, then you can imagine my annoyance in having to go talk to her,” she says.

  “I thought the rules were we had to be in our own dorm by ten.”

  “Building, yes. Room, no,” she says. “Plus, everybody always sneaks out. And eleven o’clock curfew on the weekend is just ridiculous.”

  “I agree.”

  “Do you mind if I leave the lamp on for a while?” she asks. “I’m working on a new design and I want to get it perfect.”

  “I don’t mind,” I tell her. “I don’t sleep much. I will probably be on my laptop.”

  “Cool,” she says. “This is kind of nice. They usually put me with people who complain about how late I stay up. Maybe they actually got it right this year.”

  Maybe they did.

  She sits down on her bed and starts drawing in her sketchpad. She doesn’t try to talk to me or ask me about my life, and it’s nice.

  She still doesn’t know my last name.

  I think I am going to like my new roommate.

  Monday, September 9

  Why do I have to be so awkward?

  I look at myself in the mirror.

  I’m wearing a plaid skirt—it’s navy blue, dark gray and dark red. I’m not exactly sure how I feel about it. I’m kind of feeling self-conscious about it, so I put a pair of black leggings under it. I also have on a button up white shirt and a dark gray sweater vest. My hair is down and natural, as always.

  The school actually tells us how we can wear our hair. Nobody is allowed to have messy hair. Like, in the rule book, it specifically states messy buns prohibited. Not that I ever wear my hair like that, but if I did, I would be really mad about them telling me I can’t.

  But the school handbook doesn’t say anything about shoes; just, no flip flops. Well, the word in the handbook is thongs, which made me laugh. But that’s beside the point. I decided to go with comfortable shoes—my red Chuck Taylor’s.

  “You look like a rocker,” Hope says to me. She’s currently straightening her hair. Well, she has been for the past twenty minutes. It shouldn’t take so much effort to get ready in the mornings. I literally spent five minutes brushing my teeth, hair, and putting on my clothes.

  “Is that a good thing?” I ask.

  “I guess so. It looks good on you,” she says. “I so wish I could pull off messy hair and Converse.”

  “Anybody can pull it off. It’s called not trying and not caring.”

  There is a knock on the door, so I open it and see Brody standing on the other side holding a cup of coffee. He hands it to me.

  “Mocha latte, right?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Sorry I’m here so early,” he says. “I just wanted to beat Sebastian today.

  My phone vibrates.

  Sebastian: Want to go to breakfast with me?

  “You missed him by seconds,” I tell Brody as I reply.

  Me: Can’t. Brody beat you to it. Unless you want to put the nonsense behind you and eat with us? :)

  Sebastian: Will just have to be quicker tomorrow. And, no thanks.

  Sebastian: See you at lunch?

  Me: Sure.

  I put my phone in my messenger bag and walk out into the hallway where Brody is standing. We start walking towards the exit.

  “So, are you going to tell me what last night was about?” he asks.

  “No,” I answer honestly. “Are you going to tell me why Hope seems to think you’ve slept with half the girls in the school?”

  “Because I have,” he says.

  “I thought you haven’t dated anybody since your sophomore year.”

  “I haven’t. I’ve just... slept with them.”

  “And you know that I’m not going to sleep with you, right?”

  “You’re different,” he says.

  “Isn’t that what all the players say when they want to get a girl in bed?”

  “I suppose so.” He holds the door open for me.

  “Thanks,” I say as I walk out.

  He falls in step beside me.

  “It’s not a line,” he says. “I mean it. I like you. A lot.”

  I stop walking and turn to him. “Look, what you’ve done is sweet. Spending the day with me in the city, taking me for lunch, buying me coffee... it’s been fun. But I’m not interested in having sex with you.”

  “Are you a lesbian?”

  I roll my eyes and snort. “Are you that arrogant? You think that only a girl who isn’t attracted to guys wouldn’t want to sleep with you?”

  “No. That’s not what I mean, Jinger,” he says. “What I’m trying to say, very badly, is that I don’t just want to have sex with you. I want to date you and sweep you off your feet. I want to get to know you. And after we’ve been in a relationship for an honorable amount of time I would like to have sex with you.”

  “I’m not interested. Ever,” I tell him. “I can offer you friendship, but that’s it. If you can’t handle that, then we can’t be around each other anymore.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Time isn’t going to change how I feel,” I say, hoping he believes me. “Also, Sebastian is my friend, too. If that bothers you, then you just have to deal with it.”

  “I’m not the one who has a problem with him. He has a problem with me.”

  I nod, and we walk into the cafeteria. I grab a banana and Brody shakes his head at me.

  “You have got to eat more than that,” he says.

  “I’ll eat more at lunch,” I tell him. “The coffee and banana will fill me up, I promise. I’m not much of a breakfast eater.”

  “You’re frustrating,” he says.

  I shrug. “Sorry.”

  The cafeteria is mostly empty, but we take a seat beside a guy I haven’t met yet. I’ve seen him around, but I haven’t talked to him, and I don’t know his name.

  Brody knuckle bumps the guy as we sit down. “What’s up, Perez?”

  “The usual. Parties, girls, lacrosse,” he says. “Being back here is great.”

  Brody laughs. “This is my friend, Jinger,” he says, pointing to me. “Jinger, this is Colton Perez. He and I go way back. We’re from the same hometown, so we went to the same middle school.”

  “Cool,” I say, because I don’t know what else to say.

  Why do I have to be so awkward?

  “Wow, a newbie,” Colton says. “Welcome to New Haven.�
��

  “Thanks.”

  “So, what did you do to get sent here?” he asks.

  I decide to go with a twisted version of the truth.

  “I got caught buying drugs at my last school,” I answer.

  Brody chokes on his coffee and Colton laughs.

  “Hey, it’s all right if you don’t wanna tell me,” Colton says.

  I guess he doesn’t believe me.

  I take a sip of my coffee. When I look up at Brody, he’s staring at me.

  “Is that why you never eat anything? And why you can hardly sprint for two minutes without almost passing out?” he asks.

  “You’re breaking friend rule number one,” I say.

  “Screw friend rules.” He slaps his hand on the table, making me jump. The few people in the cafeteria turn to look at us. “Do you have a drug problem?”

  I stand up. “No. I don’t. I’ve never done more than smoke weed a couple of times, and I haven’t done that since I was fifteen. But I’m glad you think so little of me.”

  I throw my half-eaten banana away and walk out of the cafeteria.

  Having friends is so overrated.

  12 p.m.

  I heard you’re a drug dealer.

  My first four classes are so boring—calculus, chemistry, world history, and British literature. The only saving grace is the fact that Sebastian sits behind me in my calculus class, Drew is my partner in chemistry, and Hope sits right beside me in world history. Sebastian and I passed notes through most of calculus, Drew had me cracking up laughing in chemistry, and Hope kept making sarcastic comments during world history.

  After lunch, I have Spanish and then yearbook.

  At least I have one fun class.

  I also signed up for the school paper, and we meet after school on Monday and Wednesday. I’m excited about that.

  When I get to lunch, I sit down beside Sebastian and Drew. Soon after I sit, Isaac joins us.

  “So, I heard you’re a drug dealer,” Isaac says as he sits beside me. “Do you have any weed?”

  I laugh, because that’s probably the funniest thing I’ve heard all day. And I also know that Isaac is just messing with me. He knows I’m not actually a drug dealer.

  “Who said that Jinger is a drug dealer?” Sebastian asks. I can hear the protective tone in his voice, and he looks like he’s about ready to punch somebody.

  “I don’t know. Some girl in my French class,” Isaac answers.

  “It’s probably my fault,” I say. “This morning while eating breakfast with Brody, some guy named Colton asked me why I’m here. I told him that I got caught buying drugs at my old school.”

  “I’ve known you four days now, and in that time I realize how ridiculous that sounds,” Isaac says. “There is no way you were sent here because you were caught buying drugs.”

  If only they knew.

  I’m glad they don’t.

  “Why were you really sent here?” Drew asks.

  I look at him. “I was caught buying drugs at my old school.”

  Drew looks at Sebastian. “Is she telling the truth?”

  “Why are you asking me?”

  “Because you can tell when she’s lying.”

  Sebastian looks at me. “She’s not lying, but I’m going to assume there is a lot more to the story than meets the eye.”

  “Thanks for throwing me under the bus, Sebastian,” I say, jokingly.

  I don’t know why, but despite the bad morning I’ve had, I’m in a really good mood. I don’t even care that most of the school now thinks I’m a drug dealer.

  “Jinger...” I hear a voice behind me. I turn around to see Brody standing there. “Can I talk to you?”

  If I talk to him, it will ruin my good mood today.

  I shake my head. “I’ll talk to you tonight, but I really don’t want you to ruin my day right now.”

  “I’m sorry for accusing you of... you know...”

  “Brody, go away,” I tell him. “I’ll text you tonight.”

  Brody sighs and walks over to where his friends are all eating lunch.

  “Wow,” I hear Hope’s voice. She takes a seat at our table. “Brody is pussy whipped. When did that happen?”

  “What did he say this morning to piss you off so badly?” Drew asks.

  “He accused me of being addicted to drugs after I told him why I’m here.”

  “Wow,” Isaac says.

  “Yeah...” my voice trails off.

  Isaac, Drew, and Sebastian didn’t believe that I was on drugs. So why did Brody just jump to that conclusion?

  “You shouldn’t be too hard on him,” Sebastian says, surprising me. “His mom has been in and out of rehab more than Lindsey Lohan.”

  And that makes me feel bad for him.

  But still.

  He accused me of doing drugs. Something I would never do. I need time to get over what he said, before I forgive him.

  Besides, he’s not the only person who has a loved one who is in and out of rehab a lot.

  “Like I said, I’ll talk to him tonight,” I say, taking a bite of food.

  “Wow. Sebastian Cruz standing up for Brody Johnson,” Hope says in mock shock. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  “Me, neither,” Sebastian says, shaking his head like he can’t believe he just did that.

  “It’s going to be interesting having you here,” Drew says to me.

  “I think I like it here,” I tell them. “When I came here, I assumed I’d hate it.”

  “We all did,” Hope says. “Our parents send us here so they don’t have to deal with us, and then we find out that it works both ways. It’s great not having to deal with our parents nine months out of the year.”

  “My parents never dealt with me anyway. They have live-in staff for boring stuff, like raising children,” I say sarcastically.

  “Live-in staff?” Hope asks. “As is more than one staff member?”

  I nod. “Let’s see. There’s the cook. She’s always there, even during Christmas. I think her family died, so she has no reason to ever celebrate with anybody else. And we have two butlers. One of them is always there. There is a pool boy. An ex-nanny who is now the maid, since Caleb and I are too old for a nanny. There is the groundskeeper. And security, of course. I don’t even know how many people are on my dad’s security staff.”

  “Security? Geez... what do your parents do?” she asks.

  Drew and Sebastian know.

  But Isaac and Hope are both looking at me, waiting for a response.

  “I’m Jinger Rivera,” I say.

  I watch as both of their eyes widen in surprise.

  “Wow,” Isaac says.

  “Yeah, wow,” Hope agrees.

  “I feel like you just told me you’re a celebrity,” Isaac says.

  “And that is why I don’t tell people,” I tell him. “Don’t make me regret it.”

  Isaac sits up. “I have some sort of good news. You guys know I’m a DJ right?”

  We all nod.

  “Well, Friday night I get to play at a club in Boston,” he says. “You guys should come.”

  “I don’t think they’re going to let a bunch of teenagers in a club,” I say.

  “You don’t have a fake ID?” Hope asks, looking shocked.

  “No, I don’t.”

  “I’ll hook you up,” Drew says.

  “We are going to be out late, so you guys might want to book a hotel room,” Isaac says.

  “Don’t we have to get permission from our parents to go off campus over night?” I ask.

  “Yes,” Hope answers. “But it’s a super easy form they fill out online. Just call your dad. I’m sure he won’t care.”

  Ugh...

  But that would mean actually talking to him.

  That is going to suck.

  Though, I doubt he would answer my phone call. That might be better actually. I could leave him a voicemail. Or maybe I could even call his assistant.

  “Or you could call y
our mom,” Drew says.

  I snort. “Yeah, not going to happen. I’ll just call my dad.”

  Eventually.

  After I work up the nerve.

  “Tonight, there is a party,” Drew says. “Sort of a I survived my first day back party.”

  “I’m so there,” Hope says. “I worked hard this summer, I need to get drunk. Or a little tipsy. I don’t want to be hung-over tomorrow.”

  “Me, too. On being there. Not the work part,” Drew says. “I pretty much spent my summer playing COD and partying it up in Europe. It was awesome.”

  “I’m definitely going,” Isaac says.

  Sebastian looks at me. “You wanna go?”

  I nod. “Sure. I definitely won’t be getting drunk, but I’ll hang out.”

  Hope looks at Sebastian and then at me. “Really? Sebastian, too? Wow, girl. You are going to have all the guys wrapped around your finger.”

  Drew laughs. “She’s my bae. Sebastian and Brody might think they have a shot, but they don’t.”

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t have anybody,” I tell Hope, then turn to Drew. “And I’m definitely not your bae.”

  “She’s in denial,” Drew says to Hope.

  “So, what is the deal with Brody?” Hope asks.

  I shrug. “Brody is my friend.”

  “I really thought you were just a conquest to him, but even he wouldn’t work this hard to get a girl to sleep with him,” Hope says. “Maybe he actually likes you.”

  “I don’t know. I told him this morning I wasn’t interested in having sex with him and he asked me if I was a lesbian.” I pause. “Dang, I should have lied and said yes. Then we could have a friendship without him trying so hard to get me into bed.”

  “That wouldn’t stop him,” Drew says. “In fact, if a girl said that to me, I’d work harder. I’ve always wanted to watch two girls...”

  “Ew!” Hope cuts him off. “Guys are disgusting.”