Autumn's Awakening

by Irene Brand

  Autumn remembered she’d stamped her foot at her father—a most unwise thing to do. “No! I’m like you, Daddy. Raising Belgian horses is in my blood. And I might as well tell you now, I’m not going back East to college this fall, either. I want to stay here and train Noel.”

  For a moment Autumn thought Landon had wavered, but in a dogmatic tone she’d heard him use often, but never on her, Landon said, “You will do as I say. Furthermore, I won’t have you ruining your chances of a good future by dallying around Nathan Holland. The boy’s a good worker, but he has no prospects. I’ve told him to stay away from you. If he doesn’t, I’ll fire him and see to it that he doesn’t get another job in this community.”

  She knew the finality in her father’s voice, and Autumn hadn’t argued anymore. Knowing she wouldn’t find any sympathy from her mother, and that she shouldn’t involve Summer in her problems, Autumn had gotten in her white convertible and driven into Greensboro. Ray was climbing into his pickup when she parked beside the animal clinic.

  “Hi. Can I come along, Ray?”

  “Sure. I’ve got one stop to make and then I’m going fishing. Go in the garage and get yourself a rod.”

  They’d spent several hours vaccinating a dairy herd that had contacted Leptospirosis, a contagious bacterial disease that caused fever, weakness, anemia and lowered milk production.

  Afterward, they’d driven to a popular fishing hole in Indian Creek. Leaning against trees, their poles dangling in the water, Ray had said, “Thanks for your help, Autumn. Do you want a job helping me this summer?”

  “I thought I had a job breaking and training my filly for the state fair.”

  “No reason you can’t. She looks like a blue ribbon winner to me.”

  Autumn had always shared her troubles with Ray, so she’d said, “Mother and Daddy have other plans for me. Daddy has hired a trainer for the young stock, and I’ve been ordered to stay out of the barns.”

  Ray whistled and his eyes twinkled. “No wonder you’re upset.”

  “Nathan Holland’s a good hand with horses. I don’t know why Daddy hired someone else.”

  “I’d heard you’d gotten acquainted with Nathan.”

  Autumn had darted a quick look at Ray, but she couldn’t tell from his expression whether he approved or disapproved of her friendship with Nathan.

  “What do you think of him?”

  “I’ve only seen Nathan a few times,” Ray had said, carefully choosing his words. “He’s interested in horses. He’s asked a lot of questions about my work.”

  “He wants to own a farm.”

  “Quite an ambition for a poor man. In this day and age, with the high cost of land, machinery and livestock, there’s no way a man can make a success of farming unless he has money for an initial investment. Unless his uncle helps him, Nathan wouldn’t have a chance,” Ray added, and Autumn had wondered if his words were a warning.

  They left the creek without any fish, but the hour in Ray’s presence had soothed Autumn’s anger. As they neared Greensboro, Ray said, “You’ve been a big help today. What’s happened to your dream of becoming a vet?”

  “Smothered,” Autumn said bitterly. “I’m not surprised that Mother opposes me, but I’d have thought Daddy would understand. When I told him I wanted to go to veterinarian school, he put his foot down. ‘No daughter of mine is going to make her living that way’,” Autumn had said in perfect imitation of Landon’s dogmatic tones.

  Ray had chuckled sympathetically. “That’s too bad. Lots of women choose to become vets now, and you can be a vet without doing the dirty work we did today. Many veterinarians confine their practices to small animals.”

  “Don’t you think I can handle livestock?” Autumn had demanded.

  “Of course you can,” Wheeler soothed. “And don’t give up yet. Landon may change his mind. He’s always let you do what you wanted to.”

  Autumn shook her head. “Not this time.”

  Ray had glanced at her sympathetically as he drove his pickup into the garage. “Nathan Holland?”

  Autumn hadn’t answered him, but when he squeezed her hand, she knew he’d guessed her secret.

  Physically satisfied with the big lunch Olive had provided, but still fretting over her encounter with Nathan at church, Autumn crisscrossed the county on various rural roads, happy to find out that industry hadn’t swallowed up farmland in this area as it had done in many other states. She carefully avoided the road that led to Woodbeck Farm and her former home.

  She phoned the clinic. When Miss Olive reported it was still a quiet afternoon, Autumn turned onto a gravel road, her destination a deep fishing hole in Indian Creek where it divided her father’s farm and Nathan’s property. She would have to walk across Weaver land to get to the creek, but hopefully her father wouldn’t know she was there. She parked her car beside the road, took the tackle box and rod and plunged downhill toward the stream. She was hidden from view in a short time by trees and thick underbrush.

  Autumn soon discovered that a return to this spot didn’t bring her peace of mind. She’d spent too many happy times here with Nathan. She didn’t even bother to prepare the rod for fishing. She stood looking into the clear water. Tiny minnows wiggled in the shallow water that flowed slowly over the gravel bed toward the deeper hole. Autumn picked up a few pieces of gravel, pitched them into the water and watched the ripples spread. Hearing a sound behind her, she whirled quickly.

  Nathan was leaning against a tree watching her.

  “Oh, hello,” she said, “you caught me trespassing. I thought it was Daddy.”

  “Let’s hope he doesn’t catch either one of us.” Smiling, he walked toward her.

  “You still like to fish, huh?”

  “I haven’t done much of it lately.” Noticing his empty hands, she said, “You aren’t fishing today?”

  How could he explain that he’d been compelled to come because he sensed he would find her here? “No. Sometimes I walk around the farm on Sunday afternoons, mostly thanking God for what I have. I saw you and decided to join you. Go ahead and fish if you want to.”

  He sat on the ground and leaned against a maple tree. In jeans and a knit shirt, he looked so much different than he had this morning at church when he’d been dressed in a gray suit and a blue knit shirt. He’d seemed older then, like a stranger to Autumn, but now as he relaxed, he was more like the youth she’d known.

  “I don’t really care whether I fish or not,” Autumn said, sitting beside him, her legs crossed. “I wanted to get off by myself for a bit. I’ve been driving around to see what’s changed. I’m happy the farms haven’t been sold to developers.”

  “Did you go by your dad’s place?”

  She shook her head. “Not today, but I did drive by on the highway a couple of days ago. I can’t bring myself to go to the house. Maybe he’ll need a vet someday and will call for me. It isn’t easy to go somewhere when you think you’re not welcome. I even felt guilty walking across a corner of his farm to get to the creek.”

  Nathan picked up a stick and pitched it into the creek. They laughed when a fish, looking for a handout, dived toward the stick.

  “I’m happy you came to church this morning.”

  “You didn’t act like it. Sandy Simpson had invited us, and I didn’t know you went to that church. I wasn’t following you.”

  “You surprised me, the past flooded my mind and I just couldn’t throw it off. I acted very foolish.”

  “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.” Why was she always apologizing to Nathan?

  “That’s okay. It’s my problem, not yours. This is the first class I’ve taught, and I don’t have much confidence in my teaching ability. I was afraid I wouldn’t do a good job. I didn’t want you to be ashamed of me.”

  “I wasn’t. But I won’t come again. I don’t want to upset you.”

  “Please don’t stay away. I’ll be expecting you the next time. If you’re going to be here most of the summer, we can’t avoid each other. N
ot that I want to avoid you,” he added hurriedly.

  “Then I’ll continue to come. I need all the Bible instruction I can get. I didn’t learn anything about Christianity at home.”

  “That’s another way we differ,” he said, as though he kept a running tally of their differences rather than what they had in common. “My mother didn’t have many material possessions to give me, but she always took my two brothers and me to church. I could recite Bible verses before I knew my ABCs. Prayer, Bible reading and church attendance became a way of life for me, but I’d never tried to teach until I went to Community Chapel.”

  Small white flowers grew all around them. While they talked, Nathan carefully picked several of the biggest blossoms, fashioned them into a small bouquet and tied them together with a small vine.

  “Daddy didn’t work on Sunday, but it was a day of rest to him rather than a day to worship. It’s strange how different our childhoods were. When I was growing up, I used to compare myself with other kids in the neighborhood and consider how lucky I was. Now I’m not so sure. My parents may have neglected giving me what I needed the most.”

  Grinning, Nathan threw a twig in her direction, and she caught it. “While I always wondered what it would be like to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”

  She made a face at him and pitched the twig back toward him, but her heart rejoiced. This was the kind of tomfoolery they had enjoyed during the two weeks they’d spent so much time together. “A silver spoon in your mouth might be all right when you’re born. It can become mighty burdensome when you’re an adult.”

  He handed her the bouquet. She thanked him, pulled a white stretchy band from her pocket and fastened the white flowers on her hair. They spent an hour lounging on the creek’s bank bantering each other without referring to the times they’d shared there in the past. But she knew those days were as prominent in Nathan’s mind as they were in hers when he said, “Jimmy’s Drive-In is still operating. How’d you like to drive there for a hot dog and some fries?”

  She smiled, and her eyes glowed with pleasure. “I’d like it very much, Nathan.”

  He got up and dusted the dead leaves off the seat of his pants. He held out his hand and lifted Autumn upward until she stood close beside him. What would she do if he kissed her? Nathan wondered. He bent slightly toward her until he could feel her soft breath on his face. But almost as if Landon Weaver was watching them, he remembered the last time he’d kissed her. He straightened. Autumn’s eyes registered disappointment.

  “You drive over to the farm,” he said huskily, “and I’ll cut through the woods and meet you at the house. Okay?”

  She picked up the tackle box and fishing rod. “I’ll be along soon.”

  Autumn’s feet had been heavy as she’d walked the path to the creek, now she felt like running back to the truck. He hadn’t forgotten! Whatever had been between them in the past hadn’t completely died. Don’t push him this time, she warned herself. Let him make the advances. But she only had two months! Before she got to the truck, Autumn knelt beside the path.

  God, when I met Nathan, I didn’t know You. You know my heart, so You’re aware that those two fun weeks Nathan and I enjoyed together meant more than anything that’s ever happened to me. He understood me more than anyone ever had. He encouraged me to be a vet. Made me feel like I was an individual, rather than just one of the Weaver daughters. Maybe I was drawn to him because I needed a big brother. Maybe it was something more powerful than that. I don’t know. Now I’ve trusted my life to Your providence. If it’s Your will for us to be together, let it happen this summer. If it’s not Your will, help me to accept it, so I won’t spend the rest of my life longing for something I shouldn’t have. Amen.

  Many times when Autumn prayed, she wasn’t sure that God even heard her. Today, she got off her knees confident that He had heard and would answer in His own way. She hadn’t learned Bible verses when she was a child as Nathan had, but she had committed a few to memory. One came to her now. “This is the assurance we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have what we asked of Him.”

  It might still be an uphill battle, but Autumn was convinced that if it was God’s will, she’d have what she wanted. Eight years ago, she’d wanted Nathan regardless of the consequences. But the years had taught her one important lesson. She couldn’t be happy if she rebelled against God’s will for her life.

  Chapter Seven

  Nathan waited for her when she arrived at his farm and parked her car under a large oak tree at the edge of the driveway. He opened the door of his truck, gave her a hand up, and she scooted under the steering wheel, staying in the middle of the seat so their shoulders touched. Mentally, they were as close as they used to be. She wanted to sense his physical presence, too.

  Nathan started the engine of his late-model truck. When they’d dated before, they’d gone in his old pickup, and she’d left her luxury car at home. Now she was the one with the old car. It pleased her that he had a better vehicle than she did.

  A half-hour later they pulled into the little drive-in that seemed dingier than it had the last time they’d been there together. “Do you want to go inside?” Nathan asked.

  “Let’s order and eat in the truck. That would seem more like old times.”

  “What do you want on your hot dog? Meat sauce and slaw as always?”

  “Don’t forget a little bit of onion. That way, I won’t notice all those onions you eat.”

  He grinned and didn’t even ask what else she wanted. He pulled up to the microphone and gave the order. “Two hot dogs. One with meat sauce, slaw and a few pieces of onion. Put a lot of onions, sauce and mustard on the other one. A large order of French fries, one cola and one lemon-lime drink.”

  He paid for the food at the first window and picked it up at the next window. Autumn inhaled the aroma of the food while Nathan pulled into a parking place.

  “I always thought Jimmy’s hot dogs were the best to be found, and I see that hasn’t changed,” Autumn said as she took a bite of the succulent sandwich.

  Nathan’s mouth was full, but he nodded. “I stop here for a snack every time I come this way.” He didn’t add that he often went out of his way to stop at Jimmy’s because this was one of the places he associated with Autumn. He was always aggravated at himself when he stopped for he knew it was best to forget her. Although memories of her were painful, he’d always left Jimmy’s feeling as if he’d had a visit with her. Now here she was, special as ever, and he didn’t know what to do with her.

  “Does your mother still live in Indianapolis?”

  “Yes. And her life’s a lot better now. She’s remarried to a man who’s been a good provider. He’s set my two brothers up in business, so I don’t have to help support them now.”

  “Do you visit them often?”

  “Not much. Farmers can’t do a lot of traveling unless they have hired help. I’m trying to do everything by myself, except what little help Tony can give me, so I don’t have any free time. The family came to Woodbeck Farm for Christmas last year.”

  Autumn finished the hot dog and nibbled on French fries.

  “I’ve spent most of my Christmases alone since I left home,” she said, not looking at him.

  “Do you ever think about the Christmas Eve we met?” Nathan asked.

  “Every year! I’d go to a Christmas Eve service in a church near the campus. The rest of the night, to keep from thinking about being separated from my family, I’d recall every minute of the night Noel was born.” She didn’t add that she cried herself to sleep every Christmas Eve, the only time in the years she’d been gone that she’d allowed herself the luxury of tears. “I’d remember you, Nathan. I always wondered where you were.”

  He reached for her hand and drew her closer to him. Autumn wanted to throw herself into his arms and cry out the frustration of the past years, but she stifled her e
motions. Being friends was better than nothing, but she did lean against his shoulder.

  “After I went to work in the Middle East, I was gone four years before I came back to the States. Lots of the workers would come home for Christmas, but I didn’t want to spend the money. I wanted to save all I could. I had a dream, and it took money to achieve it. I’d never expected Uncle Matt to leave me the farm, for he had other nephews and nieces. I thought I had to make it on my own.”

  “I remember you wanted to be a farmer.”

  “And not just a farmer, but a farmer like Landon Weaver. Even if he refuses to acknowledge that I exist, I think he’s the best farmer I know, and I admire what he’s achieved with his Belgian horses.”

  Autumn laid her head on Nathan’s shoulder and sniffled. Why did being with Nathan reduce her to tears? Was it thinking about the past or worry about the future?

  “Thanks for saying that, Nathan. He built Indian Creek Farm into one of the greatest showplaces in the Midwest. I’d been Daddy’s shadow for years, and I loved him more than anyone else. I couldn’t stand it when he turned on me. I suppose that’s the main reason I left home.”

  Although it had hurt Nathan when she’d chosen her father rather than him, he didn’t blame her even then. He didn’t want this afternoon to be sad for her, so he put his arm around her shoulders and said, “That Christmas Eve was special for me, too, and when I was lonely, thinking about Noel’s birth always lifted my spirits.”

  Autumn took a tissue from her pocket and blew her nose. She moved away from him a little so she could see his face.

  “Have you seen Noel? Doc Wheeler told me that Daddy still owns her and she’s had several foals.”

  “I’m not welcome at Indian Creek Farm, so I haven’t been close to her. Mr. Weaver uses her in his six-horse hitch at competitions, and I’ve picked her out of the others at the county fair by that little red star on her nose. She’s a magnificent animal.”

  Autumn’s blue eyes sparkled through the tears she’d stifled. “So the star’s still there! At first, that was the only way I could tell Noel from the other foals.”