Finding You

by Ivy Love

“Wait, you have a sister?” He interrupts.

  I smile sadly, “I’ll get there. Patience.”

  He sits back and waits as patiently as he can.

  “Where was I? Oh yeah, obviously we weren’t useless, but my father needed a son. In my family, being blunt was the norm. My father never felt the need to sugar coat things with us. He made it known that he wasn’t happy that he had two daughters. Being blunt, also meant that I knew from a young age what my father was and what he did. One night he came home with blood on his clothes and we all freaked out. That’s when he told us that he was a hitman. He told us that it wasn’t his blood and we shouldn’t worry it. That we should just ignore it and move on.”

  I pause, shaking my head, “As a child, how do you rationalize that? How do come to terms with the fact that your father kills people and he doesn’t seem to care at all?”

  I look at Ryker and he looks like he’s about to say something, but before he can, I say, “You can’t. You can try all you want, but you can’t.”

  “He was a very good hitman, actually, looking back he was an excellent one. Something fun to brag about at school, right? Oh, your father is a businessman that’s cool, what does my Dad do? Oh my Dad gets paid to kill people. Yeah, not something to really brag about with your friends.”

  “He was uncannily good at what he did. An excellent marksman, devious, patient and stealthy. He got nearly as many kills from making it look like an accident as he did from direct kills. My mom, sister and I were always on edge waiting for the time he would get bored and dispose of us. We didn’t add any value to his life, we weren’t interested in carrying on the business or having anything to do with that world. So, in his eyes we were merely a nice cover to make up for the inconvenience we caused him. We gave him the alibi’s and front that he needed so he could work without worry.”

  I look over at Ryker, to gauge his feelings and am greeted with a stony glare. I can’t tell if he’s mad or disgusted. It’s too late now though. I’ve already opened the wound might as well make it bleed.

  “One day, my sister and I were walking back from school. She was 11 and I was 12. It was a regular day, sunny, nothing happened during the day that was out of the ordinary. Nothing that alerted us that something was about to happen that would change our lives forever. See, while my father knew how to stay alert and what dangers to look for, he never passed that wisdom onto his family. We worried about him killing us, but we never thought to worry about his enemies. We always thought he kept his enemies far away. Looking back, we were naïve, but hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it?” My voice drifts off.

  “What happened Pet?” he asks softly.

  I’m lost in the past. I shake my head and clear my throat, “We were walking home, we’d just broken off from the group of kids we usually walked with and a van creeped up on us. I didn’t think much of it. Cars and vans passed us all the time. It was a white van, like a workers van. It slowed down to meet our pace and the side door slid open, before I could react, there was a pop and the van sped off. I looked down at myself and didn’t see anything on me, but I looked over at my sister and saw her face. Her face was twisted in shock and her mouth was hanging open, but she wasn’t making any noise. I look down and see her holding her side. That’s when I saw the blood seeping through her hands. I panicked, I remember screaming and then trying to drag her to the house. I walked in and saw my mother sitting on the couch. She looked at me, then my sister, then just turned her head and ignored us. She just stared straight ahead. I laid my sister down on the carpet, ran over to my mom and shook her, but she just stared at me blankly. I went running through the house, I was trying to find my father. I found him in the bedroom packing a bag. I screamed at him to come and help her, but he shook me off. When I tried to tell him that someone had shot her, that’s when he started paying attention. He picked me up and put me on the bed and made me tell him everything I could remember.”

  I’m up pacing and shaking. This story is too much to tell, too much to handle.

  “The only thing he was concerned about was what I could remember. So, I told him. I told him everything I saw, everything I felt and as I told him, his face started to harden. He went to the dresser and pulled out a small bag. He told me that there was enough money in that bag to get me by for the next couple of months depending on how frugal I was. He said that I should always pay in cash and never to use my real name. That the person I was today, no longer existed. That I could never be her again. Then he told me to leave. To run and never look back.”

  I stop pacing long enough to lean against the wall.

  “I was 12 years old. I had no idea what he was talking about. I was terrified. He gave me the bag and started pushing me towards the door. I asked him about my sister and he said he would take care of her. He pushed me all the way out the hallway and right out the front door. He slammed the door behind me and I just stood there, staring at a closed door. Then I heard two pops. I knew what that meant, I knew he had killed my mom and sister. I don’t know why he spared me, but I ran. And I ran fast.”

  I’m a strong person, I’ve had to be, but reliving this story is tearing my heart apart. It is opening wounds I’ve had closed off for years. It’s not just opening them, it’s ripping them wide open and making me feel. I slide to the floor and rest my head on my legs, and let the sobs that I’ve held back flow freely. I feel Ryker slide down beside me and lift me onto his lap.

  “Shhh baby, don’t cry. I’ve got you now. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Chapter 10

  Isabella

  Both men are at my side instantly. Matt leans in front of me and grabs my hands and Anthony is at the top of the couch, stroking my hair.

  “Breathe for us sweetheart,” Anthony says.

  I try to slow my breathing, taking the pain with each breathe I make.

  “Shhhh, take deep breaths. We’ve got you. Okay?” Matt says softly.

  “Listen to my voice Izzy. Breathe. Breathe, with me,” Anthony says softly, stroking my hair.

  They sit with me in silence, the only noise is the sound of my erratic breaths. Slowly, but surely my breathing returns to normal.

  “We will never hurt you, we want to protect you. Protect you from assholes and anything bad that might come your way. We are here for you. Look, we know that you aren’t going to be able to give us your trust right away, but we’re not asking for that. At least not right away. What we’re asking for is a chance. A chance to show you that things can be better,” Anthony says.

  I lay there looking at both of them. I don’t think they’ll hurt me, but I also didn’t think Jared would ever hurt me either. Turns out I was wrong about that. No, not just wrong, completely off the mark. I thought we’d be together forever, raising a family. Instead I’m here. I wonder where I went wrong. What did I do to cause this? Rationally speaking, I know it wasn’t my fault that I didn’t ask to be hit and treated like shit. But, right now, the rational part of me is buried deep inside, struggling to escape the darkness that has consumed me.

  “I’ll do my best, but I can’t make you any promises. I want to be able to trust you, both of you, but it’s going to take a lot of time.”

  “That’s all we’re asking for,” Matt smiles, “Oh and we have all the time in the world.”

  Anthony stands, comes to the front of the couch and nods. “He’s right you know, we’re not asking for your complete trust right away and neither of us are going anywhere.”

  “Right now, let’s concentrate on getting you out of here and getting you someplace calm,” he continues.

  There’s a knock at the door and Anthony goes to see who’s there.

  “How you feeling sweetheart?” Matt asks.

  “Tired, confused and like my body is on fire,” I reply wearily.

  “Has the medicine kicked in yet?”

  “I feel a little loopy, so I’m going to guess yes,” I reply.

  “That’s a good thing, just relax. Hopefully, it will take some of th
e pain away,” Matt says, stroking my hand.

  “Izzy, Jack is here. I’m going to pack a few things up for you and we’re getting out of here,” Anthony says walking into the room.

  I notice Jack trailing in behind Anthony and try to smile at both of them. Right now, I’m highly intimidated. There are a lot of big men in my home right now and I’m not sure how comfortable I am with that. I can feel my heart beginning to race again and that panicky sensation beginning to run through my body. I shut my eyes, and take some slow, deep breaths in and out. I can hear the men murmuring around me, but I try not to focus on that. Instead I focus on the feel of my chest with each breath I take. I will not panic becomes my mantra and I feel my breathing begin to even out.

  I slowly open my eyes to see all three men standing around me, a mixture of concern and pride on their faces.

  “That was very good Izzy,” Anthony says, “You felt yourself beginning to panic and you took control. Whether you know it or not, that’s progress.”

  “Thank you, I told you I would try. This is me trying,” I say.

  Anthony just smiles at me and walks out of the room.

  “Guess that’s my cue to go ahead and start packing up,” Jack says following Anthony out of the room.

  I watch him go and my eyes stray back to Matt’s. There is too much emotion floating in his eyes. Instead of panicking, I ask, “Would you mind getting me some more milk, please?”

  He nods tightly and walks out towards the kitchen. Finally a minute of peace, a minute to assess everything that has happened. I close my eyes, with the full intention of clearing my mind and relaxing and instead find myself drifting off to sleep. It’s okay, they won’t be mad, I don’t think.

  I just need a quick cat nap. Just some time to shut down.

  Chapter 11

  Ryker

  My mind is on overdrive mode with everything that she’s told me. I’m sitting here rocking her and don’t even know how to process what the hell she just said. How could someone survive like that? How did she survive? I’m not even sure I want to know the answer to that question.

  “Shh, baby, please. I’ve got you. I promise. None of this changes how I feel about you. If anything it makes me so proud of you. I cannot believe that you have been able to survive this long. But you’re never going to be alone again. I promise you that.”

  Her sobs are starting to slow and I grab her tighter. I don’t want to let her go, ever.

  “Pet. Deep breaths.”

  I feel her breaths staggering out and the hiccups coming on. I slide up the wall, with her still tucked against me. I move to her piece of shit chaise and sit down.

  “Shh… I’ve got you.”

  We sit there for at least an hour, her sobs filling the silence of the room, while I rock her.

  “Tha…thank you,” she finally stutters.

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  “No, I do. I’m sorry. I really don’t cry like that ever. It’s just talking about it¸ hurts. It’s why I don’t talk about it,” she says.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I ask hesitantly.

  She nods, “I think you have a right to after hearing that.”

  “You said you have to keep running, but who are you running from?”

  “Fair question. Remember how I said there was a white van?”

  I nod.

  “I’m pretty sure those are the people after me, but for all I know, it could be my father. I never saw him again after the day he shot my mom and sister. I never wanted to. All I know is that more times than I want to believe, someone has come after me and it hasn’t been with hearts and flowers. Instead, they come at me with knives and guns.”

  “What the fuck Liz? Why haven’t you asked for help?” I ask incredulously.

  “I don’t want to get someone killed because of my past,” she shrugs.

  “What about yourself? What about getting yourself killed Liz?”

  I am trying to calm my temper, but I am livid right now. Does she think that her life is worth less than anyone else’s?

  “What do you want me to say Ryker? I don’t share shit. Hell, I usually don’t even let people into my life. Maybe you should try being grateful,” she says angrily, trying to pull herself up from my lap.

  I pull her back down hard onto my lap. I watch her face and as she turns to scowl at me, I twist her hair around my hand and pull her face to mine in a punishing kiss. She does nothing for half a second, and then she instantly reacts. Her hands snake up my chest and into my hair and she pulls. My fucking Pet is feisty and I love it. I could kiss this woman all day, but not yet, not when there is more I need to know. I soften the kiss and slowly pull away, putting my forehead against hers.

  “That all changes right now,” I say softly.

  “You’re no longer alone, you have me and I’m not going anywhere. So you better start sharing, because shit is about to change.”

  “This isn’t something that changes overnight Ryk. Yes, I can tell you everything about my past, but that doesn’t mean I can just start sharing about my present or future,” she says exasperated.

  “That’s fine, you can start by telling me about your past. Then we can move onto everything else. I’m not going anywhere and I’ve got all the time in the world. In fact…” I trail off.

  I lift her up off my lap and put her beside me, “Don’t worry, I’ll put you right back,” I say with a smile.

  She glares at me and I laugh. She’s all over the place emotionally. I think we need to go somewhere that means nothing to either of us, a neutral ground, so we can talk everything out and figure out our next move. I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone.

  R: Hey man

  A: What’s up

  R: Remember that island you took us too in Spain

  A: You mean MY resort lol

  R: Yes, fucker you know what I mean

  A: Yeah, what about it

  R: Any chance Liz and I can crash there for a minute

  A: Why

  R: Some shit went down and we need a neutral ground to talk it out

  A: Is everything ok

  R: I don’t know yet, I’m workin on it

  There’s no ping back as I wait for his response so I text him again.

  R: Sooo that’s a yes

  A: M and I are taking Izzy there, we wanted to be alone w/her but maybe it would be good if she had some female support

  R: Yea, they could hang out at meals or something

  R: I’m planning on keeping my girl pretty occupied while we’re there

  A: Same here

  A: The jet leaves tonight in like half an hour, can u make it

  R: Yeah, we’ll throw some stuff into a suitcase and get on the road

  A: K, don’t forget I’ve got shops too

  R: Got it. Thanks man

  A: Don’t mention it

  This is going to go over great, I think.

  I grab her hand, pulling her to her feet, “C’mon.”

  “What do you mean come on? Where are we going?”

  “Less questions, more packing.”

  She drags her feet across the ground and pulls her hand from mine, “Seriously, after all the things I just told you, do you really think that I’m just going to pack a bag and leave with you?”

  I cross my arms across my chest, “Do you honestly trust me so little, that you wouldn’t go somewhere with me? After everything we’ve done together, do you really think that I would hurt you?”

  She shuffles her feet a bit, “No, I guess not, but you have to realize that I’m not going to just go anywhere without asking questions.”

  “Fine. Then ask your questions, while you pack,” I say, grabbing her hand.

  I drag her back to the bedroom and start opening drawers.

  “Hey!”

  “Yes?” I ask calmly.

  She shakes her head and growls at me, “You sit! I’ll pack you hard-headed, stubborn, infuriating man.”

  “You know hard-hea
ded and stubborn are basically the same thing, right?” I grin.

  She glares at me and points to the bed. I laugh, but go and sit on the bed.

  “Where are we going?” She asks rummaging through her clothes.

  “Anthony has an island and we’re going there.”

  She drops everything in her hands and turns to stare at me.

  “I mean, he owns a resort on a very private island.”

  “Um. Okay,” she says curiously.

  “How long should I pack for?”

  “A few days, whatever you don’t have I can buy for you,” I say.

  “I can buy my own clothes, thank you very much,” her voice raises an octave or two.

  “You CAN but you don’t need to. I’m still your Dom and I can still provide for you. If you don’t want to think of me as your Dom yet, then just think of me as an overbearing friend who cares about you.”

  “You’re infuriating,” she mumbles.

  “I’m sorry was that a question or are you done?” I grin.

  She scowls at me, “No, I’m not done.”

  “How are we getting there?”

  “An Anthony’s private plane, oh, and did I mention Anthony, Matt and Izzy will be there too?”

  “What!?” She exclaims.

  “Yeah, we have to be there in 25 minutes, so you might want to hurry.”

  “What? How?” She stutters.

  “I’ll tell you in the car, I don’t know much, but what I do, I’ll tell you. You have to hurry though.”

  She looks like she wants to argue with me, but instead she turns and starts picking out clothes again.

  “Can you grab my suitcase please it’s under my bed.”

  I hop off and reach under the bed, pulling out her suitcase. It’s a small rolling suitcase that might fit about three days’ worth of clothing, shoes, accessories and toiletries. I got to unzip her suitcase and as it falls open the first thing that I see is a Smith & Wesson, 9 mm, handgun and extra mags lying next to it.

  “Really, Liz?”

  She turns, looks at me then goes back to pulling things out of the drawers.

  “I told you, I’ve been on the run for a really long time. I’m not going to apologize for protecting myself. Oh and that’s not the only gun I have either. I do what I have to do to survive. “