Not Afraid to Love You (Ink Series - Spin Off Book 1)

by Jude Ouvrard

  "I'm still waiting."

  "I know." I say before walking inside. The first thing I do when I'm finally home is pick up my phone to give him my answer. With shaking fingers, I hit send.

  Lilly: Meet me downstairs in fifteen minutes.

  Before changing my clothes, I put my flowers in a sculpted crystal vase. They are beautiful and the scent from them is lovely too. Running to my room, I hope I'll find my purple summer dress. It's new and I love it. Abbey borrowed it the other day that's why I'm not sure where it is but I really want to wear it. It's comfortable and sexy at the same time.

  "Thank you, Abbey." It's on a hanger on the pole of the wardrobe. It's clean and wrinkleless. My sister is the best in the world. Removing my work clothes and changing my underwear for sexier ones, I putt on the dress. Why did I say fifteen minutes, I need longer. A shower would have been welcome to start with. Letting my hair loose, I define the waves with my iron and add some color to my exhausted eyes. A light grey shadow on my eyelids paired with a black mascara. Something simple because I don't want to overdo it. I'm not that type of girl. Satisfied, I add lip-gloss to my lips and I'm ready to go. I take one last look in the Mirror. I have this shimmer to my skin, some kind of permanent blush. Tonight will be fine, I feel it. That’s probably why I’m so nervous. I know how Lennox is. He’s a real gentleman and I can’t wait for him to hold me again. Like last night. It’s all I need.

  Waiting for me by the door, he takes my hand as soon as I set foot outside. It almost feels like nothing ever happened. I can’t stop smiling and giggling. I’m under Lennox’s spell.

  “Where are we going?”

  “There’s something I have to do first.”

  I nod.

  We get into his car and I let him drive without asking any further questions. Sometimes it’s good to appreciate the unpredictable. Through the afternoon traffic, Lennox ends up parking his car.

  “Can you wait in the car for two minutes? I won’t be long.”

  “Sure.”

  He gets out of the car and runs back around the corner and I lose sight of him. While waiting, I sing to the songs playing on the radio and I apply some more lip-gloss. It tastes so good that I constantly lick my lips. Useless, I’m guessing.

  Five minutes later, he reappears in his seat next to mine. This time, his fingers lock with mine and my heartbeat propels to the roof. Why does his touch make me so crazy?

  A few miles later, he stops at a beautiful park. One I used to visit a lot with my family. I told my parent’s once that I wanted to get married here. It’s so beautiful. It looks like a postcard. The view of the landscape is breathtaking. There are tons of flowers, a carrousel and Spokane river. A lot of people come here usually but today is peacefully quiet. We get out of the car and start walking with our fingers entwined.

  “Being here makes me miss my parents.”

  “Yeah, I remember you used to spend your Sunday afternoons here. Family day, if I remember correctly.”

  “Yeah, that’s it. It was very important to them to spend time as a family.” I say looking at him. “Why did you bring me here?”

  Looking straight at him, it takes him a few seconds before answering my question. “I want this moment to be perfect. I don’t take our relationship lightly, Lilly. There are so many things I want for us, so many great things.”

  “We can talk about them, Lennox.”

  “First, I want you back home. You and I both know that we’re together. You wanted to make a point and made me wait all damn day but you knew you were going to say yes. You knew it last night. No more playing games, Lilly, what I want is serious. I love you more than ever and I know you still love me.”

  “Of course, I do.” I never stopped loving him and trying to ignore my feelings for him never worked either.

  Pulling me into his arms, he presses me against his chest and his lips find mine. We kiss for the first time in weeks and it’s perfect. He is definitely back. Today is better than I could ever have hoped. He’s not messing around. He wants me back and he wants me back now. The birds are chirping around us, the soft breeze is making the heat less suffocating. Bringing up the intensity of our kiss, his hands hold each side of my head. I’m standing on my tiptoes, I want him to lift me like he used to do but instead, he drops on one knee.

  “Lennox, what are you doing? “

  “Lilly, we’ve wasted too much time away from each other and I know for a fact that I don’t want to ever be apart from you again. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my entire life. I want to marry you and I want us to be official. We’ll get through the next chapter together, deal with whatever we need to including all the legal stuff with Dave and then, we’ll move on to new things. Bigger and better things. We’ll take it slow, I swear. I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you too. How did you know about this place?”

  “Your brother told me. Say yes Lilly. Please say yes.” He pleads with his eyes.

  “Yes, Lennox. My answer is yes. I’ll marry you. Make me your wife.”

  Without wasting time, he slides a ring on my finger and kisses each one on that hand. “Thank you.” He kisses my lips and tears brim his eyes.

  The ring is a beautiful white gold band with a round cut diamond. It’s shining in the sunlight and it’s so pretty, “Oh my god, Lennox, I didn’t expect this today when I woke up. I don’t know what to say other than I love you.”

  I can’t believe I’m about to be Lilly Love. So much happened since yesterday, and I know I won’t regret any of it. We are solid and ready to face everything.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Giving back

  Few weeks later…

  “How are you doing, sweetheart?” Looking at her surrounded by women and children, some crying and kids hugging her from every side. There is so much action around us and it feels like we won a gold medal.

  “I’m good. There is so much love in here. I didn’t think it would be as gratifying to do this.”

  “I’m very proud of you, Lilly. You’re an amazing person.”

  Lilly made the decision to give money to victims of domestic violence, mainly women and their children. She’s truly wonderful and making me so proud. She is giving away part of Dave’s money to women in need. She was able to get away and remove herself from the violence but for other women, life is tougher. This money is to help women start afresh. They’ll have support and financial help for furniture, clothes and other necessities.

  One of the things I am beginning to notice is how easy it is for her to communicate with kids. They love her and laugh with her. She seems to have a special way with children and she will make an incredible mother one day. Soon, I hope. I want everything with her. The big American dream. I’m so ready for the family life with Lilly. Seeing her like this is only making me want it even more.

  We’ve been here at the center for two hours, talking with the women and playing with the kids. Somehow, I feel good about it even though it has nothing to do with me. It’s all her. As we get ready to leave, I can see many emotions in her face. Pride mostly. I can definitely see her doing some volunteer work and giving people advice in the future. I have a feeling maybe this is her thing, where she should be.

  “Are you ready to leave now?” I ask her discreetly.

  “Yes.” She gives hugs to the kids and waves goodbye to the women. “I feel like I’ve made their life so much better and mine too. I feel lighter and happier now.”

  “You’re gorgeous, sweetheart. I love you.”

  “I’m driving, by the way. I have somewhere I want to take you.”

  I’m laughing out loud. “Tell me where and I’ll drive you.”

  She refuses. “I’m driving. Don’t ruin the moment, bear.” How can I say no to her?

  Throwing her the keys of my SUV, I watch her sit behind the wheel and adjust the seat. She doesn’t drive very often so it makes me nervous. My eyes watch her carefully driving out of the parking lot and onto the boulevard. The
re is a grin on her face and I hope it stays there. It’s contagious and makes me smile in return.

  “Where are you taking me?” Not that I don’t like surprises, but I really have no idea where she’s going and I know Spokane very well.

  She parks the SUV perfectly and gives me back my keys. “Here."

  “Here?” I look around and I don’t see any hints.

  Both of us get out of the car and I follow her to the building across the street. I look at the building but don’t see anything and I have never been here before. Only once I’m inside, it starts to unfold whenI see on the wall, behind the receptionist—Trauma and P.T.S.D. Spokane Valley Foundation.

  “Really? Are you really doing this?” She is also giving away money for me. Without the support I had, I probably wouldn’t be here living the life that I am now. I would probably be alone and terribly unhappy. Giving money to a foundation that will be able to care and help other people is beyond any of my expectations. It touches me deeply that she thought about how Dave had affected my life and decided to do a second donation. She is a blessing to the world, I’m telling you.

  “Ms. McCarthy.” We turn around and an older woman greets us with a large bouquet of flowers. “We’re so happy to have you here.” She invites us into the center and presents us as one of their most important donors. Really?

  Lilly gives a check to the woman and tears immediately fall. “Lilly McCarthy is donating two hundred thousand dollars to the Trauma and P.T.S.D. Spokane Valley Foundation.” The room has around twenty people in it, all applauding. It warms my heart. It’s her money but I know she’s doing this for me. It shows how great her heart is.

  "Someone very special to me went through what you deal with daily. For me, it's important to know that the people suffering from trauma or PTSD gets support. Without the proper support, I don't know what would have happened to my friend. This is why I have decided to donate to your foundation. You are doing an important job."

  Can I kiss her right now? I'm dying to kiss her. She didn't save me but having her in my thoughts constantly, getting better was all for her, to get her back. She's mine now and I'm not letting her go. She wears my ring on her finger and soon, she'll wear my last name too. I cannot wait for that day to happen. The funny thing is that I never thought I would one day be the type of man who would get that excited about marrying someone. It never crossed my mind to get married until I saw her at The Spot that night. Something switched in me that day. I could tell something was wrong, Matthew warned me but I didn’t expect her to be so broken inside. I’m watching her now; radiant, smiling and shining like a star. Keeping the memory of that blooming version of her in my mind and hoping to push away the bruised one or the even worse vision of her on the floor looking barely alive. Shit, I don’t want to think about that now.

  “I love you.” She whispers in my ear before giving me a quick kiss on the neck.

  “You’re perfect, you know that?”

  “Perfect to you, yes.”

  “I don’t care about anyone else, you’re damn perfect.” I don’t see anything about her that isn’t perfect…except her damn toothbrush. It appears to be impossible for her to put it back inside the rack. That’s all and I’m not even complaining. I want her toothbrush in the wrong place until I take my last breath.

  “Thank you everyone for having us here. It was nice meeting you all over the last couple of days. I know you’ll put this donation to great use and I would love to come back and visit again soon.”

  “You’re welcome, anytime, Ms. McCarthy. It would be our pleasure to have you here again.”

  They kiss and hug and I shake hands with everyone I can reach before we leave the building less than an hour after coming in.

  “I still can’t believe you did this.”

  She is laughing shyly. “Why are you so surprised?”

  At a loss for words, I blabber. “I… I… don’t know. I mean, I didn’t see it coming and I heard you talking about the other donation but never about this one. It’s a great surprise. I’m… I’m very touched by it. Thank you.” I say enveloping her into my arms, pressing her against me, breathing her in and falling deeper in love with each additional second. “Sweetheart…” I murmur with my lips touching hers.

  “Bear.” She nibbles on my lips. “Why don’t we get into your car and go home?”

  “Absolutely, yes. Now.” Going home had a very new meaning to us. We have recently moved to a new house one block away from Matthew. It’s a big house. I find it too big actually but Lilly has plans to fill it with babies. I have nothing against that, I love practicing. The house is fully paid. It’s the only thing she wanted to buy with Dave’s money. Living in the apartment brought too many memories for her. Every time we were out together she acted joyful and relaxed but her mood would switch the second we were home. As much as I tried to comfort Lilly, the apartment turned into something bitter and I decided not to force her under my roof. I wanted her to be free, so we had to rethink our plans quickly. We bought the house fast and moved in as soon as we could. It’s brand new, has three floors and a kitchen Gordon Ramsey would love. Seriously, I feel like cooking even when I’m not hungry.

  Driving to our new home, Buckley’s playing in the background and my life could not be any more amazing right now.

  “Lennox Love, why are you looking so solemn?”

  “I’m thinking about everything that has changed lately.”

  She chuckles. “I never expected my life to turn around like this. After living through hell with Dave, I thought it was what I deserved. You showed me how wrong I was. You are my heaven, the good part of my life. I’m not afraid to love you anymore and I can say it out loud and feel it in my heart without being scared.”

  “I love you too, sweetheart.” So damn much, it makes my heart ache.

  Waking up before Lilly, I watch her sleep and snore, just a little. It’s cute. I won’t complain. Everything about her is adorable and I know I’ll be thinking the same thing when we’re old and wrinkled.

  Her long brown hair sits around her head like a halo. Running my fingers through it, her eyelids start to open very briefly then a small smile appears on her lips. She rolls on her side and wraps her arms around me.

  “Warm me up, I’m cold.” She whispers with her hoarse sleepy voice.

  I cover every part of her body with mine to warm her up quickly. Today is our six-month anniversary since getting back together. Not that I’m really counting the months but Lilly is and she is pretty excited about it.

  Early this morning, I heard the delivery guy dropping the flowers outside. I specifically said when I paid the delivery not to ring or knock. Lilly loves to sleep in and today, that what she’s getting. Between the hours she puts in talking with the foundations and arranging everything along with her regular schedule at the diner, she never stops. She needs this and it helps her focus so she can let go of her past, I believe. It makes her truly happy to talk with them. They know her story and I think they help with her healing process.

  “Why were you staring at me?”

  “Because you’re mine and I love what’s mine.”

  Her lovely giggles tease me. That sound is my redemption. I want to hear it as often as possible. Her hands travel down my body, from the top of my back to the cheeks of my ass. So good and relaxing, it gives me a chill. Her lips against my chest are leaving wet marks on my skin as she presses her body against mine.

  “Lilly.”

  “Shhh.” She kisses me some more. “I’m busy, bear, can’t you see?”

  Attitude…

  “I would love to be busy with you, if you know what I mean.”

  “I would love if you were wearing your uniform right now. It’s so hot.”

  Laughing, I’m thinking about jumping out of bed to put it on. “I can rectify the situation if you let me.”

  Giggling again. “Not a chance. You’re not getting out of this bed. I was just stating a fact.”

  I lift her up hi
gh enough for our lips to touch. On my part, I know I’ll lose all control as soon as our lips connect. Kissing her has always been my weakness. Something I crave multiple times a day. Very slowly, she is leaning toward me, her eyes fixed on my lips. I'm not so patiently counting to three before reaching for her. She can't tease me like this, No. no.

  "Sweetheart... 1...2...3," our lips crush together as both of our needs get ready for what is to come. She’s pressing against me and my hands venture under her tank top to the swell of her breasts. Small tiny bumps cover her body as her senses awaken and cute sounds come out of her mouth as I move from her lips to her neck.

  "Bear..." She lets out while pushing her hips on me.

  Fuck! I had good intentions five minutes ago. Surprise her with the perfect setting and now I just want to rip her clothes off and make love to her. We are so good together. She’s the cream of my Oreo. I would marry her now if I could.

  I hesitate for a second but I fail to battle against the deep hunger within me.

  Pulling up her top and quickly dragging down her boy short underwear, she gasps at my eagerness. I don’t give her time to say anything before my mouth is back to hers, kissing and devouring, all the while positioning myself on top of her. Taking her as softly as I can, we’re already sweating. I’m breathing hard, too turned on to control my body’s reaction.

  Lilly’s hands travel from my chest to my biceps, she’s holding me tightly. Stronger as the passion is building between us. I’m supporting most of my weight on my elbow to avoid putting too much weight on Lilly. Every few seconds, I look at her, her eyes close completely as she loses herself in our love session. The cherry color on her cheeks mixed with the sensual moans that echo in the room, I love it and it’s pushing me over the edge. My hands move slowly to her breasts again and I feel all of them in the palm of my hand, the hardness of her nipples. Her reaction to my body is mind blowing. I thrust faster until I can no longer control the outburst of my peak, falling apart against her and letting everything go.