The Perfection of Love

by J. L. Monro

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  In the weeks that led up to the ball, Deacon and I spent almost every night together. We’d go into work separately and leave the same way but then Deacon would come over once Jakey was asleep and go home before he woke up. I still wasn’t ready for them to start developing a relationship. In reality I’d only known Deacon a few months and I wasn’t convinced it was the right time for introductions that insinuated to Jakey that Deacon was a permanent fixture. I know that Deacon had declared his intentions towards me but he could still change his mind. Miranda was still upping her efforts to snare Deacon and for what I could tell, he was running out of ways to rebuff her advances short of telling her we were seeing each other. I’d asked Deacon not to mention it to anyone at the university. He hadn’t understood why I would want to hide it but I had explained that my career was important to me and if I was being talked about I wanted it to be for my work and not my sexual activities. He wasn’t happy about this at all and it pissed him off further when I avoided any physical contact with him at the university and only talked to him about work.

  By the time the evening of the Winter Ball came I realized I had fully fallen for Deacon. The public intimacy was my issue. It was a way of me not fully committing to him. If it turned out his feelings changed for me then at least everyone at the university wouldn’t know and I could miss the humiliation of everyone knowing he had rejected me.

  As usual when I had an event to attend, I brought Lana out shopping with me to pick something to wear.

  “So what look are we going for this year? You’ve done plain, boring and just hardcore dull so far. Do you want to go for drab this year? She was laying down on the seats in the changing room of one of the boutiques we had gone into.

  “No Lana. I want you to help me pick a dress that says ‘hey Deacon, we’ve been sleeping together for weeks and I know I’ve been a bitch and kept you at arms length but I’m ready to invest in us and this body by the way is solely for your use to do with what you will’. So can you help me with that”? Lana sat completely upright now and watching me with interest.

  “Wahoo! Fun Dana is back. I knew all it would take is something rock hard and long like a pole to turn your gears and return my sister to me. YAY!” She was clapping her hands like a seal and people were now starting to look. Not that Lana would ever care who was watching her. “Red! We’re going to go with red and it’s going to be tight to accentuate your curves. We need something with a sexy neckline to show off your new boobs as well. You must thank Jakey for those bad boys he left you with.

  We went to five more stores before we found the dress for me that Lana deemed perfect. Lana was doing her happy dance that she did whenever she knew she’d excelled herself in picking an outfit. The best way I could describe was something like the Truffle Shuffle that Chunk does in that film, The Goonies. Not sexy or cute to watch.

  Deacon’s reaction when I opened the door to him reconfirmed that Lana had indeed outdone herself in picking something for me to wear. He looked me up and down once, then blew past me grabbing my hand along the way and led me upstairs. I was undressed in less than sixty seconds flat. I had to keep reminding him not to tear my dress as I had nothing else to wear but all he could mutter was. “Don’t care. Don’t want to go anymore.”

  “Deacon we’re going to be late and we’re both representatives for the faculty.” I don’t think I said that with any conviction whatsoever. Once he got my dress off his hands and mouth were everywhere and I couldn’t concentrate. When he pushed me away I was confused until realized what had caught his attention. BAM. Underwear choice was paying off. Thank you Agent Provocateur. Lana had treated me to the Mercy corset and thong set and claimed that I would owe her. By the look on Deacons face I more than owed her.

  “I didn’t think you were an underwear man Deacon.” I was teasing him. For every hand he placed on my body I removed it and tried to avoid contact.

  “When did I tell you that? Do you have more of these things?” I had a feeling that if I said no I would find my bedroom filled with them by the end of tomorrow.

  “Deacon I had on underwear like this the first time we had sex. You didn’t pay any attention to that set.” I was pouting as I remembered he’d been more than careless with my favorite set of underwear.

  “I was preoccupied. I’ll replace it. Now woman shut up and get on the bed.” The way he backed me up I had no choice. I was like a prime rib steak chucked in front of a hungry lion and I was pretty sure I was about to be eaten.

  When we arrived at the ball my hair was nowhere near as immaculate as it had looked before Deacon arrived at my house and the culprit behind the mess looked utterly pleased with himself. We drew a few looks that made me feel slightly uncomfortable. Did people know we were sleeping together? I was used to seeing women fawning over Deacon. His accent alone had them swooning. I was also used to the odd look in my direction as well but for some reason people were looking at us a little longer than normal and it made me want to hide behind Deacon. I was not a fan of attention like this at all.

  Deacon discretely leant down and whispered in my ear, “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  “People are staring. Do I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe or something?” Deacon laughed at me and not quietly either which drew a little more attention to us.

  “Baby, they’re watching you because you’ve got a hot red dress on that is showing off every inch of your body. The men are watching you because they’d give their right arm to be standing where I am and the women are watching you because they want to claw your eyes out because their men are watching you.”

  “Say what?” He couldn’t be serious.

  “Don’t worry baby. I’ll be your knight tonight and shield you from unwanted attention. That is, if you’re ok with the possibility of public displays of affection.” He wasn’t smiling any more. He was looking at me deeply hurt. That last question had more meaning than his light tone had implied. What Deacon was asking me was whether I was ready to go public with our relationship and in turn commit to him and invest myself wholly. I’d know in my heart for a while now what I wanted to do and it was now time for me to show Deacon just how much he meant to me. Lady Luck was on form tonight. Just as I opened my mouth to tell Deacon how I felt, Colin and Miranda swanned over with champagne in their hands. I didn’t even want to guess what those two were doing together. Would it kill Colin to bring his wife with him and heaven forbid that Miranda should wear something below her knee.

  “Dana, you look absolutely stunning. And Deacon dapper as always.” Colin scanned me from head to foot and his scheming grin appeared on his face. “Deacon do you mind if I leave you with Miranda? I just need to borrow Dana for a few minutes to talk to some interesting people here at the ball. What that meant was he was going to parade me as a trophy researcher ad, hope that as I’m easy on the eye it distracts them while he talks them into signing cheques made out to the university. Yuck! Miranda better watch her back. She’d already sidled up close to Deacon and had her arm draped across his chest trying her best to hold his attention. It wasn’t only Mara who knew how to fight. My gut clenched. Deacon had wanted me to assure him that I was ready to be with him and be public about him. Once again I hadn’t given him the answer he wanted. In fact I hadn’t given him any answer which was worse. It wasn’t long before I didn’t want Mitchell to touch me anymore and it wasn’t long after that that I didn’t miss the intimacy of being with a man.

  ****

  I heard Mitchell drop his keys on the table in the kitchen. The sound made me jump and I tensed straight away. I curled into my ball as tight as I could as I made out the sounds of him taking his jacket off and making himself a drink. I needed to relax my body so that it looked more natural when he came upstairs and actually believed that I was asleep. Some nights if I was lucky and Jakey didn’t wake up or make too much noise I could get through a whole night without having to talk to Mitchell. He left early in the morning for work so we had minimal
conversation then if I timed going to the bathroom and making breakfast right.

  I squeezed my eyes tight together when I heard the bedroom door creak open. Mitchell took his time getting ready for bed. Sometimes I think he did it on purpose because he knew I wasn’t asleep so he wanted to drag out what he probably knew was mental torture for me. I felt his side of the bed dip and him get it. He draped his arm over me and pulled my body close into him. This was worse. This was nice Mitchell. This was the Mitchell who was going to want to sleep like this all night. I’d been drawn in by this side of him so many times. The promise that everything was going to be alright and things were going to get better. I was learning that this wasn’t true. Mitchell wasn’t going to change. I don’t even think he thought he’d done wrong. It was all my fault. Everything that happened to me was of my own creation.

  He kissed the back of my neck and I couldn’t help but shudder.

  “Dana, I missed you today.” He kept kissing me and his hand began to stroke my stomach under my camisole. My skin was crawling.

  “Mitchell, I’m really tired. Jakey was really busy today. Let’s just get some sleep tonight yeah?” I tried to wrap the duvet around me tighter. Mitchells hand had frozen in one spot and then he whipped it away from me as though my skin burned.

  “You know Dana, I’m out all the time and women come on to me. It would be easy for me to get what I need from somewhere else. As a man I have needs Dana, just remember that.” He turned his back to me and I kept still in the same position he had left me.

  I could only pray that Mitchell finds so much comfort in the arms of another woman that he decides to leave Jakey and I and never come back.

  ****

  Now Deacon had me wanting to be with him completely and I’d been too much of a chicken to admit my feelings and wants to him and myself.

  Colin left me off towards a huddle of men and left Deacon behind with Miranda. What if in my absolution to protect my heart I’d not given Deacon what he needed and pushed him towards someone else. Miranda didn’t hide her intentions towards a man. Essentially all I was providing Deacon with was sex. I hadn’t given him intimacy. I hadn’t given my all to him.

  I could barely hear what the group around me was saying. I was too caught up in my own thoughts. I nodded, agreed and laughed at the points I thought I needed to. I kept looking over my shoulder to find Deacon and Miranda but at some point I lost them in the crowd. When we were ushered into the main suite for dinner I caught site of them again but it had been arranged so that we were sitting at different tables. Colin had the ingenious idea that we could coup more money for the university if we covered more ground. Funnily enough Colin had still managed to ensure that Deacon and Miranda sat together. When I looked over Miranda caught my eye and winked in my direction as she raised her glass to me.

  “I know you and Deacon can sometimes clash so I did my best to make sure you didn’t have to spend the whole evening with him Dana.” So this really was my fault. Colin looked like a puppy waiting to be told he’d been a good boy.

  “Thank you Colin. That was considerate of you.” I tried to keep the disappointment out of my voice but I don’t think Colin would have notice anyway as he already had his back turned to me and was shaking hands with someone else.

  During dinner I kept looking over my shoulder and each time it burned a little more. Deacon never once looked over and he was laughing and talking with everyone on his table with Miranda all over him like herpes on a prostitute. By the time the meal had finished and everyone was making their way back to the main hall, I had lost track of Deacon and the succubus also known as Miranda, once again. Frustrated I decided to head to the bathroom to touch up my make-up. Mara always told us that there was no need for people to see that you were crying on the inside. That was the main purpose for the invention of make-up. I’d bought my favourite brand of red color lipstick and some mascara just in case. Once my lips were looking immaculate and my eyes a bit brighter I stepped out into the corridor. My heart broke into tiny pieces of glass and then shattered some more at the sight of Miranda and Deacon in an embrace. She had her arms wrapped around his neck and while he looked amused he certainly wasn’t doing anything to deter her. I backed away unable to take my eyes away from the show in front of me. I wasn’t looking behind me and bumped a small table that was hosting a vase with flowers. The sound alerted them both to their audience and while Miranda looked merely amused, Deacon looked horrified. I guess he thought he could have us both. Miranda wouldn’t care if he was seeing someone else and I wouldn’t have been any the wiser. Apart from the fact they were in a hotel surrounded by ball guests.

  “Dana.” Deacon called out and I didn’t hear the rest of what he said because I ran back into the ballroom. I found Colin and made up some feeble excuse that Jakey was ill and I needed to leave straight away. Colin would have been good about it regardless but by this point in the night most of the moneybags were already inebriated so they were no good for pumping for cash anyway. I called Lana to come and pick me up and made my escape from the nightmare.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  When I woke up my head was banging. I was lying underneath Lana’s dining table in a dress I didn’t really remember putting on. I managed to roll myself over and saw several bottles of wine loitering the floor. What the hell happened last night? Urgh. I remembered the part where I saw Deacon and Miranda together and the rest of the night started to piece itself together.

  I’d dodged Deacon until Lana picked me up and we drove back to her place. After bawling my eyes out over how much of an idiot I’d been and wiping the snot off my face along with most of my makeup, Lana made the absurd suggestion that we got changed and went to a bar. The whole time I’d been crying Lana had been plying me Cheeky Vimtos, her number one choice of cocktail that hadn’t changed since she was fifteen. So her idea sounded absolutely perfect at the time. I’d forgotten what it was like to party with Lana. My body ached all over and something was itching the hell out of my left boob. I reached in and down to adjust and pulled out a telephone number written on a scrap piece of paper. What the fuck had we gotten up to?

  I crept out the living room. Lana very rarely heard a thing if she’d drunk herself into a paralytic state but god have mercy on your soul if you did wake her up. Hungover Lana was like a banshee on steroids. I didn’t have to go far to find her. She’d passed out on her stairs with her dress and shoes still on. I walked past to go upstairs to use her toilet and heard her groan.

  “You’re a fucking bad influence on me. You corrupted my innocence. Never again.” With that she rolled onto her back and went back to sleep.

  Lana finally emerged when she smelled the coffee and breakfast being made in her kitchen. We sat down in the living room to eat with her sprawled out on her sofa and me on the floor. She delighted in filling me in on our antics the previous night. After she’d got me into a mini strapless little black dress and matching heels we’d gone into town and hit the first bar we’d seen. It wasn’t long before we were surrounded by blokes and were dancing with several of them. Basically we moved from bar to bar, drinking and dancing until we couldn’t hold any more fluid. It still didn’t explain the number I found in my bra or the others I found in my clutch purse, even Lana was stumped on how or when that happened.

  “So what you gonna do about Deacon?” Lana was talking with bacon hanging out her mouth, which was anything but attractive and it was hard to take her seriously.

  “There’s nothing to do about Deacon. I couldn’t give him what he wanted so he went looking for it elsewhere. It’s an old story that’s been told before. I won’t be the first this has happened to and I’m pretty sure that I won’t be the last either.” I shrugged at her to try and hide how I was feeling inside which was utter turmoil.

  “I’m still not sure as to what it was you saw exactly. You said you saw Miranda with her arms around his neck but they weren’t kissing or anything.”

  “The important thing is that he wasn
’t removing her arms. That’s the only part of that scene that I care about. I wasn’t about to stick around and watch like it was some bloody peep show.”

  “Have you checked your phone?” I nodded. It was one of the first things I’d done when I’d come back downstairs.

  “He’s called and left messages but I don’t want to listen to them. He’s a liar and a cheater and I don’t want to speak to him or hear anything he has to say.”

  “That’s going to be pretty hard considering your both due at work tomorrow.” Damn. I’d forgotten that fact. “Pass your phone. I don’t mind hearing his sultry dulcet tones. I might edit his messages and turn them into a lullaby for single women. I could make millions.” I rolled my eyes at her and handed over my phone. She started listening straight away.

  “Awwwww Dana you have to listen. He sounds so sad.” I shook my head. “Oh listen to this one. I think he might be crying. Bless his cotton socks.” I shook my head again even though the pang in my heart wanted me to listen to his voice. “I really don’t think it’s what you think Dana. He loves you. That’s obvious to anyone within a ten mile radius.

  “Lana just leave it.” I got up to clear my plate. I didn’t feel hungry anymore.