Worth Every Risk

by Laine, Terri E.

  “Excellent. When can I move in?”

  “Today, if you’d like.”

  I mentally tick off what needs to be done. Packing, selling my furniture because there’s no use keeping it, hiring movers, and then settling in before the rest of the group arrives.

  “Mr. Wilde, do you need assistance? Our company offers relocation services.”

  “Yes, that would be wonderful.”

  He makes a few calls and says someone will be coming around later this afternoon. I head home and experience a real sense of being overwhelmed. I can delegate a lot of this stuff, but I want everything to be in its place when everyone arrives.

  I’m walking in the door when the phone rings. It’s Max. “Can you fly to Berlin this weekend?”

  “Yeah, I’m free. Are you? I’m not going without representation.”

  “I would not have asked if I couldn’t go. I’ll make the arrangements.”

  I’m just about to kick up my feet when there’s a knock on the door. Fuck, not a moment’s rest around here. I’m still worn out from the trip, and I need to sleep because if I’m not on my game, I’ll receive an ass chewing for sure. It’s going to be bad as it is because I’m out of shape, having not worked out in almost two weeks.

  Not bothering to check who it is, I sling the door open to a frenzy of cameras, the paparazzi, and reporters asking a million questions. But the number one answer they are hounding me for is, “Mr. Wilde, what did you think when you found out you were a father?”

  Twenty-One

  Andi

  It had been so hard to say goodbye to my little monkey bear. After her passport arrived, Chase had a plane ready for her and the moms to go. At the airport, Violet clung to me and I had to make promises upon promises to get her to leave without me. I’d held back my tears until after they disappeared behind the gate. Then, I’d dissolved in a river of my own making.

  “Earth to Andi.”

  Beth stares at me as if she’s waiting for me to answer some question. I push away the scene so fresh in my mind.

  “What?”

  “You were going to tell me about Chase. But you’re barely here and I haven’t talked to you in over a week.”

  I shake my head to try to clear away the pain.

  “I’m sorry. It’s been so crazy. Chase arrived and now Violet’s gone.” She lays a hand on mine.

  “I can’t imagine. But he’s the father?” she asks, trying to put me back on track.

  I nod. “He’s the father.” I unload the entire story from start to finish.

  “And he didn’t know?”

  My head slowly drifts side to side as if I don’t believe it myself.

  “Wow, Andi. That’s pretty messed up.”

  “Don’t start on me too.” I press my palms to my eyes before raking my fingers through my hair. “I can’t take back what I did.”

  “I’m not judging you. It’s just I don’t know who to feel bad for. It’s a tough situation. When do you plan to give notice to Peggy?”

  Groaning, I say, “That’s the thing. My landlord won’t let me out of my lease.”

  I’d been spending my breaks the last few days contacting him and reading through my lease as if it would change.

  “Why not let Chase handle it?”

  A bark of humorless laughter escapes me.

  “I can’t ask him to pay my rent. Besides, he wants nothing to do with me. He’ll probably be happy I can’t come.”

  Her earnest eyes hold mine.

  “So what will you do?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t afford to pay rent and not work.” I close my eyes again. “His season is over in May …”

  The idea of not seeing my daughter for nearly five months makes me physically ill.

  “You should talk to him. Not doing that is what led to all of your current problems.” She’s right. My silent agreement is enough for her to abruptly change subjects. “When was the last time you got laid?”

  I chortle. “How old is Violet?”

  “You can’t be serious. Two, almost three years?”

  “Almost four if you consider my pregnancy. I didn’t feel right about sleeping with another man while I was carrying Chase’s child.”

  “And after? What about your hot neighbor? You two never did it? All that time you spend together.”

  Owen and I had only really gotten close to something more than friendship recently. I shake my head.

  “There’s your problem. You need to free the dragon.”

  “The dragon?”

  “Come on. It’s a stress-reducing activity.”

  I’m saved from answering when Beth gets paged, ending our break. The day only gets worse when one of our tiny patients passes away. It’s hard when that happens. I’m so emotionally exhausted when I leave the hospital, I almost miss several people with cameras waiting just outside the exit. I stop at the security desk to ask what’s going on.

  “They are looking for an Andi James.”

  The hospital is huge and not everyone knows me. I cover my badge the officer hadn’t bothered to look at.

  “Wow, I wonder why,” I say out loud before heading in the opposite direction.

  From the rumors I’ve heard, they’ve used the basement morgue level exit for high-profile patients in the past. I make my way there and take the exit, keeping to the shadows. I don’t bother with the trains and hail a cab home, an expense I can’t afford.

  By the time I get home, I’m rattled and dead tired. But if I want to talk to Violet, I have to call before I go to sleep. Luckily, I worked the night shift so it’s seven in the morning here, which means my sweet child will be awake.

  The video kicks in and her cherubic face fills the screen.

  “Mama.”

  “Hey, baby.”

  I miss her like crazy. Already it seems she’s grown and I’m missing it. It’s a reminder of what I did to Chase.

  “Mama, come now.”

  “Soon,” I say, biting back tears.

  Then she gibbers on about a pool. Questions fly in my head. We haven’t started swim lessons yet. With my schedule, I couldn’t swing it. After our conversation dies down, I can tell she’s sitting on Chase’s lap.

  “Give kisses to Nana and Grammy and let me talk to your daddy.”

  Chase puts her down and she runs off.

  The screen shifts to shine on his beautiful face.

  “You need something.”

  His coldness almost has me clamming up. But I promised I wouldn’t lie or keep secrets. I start with the easy question first.

  “You have a pool?”

  He nods. “I’m teaching her to swim.” I must have grimaced because he adds, “Don’t worry. Mom got her floaties and a suit. She’s safe.”

  It’s another thing I’m missing, but say nothing. Chase missed her first steps. I look down before I speak.

  “There’s one more thing. I’m not sure I can come.” His perfect brow arches. “My landlord won’t let me out of my lease. I can’t afford to leave work and pay rent too.”

  He waves a dismissive hand. “Give me the details and I’ll handle it.”

  “I refuse to be a burden. I’ll figure it out somehow.”

  Though I haven’t a clue how.

  His face contorts into a frown. “This is your problem. You refuse to let anyone help you. Is your pride more important than our daughter?”

  “No,” I spit. “But you’ve made it very clear how little you think of me. I’m surprised you’re not glad I can’t come.”

  I exhale, reining in my temper.

  His lips compress. “Jesus, Andi. I don’t want to fight with you. I have the means to help you. Take it. As much as I think I can do this alone, our daughter needs you. She asks multiple times a day when her mama is coming.”

  That stills any further protest. I would move heaven and earth for my daughter.

  “Fine, I’ll pay you back,” I promise. “Did your agent find out if it’s possible to expedite a work visa
?”

  “He did and I can send you the details. It’s just …”

  “What?”

  “He says most positions will require you to be able to speak Italian.”

  I’d thought that might be the case. “I’m not going to be able to find a job, am I?”

  “I’ll support whatever you want. Remember though, I’ll be traveling a lot. If you can find a job, we’ll have to get a nanny.”

  His words kick in.

  “And Violet’s already adjusting to a new place.”

  “Exactly,” he agrees.

  “So it’s better if I just stay with her.”

  “Again, I’ll support your decision. You’ll have whatever you need no matter what.”

  “For Violet,” I clarify.

  “For the both of you.”

  I can see it in his eyes he means it.

  “I can’t expect you to take care of me,” I say softly, trying not to hope that maybe …

  “Taking care of you is like taking care of my daughter. Besides, I got a bigger place, so you can have your space and I can have mine.”

  It’s as if the axe comes down on my fantasies. How can I possibly live with him and only be his roommate? Even staring at him through the screen, my body remembers every touch, caress, and kiss he’s given me.

  “Sounds good,” I force myself to say and blow out a breath. “There’s just one more thing.”

  “Yeah.”

  I’d almost forgotten.

  “Reporters were waiting for me at work.”

  He doesn’t seem surprised.

  “Somebody found out about us. Did you tell anyone?”

  I glare at his accusation. “Me? Tell anyone? I’ve only told my best friend the story today. And I can trust her.”

  “What about Owen?”

  “Owen wouldn’t do that to me,” I say emphatically.

  “How well do you know the guy?”

  “Well enough to know he cares too much about me.”

  Chase’s lips thin. I decide turnabout is fair play.

  “What about your girlfriend?” I ask.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “I’m sorry. I meant fiancée.” Though I try not to sound sarcastic, even I hear it in my voice.

  His jaw tightens. “I’ll handle it.”

  What will the hospital administration say tomorrow when I show up after the press has been hunting for me?

  “What am I going to do if they come knocking on my door? I don’t have a doorman. It’s likely just a matter of time before they find out where I live.”

  As if on cue, a knock comes. I sigh.

  “Don’t answer it,” he says.

  “I won’t live in fear.”

  I head to the door and Owen stands on the other side. Chase asks who it is when I invite him inside.

  “It’s Owen.”

  Chase’s expression darkens a fraction before Owen gets my attention. “I dropped Holly off at preschool to find a horde of people with cameras outside.”

  I face the screen and Chase is ready with an answer. “Like I said, I’ll handle it.”

  “I can take care of Andi,” Owen says and I spin around to face him. “You can stay at my place until they give up looking for you here.”

  At a loss for words, I angle my head back to the screen again.

  “Chase, I’ll talk to you later.”

  I don’t wait for his reply, but end the call, deciding on the spot I’ll call back to talk to Mom later. I already know she’s having the time of her life sightseeing. When the screen goes black, I give Owen my full attention.

  “I mean that. You’re welcome to stay however long you need.”

  “Thanks. Depending on how things go, I may take you up on that.”

  “I have to ask. Have you been avoiding me?”

  I have been. He’s everything I should want. Yet, my heart yearns for Chase.

  “I’ve been busy trying to pack everything.” Which is true, but an excuse.

  He steps way too close and I smell his woodsy cologne.

  “Did my kiss scare you off?”

  I think of my conversation with Beth. Here is a man willing to take care of me in ways that any woman would want, and he’s not doing it just out of duty. Add that to the fact that I haven’t been touched or even kissed in years before that quick one between us. Maybe it’s time I move on, because Owen kisses like a man who knows what to do in bed. I glance up into his golden eyes and try to forget Chase, which feels monumentally impossible. Maybe my heart can move on if I let my body do the same.

  I step back. “I can’t.” Owen’s disappointment is evident. “I’m sorry.” I feel like a broken record. “I just need time.”

  When he leaves, I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake. A man like him doesn’t come around often.

  Only a day has passed when Chase’s handling things has me on a plane to a dream trip to Italy. The hospital was more than happy to grant me leave with all the disruptions from the paparazzi.

  Chase made good on arrangements to pay for my Chicago apartment while I’m overseas. Though we haven’t discussed what will happen when we return to the States after his season is over, I think it will be good for Violet to come home to a place she remembers.

  It’s so surreal when the plane lands. It hits me that I’m in Italy. However, the dream of leaving the country doesn’t come close to how anxious I am to see my daughter again. As soon as I clear customs, I rush through the exit to find Violet waiting for me. She runs into my arms.

  “Mama, Mama.”

  I scoop her up and she feels like she’s gained weight. I hold on tightly, vowing to never let her go. I want not to be disappointed that Chase isn’t with them, but I am. Mom, who can read me like a book, whispers during our embrace that he had practice.

  “Happy Bitday,” Violet says.

  “No, not today, Monkey Bear. In a couple of days.”

  Chase’s mom comes over and gives me a hug. Then she whispers to Violet, “Don’t tell Mama about the surprise.”

  They grin at each other conspiratorially.

  “How about we go see this house I keep hearing about?”

  “Swim?” Violet’s eyes brighten.

  “The house is pretty amazing, Andi. And the views,” Mom adds.

  But it isn’t the view out of the window that stills my heart when we arrive. It’s the sight of Chase. He obviously didn’t expect us as he only wears a towel slung on his hips as water droplets cover his golden skin.

  Twenty-Two

  Chase

  I don’t have to turn around to know Andi’s eyes are on me. I feel them burning through the towel that’s wrapped around my waist. She still has that effect on me, even though I’ve done everything in my power to suppress those emotions. My fucking heart betrays me each time I look at her, even through my anger, and even though I know it’s that little runt Owen she wants.

  Glancing over my shoulder, I catch her eye. A blossom of color spreads from her neck up to her cheeks. I almost laugh, but I don’t because I wish it were real. I wish it were because she wants me exactly the way I want her.

  “Dada, Mama’s here.”

  My thoughts are broken by Violet as she teeters around Andi and heads straight for my legs. A chuckle breaks loose from me, as the Little One grabs my calves and then looks up at me with her goofy grin. I snatch her and toss her up in the air, threatening to dump her into the water. She screeches and giggles simultaneously as I see Andi’s look of horror.

  “Don’t worry, Andi. I won’t endanger our daughter. If she goes in, so do I.”

  She visibly relaxes, so I add, “If you’re not too tired, why don’t you put your suit on and join us?”

  Mom walks out and says, “I’m making dinner, Andi, so there’s plenty of time for you to relax if you want.”

  “Uh, okay,” Andi says. She turns around and heads inside. Mom offers me a smile.

  “Come on, Little One. Let’s get in the pool.” Violet cla
ps and I lose the towel that’s around my waist. She immediately splashes me in the face as soon as we get in, and I splash her back. Violet isn’t one of those kids who hates to get her face wet, of which I’m happy.

  “Under,” she says.

  “You know what to do,” I say. She bobs her head as I blow in her face. Then I do a quick dunk. She comes up laughing. It’s at that particular moment Andi walks out.

  “What are you doing?” she asks, panicked.

  “Teaching her to hold her breath,” I answer calmly.

  “You can’t do that.”

  Violet smacks the surface of the water with her hands, grabbing our attention. “Dada, under again.”

  I shoot a pointed look at Andi and say, “Okay, remember to hold your breath.” I blow in her face again and do another quick dunk, then pull her back up. She’s laughing as soon as she clears the surface.

  Andi watches in fascination. “Is that how they do it?”

  “I’m not sure about they, but it’s how I do it,” I say.

  Violet kicks her legs and says, “Swim.” I put my hands under her back and help her float. She kicks and we move about the pool.

  “Violet, what should you never ever do?”

  “No swim lone.”

  “Right. Always be with Mama, Nana, Grammy, or me.”

  “Yeah.”

  The three of us swim for a while and I hand Violet off to Andi and observe the two of them together. Andi looks amazing in her too-tiny bikini. There’s no evidence at all she ever had a child, and again I’m reminded of how I should’ve been there.

  Mom’s words come back to me, and if I’m honest, they even haunt me a little. In my anger, I didn’t stop to think of what Andi must’ve gone through, being alone and on her own, caring for a newborn. She had to work and didn’t have anyone to rely on for help. She must’ve been scared shitless. I know I would’ve been. Many women might have buckled under the pressure, but not Andi. She remained strong and did a great job with Violet, even taking the time to make sure she knew who her father was.