Harmonious Hearts 2017

by Olivia Anne Gennaro

  And yet, I still pulled my laptop toward me, fired it up, and ordered a pizza and soda, paying for it online. One less thing to worry about when the delivery guy showed up. I mean, I had done a lot today. I didn’t need to do anything else. It would be like a treat.

  WHEN THE pizza came, I took the box to my bedroom, got under the covers, turned on the TV, and settled in. A part of me knew this wasn’t smart. It was what I had been doing the past couple of months, and look where that got me.

  And yet I ate a slice, pushed the box away, and fell asleep.

  I WOKE to a jarring noise coming from the living room. Groaning, I stumbled to get my phone just in time to see Aaron was calling.

  I answered.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey!” Aaron cried, happiness pouring from the single word.

  “Why are you calling?”

  “Just checking in,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

  “Tired. You woke me up.”

  “Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all.

  I grumbled a bit as I sat on the couch, noticing I was still dressed in yesterday’s clothes.

  “Anyway, a bunch of friends and I are going bowling today. I wanted to see if you would come. It’ll be fun. Please. It will get you out of your house.”

  “Are you a shrink or something?” I asked.

  “Nope, I’m still in school,” he said. “I’m just concerned. Please, Jake. I think it could do you good. Even if it’s only for an hour or two.”

  I looked around the apartment. Maybe it would be good to get out.

  “Look, just take an hour, get ready, and I’ll pick you up.”

  “You know where I live?”

  “I live down the hall from you,” Aaron said, laughing. “I saw you a few months ago, then you disappeared. I was kinda shocked when I saw you on the roof yesterday.”

  “Aw jeez,” I muttered.

  “I’ll see you in an hour.”

  SHOWERING AND shaving for the first time in ages was weird. Weirder still was my need to dab cologne on. I dressed nicely, finding a clean pair of jeans and a soft jersey. I even wore my seminew Converse. They looked slightly worn in, but new enough that they were still clean and the whites were bright.

  I was impressed that I noticed the brightness of the shoes. It wasn’t something I’d done in a while. Hell, putting any effort into my appearance wasn’t something I’d done in ages. I’d let everything slide, including personal hygiene.

  “Jake?”

  Fuck.

  I looked down at my watch. An hour had passed. And Aaron was here. And apparently I’d forgotten to lock my door because by the sound of his voice, he was in my apartment.

  “Hey,” I said, leaving my bedroom, finding him poking at the books in the living room.

  “You ready to go?” he asked, ignoring the fact that he was snooping.

  I nodded, grabbing my wallet and keys from the kitchen bench. “Yeah, I suppose.”

  “Good, because you’re on my team and if we lose, I’ll be pissed.”

  “You take bowling that seriously?”

  Aaron shrugged. “There’s a trophy to win. I want that trophy.”

  He said it with such utter seriousness that I couldn’t help but let a small laugh escape. His eyes brightened when he heard it.

  “Come on now,” he said, heading to the door, then waiting in the hall for me.

  I locked up behind him, feeling completely unprepared for what was about to happen.

  “You look good, by the way, handsome,” Aaron said.

  I fumbled my keys, shocked at his words.

  Holy crap. This was just getting stranger and stranger.

  III.

  THE WALK to the bowling alley was nice, the sun was shining, and the conversation was better. Aaron was easy to talk to. He made me laugh, made me feel happy.

  And when we got to the bowling alley, he grinned as we got shoes and made our way to one of the lanes.

  “We’re the first ones here,” Aaron said, typing our names into the machine. “Everyone else will show up soon.”

  “So, aside from the trophy, what is the point of all this?”

  “Having fun,” said Aaron. “We all come here once a week. A team wins every week, and then at the end of the year, whoever had the lowest score overall gets the trophy.”

  “And the team who wins each week, what do they get?”

  “Losers buy lunch. And we go to a nice restaurant.”

  “I don’t have the money for that,” I said.

  “Then make sure we win,” Aaron said. He sat down next to me, stretching out his long legs. “Seriously, I can’t afford to lose today either. I spent way too much on that bottle of wine. Some lady at the shops was offering samples, and it was so damn good, but so expensive. No regrets, though. I met you.”

  I blushed, looking away.

  This was not at all where I expected my life to turn to.

  “Aaron!”

  He jumped up to hug a tiny blonde who looked very sticklike, except for her boobs. How were they not flying up and knocking her in the face with the way she was bouncing?

  “Jeez, Lulu, take my eye out, why don’t ya?” Aaron laughed as he released her.

  She just grinned, plopping down across from me, perking up when she saw me. “Well hello, fresh meat. Ready to get pummeled?”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  “Don’t scare him,” Aaron said. “Jake, this is Lulu. We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. Lulu, this is my new friend, Jake. Be nice.”

  She pretended to look affronted, placing a hand over her heart. “Moi? When am I not nice?”

  He grinned, giving her a tiny shove before sitting back down.

  “So, what team does he play for?” Lulu asked.

  “Mine,” said Aaron.

  “Damn, the hot ones are always gay….”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  Lulu laughed. “He didn’t tell you how we pick teams, did he? Well, last year it was girls versus boys. And then this year, what we picked out of the hat was gays versus straights. I’m straight, you two are gay, so you’re on the same team.”

  “You know enough gay guys to make that work?” I asked.

  “God, no,” Aaron said. “We include anyone on the LGBT spectrum, but even though Lulu slept with a chick last year because she just wanted to find out what it was all about, she’s still straight.”

  “So, experimentation doesn’t count?”

  “Unless you’re still figuring it out,” said Lulu diplomatically. “But I definitely prefer cock.”

  “How did you know I was gay?” I asked.

  Aaron shrugged. “I have excellent gaydar.”

  “Wish I did,” I mumbled.

  My pity party was ruined by the next arrival, another girl, though her hair was bright blue, falling all the way down to her ass. She had a brilliant smile, with eyes so dark they were almost black.

  “Did someone bring food?” she asked, sitting on Aaron’s other side.

  “Max is,” Lulu said. “Thalia, this is Jake. He’s friends with Aaron.”

  “And which team is he playing for?” Thalia asked, leaning over Aaron to stare at me.

  “Ours,” Aaron said.

  Thalia’s eyes narrowed. “Okay, listen up. I do not lose. So you had better be good at bowling. No one puts the guards up and you can’t use a kiddy ramp. This is the big leagues, buddy.”

  “What?” I squeaked.

  She burst into laughter. “I’m messing with you. But not really.”

  I looked at Aaron for help, but he was laughing too.

  IT WASN’T long before four others showed up. Christopher was almost as tall as Aaron, with a completely shaved head. Max had skin the color of chocolate and eyes that were surprisingly a pale green. He’d brought about three dozen muffins and seemed the type who was constantly smiling. And Meghan was a larger girl with a massive personality. She was very loud and boisterous. All were on the other t
eam. The last girl who showed, Chrissy, was a lot quieter than the others, clearly very shy, but very sweet. She sat beside Thalia, kissing the other girl’s cheek.

  Aaron put everyone’s names into the machine, our team before Lulu’s.

  “Is everyone ready?” he asked.

  “Yes!” Meghan cried, grabbing a muffin. “Start, dammit!”

  “Righto,” Aaron said, grabbing a ball and going back to the line. He lifted the ball to his face, then drew it back behind him and threw it forward. He had enough strength behind it that the ball didn’t seem to slow down as it thundered toward the pins and slammed into them, earning him eight downed pins. The remaining two were next to each other, so he was easily able to hit them down as well.

  He came back to us, grinning. “Your turn, Jake.”

  I grimaced as I stood, taking a ball. I stepped up to the line, my team cheering behind me as I set myself up. I sucked in a deep breath, slowly letting it out before releasing the ball. I watched, leaning slightly, trying to make the ball go where I wanted. And somehow, I got a strike.

  “Yes!” Thalia screamed. “Yes! Jake, you legend!”

  I laughed as I went back, not quite believing I had managed that.

  Aaron wrapped an arm around my shoulders, a broad smile on his face. “Well done.”

  “Yeah, there’s no way I could do that again, though.”

  “You’ve done it once, you can do it again,” Aaron said.

  I shrugged, watching Thalia go up for her bowl. Turns out Thalia, for all her talk, was not great at bowling. She came back, grumping, and only cheered when Chrissy planted a kiss on her lips before her turn.

  After our team finished, we watched as the straights went next. While Lulu was up, Aaron grabbed a couple of muffins and handed me one. I tore off the bottom, eating it first. I moaned at the incredible chocolaty taste. Damn. Max was an amazing baker.

  “Where did you learn to bake like this?” I asked.

  “Yeah, Max, are you sure you’re on the right team?” Thalia added.

  “Just because I’m in touch with my feminine side does not mean I’m gay. Just means my mom taught me how to bake ’cause chicks dig guys who can cook,” Max said, throwing a muffin wrapper at Thalia.

  “Boom! Did anyone see that?”

  We all turned to look at Lulu, her hands in the air, a broad grin on her face.

  “You all suck,” she said, when we she saw how confused we all were. She stomped back over, slumping in her seat.

  IV.

  I WAS glad as fuck when we won, because when we got to the restaurant for lunch, I could order what I wanted and not worry about the price.

  It was fun. Shockingly. Aaron’s friends were all welcoming, with the exception of Chrissy, but I was sure she was just very shy around new people. And then there was me. I was so damn worried I wouldn’t fit in, or I’d make an absolute fool out of myself. But I shouldn’t have worried. Aaron was determined to make me feel comfortable. He included me in all his conversations, asking my opinion or bringing me into a debate.

  “So, what is the most insane thing you’ve ever done?” Max asked, leaning forward and staring at me. He grabbed a couple of fries off his plate, tearing into them but never breaking eye contact.

  I leaned back in my seat, fully relaxed, casting my mind back. Obviously I wouldn’t be mentioning what happened yesterday. But there was something I’d done when I was younger….

  “I went cow tipping with my cousin once,” I said.

  Aaron stared at me. “Really? Did it work?”

  I laughed. “Have you seen a cow up close? They’re fucking massive! And here we were, thirteen, drunk off our asses after stealing my uncle’s vodka, trying to tip cows! It was an epic failure. Robbie tried to give one a shove. All he ended up doing was sliding his feet in the mud before falling face-first into a fresh cow shit. Then I dropped my torch, and I must’ve hit the button on the way down ’cause it turned off. So we were drunk, in a paddock full of cows, blind as bats. We just ran for it. Needless to say, it did not end well when we got back to the house.”

  My story had everyone roaring with laughter. And looking back on it, it was pretty funny. Not at the time, though. I’d been scared shitless when my uncle had found us. Our punishment was to get up at the crack of dawn with a wheelbarrow and a shovel, head off to the paddock, and clear up all the cow poo.

  Lesson learned.

  Aaron, still chuckling, leaned into me, his body trembling with his laughter. Smiling, I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

  “THANK YOU for today,” I said when we were back in our apartment building.

  Aaron smiled, leaning against the wall by my door. “You’re welcome. But you do know you’re going to have to come next week, right? Thalia will kick your ass if you don’t.”

  “Is that the only reason you want me to come back?” I asked.

  Was I flirting? Holy shit.

  “Nah,” Aaron said. “I want you to come back because I think you’re hot. And a genuinely good guy.”

  “Even knowing what you do?”

  “I thought you were cute way before the roof yesterday. Seriously, every time I saw you, I wanted to talk to you, but you always disappeared so quickly.”

  “You’re joking,” I said.

  “Nope,” he said.

  I looked away, unable to keep the redness from spreading to my cheeks.

  Aaron moved forward. “Hey, don’t freak out or anything. I like you. It’s not the end of the world.”

  “I’m just nervous… I guess.”

  He smiled and reached up to place a hand on my cheek, his thumb grazing my lips.

  “Just let me know if you want me to stop, okay?”

  I nodded. I drew in a deep breath as he leaned forward, his eyes flicking to mine, before our lips met. I stiffened before relaxing into his hold, moving my hands to his hips, anchoring myself to him.

  My mind was racing in the background. I didn’t know what this meant. I mean, yes, we were kissing. But yesterday he stopped me from committing suicide. Did he have a white knight complex? Was he just trying to fix me? Or was he genuinely interested in me?

  Aaron pulled away, a small smile playing across his face. “You think too much, Jake.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” he said. “Just take it as it comes. You can be yourself with me, okay?”

  “Even though I’m depressed?” I muttered dejectedly.

  “You aren’t your depression. What happened yesterday,” he said, shifting his weight on his feet before looking me dead in the eye, “that was just a single moment. And you chose to turn away from that. That was your decision, and I have so much respect for you because of that. But, Jake, I’m never going to judge you for it. I’m not going to think less of you. So you can relax. I’m kissing you because I’m interested in you.”

  I nodded, drawing in a deep breath. “Okay, I can get on board with that.”

  “Good. Because when you’re ready, I’d like to take you out on a date. Is that okay?”

  “When I’m ready?” I asked.

  “When you’re ready and not a moment before.”

  Aaron gave me a lightning-fast kiss before turning around and walking away, waving at me. Shaking my head, I let myself into my apartment. I closed the door and leaned against the solid wood, a massive grin on my face.

  V.

  IT WAS a solid week before I felt ready to take Aaron up on that date. And even when I felt ready, my insecurities crept in. I was certain I’d be no good for him. What if this was all an illusion and within another week I was stuck in bed again, with no energy to even consider moving?

  I was scared.

  There was nothing else to it. I just didn’t know what to do about it. A part of me—the logical part—knew my depression was just my mind playing tricks on me, and I had no reason for any of my self-doubt. But that didn’t make it any better. If anything, it made it worse, because then I was blaming my mind for something that w
as beyond my control. I couldn’t just get rid of my thoughts by knowing they were illogical because they just kept creeping in.

  Groaning, I looked in the mirror, taking in my hazel eyes and jet black hair. It wasn’t like I was bad-looking. I had a square jaw and a strong Roman nose. I was fairly tall too. But when I thought about Aaron, I wondered why he would want to take a chance on me. I paled in comparison to him. And then there was the depression….

  “No, don’t be stupid,” I muttered to myself. “He said he was interested before the roof. You know that!”

  It didn’t work. Then again, none of my other little pep talks had either.

  I decided to just bite the bullet and call him. But when I took my phone out of my pocket and brought up his contact information to call him, my thumb hesitated over the little Call symbol.

  “Just do it.”

  Still nothing.

  My thumb twitched. And yet I couldn’t bring myself to call.

  “Fuck!” I yelled, throwing my phone across the hall, watching it sail through the air and land on my bed with a thump.

  Turning, I slid down the counter, resting my head on the cool wood. Scrubbing my hands over my face, I felt the hatred seep into my body.

  Why couldn’t I just call him? It was no big deal! All I had to do was press a damn button! A single fucking button and I couldn’t even do that.

  I felt worthless. Useless. Stupid.

  I looked up, sighing at the sight of the bath. I crawled over, flicked the taps on, and grabbed a bottle of some citrusy-smelling stuff that made bubbles, dumping in far more than I should. Watching the bath fill with steamy water, bubbles soon threatened to spill out onto the tiled floor, so I shut it off, undressed, and slipped in.

  I STAYED in there until it went cold and then some. But I couldn’t relax and I couldn’t stop my mind from churning out so many bad thoughts. It was all just feeling too hard. And for a split second, right before I got out, I wondered if I should just slide under the water and stay there. I’d read somewhere drowning was like falling asleep. I didn’t know if it was true or not, but it could be a nice way to go.