Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  “It wouldn’t have been fair to tell you and not Chase,” I reiterate.

  “I get that. But what about when you found out you were pregnant? It’s upsetting to think that you felt you had to go through that decision alone.”

  It guts me inside knowing how badly I’ve hurt her. It hadn’t been my intention.

  “I was afraid to disappoint you and Dad. Mark always did everything right. He’s your son.”

  Her eyes spark with anger. “You’re as much my daughter as he is my son. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have my DNA. You’re mine. Do you understand that?”

  Although Mom is gentle by nature, she can be fierce when she needs to be.

  “I do. And you and Dad are my parents. I feel awful that I’ve messed everything up.”

  She strokes a hand down the back of my head before pulling me in a fierce hug. “We forgive you.”

  “Not Mark.”

  “He’ll come around.” She smiles. “Just don’t do it again.”

  My smile is filled with pain.

  “I won’t. I promise.”

  “I have to say this again. She’s so beautiful. I’m in love with being a grandmother. I’ve missed kids in the house. I can’t wait to spoil her.” We embrace again before she gets to her feet. “Now I should go check on your father. The food should be ready.”

  “I’m not very hungry.”

  Mom knows why I’m hiding up in the room and doesn’t call me on it.

  “You take some time. There’s plenty of food.”

  After she leaves, I start to unpack, giving myself something to do. Then I shrug on a sweater and leave the room. Noise comes from the kitchen where everyone is congregated. I bypass that and go for the front door. It’s gotten colder, but I need a walk. I don’t get far. At the sidewalk, a cruiser comes to a stop.

  “Andi? Is that you?”

  I give a small wave. “It’s me, Ray.”

  He gets out wearing the full cop uniform, takes off his hat, and embraces me. “It’s been a while. I didn’t know you were back in town.”

  “Just visiting,” I admit.

  His eyes drift over me even though I’m covered head to toe. “You’re looking good.”

  Ray had a crush on me in school. I’d never given him the time of day because my heart had been set on Chase.

  He didn’t have a shaved head then, but he hasn’t changed much beyond that.

  “You look good too.”

  He points to the house.

  “Fletcher and Cassidy did really good with this place.”

  “They did.”

  “If you are staying awhile, you should come by for dinner.”

  I hadn’t heard his approach. So when the hand lands on my shoulder, I jump.

  “We won’t be in town long.”

  Glancing up, I see Chase staring daggers at Ray. As much as I want to believe it’s some show of possession over me, the two guys have hated each other for as long as I remember.

  “Chase Wilde,” Ray says, not at all sounding surprised to see him next to me.

  “Ray Todd.”

  “I’d heard you were in town, but left.”

  “I’m back.”

  “Too bad.” Ray turns his attention back to me. “Andi, you’re welcome to come over for dinner. I married Marla, and she’d be pissed if I didn’t give you an invite.” I nod. “Well, it was good seeing you.”

  He puts his hat back on, tipping his head at me before getting back in his cruiser and driving away.

  “Checking on me to make sure I haven’t flown the coop?” I say, with a little bitterness in my tone.

  “No, Violet’s asking for you. When I couldn’t find you, I checked outside.”

  “Is she okay?” I ask, losing all bravado in favor of panic.

  “She’s fine. She just wants her mom. I think she’s tired.”

  I head for the front door. “I’m sure she’s ready for a nap, but too excited.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  When I find her, she’s fighting sleep.

  “Hey, my darling girl, why don’t we get a nap?” She shakes her head. “It’s okay,” I whisper in her ear. “Everyone will be here when you wake up.”

  Even with a nap, by the time my parents and his leave, Violet is wiped out. Chase offers to take her up to bed. After I shower and do my nighttime rituals, I find them curled up asleep together in his designated room. It’s so cute, I snap another picture of them before heading downstairs where I find Cassidy in the kitchen with the baby.

  “Sorry, I thought everyone had gone to bed,” I say.

  “It’s okay. The baby is restless.” She paces the floor, rocking her arms. “Besides, we are practically sisters-in-law.”

  “Not quite. Chase and I aren’t together and never will be.”

  “Pfft. I saw the way he left here to go to Chicago to find you.”

  I’d heard that before from his mouth.

  “Even if that were true, it isn’t like that for him anymore.”

  “And you?”

  As much as I want to dodge the truth, I’ve done enough of that for a lifetime. “I’ll always love him. But it’s time for me to let go of the idea of an us.”

  “Don’t give up on him. I gave up on Fletcher and married a useless asshole because I needed something or someone to help me move on. In the end, it’s always been Fletcher for me.”

  “Everyone saw that,” I joke. “It’s different for me. We might have had a chance. But the way Chase looks at me now, you’d tell me yourself to move on.”

  A sound and smell that should only come from an adult wafts over from the baby.

  “Oops, I guess I’ve got to go change my kiddo,” she says.

  We say our goodnights. The rest of the time goes by fast. When it’s time to head back to Chicago, I realize how short our time was and am grateful when our moms come with us.

  With so many helping hands the next few days, I finally get some great uninterrupted sleep. The lot of us goes to the main passport office in Chicago to apply for Violet’s passport. Where I’d been solitary, I’m constantly surrounded by people. It’s all happening so fast, something I haven’t told Chase. With the buffer of my mom and his, we barely speak to each other. He doesn’t know of my growing panic, not that he’d care.

  “I’ve sorted out the clothes that are too small for her. What do you want me to do next?” Mom asks.

  Denise is in the living room with Violet as I make lunch for all of us.

  “Pack what’s left. There’s no point in leaving any of it, as she’ll probably grow out of it while we’re there.”

  Mom agrees when a knock sounds.

  “It’s probably Chase,” I say.

  He’s leaving for Italy today and had left for the hotel to pack up. Only it’s not him. Owen stands on the other side of the door.

  “Hey, I wondered if Holly could hang out here. I need to make a quick grocery run.”

  “Yeah, sure,” I say, opening the door wider, and Holly darts in. Immediately, she and Violet start dancing around together.

  Denise and my mom stare at Owen. So I wave him inside and make introductions.

  “Denise and Mom, this is my neighbor, Owen, and his daughter, Holly. Owen, this is my mom, Pamela, and Chase’s mom, Denise.”

  “Very nice to meet you,” Owen says.

  “Nice to meet you too,” Mom says before arching an eyebrow in my direction. I discreetly shake my head. Still, the awkwardness grows.

  “Owen is running out,” I say. “Holly is going to hang with us. Has she eaten?”

  He nods. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

  “Sure.”

  I lead him out in the hall and beat him to the punch.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t called. It’s been a little crazy.”

  His eyes search mine.

  “You have a deer in headlights look.”

  I want to sag in relief that someone notices and cares.

  “Yeah, it’s g
reat to have help, but it feels like everything is happening so fast.”

  He nods. “Should I take Denise being here to mean that you and Chase have worked everything out?”

  I blow out a breath. “No. That ship has sailed.”

  “Good.”

  Then before I know what he’s doing, his lips are on mine. Gently, I push him back.

  “Owen …”

  “I can’t have you leaving and not knowing what could be.”

  He’s still so close. A part of me wants to wrap myself in his arms, just to feel steady. The other part yearns for Chase even as futile as that is. He rests his forehead against mine.

  I bite my lip before speaking. “I can’t ask you to wait for me. My heart is still …”

  Rapid footsteps sound on the stairs as if the person is taking them two at a time. Owen takes his time stepping back, not caring who it might be.

  His eyes hold mine before taking a step back. “I’ll pick up Holly later.”

  I nod and stare at my nails because the steps stop nearby. I’m not yet ready to see Chase’s face. Finally, I glance up and find his penetrating gaze on me.

  “It’s not what you think.”

  He shrugs. “It’s not really any of my business,” he says before he enters the apartment.

  I brush a hand through my hair, already used to his rejection, and follow in behind him. Violet’s gibbering away to Holly doing her version of introductions. I go back to finishing up lunch. When I offer Chase some, he declines.

  “I really need to head out.”

  He’s told Violet he’s leaving and she continues to cling to him.

  “Dada, no go.”

  He scoops her up and I watch as huge tears fall from her eyes.

  Twenty

  Chase

  The attachment I’ve developed toward Violet is already so strong, leaving her is extremely difficult. I’m not sure which one of us is the saddest. And then there’s that Andi-Owen situation I interrupted. Just when I thought things might be improving between us, I run into that little huggie-fest on my way back here. Talk about a bucket of ice to cool things down. Mom walks me outside as my ride to the airport arrives.

  “Chase, honey. A word, please.”

  “Yeah, Mom.”

  “Don’t close yourself off to Andi.”

  This is not what I want to hear right now. “Mom,” I huff.

  “Honey, I know how angry and frustrated you are. But give her time.”

  “Time? She had over two years. How much more does she need?”

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

  I blow out a lung full of frustrations. “Look, Mom, I’ve got a plane to catch.”

  “Yes, I know. And a lot on your plate. I only want you to think about the decisions she made. You were at the center of them. And look at what she’s doing now. This can’t be easy for her.”

  “And it is for me?”

  “No. But you’ve been in Italy, have friends there. She’s walking into a completely new world filled with strangers. People who she thinks will be against her. Go easy on her.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

  “If not for her, do it for Violet. It won’t do anyone any good if your daughter isn’t happy with this transition.” Then Mom hugs me and I climb in the car for the ride to the airport.

  The flight back to Italy is uneventful. I actually sleep most of the way, exhausted from the entire trip to Chicago. I suppose it’s emotional burnout. The roller coaster I’ve been riding has finally taken its toll. My body is out of shape—physically, that is. Coach is going to bust my ass when I get on the field.

  When I walk into my apartment, it registers that this place is not going to work at all. What the hell was I thinking? For me, it was perfect, but it’s not just me any longer. There isn’t a chance our moms, Violet, and Andi will all cram into a two-bedroom home, not to mention, what if Andi wants to date someone? We aren’t committed to each other, and I have no hold or say on what she does with her love life. That little interlude I witnessed with Owen was enough to make me realize Andi has her own life to live and I don’t fit in. I have two weeks to find a new place and move, so I’d better scramble.

  The first call I make is to Max.

  “You finally back?” he asks.

  “Yeah, just walked in. I need a new place to live.” I go on to explain why.

  “You don’t need an apartment, my friend. You need a damn palace with all those people.”

  “That’s an exaggeration, but I do need something drastically bigger than this. Can you help?”

  “Let me make some calls. I can’t help, but I may know of someone who can.”

  “Great. Thanks. Have you talked to the people in Germany?”

  He laughs. “What do you think? They’ve been badgering my ass for weeks now. The real question is, what are you going to do? You need to make a decision, and soon.”

  “So what? I need to take a trip to Berlin then?”

  “Not unless you want to turn them down or sign without meeting them in person. They’ve already agreed to a transfer fee with your club and are willing to offer you a new contract for more money—a lot more money. It’s a win-win for you, Chase. It can’t possibly get any better than this.”

  Would this be good or bad for Violet and Andi? They’re both moving, so I guess it wouldn’t matter. I should probably discuss this with Andi, though, before I do anything.

  “Is it possible to delay them any longer?” I ask.

  “You know how it works. If they can’t make a deal before January 31st, you’re looking at summer between July and August. Who knows if they’ll be feeling so charitable then.”

  “And what are the chances of getting an offer back in the U.S.?”

  “Is this some kind of a joke?”

  “No joke, Max. I have a child to think of.”

  “You have a career and a bank account to think of too, Chase.”

  “Money isn’t everything,” I grumble.

  “Excuse me?” he asks. “Is this the same person who made me beat down the Italian league for a few hundred thousand euros?”

  “Right, I know, but I didn’t have a daughter back then.”

  “Which is exactly why you should be more concerned with money now.”

  He does have a good point. But I’m a great investor. My brother has guided me well, along with Andi’s brother, Mark. My money has grown because I’m not out spending it foolishly like some athletes do. I have enough to live off of for years to come, even if I were to quit playing tomorrow. On the other hand, if I did the Germany contract and played for a couple of years, I could put all that away and we could move back to the States before Violet was ready to start school. I would be set for life and I could play or even coach somewhere if I wanted to.

  “Check my schedule and let’s make a quick trip up there. I’ll talk to my family right away.”

  “Great choice. I’ll check in with you later, and by then I’ll have a name for you for some temporary living quarters until your move to Berlin.”

  “Thanks, Max.”

  When I check the time, I notice my window is opening on Violet waking up. So I pick up the phone so we can FaceTime. Andi answers and she’s smiling. I’m glad she’s in a happy mood. I ask to speak with Violet and the Little One’s grinning face appears before me.

  “Dada, miss you.”

  “I miss you too. But I’ll be seeing you soon. You and Nana, Gamma, and Mama will all be here soon.”

  “Holly too?”

  “No, sweetie, not Holly. But maybe she can come to visit sometime.” I hate the lie, but it’s the only thing I can think to say. There’s no way Owen will ever be invited to my home—at least not for a while.

  “Okay. Can I bring toys?”

  “Of course you can bring your toys. Every single one of them.”

  That crazy crooked grin of hers melts me on the spot and I know when she gets older I’ll never be able to say no to anything sh
e asks of me. I’ll be putty in this girl’s hands. I am so fucked.

  “Dada, love you.”

  “I love you too, Little One. Now let me talk to your nana.”

  Mom gets on, asks how the flight was, and we chat a bit, then she hands the phone off to Andi. I decide to be the chicken shit and not mention anything about Berlin to her. It can wait until they’re all here. What will it matter anyway? At least that’s my justification. We end the call on a fairly good note, although things are a bit stilted. I promise to call the following day.

  The next day I show up for practice and have a lot of explaining to do. After a very long meeting with the coaching staff, I finally persuade them to let me back on the field. I’m to report to practice first thing in the morning. I’m not even sure why. If I go to Berlin and sign with them, what difference will it make? If this doesn’t happen before the end of the month, we have to wait until summer. Who the hell knows? Talk about turmoil.

  On the way home, I get a call from an agent who leases homes. He has a few he can show me this afternoon. Since I’m already out, I agree to meet him at his office. The first place he takes me to is so ostentatious, I immediately say no. I can’t see any of us spending one night there. The second one looks unlived in. I want somewhere that’s comfortable, a place where we can all kick up our feet and feel okay doing it. The final place we visit is perfect. It’s a villa on the outskirts of town, yet closer to the soccer complex. It has a heated pool, which Violet will love, and the furnishings are cushy and the ultimate in comfort. There are five large bedrooms all with their own private bath, a huge kitchen, two living areas, a room upstairs that Violet could use as a playroom if she’d want, and room for Andi and me to spread out and not get in each other’s way.

  “I’ll take this, as long as it’s month to month.”

  “The owner would prefer a six-month contracted lease, but let me see what I can negotiate.”

  “I’ll pay extra in rent, if necessary. I really want this house.” If we go to Berlin, Max will have to locate something similar for us. This affords us everything we need.

  The real estate agent wanders off for a few minutes and returns with a smiling face. “I’m pleased to announce you have yourself a house, Mr. Wilde. The owner, who is out of the country for the year, is happy to let you have this place.”