Yes, We're Haitian

by Alain Patron

  Junior hangs up with Broderick and orders an Uber.

  “My Uber’s going to be here in four minutes.”

  “You could’ve asked me for a ride, but that’s on-brand for you.”

  “I love you; I’ll call you when I’m done,” he says before walking outside because his ride is here.

  “Fuck you, Junior!” screams Monica as Junior’s Uber pulls away.

  During the ride to Broderick’s condo, Junior reads all the text messages Broderick sent and notices how domineering he is. However, he chooses to ignore this because his excitement supersedes everything, including time. As he’s about to put his phone away, he receives a text from Ricardo.

  “What’s your rush? Why are you so pressed to leave? I don’t like the idea of you following a clout-chaser like Broderick around. He looks like a villain from a Tyler Perry movie.”

  Junior ignores his cousin’s message and exits the Uber.

  Before walking into Broderick’s Battery Park complex, Junior pauses to look up and marvel at the height of the building, only to be bumped into by an intense New Yorker, “Move! I hate tourists!” Unfazed, Junior proceeds to walk into the lobby, where he’s greeted by a doorman who recognizes him and lets him go up to Broderick’s condo. Junior replicates the Clipse’s “Grindin’” beat as he knocks on Broderick’s door.

  “Stop! You know I’ve always hated that,” says Broderick as he pokes his head out the door and looks both ways, “How’d you get up here?”

  “I flew.”

  “No, seriously. Someone’s supposed to call me before letting you up here.”

  Junior ignores him and walks into the condo to stare out the window.

  “This view gets me every time.”

  The trappings of wealth have never mesmerized Junior but accumulating independent riches has always been seductive to him.

  Broderick begins to explain the game plan for their trip to Labadee, which has Junior hanging off his every word. It’s as if they’re back in college helping each other study for a big exam. As Broderick takes a bathroom break, Junior goes to the kitchen to grab a water bottle, and then receives an alert that he was tagged in a post by Broderick. The post is a time-lapse of the two of them mapping out the details of their trip with a caption that reads: “Just doing my part and schooling my boy on Haiti. #LiveEvil.” Junior thinks nothing of it because he’s not as into social media as the rest of his generation, which is something that Broderick has long tried to change because he stands to make more money from brands if he brings along another ambassador. Broderick may have had a privileged upbringing, but much like Junior, he is driven by his desire to get out from under the thumb of his father.

  As they continue going over details, Junior suggests they take time to visit schools and hospitals to help the local kids out. This suggestion makes Broderick’s eyes light up, “The imagery would be so powerful!”

  “Imagery? I’m talking about actually helping the kids out.”

  “We’re definitely going to help,” says Broderick before turning around and rolling his eyes.

  After what he considers a successful meeting, Junior asks Broderick for a ride back to Monica’s house. The two make their way down to the lobby, and Broderick passes his keys to Junior.

  “Meet me at the car. I’m parked in front of the liquor store.”

  As Junior walks down the street, he realizes he has no idea where he’s going. He heads back to the building but stops at the glass doors when he sees Broderick yelling at the doorman who let him up. Junior walks in to pull Broderick away.

  “What was that all about?”

  “That was him losing his job. I’m getting him fired!”

  “Bro, where is your van?”

  Broderick marches down the street, leading them to his parking spot. He motions for the keys, but Junior refuses, “No drunk or angry driving, especially when I’m in the car. I’ll drive,” he says. Broderick obliges, but before either can fasten their seatbelt, Broderick posts the incident with the doorman on his social media feed then starts ranting on Instagram live. Junior pretty much ignores him, as he’s focused on the road and is thinking of a way to smooth things over with Monica.

  When they reach Monica’s house, Junior hops out of the van and tells Broderick he’ll see him later.

  “You’re welcome!” shouts Broderick as he gets out the passenger side.

  “For what? I drove,” says Junior as he knocks on Monica’s door.

  An infuriated Monica forcefully opens the door and shoves Junior to prevent him from entering her house.

  “You really left. I thought you were joking and were going to walk back inside, but you left.”

  Junior tries to defend himself, but she continues, “Don’t speak. Go!” she says while pointing towards Broderick’s van. Junior doesn’t move as he is conflicted about what to do.

  “Is this a test?” he asks while laughing.

  “I said something funny...or am I the joke?”

  “I’m actually scared right now because you’re talking in riddles.”

  “You’ve always taken me for granted and neglected me. I don’t mean anything to you. I don’t care what you do, just don’t come back here!”

  “Well...this is awkward,” said Broderick. “Where you need a ride to?”

  “Take me to my parents’ house.”

  Junior scrolls through his phone as they drive away, and Broderick notices Monica standing on the curb but decides not to mention it to Junior.

  Broderick pulls up to Junior’s parents’ house, and this time Junior thanks him for the ride then invites him to come inside because it’s still relatively early in the evening. There’s loud talking and cigarette smoke in the air, which means Junior’s grandfather, Papa Woody, is watching Jeopardy. Mama Sha, Junior’s grandmother, brings Papa Woody food, then grabs Junior by the hand to lead him into the kitchen where she goes into her purse to give him money, which he assumes is for his trip, but she has another idea.

  “Di ti gason sa a ale jwe nimewo mwen. (Send this young man to the store to play my lottery numbers.)”

  “Yo, I need you to go to the store for my grandmother real quick.”

  “Yo? Don’t talk like the nigga on TV in my house,” says Junior’s mother, Nadia, who gives Broderick a kiss on the cheek before he goes to the store.

  “You need anything from the store, Dr. M?”

  “No, thank you.”

  “Vini manje! (Come eat!)” says Mama Sha to Junior.

  He sits at the kitchen table eating labouyi (Haitian cream of wheat). Junior’s aunts, Roseline & Tamara, walk into the house, followed by Ricardo. After what seems like an hour of greetings, they settle in to watch Family Feud in the kitchen. Mama Sha doesn’t get the opportunity to offer Ricardo something to eat because he’s already helping himself to a bowl of labouyi. It’s a typical Sunday evening until Junior’s mother asks him, “Kote mennaj ou? (Where’s your girlfriend?)” Junior gobbles a spoonful of labouyi while shifting his eyes around the room, signaling there’s trouble in paradise.

  “You’re going to end up like this one,” says Roseline pointing to Ricardo.

  “Really? How did this become about me?”

  Broderick is back from the store and tries to greet Ricardo, who bumps into him on his way to the living room, and a staredown ensues.

  “Excuse me,” says Broderick.

  Ricardo leans in and whispers in his ear.

  “My cousin can’t see it, but I know you’re full of shit, and I can’t wait for the day I punch you in the face. Now...you’re excused.”

  Broderick’s face is flushed as if he’d just seen a ghost but walks into the kitchen with a smile before handing the lottery tickets to Mama Sha.

  “Nèg sa a pa janm manje anyen. (This guy never eats anything.)” says Mama Sha.

  According to Haitian law, not eating when offered food is considered a class B misdemeanor because it’s deemed rude. As we’ve established, manners matter to Haitian peo
ple.

  “Mwen pa renmen nèg sa a! (I don’t like this guy!)” says Roseline of Broderick as he exists the kitchen.

  The women in Junior’s family begin to express concern over his erratic behavior. From his heavy drinking & confrontational conduct at his party to his hasty decision to go to Haiti to seemingly being on bad terms with Monica. Family Feud has morphed into a family intervention for Junior. Knowing better than to talk back, Junior’s facial expressions respond to the lecture he’s receiving.

  “Ranje figi ou!” (Fix your face!) says Tamara.

  This may also be interpreted as a direct threat and is not limited to Haitian culture.

  “I know it seems rushed, but I haven’t been happy for a while. The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll be back. I won’t miss any time from school because I know how important it is to everyone, but I also want to be happy. I don’t want to finish school just because it’s what’s expected of me.”

  Although she doesn’t speak any English, Mama Sha understands it very well. She is respected enough to speak for everyone, so she gives Junior some advice, if not a warning, “Fè respè nan peyi mwen. (You better have respect for yourself and others when in Haiti.)”

  In the living room, Papa Woody, Jean-Claude Sr, Ricardo and Broderick are watching Wheel of Fortune, and keep blurting out answers to the puzzles. It sounds more like an auction than a game show as they play. Ricardo won’t take his eyes off Broderick, giving him dirty looks and flipping him the bird while silently mouthing insults & threats in his direction. Papa Woody notices everything and asks Ricardo, “Ki pwoblèm ou genyen ak ti gason sa a? (What’s your problem with this guy?)”

  “Tande m, nèg la se yon moun fou ak mantè (Hear me, he’s a crazy fool and a liar.)”

  “Epi kisa ou ye? (And what are you?)” asks Jean-Claude Sr. of Ricardo.

  They all laugh while Broderick twiddles his thumbs and taps his feet nervously.

  “You need to see Jacmel & Port-au Prince when you’re there. That’s where you’re from. Labadee is for tourists. It’s Haiti, but it’s not our Haiti,” says Roseline to Junior.

  “Your child goes out there, and the world has to take care of him. It’s scary and doesn’t stop being scary because you’re an adult. How are you going to call me? You know WhatsApp?” asks Nadia.

  “My company is going to pay for the roaming charges so he can use his regular phone number out there,” answers Broderick from the living room.

  “Nobody was talking to you. What are you even doing here?” asks an angered Ricardo.

  “Ricardo toujou fè jalouzi! (Ricardo is always jealous!)” says Junior.

  Everybody laughs, then a tense silence overcomes the house when the lotto numbers are being revealed. After everyone lies about being two numbers away from winning it all, they say goodnight, and Ricardo takes his mother & aunt to their respective homes. They notice Broderick getting into his van, which prompts Ricardo to ask a rhetorical question, “I’m jealous of a dude that drives a minivan?”

  Tossing and turning, Junior is unable to sleep through the night. His father finds him sitting at the kitchen table the next morning and tells him to get dressed because Lord Edner needs their help with something. Reluctantly, Junior gets dressed and sits in silence the entire ride to Lord Edner’s house. When they get there, his father walks to the garage instead of the front door.

  “Did he kill Tatie Jen?” asks Junior.

  This generates a rare laugh from Jean-Claude Sr., but still, he warns his son, “Pa jwe tankou sa a devan l! (Don’t play like that in front of me!)”

  They walk into the garage and find a disheveled Lord Edner sitting on the floor with a half-empty bottle of Crown Royal. Lord Edner hasn’t stopped drinking since Junior’s party, and his wife, Jennifer, refuses to let him inside the house until he sobers up. Suddenly, the garage door shuts, and an ashamed Edner Jr. joins them in observing his father. Jean-Claude Sr. grabs the bottle of liquor and walks out the garage to pour the rest of its contents onto the grass.

  “Your dad is taking this Lord Edner thing too seriously with that Crown Royal,” jokes Junior to Edner Jr.

  “How’s that funny?”

  “You’re right. My bad. Why didn’t you call me?”

  “You ignored all my calls yesterday. Too busy with Broderick is my guess.”

  “He’s my best friend, bro.”

  “Are you in 3rd grade?”

  Jean-Claude Sr. checks Lord Edner’s vitals before going inside the house to talk to Jennifer. Junior calls Ricardo, despite Edner Jr.’s insistence that he doesn’t. Ricardo refers them to The Hangover Club, where they book an appointment for an IV infusion, which would spare them an embarrassing trip to the hospital. Junior explains the method to his father, who surprisingly agrees to follow their lead. The three of them lift and load Lord Edner into the back of Edner Jr.’s SUV. Jean-Claude Sr. then takes off for work as Junior & Edner Jr. are charged with getting Lord Edner back into presentable shape.

  There’s an awkward silence during their ride to the East Village until Junior’s phone starts ringing non-stop, but he chooses to ignore it.

  “That’s how you screened my calls yesterday?”

  “This is me ignoring you to your face.”

  When they arrive at The Hangover Club, Johanne is standing outside and waving them down.

  “How’s daddy? Is he ok?”

  “How did you even know about this?”

  “You think our mother wouldn’t tell me?”

  In a scene comparable to Weekend at Bernie’s, Junior & Edner Jr. assist Lord Edner in walking into the facility while Johanne holds the door open.

  “Did I just see Broderick?” asks Johanne.

  “He has a meeting with Chadwick Boseman this morning,” responds Junior.

  “Are you name-dropping like him now?” asks Johanne.

  “Can y’all focus on what we’re here to do, please?” asks Edner Jr.

  The detoxifying process takes seventy-five minutes, so Junior offers to take Edner Jr. & Johanne to brunch.

  “Who goes to brunch on a Monday?” asks Johanne.

  “We do. Let’s go,” says Junior.

  “Did you get everything out of daddy’s pockets?” asks a concerned Johanne.

  “All he had on him was the house key and a Crown Royal bag,” answers Edner Jr.

  This revelation causes Junior to laugh, which Edner Jr. doesn’t take too kindly to. However, Johanne is the voice of reason and tells Edner Jr. to take it easy.

  “I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but there’s a bad vibe here. I need y’all to fix whatever this is by the time I get back from the restroom.”

  “Who says restroom?” asks Edner Jr.

  “So...what’s really the issue? Are you jealous that I’m going to Haiti with Broderick?”

  “There’s no way you just said that.”

  “Then what’s the problem? I’m leaving in less than two weeks. We can have a pissing contest or you can be happy for me.”

  “Thank you for helping me with my dad.”

  “Family first.”

  “Always!”

  Johanne finds the guys laughing and tells them that Lord Edner called her. They walk back over to The Hangover Club and find him in the waiting room with tears running down his face. Gone is the armor of arrogance, and in its place is remorse. Lord Edner has been humbled back to Edner Sr., a husband, dad, and an alcoholic. Johanne holds his hand the entire car ride. They drop Junior off at his parents’ house and head home to heal as a family.

  Over the course of the next week and some change, Junior makes it a point to spend time with everyone important in his life. He works diligently at the hospital alongside his father. Watches Family Feud with his mother and grandmother. He sits on the floor in front of his grandfather to enjoy Yankee games. Plays Monopoly and argues endlessly with Edner Jr. & Ricardo. However, Junior doesn’t have much luck reconnecting with Monica, but he doesn’t let it affect his mood.

&n
bsp; The morning of his flight to Haiti has arrived, and everybody comes to see Junior off. You’d think he was headed off to war, but the turnout is a testament to the love his family has for him. Junior embraces everyone for a long time before realizing he must race to his gate.

  Broderick is stressing out at the gate because their flight started boarding, “Hurry up!” he yells with glee to a rapidly approaching Junior. They get into their seats, and Junior shows Broderick airplane bottles of Barbancourt that he snuck onto the plane. Barbancourt is a brand of Haitian rum, which Junior says holds another meaning.

  “Barnbacourt sounds like bon pou kò ou, which means good for your body, so you should drink this.”

  JFK to Cap-Haitien is a six-hour flight with an hour layover at Miami International. It’s safe to say they’re going to indulge in all the Barbancourt they can handle, which is plenty.

  During their layover, Junior and Broderick fall asleep at their gate. Luckily, a passenger from their first flight is kind enough to wake them up. They fall right back asleep on the flight from Miami to Haiti. When they land in Haiti, Broderick immediately stands up and claps on the plane. This draws a side-eye from Junior.

  When they deplane, they are met by Emmanuel, who couldn’t wait to get to Haiti. As they walk outside and take in the Haiti air, Junior sees an unforgettable face. Standing 5’10” with tan bronzed skin and slicked-back hair, who is also a dead ringer for Eriq La Salle. It’s Emmanuel’s best friend, Stevenson. He’s the first & only Black man that Junior has ever seen brush his hair to the back, and please believe if Stevenson’s brush could talk…let’s just leave it at that. Junior gives him a huge hug, and Stevenson can’t believe how much Junior has grown from the last time he saw him.

  “Well, it’s been 15 years, man,” says Junior.

  Broderick is trying to make sense of their ride because Stevenson drives a 1997 Nissan Fairlady Z. Stevenson notices Broderick sizing up his car and points to Emmanuel, who pulls up in a 2018 Toyota 4Runner.

  “That’s more like it,” says Broderick.

  The ride from Cap-Haitien International Airport to their rented house in Labadee is a little bit over an hour. Junior opts to ride with Stevenson because he remembers how fast he used to drive when he’d drop him off at guitar practice every Saturday when he was younger. However, the further into the trip they get, the more Stevenson’s conversation jogs Junior’s memory, and he realizes how much of a gangster Stevenson was and still is.