Callous

by Xavier Neal

  Swallowing I nod slowly assuring her. “I got checked after being here for a couple months. I’m clean too...”

  “Have you really not been with another chick since you moved here?”

  “The only woman I’ve had eyes on and done anything about is you. You have my word. And if it’s not enough I know our friends will willingly sell me out.” Her warm smile ignites something inside of me. It rushes through my entire body. “You sure about this?”

  Erin nods giving me the go ahead. My legs nudge hers up and open before I tenderly slide into the place my dick has been begging to go. The second her warm walls contract to the intrusion, my balls clutch tight ready to give it all up immediately.

  Fuck that. We have to enjoy this ride.

  “God, C.J.,” Erin’s eyes close as her body looks like it’s struggling to breathe. “That feels...that feels like—well like...”

  My voice says in her ear, “Like Heaven.” And that’s followed by a sharp push to set the tone for what’s to come. I start thrusting forward, my hips jerking with a mind of their own, which is good since mine flew out the window. The motion is slow but hard, forceful but passionate, everything I’ve ever tried to give to this woman in one go. We stay linked together. At various points her legs are around me with my hands gripping harshly at them for leverage, emotional and physical.

  “So close, C.J.,” her voice calls to me in my own euphoric state. “So close...”

  “Come for me, babe,” I request for the first time. “Let me see how beautiful you look coming on my cock.”

  And when she does I swear I hear fireworks erupting like the Fourth of fucking July. Like, this is the day that every year should be celebrated and praised, written down in history. Erin keeps coming, her muscles convulsing again and again, a second orgasm riding the end of the first causing my undoing.

  “Erin,” my mouth barely drops her name as I fill her, the experience being so unreal I’m not sure it’s actually happening.

  Collapsing on top of her, I’m surprised when her fingertips run down my spine. Immediately my dick twitches inside of her and I close my eyes at his overzealous attitude.

  Can I breathe for a minute? Damn.

  “So that’s making love huh?”

  I nod and respond, “It only really happens when two people are in love.” Bravely I lean up so I can stare into her bright brown eyes that are shimmering, telling me everything I know her lips will say someday.

  She doesn’t argue. Instead she leans her lips up against mine. Afterwards she sighs, “So is cleaning up 101 not a part of love making or what? Because, I’m not sleeping on come stained sheets.”

  I chuckle a little but decide not to push the subject. “I’ll get your sassy ass a towel.”

  First she asks for me to make love, then the bed. Now she is spending the night. What do you do when all your dreams fall into place? Is this the point where you brace yourself for impact of some sort of unforeseen catastrophic collision that’ll break it all a part. Or do you simply enjoy having your deepest desires granted and all tied up with a golden ribbon?

  My eyes steal another glance at Erin who’s lying satisfied on top of my sheets, eyes struggling to stay open, looking like she belongs nowhere else in the world.

  I think I’ll just enjoy the blessing.

  Chapter 14

  Erin

  Have you seen Erin? Seriously, I feel like Invasion of the Body Snatchers right now. I don’t do this. I don’t ask guys to make love to me. I damn sure don’t ask them to ride bareback. And I for fucks sake do not fall in love. So I’m gonna ask you again...have you see Erin? Like the real Erin? Not this sappy sack of crap that I’ve become. What? It is not normal to fall in love! It’s abnormal! Why do you think the divorce rate is so high? Besides, even if it is ‘normal’ I don’t do ‘normal’ and more importantly I don’t do love. Last time that happened I was 16 and he left at the worst time possible.

  It’s the middle of night when I start stirring after our overly stimulating sex session. C.J.’s voice breaks through the thoughts of my past that like usual are keeping me from falling back asleep. “Wanna talk about it?”

  I shake my head quickly.

  “Babe, it’s keeping you up. Something tells me this isn’t the first time. Why not talk about it?”

  “Just because you screw me doesn’t mean you know, C.J.,” I lash out and immediately regret doing so.

  Instead of striking back like I expect he pulls my body tighter against his and sighs, “No. But because I make love to you it does. I’ve spent months getting to know everything I can about you outside these sheets, Erin. So before you snap at me again for giving a damn about you, how about just for once, you let me?”

  My body relaxes against his and I take a long deep breath. “You know I’ve always liked makeup? When I was younger it was a fun way to mix and wear colors on your body. Mom always told us to express ourselves and enjoy being who we are. Most of the time I figured that lecture was more for Luke since he was the only 8th grader I knew who liked knitting, but nevertheless it applied all around. As I got older though, I started to see not everyone wore makeup to express themselves so much as to hide. People wear masks and hide behind them. They plop it on to give the world the lies they want them to believe and to the hide the bullshit that lies just beneath the surface.” I clutch the sheet I’m fisting tighter. “I was in love once. I was 16 and stupid. He was the first guy I had sex with and after a couple months I ended up pregnant.”

  Go ahead and gasp.

  “It was a couple weeks before I was supposed to turn 17. He dumped me when I told him. I skipped school early that day, convinced Maxx to go shopping with me, to buy myself some time from telling my parents, only when I finally found the courage to do it, I got home to have my brother whisk me in his arms to tell me they’re dead.” C.J. remains silent and I almost feel like it’s better this way. However, the arm wrapped around my waist pulls my back closer to his chest like some sort of safety precaution, trying to shield me from the past that I can’t run away from. “The stress of a broken heart and their death caused an immediate miscarriage. I suffered it alone. You’re the only other person besides the baby’s father that knows.”

  And you...Look I know we don’t always get along and I may have a bit of an attitude problem, but I’m begging you to keep this one secret for me. Please.

  Silence lingers in the air and the sound of C.J.’s heavy breathing makes me feel like the walls are starting to close in. Unexpectedly he pulls back the blanket, slides himself out from the sheets, walks around, and extends a hand for me to take. I place my shaky hand in his and allow him to pull me through the dark of his bedroom to his bathroom. Inside he turns on the light while I glance around at the surprisingly neat and well cleaned bathroom. My eyes dance around the modern style bathroom that matches the rest of his apartment and he starts the water in the glass walk in shower. Reaching for my hand he pulls me inside with him, the warm water running down my back and shoulders.

  I continue to stare at him unsure what to make of all this. C.J. reaches for the washcloth and lathers it without a word. When it’s finally bubbly enough he gently wipes the edge of the towel along my chin line removing a layer of makeup.

  “You don’t have to wear a mask for me, Erin. Ever.” The simple words fill my eyes with tears; I swallow as he continues wiping away the makeup that remains from the day before.

  I buy the good stuff that doesn’t typically smear even after a night’s sleep. And no, that shit is not cheap. Honestly, my family is the only ones who’ve ever seen me without it and those were in crucial states of stress. And now him. I’m totally in love, huh?

  C.J. continues the gentle scrub and I let my eyes close lost in his touch, lost in his care, drowning in the love that I’ve spent so long denying. When the makeup is finally gone he smiles proudly. “Just when I thought you couldn’t get any more beautiful...”

  Doing my best to defend myself I reply, “You’re so fu
ll of shit.”

  “No.” he tosses the rag down in the corner. “I’m more in love now than I’ve ever been in my entire life.” His lips slide on top of mine as my chest is heaved against his. While I’m expecting him to be cautious and careful with me like he was earlier, I’m mistaken. He’s aggressive and rough as he turns my body to back me against the wall. C.J. puts his lips against my ear, “I know exactly what you need...let me give it to you.” His teeth latch onto my earlobe. Immediately, I howl in delectation.

  How does he do that?

  I turn around, spread my legs wide and brace my hands against the tile. When his dick finally pushes inside, I rest my head against the wall just amazed at how ready I already was for him.

  I swear, it’s like my body has a secret C.J. switch. One push and I’m dripping wet like I haven’t been screwed in years.

  He grips my hips tightly as he pumps into me, my ass thrusting again and again against him, an erotic sound coming from his nuts pounding my pussy that’s begging for more. Just as his piercing hits my favorite spot, C.J. grabs a fistful of my hair and lets out a raw growl. I moan in response letting all the pain from my past be forced out of me with each rough thrust. Feeling like he’s close I shut my eyes and prepare to let myself go too. My body buckles as my pussy wrenches an orgasm from me and milks one from him. It’s a mix of bare emotions, coupled with the pleasure of pain and the pain of vulnerability. C.J. pulls me off the wall and tightly holds me my back still against him. I allow my head to hit his chest and shut my eyes as a few tears join the water letting me feel free for the first time in eight years.

  Chapter 15

  Erin

  I walk through the front door to see Maxx and Luke at the kitchen table, her with a pained expression on her face, him with a scowl.

  Twenty bucks says they’re at odds about food again.

  “Well hello Mary Sunshine and Maxx,” I greet them playfully sliding my hands in the back pocket of my jeans.

  I keep spare changes of clothes in my car. Hey. You never know. Who knows? Maybe I’ll start keeping a few spare changes at C.J.’s. That’s what girlfriends do right? Holy shit. Did I just say girlfriend? And I didn’t run screaming. Progress people! Progress!

  Luke turns to clearly snap when the look fades and another has replaced it. Perplexed he puts his coffee cup down and asks, “What happened to you?”

  “I took a shower,” I offer reaching for a coffee cup knowing I’m gonna need it to keep up with bridal party tonight. It’s the rehearsal dinner.

  “You’re not wearing any makeup,” he points out.

  Don’t let Sherlock Holmes know that he’s so good at finding clues. Wouldn’t want him to be out of a job.

  “I told you. I took a shower.” I repeat filling my cup.

  “And?” He pushes. “You shower. You put on makeup. Then you get dressed. You’ve had the same routine since you were ten. The only time you don’t wear makeup is when something is extremely wrong. So what happened to you? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” I reassure him and sit in my seat at the table. “I told you. I took a shower. I didn’t have any makeup with me.”

  That was a weak lie even for me.

  “Bullshit.” Luke shakes his head. “I’m so sick of all the lies in this house.”

  “Okay, so this isn’t just about me. What else are you pissed off about?”

  “You mean like the fact that Maxx is working five days a week, some days for more than eight hours?” His voice booms as she flops her face in her hand. “You mean like the fact that all that stress could harm her baby?”

  “Oh enough!” she yells in return her face popping back up. “I’ve had enough of all the facts and statistics to last a life time. I’m fine! I’m healthy! We went to the doctor just a couple of weeks ago and they told us I was perfectly healthy. I’ve been back to work like this for a little over a month and I’m fine. You guys can’t put me in a protective bubble. I’m not made of glass! I’m not gonna shatter on contact!”

  “But Maxx—”

  “No but Maxx’s. I’m not fighting with you and Logan about this anymore. I can’t live like this. Hell, I won’t live like this,” she rises to her feet but it requires more effort than she thought it was going to, by the cringe on her face. “I’m an adult. I’m capable of taking care of myself. When you remove your head from your ass along with my husband, please come find me. Until then, I’m gone.”

  “Where are you going?” I ask cautiously.

  A pregnant woman storming out doesn’t seem safe to me.

  “I’ll text you when I get there.” She reassures me snatching her keys off the bar. Before exiting she smiles at me. “And I’m glad to see things with C.J. are so obviously working out.”

  The stab at Luke makes me wanna smile but I know better.

  Maxx storms out the front door and Luke turns his attention back to me. “You spent the night with him, didn’t you?”

  I nod. “I did.”

  A soft curve falls to his lips. “Good. He’s in love with you, ya know.”

  “I know.”

  Quietly he asks, “Do you love him?”

  Instead of answering, I raise my coffee mug to my lips.

  “Well while I’m in the business of pissing people off this morning, I might as well say it. It’s okay to be happy sis. It’s okay to be happy without mom and dad around. It’s what they’d want anyway. And more importantly it’s what I want for you. So give up the bullshit games that you and Logan are known for and just be happy there’s someone in this world who wants to put up with you the way we do.”

  The last part he said playfully and I roll my eyes. “You really are an asshole this morning. PMSing?”

  Luke opens his mouth to respond when Logan hits the bottom of the stairs in a panic. “Where’s Maxx?”

  “She left,” I answer.

  “What do you mean she left?”

  Does this feel familiar to anyone else?

  “She got in her car, after chewing me out, and left. Basically told me when we get our shit together we can talk to her. In the mean time she’s...at an unknown location.” Luke replies.

  “Goddamn it!” Logan shoves his fist into the wall creating a small hole next to the pantry door.

  “You’re gonna have to fix that.” I point in an effort to lighten the mood.

  Logan’s anger turns on me. “Did you know she was working more than just a couple of hours a day more than twice a week?”

  I shrug. “I did.”

  “And you didn’t tell us?” he booms.

  “I didn’t feel the need to.”

  “You didn’t feel the—”

  “Before you go on the angrily repeating everything I say kick, no I didn’t. She’s a grown ass woman. And as soon as you remember that, you’ll get her back. She’s not the child that’s growing in her stomach and she’s not the Kid, Kellar. She wants to live life and be more than just an incubator for your seed. She’s waited years to get her career where it’s at now just like you have. She didn’t ask you to give up fighting to save the baby, to make sure it has a father. Don’t ask her to give up the only other thing she’s ever been proud of being able to do in her life on her own.”

  Good speech, right? I’d say pat me on the back, but I’m not a huge fan of being touched by strangers. Not that you’re a pure stranger, but still.

  Logan folds his arms across his tank covered chest and nods.

  Let’s face it. That’s as close to admitting I’m right as it’s gonna get from him.

  “Why are you so damn cheerful anyway? Finally spend the night at C.J.’s?”

  Luke chuckles and I bite, “Did he send out a group email informing you of every position we tried too?”

  “Oh I so didn’t need that image in my head. Ever,” my brother groans.

  After Logan finishes chuckling he answers, “Haven’t heard from C.J. in a couple of days. Ever since he’s been dick diving with you, he’s slightly harder to reach.”
<
br />   “Again with the images,” Luke gripes over his shoulder.

  Snickering at my brother’s misery, I toss a little more fuel on the fire of his discomfort. “So you don’t wanna know size, girth, or accessories?”

  “Ugh,” Luke grunts picking up his coffee cup. Something stops him from taking a sip. “Wait. Did you say accessories?”

  “He’s got hardware?” Logan’s question follows with him leaning on the counter top.

  “Oh yeah! He’s got hardware.”

  “I’m so leaving this conversation,” Luke retreats at the same time I rise to my feet.

  “So am I. Gotta get ready for work.”

  “That bitchy wedding party tonight, right?” Logan asks.

  “Not even the whole party is bitchy. Just one woman....” the simple mention of her has me scrunching my face in irritation already.

  Maybe if she got the kind of romp in the sack that I do, she’d have more reasons to smile. What do you think?

  ***

  “You look almost as glowy as me,” Jen says as I add in the last of her bobby pins. “And I’m the one getting married tomorrow!”

  I shake my head at her in the mirror and shrug, “Just happy doing my job.”

  “And apparently getting some good lovin’,” Genevieve croaks up. “I know that satisfied look anywhere girl, had it a few times myself.”

  “A few too many times,” Jess snaps adjusting her breasts in a teal dress.

  “Maybe you should have it a few more,” I add and the group of women giggle while Jess glares at me.

  “I’m good in that department,” she declares.

  “She’s not,” Jen mumbles in a whisper. I smirk at her to know she’s been heard.

  “Jess has never been the same since her fiancé left her stranded at the altar,” Jill tries to explain grabbing a glass of wine from the butler who has delivered it.

  “Did you hear he lives here?” Janice says grabbing her glass too.

  I turn Jen around in her chair to begin her makeup when she says, “I thought that was just a rumor.”