Not Afraid to Love You (Ink Series - Spin Off Book 1)

by Jude Ouvrard

  “Of course,” he kisses me. “I’ll be back soon, sweetheart. I love you.”

  It startles me when I hear him say it. I love hearing it but for some reason, I didn’t expect it.

  “Hurry back home. I love you too.” It’s magic to be able to say those words and mean them. Pure delight.

  Climbing the stairs to my apartment with my backpack on my back, I can tell my legs are still weak from this morning. I can hear music coming out of one of the apartments, it’s strange but I know Lennox always has music playing in the background. I almost empty my whole bag searching for my keys, which of course, are at the bottom and under everything. Finally, I try to unlock the door, I turn the handle but it won’t open. Did I leave it unlocked and now I’ve just locked it? I have no idea but all I know is that I want to get inside and take a quick shower.

  Finally entering my apartment, it smells of vanilla and strawberries like the candles I used to have back at the house. This is the second alarm that tells me something isn’t right. First, the door, now the candle scents.

  “Hello?”

  As if I’ll get an answer.

  I drop my bag by the door and leave the keys on the small table facing the door. My hands are shaking and I can feel him here. I know Dave is in my apartment. He’s found me. Shit. Trying not to panic, I take my phone from my pocket and text Lennox and my sister. It’s just a matter of whoever can get here faster.

  Lilly: I think Dave is in my apartment. Help me, pls.

  I hear the wood floor cracking under the weight of my intruder. I tense. I can turn around and leave or I can confront him. Deep down, I know I’m scared but I think it’s time I put my foot down. He’s never going to hurt me again. I’ll defend myself before he causes me pain. I’m stronger now.

  Walking inside the living room, I see him standing by the window. We’re both staring at each other and I’m silently daring him to make a move on me.

  “You already replaced me, huh? Didn’t take you long,” I choose silence over arguing. “I gave you everything you wanted. A beautiful home, a nice car. You didn’t have to worry about finding a job. You had the perfect life and you left me without even a simple goodbye. You gave me no chance to say anything or fight for you. Do you know how much it hurt me when I came back from work and you were gone? I had to hire people in order to find you. I am so disappointed to find you living in a small apartment, working in a small diner and making out with the first man who throws himself at you.” He groans. “Do you think he loves you? Do you think he’s going to marry you? No, he won’t, Lilly-Rose because you’re mine. Put on your ring and we can get out of here and go home.” He’s holding my ring, throwing it in my face, the diamonds I once loved so much.

  “You’re delusional, Dave. I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather live in a small cozy apartment than live in your cold castle where you’ve hurt and humiliated me so much. We’re done. You can go, now. You know where the door is.” I sound strong but I’ve never been so scared in my life.

  Hysterically, he’s laughing so loud I feel like my body has turned into ice.

  “Put your fucking ring back on.”

  “I’m sorry, Dave but I’m not going to wear that ring again.” I yell at him, just as loud as he yelled at me. I’m not backing down. He’s not going to win over me today, not ever.

  Closing the distance between us, he takes me by surprise. I didn’t think he would touch me but his hands go directly to my throat and he pushes me against the wall. I trip on one of Sugar’s toy but Dave’s strong enough to get me back up in no time. He is strangling me with just enough power that I can still breathe but making me weak from lack of oxygen. The more I’m fighting to breath, the less I get in. He’s doing this on purpose. Dave is a sick bastard. I’m going to die a long painful death.

  This is when the self-defense classes I took are supposed to kick in. Defend yourself, Lilly. Fight. It’s almost impossible to breathe. He’s yelling at me but I can’t hear anything. Everything around me is blurry and it’s not because of tears, it’s just the pressure building, the panic rising. He’s stronger than I am and with all my strength, I can’t move his arms. I keep kicking him because it’s all I can do until, I’m so weak and out of air that lifting my legs is impossible.

  The last thing I want to see is my sister walking into the apartment but unfortunately, she’s the first person to arrive. Dave is holding my throat tighter and I know I won’t be able to keep it together long enough. Without fear, I see her jumping on Dave’s back, she’s hitting him with all her force but he throws her on the floor with so much power I’m not sure she’ll get up again. She does and attacks him again.

  “Let her go or I’ll kill you myself.” She’s kicking him with her feet, and punching him with her fists.

  This time, Dave backhands her and I see the pain on her face. On my side, I’m starting to see lightning, flashes of white or black. I’m slowly leaving. She’s trying again, with blood coming out of her mouth. I want to tell her to leave, but I can’t and she wouldn’t listen anyway.

  She takes the small decorative bowl on my table and she hits him hard on the head. He’s still standing but thankfully, he lets go of me.

  Logan… I see Logan… He’s…

  Shades of red and blue plaster the walls; it must be the angels fighting against the demons. The lights are moving slower by the second and then, there’s nothing at all. The angels are gone and so are the demons.

  Did I lose? Am I in heaven or hell?

  My body is falling, but I’m not flying. I’m just falling and I reach the ground. Nobody’s touching me, no more hands around my throat but I don’t have the reflex of breathing. I’m just there, on the floor, barely alive.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Nightmare

  The burning pain in my throat is bearable compared to the yelling of my name in my ears. It’s coming from every side. My right, left, and above—this is making me dizzy.

  Coughing, until I can get oxygen into my lungs. Someone’s moving my body as if I weigh close to nothing. I’m on my side. Before I can understand what’s happening to me, I start vomiting, repeatedly and I keep coughing every chance I get.

  Distracted by his voice, I open my eyes. Lennox. He’s here. There is an urge to call his name, but I can’t speak. He isn’t looking at me, does he even see me? I’m so confused. The police officer next to me is trying to hold me down but I have to move, I need him to see that I’m okay. What I see next is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. My table is broken in half and everything is upside down.

  Then, I see her, Abbey. She’s crying in Logan’s arms. Another police officer is asking questions. This is like a crime scene I normally see on TV, not inside my apartment. How did my life end up so fucked up?

  Where’s Dave?

  Where is he?

  I’m up again, my knees shaking under my weight.

  “Ma’am, you should sit. Ma’am, please.” She’s helping me, holding me firmly. I point to Lennox. I have to see him. He needs to see me. “Eastwood, can you come here before she injures herself?” Oh, I love how irritated she sounds. I’m not asking you for help, officer.

  Turning to see me, he has a split lip and his eyes are frightening.

  “Lilly, what are you doing? You have to sit. Are the paramedics here already?” He sees me, watches me, every single part of my body. As I try to get closer to him, my knee bolts and he swoops me into his arms. Fast, Lennox gets me inside my room. My drawers are all open and most of my clothes are on the floor. Placing me on the bed, he starts crying. I’ve never seen him cry. Not ever.

  “I thought you were never going to wake up. When I saw you on the floor, I watched everything I wanted in life just fly away. Everything was gone.” He kisses my cheeks. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get back here. I only saw the text when I arrived at the station. Logan saved you and your sister.”

  I want to know what happened with Dave. Is he alive or dead? Where is he?

  “Loga
n got here minutes after Abbey. He managed to control the situation alone. Dave put up one hell of a fight.”

  It’s still not what I want to know. Is he alive? Or not. I need to know.

  “Before the police got here, Logan thought Dave was knocked out, he looked after you and Abbey but the bastard ran off out into the back door. He’s dead now. He was armed and refused to put down his gun. He didn’t leave me any choice, Lilly.”

  The paramedics enter the room and ask Lennox to leave. Our eyes are staring back at each other’s. Dave’s dead. He’s gone. I want to cry. I don’t know why it hurts so much. He doesn’t deserve to be alive after what he has done to Abbey and me. I’m hurting because I’ve spent two years of my life fighting against the demon living inside of him. The pain he caused me, I will never forget. He died without suffering. Part of me wanted him to pay for what he had done.

  He’ll never hurt me again and I’ll never have to worry about him. He’s gone. I should focus on that. Two men lift me from the bed onto a stretcher. They are putting straps over my legs to keep me from moving. I try to make them understand that I don’t want the neck collar on but they don’t care. I don’t ever want anything around my throat again. I’m already having a hard time breathing. Once they get me inside the ambulance, they place an oxygen mask over my mouth. Nobody’s coming with me. I’m leaving alone.

  My body is hurting, so is my heart. I don’t want to be alone. I’m so scared. Exhausted, I close my eyes and try to calm down. This is the beginning of a very long day.

  Dave’s dead.

  Falling asleep before we made it to the hospital, my mind is a wild torment of souvenirs. Dave’s everywhere. The nice Dave I met, the one who had me believing in a nice future and the one who destroyed everything. His angry eyes, how he used to bite on his lip when he was angry. All the memories of every emotion I went through. I can’t shake it off.

  Dave’s dead. Lennox killed him.

  She’s been sleeping for hours. The more I look at her, the more I hurt and regret not going home with her. Jim asked to see me on my return. He said he had important information to tell me. It’s the last of my concerns right now.

  I can’t believe I killed Dave. I thought about it when I met Lilly but I never thought I would do it for real. I’m not sure how I feel. I can’t think straight. While I think it’s a good thing, I wonder how she’s going to deal with it. Will she be hurt, sad or satisfied? No matter how much she hates him, she still spent years with him. It doesn’t go unnoticed. Shit! Will she ever catch a break? She’d just recently started looking happier and I’m hoping that hasn’t all gone. Right now, I just want to hold her in my arms and take away her pain and memories. If only I could.

  Her knuckles are all swollen and her neck is marked with his fingerprints. It makes me sick. I promised her that I would never let her get hurt again. I failed and I hate myself for it.

  The doctor tells me there is damage to her airway and trachea. It may take up to two weeks before it gets better. With my eyes closed, I try to figure out what to do with her apartment. It’s a mess, almost everything’s damaged and broken. I want her with me, it’s all I can think about but I’m afraid it will be too soon and scaring her is the last thing I want, right now. The clothes she is wearing are torn. I’ll have to pick up some clean ones before they discharge her. Small noises coming from her bed brings me back to reality. She’s awake. I still see the sparkle in her eyes, thank God! I think I see a small smile too but it’s very faint.

  “Lilly.” I say getting up from my chair. “Don’t try to talk, sweetheart. You have to keep quiet in order to heal, okay? There’s a pad here and a pencil on the nightstand. It sucks but we’re going to have to communicate this way for a while.” She nods. “You’re so beautiful, Lilly. I love you.” My emotions are no longer under control. I completely break down right in front of her for the second time today. I’m crying because I’m happy she’s alive, back with me but also because I know how her small body must hurt right now and there’s nothing I can do to take that pain away.

  Her hand covers mind, she’s holding it so tightly. I’ve never cried as much as I have today. When I got to her apartment and saw her on the floor, I thought she was dead. I flipped out and I wanted to get Dave so bad. The world around me turned black. I wanted him dead but Logan explained that he was gone and officers were looking for him. Another officer told me, Lilly had a pulse and I felt like I could finally breathe, as if I had been holding my breath until I knew she was alive. My chest was so tight I thought I was on the verge of having a heart attack. Then I saw him hiding behind the shed in my backyard. As soon as he saw me, he started jumping fences but I caught up with him and ordered him to put his gun down. He didn’t listen and was about to shoot me. So I shot first and now he’s dead.

  I can’t control my tears or everything I feel. I’ve never dealt with something like this. I see her reaching for the pad and pencil. I wonder what she wants to tell me.

  "Don't tell my parents, I don't want them to worry and it'll be so much trouble for them if they want to come and see me."

  I laugh and am thankful that she hasn’t lost her good attitude. "Abbey knew you would say that."

  She lets a little smile form at the corner of her mouth. "How is she?" She adds to her pad.

  "She's good, shaken up but fine."

  "Logan?"

  I chuckle. "He's trained to face this type of thing. He's good. He only regrets not showing up before.”

  "You?" She mouths to me, pointing her finger at me.

  I take my time thinking about what to say. "I'm good but I'll never forgive myself. I should have gone up with you and made sure you were fine before heading out. I'm sorry it took me so long before showing up."

  "We're alive, it's all that matters."

  I nod. If only she knew how badly I feel inside, when I see the red marks around her neck. He almost took her life. The doctor who took care of her at the ER said she's lucky to be alive. I'm lucky that she's alive. A life without her wouldn't be a life worth living.

  We need to talk about what I have in my pocket but maybe the timing isn’t right. I don’t want to walk around all day though, with it on my mind.

  "There was this ring around your finger when they brought you here."

  She rolls her eyes and groans but it must have hurt because she winces. Holding the pencil to her pad, she adds. "Sell it or throw it in the garbage. I don't want to ever see it again."

  I can deal with this. I'll sell it for her and give her what I get for it. I hate Dave and what he did to her but that guy had more money than any other man I know. I hate to say this but the ring is gorgeous and I'll probably never be able to afford a ring half that price. I love my job and the life I have and I'll never change my job for more numbers on my paycheck.

  As soon as we're out of here, I'm moving her stuff over to my place. There is no way I'm going to spend a day or a night away from her. I want to make her mine forever.

  She starts to write in her pad again and she has her lip between her teeth. There's something funny going on, I can tell.

  "When are you going to give me a ring?"

  I blush and can't stop smiling as I reread her words a second and third time. "Soon, sweetheart." I take her hand into mine and kiss every finger from the tip to her palm. "I love you."

  In silence, she mouths the words me too.

  I want to get on one knee now and ask her to marry me. It's taking all of my self-control not to do it. Needs to be under better circumstances though, she deserves that. A romantic dinner, a day at the park or maybe I should take her away for a few days. She won't be able to work until she heals. The red marks are going to take days, maybe even a week before they disappear.

  "Do you want me to get your sister and Logan? She can't wait to see you."

  The sadness in her eyes is heartbreaking. I don't think she ever wanted to put her sister in that situation or for her to know about Dave at all. It's probably why it took her mo
nths to get out of Seattle.

  "She's okay, sweetheart. I have to call the station, I’m sorry to leave you here but I’ll be back, okay?" I squeeze her hand before leaving the room. Checking my phone, I have five missed calls from the station. Shit!

  I see Logan and Matt at the coffee machine. They are talking and getting themselves coffee.

  "Hey, Logan, Matt." Both of them turn around and I see Abbey in a wheelchair next to them. "She's awake. She can't talk for now but she's ready to see you." I say looking at Abbey.

  "Can you help me to her room, baby?"

  Without hesitation, Logan pushes her to Lilly's room.

  "I'm sorry, Matt but I have to call the station, they've been trying to reach me."

  "No problem, man. But first, are you and my sister?" He makes a face that tells me he only recently found out about what was happening.

  I laugh louder than a hospital would normally allow you to. "We are." I keep laughing until I reach the exit and return my call.

  "Sergeant Eastwood."

  "We need your statement and there is something you have to know about Philipps’ case. Can you be here in fifteen minutes?”

  “I don’t want to leave her.”

  “I know but this is important.”

  I groan and leave the hospital letting Matthew know I’ll be back later.

  Writing down my statement, my hands are trembling and I keep having flashbacks of Dave’s body falling to the ground. I have shot suspects before but I’ve never killed anyone. This is a first and I’m not sure how to handle it. I don’t think I’m handling it at all. It takes me over an hour to fill out the papers.

  “Eastwood. I’ve been watching you filling out these papers and I can tell you aren’t doing well. This is a tough day for you, I assume. I think what I will say to you now will help and may ease your pain slightly.”

  “Okay, I’m listening.”

  “We found Dave Philipps’ car. He was armed. He also had everything to keep her against her will. Rope, drugs, money and I mean a lot of money. He might not have handled their relationship nicely but he was a smart man. We also found traces of infraction in the shed, in your backyard. We found duct tape, rope and ammunition. He had planned everything. All the papers we need now are in his car. He came here knowing he may not make it out alive. He had recent pictures of her, you and her family. It looks like he had hired a private detective. He knew about your job so he came prepared.”