His Assurance (Assured Distraction Book 3)

by Thia Finn

  I was done with this conversation, so I opened my door and slammed it shut behind me. I knew where to go. My movements were quick because I was so pissed at him and myself. When I spun around to walk to the door, I found my face meeting the ground. “Ugh. Fuck!”

  Ryan helped me sit up and talked even though he knew I couldn’t hear a word he was saying. He opened the back door and pulled out a towel to stop the blood that flowed from my forehead and nose. It went everywhere. Seeing the blood pissed me off even more. My life was one big clusterfuck.

  “Damn this shit all to hell,” I screamed. “I’m so fucking tired of it. I hate it. I’m never going to be right. Just leave my sorry ass here and go home to your wife.” He tried to help me up, but I didn’t want to get up. “Stop. I don’t want to listen to the doctor tell me the same thing again. I don’t want to see the same test results either. There’s nothing new. It’s never going to change. I want to go home and walk into the fucking pool that started all of this shit I’m in and be done with it all.” I laid on the black asphalt staring up at the sky dotted with high, wispy clouds. Fuck. My. Life.

  Ryan sat on the warm pavement and gave me a look of horror. “What?”

  He slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket.

  Ryan: Do you even realize what you just said?

  He turned his phone to let me read his screen.

  “Yeah, I said Fuck. My. Life, and I meant it, too. It’s all gone to shit.”

  Ryan: No, dude. The other thing you said. Sounded like you were going to do something crazy like try to end your life to me.

  “Hell no, I can't end my life. God is already going to send me to hell for all the bad shit I’ve done.”

  Ryan: But you said…

  He looked at me and didn’t finish it. I looked up and stared at the clouds.

  I realized tears were sliding down my temples and across my naked scalp when a small warm stream ran above my ear and back. I looked over at him, and it was all I could do to keep it together. Ryan was kind enough to look up at the clouds, but I knew he had seen the tears. I couldn’t remember the last time I cried. Not even when we were trying to get Chandler through all of her sad shit with her parents. Why did I choose to do so now?

  I tried to sit up, and Ryan reached out to help me. When I finally made it, he pulled me over to lean against the car beside him.

  “Damn, I’m one pathetic bastard,” I said with a sick laugh.

  Ryan: Dude, this is going to get better. You know that, right?

  I read the screen and just hung my head down. “No Ryan. I don’t know that.”

  Ryan: You have to believe it’s going to. It can’t be permanent.

  “Yeah, but what if it is? What the fuck am I going to do?”

  Ryan: You’ll always have a job with the band. Hell, maybe we’ll all go to sign language classes so we can learn to talk to you without this damn thing.

  I laughed when I read the screen.

  “Hell no. Learning a language is hard, dude. Y’all aren’t smart enough for that. Well, maybe Chandler is but not the rest of you sorry pricks.”

  Ryan: Well, we would do it for you. Shit, it would be good for us to try to learn something new.

  “Don’t even talk about it. We are not learning to sign unless we want to.”

  Ryan: Who says we don’t want to?

  “Help this damn invalid up so we can go read what the doctor has to say.”

  I could only stand with Ryan’s help because my head was still spinning. “No more sudden movements for me.” He nodded his head and held onto me to keep me from falling backward when I took a step forward. “I can do this.” Famous last words. He had to hold onto me all the way to the office as I stumbled along.

  We made our way inside the office after I had the scan. I was better after a bit but still a little woozy each time I stood up. The nurse called my name, and Ryan nudged me and stood up, ready to help me. I stood beside him but didn’t take a step for fear of falling on my face again. This sucked a big one. The doctor met us in the examining room and looked at the blood still on my face.

  He talked to Ryan, who I guess told him all the sordid details of my fall from grace. The doctor looked at me and took out his phone to type.

  Doctor: Let me check you out, and we’ll get this cleaned up.

  Doctor: Good news is the swelling is mostly down, and the test results show your concussion is healing nicely.

  “Yeah, well let me tell you the bad news. I can’t fucking hear!”

  Doctor: Yes, I can see that. Let’s have a look in there.

  He took a look in both of my ears and at the back of my head where the staples were. I could feel his breath on my neck which told me he was talking. I hoped Ryan was getting all of this information.

  “What did he say, Ryan?” He started typing on his phone, and it was mostly nothing. Looking and commenting on some redness inside one.

  Doctor: I spoke with the ENT, and she said the prognosis is good that your hearing will return when the body is ready, and she believes that when the swelling is gone, we should start looking for it.

  “Does that mean it will happen all at once or is it going to come back gradually?”

  Doctor: I believe you will hear a gradual increase in sound, but there’s actually no right answer to this. Remember last time we spoke about a TBI and how it’s not an exact science on when you will get well.

  “Is it going to happen anytime soon?”

  Doctor: Hard to tell. Everyone’s body heals at a different pace. You should be eating a good diet and getting plenty of rest because that’s what will help the healing process.

  “Yeah, well I’ve got nothing else to do, so I guess I’ll just start sleeping all the time.”

  Doctor: That’s not what I said. Eight to ten hours is enough sleep and then rest. No strenuous activities, no lifting. Now let's address your vertigo problems. I can give you some medicine for this, but there is some research that suggests the crystals need alignment in your inner ear to stop the falling and instability you're feeling. I’m going to send you to a doctor that specializes in this to see if he can relieve it for you. I’m not telling you it’s going to be a cure-all for the problem, but some of my patients have had success with it.

  “Hell yeah. This feeling like the earth is moving under me all the time is old already. It’s like being high without the good feeling.”

  Doctor: Let's leave the feeling high for another lifetime, shall we?

  This made me laugh out loud. “Not a problem, Doctor.”

  This doctor’s office looked like the whole new age movement had moved in and taken up residence. Just what I needed, some weird dude setting my crystals back in line. I was still not sure whatever the hell that meant. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long in the office.

  He talked to me like I could hear him, and I looked to Ryan for help. Ryan told the doctor what was going on, so he used Ryan’s phone to message me.

  Doctor: So, we are going to start with the easiest fix, and that is to spin you in the chair in several directions. Most of my patients are good as new once that’s done.

  “You're going to spin me around? Is this some new section of the medical books or something? I’ve never heard of it being a cure for anything? And you should know that spinning me is going to cause me to barf all over this office.”

  Doctor: The inner workings of the ear are very delicate. When those minute parts get out of alignment, it causes the body to not feel stable, hence the reason for your dizziness and falling. What we want to do is put those pieces where they belong. Usually, this stops your problems. It should also end the nausea.

  “Great, let’s do it.” The doctor smiled at me. I was still wondering where this guy went to medical school, maybe a voodoo clinic on some Caribbean island? He didn’t have doctor in front of his name, but I guess his diplomas were in an office somewhere.

  He directed me to sit in an office chair and stood behind me. Ryan was looking at him, so
I suppose they were talking.

  Ryan: He says for you to hold on to the arms of the chair tightly and don’t let go. He’s going to spin you both directions quickly, and you might fall out of the chair if you don’t hold on. I’ll be right here, though buddy, so don’t worry. I’m not going to let you fall out of the chair.

  “Yeah, remember that the next time I’ve had too much to drink, please.” I could see he was laughing at my joke. He held up three fingers so he could count down before blast-off happened.

  Three, two, one. Oh my God. I thought I was dying. He spun the chair out of control like I was on the cup ride at Disney for about five turns, helping it with each spin. Then he brought the chair to a dead stop, and before I could breathe, he spun me the other way. I knew I was going to lose my lunch. I could feel it working its way out of my stomach and up my esophagus. The chair came to another abrupt stop and then immediately the other way again. It was too much. I was an invalid, remember? I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t open my mouth for fear of barfing all over him, myself, and if I had to guess Ryan, too.

  Finally, he stopped the chair again but didn’t make a move to do it again. Thank God in Heaven.

  Doctor: Now don’t move. Give yourself time to adjust.

  “Not a problem, but you might want to find me one of the blue barf bags.” He quickly handed me one from the dispenser on the wall, which made me think people threw up in here often. After that treatment, I could see why.

  Fortunately for all of us, I didn’t need to use it. I sat there for a few minutes, and I could tell something was different. I didn’t know what yet, but there was a new feeling in my head.

  Doctor: Okay, let’s get you up and see how that feels.

  I slowly stood from the chair just in case it didn’t work. I stood there a minute and then took a step. “Doc, this is amazing. The feeling is gone. I don’t feel dizzy at all anymore. What about if I stand up fast?”

  Doctor: I think you’ll see that it won’t be one hundred percent immediately, but over the next week or so, you’ll begin forgetting about it because the feeling will come less and less. Take it easy still. You don’t want to overdo it. You still might have bouts of some dizziness, but I believe my work is done here for now. If it begins occurring again frequently, come back and see me. If not, have a good life.

  I vigorously shook his hand. This was one battle that was happily behind me. The dizziness and nausea was flat annoying.

  “Thank you so very much Doc, and no offense, but I hope I don’t see you again.”

  He said none taken directly to me, and I could read it on his lips. I nodded and looked at Ryan. “Let’s motor, dude. I feel great now.”

  Ryan: Nice try, shithead. You’re still not driving.

  “Prick.”

  “Douche.” I read his lips.

  “Asshat.”

  “Dickhead.” Again, I read his lips.

  “Fucktard.”

  Ryan said something and I pointed to my ears, so he pulled out his phone to type it in.

  Ryan: Hey, now that's hitting below the belt.

  I laughed when I read it.

  “Okay, we’ll call it even then.” Yeah, we were still fourteen years old.

  “I had a great interview, Poppie.” I knew my tone was unenthusiastic, but it was closer to the truth than the words I chose.

  “If that’s the case, ma petite, why do you sound sad? Shouldn’t you be thrilled?”

  “Yes sir, I should, but I’m not sure I want to live the rest of my life in Houston.” I wasn’t sure I wanted to live there another five minutes, and I knew not with my mom any longer than necessary.

  “Who said anything about the rest of your life? Lola, you can work anywhere in the world. Houston’s simply a stop off on your way to bigger and better things.” He sounded excited for me, and I wished I could be. I was just not happy right now.

  “I know, Dad, but I don’t want to take a job here and then discover I want to live in another city altogether. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “What's wrong, ma petite? What’s got you in such a mood? You left here ready to take on the medical world, and now you’re floundering?”

  “I don’t know what the problem is. I’m not happy with anything anymore.”

  “Could this man you went to see in Austin have anything to do with this, mon chéri?”

  When he said that, the tears started flowing. “Oh, Daddy. Yes, but there’s nothing I can do. He doesn’t love me or maybe he doesn’t even like me. I don’t know. He just told me to leave. That his life wasn’t right for me, and that it was best for me to come to Houston and forget about being an ‘us.’ That’s the problem. I don’t want to forget about being ‘us.’”

  “Why would he think that, Lola? You’re a great catch.”

  “He’s a musician and thinks that his life wouldn't work for us. He didn’t even give me the option to make up my own mind, though.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I was being stupid. I shouldn’t cry over some guy. I was better than that. I didn’t have to beg.

  “Are you in love, chéri?”

  “I don’t know, Daddy. I might have been falling in love with him, but he wouldn’t let me stick around long enough to find out.” I told him about the whole accident story.

  “Oh, Lola. That’s a lot for you both to deal with. He may never hear again, and then what would he do?”

  “So, I’m supposed to ditch him because he’s deaf?” That didn’t sound like something my dad would say.

  “I’m not saying that, Lola. I’m saying he needs to find his way before he can find you. It’s a huge change for him. It will keep him from doing what he loves. It’s not simply giving up a career because he isn’t not happy. It’s giving up his life, and it’s out of his hands.”

  “I know this, but how can I help him? I don’t want to be shut out of his life.”

  “Then don’t be. Go to Austin. Set him straight. You don’t have to be his life, but you can be in it, so he doesn’t forget you’re there for him.”

  “You think I should move to Austin to be with him? I can’t believe you are saying this.” Where did this dad come from?

  “Chéri, when you want something badly enough, you don’t run away from it, no matter what. You run to it, and you keep running until you catch it. If I had run away from your mother, look how sad my life would have been. When she insisted on maintaining her Texas residence, we learned to work around it, and it’s been a wonderful life. If this drummer is who you want, then you need to show him how it’s going to be.”

  “I’ll think about it, Poppie. I want to be happy, and he makes me happy. Living in Houston makes me unhappy, so moving wouldn’t be a hardship at all for me.”

  “Then pack your bags, find yourself an apartment, and get a good job. Be happy. Life is too short not to be.”

  “Thank you, Daddy. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Now go.” He hung up the phone. I cannot believe my father would tell me those things. He’s right, though. My parents have never had a normal marriage. He lived in Texas and Paris all my life and so had my mother.

  Gunner might not feel that way.

  What if he truly doesn’t want me?

  Something told me that wasn’t the case, though.

  “Okay. I think that’s everything, Journey. Thanks so much for helping me unpack. I think I’m going to love it here. It’s a fun old home, and it’s close to everything I want to do. Best part is that’s it’s close to the hospital where I want to work.”

  I stepped forward and hugged her goodbye before she headed back to Houston. Her flight left the next day for Paris so she could get back to school and her friends, who all left after the vacation here. Mom had enjoyed having us both around for a while, but we both were ready to move on, and I think Mom was ready for us to go, too. Dad wanted her in Paris soon and all to himself for a while.

  “I'm going to miss you, Lola. It’s so fun now that we are both adults and can do more things t
ogether. I think I love you now more than ever before. This whole being a friend thing to you instead of being the little sister is so much better.”

  “Yes, it is better, but you’ll always be my little sister no matter how old you are.” We hugged, and she shut the door behind her.

  I turned around and looked at all the stuff that still needs to find a home in my little house. I had rented it for three months and then I could choose to stay or find another location. If I got hired at the children’s hospital, I wanted to move closer to it.

  As soon as I had all of this organized and put away, I planned on to phase two of this whole operation—‘Get me a drummer.’

  Another week without the dizziness but still no sounds. I hoped I would magically wake up one morning and hear something. The leaves moving, the doves cooing, my least favorite sound—grackling. I hated those damn birds, but to hear them make that horrible cawing would be music to me.

  I was trying to be patient. The doctor said I needed to be, and he said I needed to rest. I slept all night long when I could. There was a certain blonde-haired, beautiful girl I couldn’t get out of my mind, though. When I laid down at night, she was the first thing that popped into my head. I didn’t know how many times I had rubbed one out thinking about her. It was like my dick knew when I laid down what was coming and instantly hardened. We had had sex on every surface in this room and my bathroom while she was here. That was all I saw when I looked around, and it caused a hard-on like a piece of petrified wood that refused to go away.

  I wondered what she was doing. I hadn't contacted her because I knew it would only hurt us both. The last look on her face almost killed me. It left me in a very bad place every time the image appeared in my mind. I hoped she might text me after her interview, but I guess I made my point loud and clear the day I pushed her away.