Anticipation

by Sarah Mayberry

  “Jesus. What a wanker.”

  “Yeah. But it’s not like that’s news, right?” Lena squared her shoulders and smiled into the camera. “Seriously now, tell me about you. How’s the leg? How’s everything else?”

  Lena was so determined to soldier on, Blue didn’t have the heart to keep pushing her. Instead, she did her best to be entertaining and amusing, then Lena caught sight of the time and reluctantly decided she should at least try to get a few hours’ sleep before work the next day.

  “You are such a freaking night owl. I swear you were a vampire in a former life,” Blue said in admiration.

  Lena had always been able to operate on only a few hours’ sleep, which meant she was consistently the last one to quit a party or a good time.

  “Anything is possible. Speak soon?” Lena asked.

  “Yeah, let’s try to connect before the weekend.” Blue blew a kiss to her friend, then frowned as a thought hit her. “Tell me something — did your experiment work?”

  Lena’s smile faded. “No. Not really.”

  She looked so haunted for a second that Blue’s chest ached in sympathy. She knew exactly how horrible it felt to feel trapped between a rock and a hard place. Or, more accurately, a rock and a hard man.

  “Keep that fuzzy melon warm,” Blue said. “And stay away from the clippers, okay?”

  “That’s a promise I won’t have trouble keeping,” Lena said. “Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  The screen went blank as Lena ended the call. Blue sat in silence for a few minutes, thinking about the conversation. Worrying. If Lena and Raf hadn’t broken up, Lena would be safe here in Australia, surrounded by friends. She and Raf might even be married by now.

  But then Raf would never have met Maggie, which meant Blue wouldn't have met Maggie, which was not something Blue was prepared to sacrifice, even if it was in her power to do so…

  Life was complicated. People were complicated. Relationships shifted and changed, evolving, dissolving. A few years ago, she would have sworn that Lena and Raf would be together forever. Now…well, now she understood that everything in life was up for grabs.

  She shivered, chilled by her own thoughts. She didn’t need a lot to be happy. She’d trained herself well in that regard. Physical possessions were nice, but not necessary. She didn’t require opulence in her dwelling or her car — and she didn’t require much from the people she loved except that they be there, and for them to continue to want to be a part of her life. Particularly Eddie.

  She’d woven so much of her adult life around him. The studio, their friendship, his family… When she thought about all the years, all the memories, all the moments she’d risked when she’d slept with him on Friday night, it made her feel dizzy.

  Such a reckless, reckless act. Madness, really. She had so much to lose.

  Sick of herself and her own circling thoughts, she stood and went to rescue her frozen dinner.

  Chapter Fifteen

  The knowledge that he owed it to Blue — to their long-standing friendship — to back off kept Eddie’s mouth shut through most of the following day, even though he wanted to say something every time Blue was in the same room.

  He’d brooded over their argument all night, gritty-eyed and sleepless, but he hadn’t found an answer. Probably because there wasn’t one. He’d been on Blue’s side of this equation often enough to know the deal. It took two to tango, and Blue didn’t want to dance.

  So. He was going to have to suck it up and accept that he’d only ever have one night with her. As for the fact that that one night had become the gold standard for sex and intimacy for him into the future…well, he was going to have to suck that up, too.

  He was still feeling grimly resigned to his fate when he walked into reception at the end of the day and caught sight of the hulking piece of humanity sitting in the waiting area.

  Reid Thompson.

  The guy hadn’t been to the studio for months, something Eddie had been more than happy about. Seeing him sitting there now, his big legs spread confidently, sunglasses covering his eyes, made the back of Eddie’s neck tight.

  As a general rule, Eddie made it a habit to run a quick eye over the day’s appointments first thing in the morning, and he couldn’t recall seeing Thompson’s name on today’s schedule. That didn’t necessarily mean anything — maybe he’d missed it. Then again, it might.

  Fighting to appear casual, he approached the other man.

  “Reid. Long time no see,” he said, injecting a welcome he didn’t feel into his tone. As a businessman, he’d learned long ago to separate his professional and private selves. He might not like the man in front of him, but Thompson had never been anything but a courteous and prompt-paying customer.

  “Hey. Eddie, right? I always have trouble telling you and Raf apart,” Thompson said, his gaze going to where Raf stood talking to Steffi at the desk.

  “Got it in one,” Eddie said, fake smiling. “We looking after you all right? Anything I can do for you?”

  “Nah, just waiting for Blue. Heard she was back on deck.”

  Eddie was willing to bet the other man hadn’t so much as bothered to phone or drop Blue a get-well card while she was recuperating. And yet here he was, casually dropping by to see her as though nothing had happened.

  What a piece of shit.

  “Hey, hello stranger. How are you?” Blue said from behind him.

  Both he and Thompson turned to face her.

  “Haven’t been going one-on-one with a motorcycle, that’s for sure,” Thompson said, and Eddie had to stand and watch as the other man pulled her close and laid a kiss on her.

  Blue looked impossibly small in Thompson’s arms, dwarfed by his heavily muscled physique.

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t recommend it,” Blue said, laughing. “I definitely came off second best.”

  “You look pretty good to me.” Thompson gave her an approving head-to-toe and Eddie felt a growl forming in the back of his throat.

  “Hey, you want to help me with something?” Raf asked, suddenly at Eddie’s shoulder.

  “Later,” Eddie said, but his brother had already gripped him by the elbow and was steering him inexorably across the room.

  “What are you doing?” Eddie said, glancing over his shoulder to keep tabs on what was happening with Thompson and Blue.

  “Get a grip, okay?” Raf said, his voice low enough that only Eddie could hear him.

  “That asshole is going to ask her out. I can feel it,” Eddie said, not taking his gaze from the conversation taking place across the room. Blue’s back was to him, but he could see where Thompson was looking — and it wasn’t at her face.

  “You don’t know that. And even if he is, there’s nothing you can do about it,” Raf said.

  That got Eddie’s attention, his head snapping around so he could look his brother in the eye.

  “What?”

  “You heard me. If Blue wants to go out with him, you can’t stop her.”

  Eddie opened his mouth to refute the suggestion, but Raf shook his head.

  “You can’t. You had sex with her. You don’t own her, man.”

  Eddie frowned. “She can’t go out with him.”

  “She can. She totally can. If she wants to. It’s her life, not yours.”

  Raf held his eye. Eddie knew what his brother was saying made sense, but he didn’t give a toss. There was no way he could let Blue walk out the door with the other man.

  No. Way.

  He glanced across the room again. Blue was disappearing through the doorway to the workrooms, and Thompson was smiling and looking like a smug bastard.

  “Jesus. She’s going out with him.” Eddie started forward, ready to intervene despite his brother’s advice, but Raf blocked his path.

  “Eddie. Cool down, okay?”

  “Get out of my way.”

  “How do you think Blue will take it if you try to lay down the law with her?” Raf challenged.

  Edd
ie frowned. Blue hated being told what to do, to the extent that she almost always made a point of doing the opposite.

  “So, what? I’m supposed to stand by while King-freaking-Kong takes his best shot at her?”

  “You don’t own her,” Raf repeated.

  Which was another way of saying yes, he was supposed to simply stand back and let it happen.

  “Fuck.”

  He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. Rationally, he knew that everything Raf was saying was true and correct, but he wasn’t feeling very rational right now.

  “I don’t think I can do it, man,” he said. His shoulders ached just thinking about it.

  He became even more tense when Blue returned to reception, denim jacket on, the old-style satchel she used as a handbag slung across her chest.

  Raf put an arm around his shoulders, his fingers digging painfully into Eddie’s biceps to keep Eddie in place.

  “Be smart, man.”

  Eddie stood rigidly, his gaze locked on Blue and Thompson, everything screaming at him to intervene as they walked toward the entrance. Blue glanced at him once, her expression wary, before quickly looking away. The moment they stepped through the doors, Eddie started forward, ready to go after them.

  He couldn't stand by and let this happen. It simply wasn’t possible.

  Raf still had a grip on him, however and he used it to wheel Eddie around, pointing him in the other direction.

  “Move,” Raf said, half-dragging, half-pushing him forward.

  The next thing Eddie knew, they were in one of the workrooms, and his brother was standing between him and the closed door.

  “Get of the way,” Eddie said, hands curling into fists.

  “Take a deep breath and think. Blue will hate you if you go after her. She will never forgive you.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “Yeah, you do. What are you going to do, chase them up the street? Punch Thompson out? I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but that’s not going to end well. In case you hadn’t noticed, the guy’s got a couple of inches and about fifty pounds on you.”

  Eddie ducked his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. He knew Raf was right, but this was intolerable. Even before he’d been with Blue, Eddie had hated Thompson. The guy was nowhere near good enough for her. Now that Eddie had held Blue in his arms, kissed her, made love to her… He didn’t want Thompson breathing the same air as her, let alone sharing a meal or anything else.

  “I’m sorry, man. I really am,” Raf said quietly.

  More than anything, the quiet pity beneath his brother’s words took the wind out of Eddie’s sails. He lifted his head to meet Raf’s sympathetic gaze.

  “How the hell am I supposed to do this?” Eddie asked helplessly.

  “Did you try talking to her?”

  “She told me I was thinking with my dick.”

  Raf winced. “She’s got a real way with words.”

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Come have dinner with me and Maggie.”

  “So you can distract me or so you can babysit me?” Eddie asked.

  “Does it matter?”

  Eddie considered the question for a moment then shrugged. “Probably not.”

  “Give me a few minutes to clear my desk.”

  Half an hour later, Eddie followed his brother through the garage door into the foyer of Raf’s apartment and stood uncomfortably as Raf and Maggie greeted each other with a warm kiss and hug.

  “Hey, Eddie,” Maggie said when they were done, throwing him a bright smile and moving to hug him, too. “I hear you’re joining us for dinner.”

  “Yeah,” Eddie said. He tried to sound enthusiastic, but it was hard to concentrate when most of his brain was busy wondering what Blue was doing.

  Where Reid had taken her. What they were eating. What they’d do after the meal.

  “Eddie.”

  A nudge in his ribs brought Eddie to the here and now and he realized his brother was looking at him, a frown on his face.

  “Sorry, did you say something?”

  “Yeah. I asked if you wanted something to drink? We’ve got a bottle of shiraz open, or —”

  “Vodka,” Eddie said. “Thanks.”

  Maggie’s eyebrows shot up. “Um, okay. I’m pretty sure we’ve got some in the freezer.”

  Eddie and Raf followed her as she entered the living space, trailing her toward the kitchen area. Eddie parked his ass on one of the stools on the non-business side of the island counter and watched as Maggie poured him a drink.

  “Thanks,” he said as she slid it across to him. He downed it in one burning swallow.

  “Might as well leave the bottle out,” Raf said, and Maggie nodded.

  “Okay.” She shot a glance between him and Raf, clearly wondering what was going on.

  “Don’t tell me Raf hasn’t told you?” Eddie asked.

  His brother and Maggie were tight. He would have put money on Raf spilling the beans about Eddie’s night with Blue the minute Maggie got home on Saturday.

  “Told me what?” Maggie asked, looking between them.

  Raf frowned. “It’s your business, man.”

  Eddie paused with his drink halfway to his mouth. “Seriously?”

  Raf looked genuinely pissed now. “You’re my brother.”

  “Hey, thanks, man. I appreciate that.” Eddie reached for the vodka bottle and sloshed more alcohol into his glass before looking at Maggie. “Blue and I slept together Friday night. I want more, she doesn’t. And she just left Ink with Reid Thompson.”

  He figured that pretty much covered everything.

  Maggie blinked a couple of times. Then she nodded slowly.

  “Okay. Thanks for bringing me up to speed.”

  Raf was watching her closely. “You’re not surprised.”

  It wasn’t a question, Eddie realized.

  “I may have known already,” Maggie said, looking guilty. “Sorry. Blue asked me not to say anything.”

  Eddie nearly choked on his vodka. “She talked to you? What did she say?”

  “I can’t tell you what Blue told me in confidence.” Maggie looked scandalized.

  “Sure you can.”

  “Okay. So I can tell her anything you say to me tonight, then?” Maggie countered.

  Eddie narrowed his eyes for a moment, but he knew she had him.

  “Okay, fine. Don’t tell me.”

  Maggie eyed him sympathetically. “Is Reid that guy with no neck? The one she was seeing before the accident?”

  Eddie nodded tersely. He hated even hearing the guy’s name.

  “Isn’t he a bit of an asshole?” Maggie asked, looking worried now.

  “He’s all asshole,” Raf said.

  Maggie made a frustrated noise. “Blue has such appalling taste in men, I swear.”

  Eddie raised his eyebrows.

  “Present company excepted, of course,” Maggie said quickly.

  Raf opened the pantry and started pulling out ingredients.

  “I was thinking spaghetti carbonara. That okay with everyone?”

  “I love your carbonara,” Maggie purred, walking to slip her arms around Raf and kiss the underside of his jaw.

  Eddie didn’t bother responding. They could serve him cardboard for dinner and he’d eat it. The only thing he was interested in right now was vodka.

  Maggie and Raf started preparing the meal, checking in with each other about their respective days. Eddie sat and brooded, knocking back vodka and waiting for the alcohol to burn away the tight feeling in his chest and gut.

  He was on his third generous drink when Raf took the bottle away from him.

  “You can write yourself off after dinner, but at least get some food into you first.”

  “Fine. Whatever.” Eddie shrugged.

  “Poor Eddie,” Maggie said.

  “She thinks I’m a bad prospect,” Eddie said before he could stop himself. “She thinks that because I haven't had a long-term relations
hip in the past, I’m a bad bet and that anything that happened between us would be doomed to disaster.”

  “Hmmm,” Maggie said, nodding.

  “That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” In the back of his head, he knew he sounded like a pathetic loser, but he was way beyond caring right now.

  Blue was out with another man. That was the only thing he could focus on.

  “I’m trying to be diplomatic.”

  Eddie made a come-and-get-me’ gesture. “Hit me with it. I can handle it.”

  “Well, you don’t have the greatest track record,” Maggie pointed out.

  “Yeah, so I gathered.”

  “But Blue’s is even worse,” Maggie said.

  Eddie shook his head, not sure he’d heard properly. “Sorry — what did you say?”

  “I said Blue’s romantic track record is worse.” Maggie immediately looked uncomfortable. “God, I feel like such a crappy friend saying that, but it’s true.”

  Eddie frowned, trying to think past all the vodka pickling his brain. He’d never thought about Blue’s personal life in that light before, but Maggie was right — in all the time that he’d known her, Blue had never had any relationship with the opposite sex that had evolved beyond fuck-buddy status. Given how awesome Blue was, it suddenly struck him that there must have been guys who’d wanted more. Lots of them.

  And yet Blue had held them all at bay.

  “Jesus,” he said, feeling a little blown away by the observation. “And I’m supposed to be the messed-up one.”

  Raf frowned. “I never noticed that about Blue before, either.”

  “That’s because you’re men,” Maggie said smugly. “Women notice things.”

  “Women notice too many things sometimes,” Raf said dryly.

  Maggie gave him a smack on the ass. A hard one, if the echo in the kitchen was anything to go by.

  “We hang onto things, too,” she said lightly.

  Rafel laughed, completely uncowed by her warning.

  Eddie was too busy joining lots of other dots to pay any attention — the way Blue lived, as though she could pack up and leave at any minute; her discomfort with sustained demonstrations of affection; her fierce independence in all things.

  He’d always known she was a tough cookie, but he’d never realized exactly how self-protective she was before. How hard she worked to keep the world — people — at bay, inviting them so close, but not too close. The few exceptions to the rule were himself and Raf, Maggie and Lena. And even then, Blue still had her boundaries.