by Marian Tee
She was waiting for herself to break down in tears, but she didn’t.
That was good, Jaike told herself. Maybe one day, she could stop herself from remembering, too.
But more days passed, and still she remembered.
She would be in her shower and she’d remember the times he ran a bath for her. She’d be eating alone at her table and she’d remember the time he prepared breakfast for her. She’d walk to school and she would remember the time he woke up early to accompany her.
Everywhere she went…everyone she talked to…everything she saw…
Why couldn’t she forget him?
Why?
****
“If you really can’t bear to go back to your place, you should think of selling it,” Marcy suggested as they stepped inside the elevator that would whizz them up to her fourth-floor room at Margaret Hall.
“I can’t. It’s not mine. It’s Angelo’s.” She had finally opened up to Marcy and told her everything, from what she had witnessed of her mother’s toxic relationship with her lover – and what she, too, had ended up doing for Derek in the name of love. She had half-expected her best friend to change after her confession, but she didn’t. In fact, a good thing had come out of it, with Marcy being more forgiving towards Angelo.
Marcy rolled her eyes at her friend’s answer. “It’s not like he’s going to take it back from you. The guy’s still in love with you, for heaven’s sake.”
Jaike flushed. “He’s not in love with me, okay? He was just guilty about what I went through, which is stupid of course. He was never to blame for what my mom and his uncle did.”
Marcy began, “I know you’re still in your man-hating phase—”
She said stiffly, “It’s not a phase.”
Marcy shook her shoulders. “It is.” Her voice gentled. “It’s been weeks, Jaike. And no matter what you do, you can’t make yourself forget him, can you?”
Jaike didn’t answer. She didn’t want to.
The elevator doors opened and Jaike quickly stepped out, hoping it would put an end to the conversation. But it didn’t.
Marcy spun her friend around to face her. “Listen to me. I know Derek Christopoulos did a shitty thing. He probably did the shittiest thing a man could do to his girlfriend, and I’m not going to argue about that. But Jaike, you need to remember one thing. He did that fucked-up thing because he thought you betrayed him.”
“But I didn’t,” Jaike cried out.
“You’re missing the picture,” Marcy cried back. “He did it because he has always loved you and he was hurt. He’s not like Anthony Carras, who never loved your mother. He’s not even like Angelo, who didn’t have the guts to tell you about his feelings and risk your rejection. Derek loved you from the start – and we both know he’ll love you forever. He messed up, we all know that, but is it worth throwing away your happiness?”
“It is.” She didn’t even have to think about it. “It is, Marcy, because if it happens again, I really will go crazy. I won’t just kill myself like Diana did.” She closed her eyes, trying to shake the images of her mother’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling out of her mind, but it was pointless. That was yet another thing she wouldn’t ever forget. “I’d probably end up killing him, too.”
“Then kill me.”
That voice—
Jaike spun around and saw Derek step out of the shadows. It was the first time she had seen him since…that time. He was thinner now, paler, like he had been sick. He was still gorgeous, but his usual vitality was nowhere to be seen, and the wicked amusement that usually gleamed in his glorious blue-gray eyes was gone as well.
“Can we talk?”
Jaike’s head snapped towards Marcy, about to beg her friend to help her escape, but Marcy was already shaking her head.
“You have to talk to him sooner or later.” Marcy wanted to cry at the way Jaike looked at her. It was as if Jaike felt Marcy was abandoning her. “Just talk to him and I promise, if things still don’t work out, I’ll never talk to you about him again. I’ll be the first to kick his ass if he tries to come near you.”
She drew her friend close for a quick, tight hug, and she started to cry when she felt how frozen with fear Jaike was. “Please, Jaike. Please just talk to him once. I just want to see you start living again.”
Marcy pulled away before Jaike could answer and a second later, her friend had disappeared inside her unit. Just like that, she was alone with Derek.
Behind her, she heard Derek speak again, his tone low and humble like she had never heard from him before. “Please, Jaike. I just want to talk.”
She wrapped her arms around herself. Please, please stay intact. Squeezing her eyes shut, she uttered the prayer inside her mind, knowing that if she allowed Derek to break her heart again, there wouldn’t be any way to mend it afterwards.
“Jaike?”
She forced herself to face him again, her breath catching the moment their gazes clashed. It hurt. Oh God, how it hurt to look at him again. Everything about that night came back and her heart started to crack.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped out when he saw the unimaginable pain flashing in Jaike’s dark eyes. She looked so damn beautiful, like an angel of light after having spent an eternity in darkness. He wanted to snatch her into his arms and tell her over and over that he loved her and he would never hurt her again.
But words were cheap, and it was a humiliating lesson he himself had taught her the night he broke her heart. He knew that now, too, and this time he was determined to let his own actions speak for himself.
“I’m sorry that even knowing how much I’ve hurt you, I’m still selfishly trying to get you back. I’m sorry that even knowing you deserve someone better than me – someone like Angelo Valencia, I still want you to be mine.”
When he paused, she forced herself to look at him and ask, “Is that all?” She saw him flinch at the coldness of her tone and told herself he deserved it.
“It’s not. I also want to tell you I love you. I love you so fucking much I know the day that I forgive myself will never come. I love you so much it would be my greatest happiness to be a slave to you and make it up to you. I love you so much that I know no other man could ever match my feelings for you. Or even come fucking close to how I feel about you.”
Derek stepped forward, and that was when she saw the envelope he held in his hands. He offered it to her wordlessly. Her mind screamed at her not to take it, but her hands were already moving on its own volition. If she needed a reminder that she was her mother’s daughter and Diana’s weakness was her own, this was it.
The reminder gave her the strength to sound completely bored as she asked, “What’s this for?”
“An invitation. Tomorrow is my family’s fundraiser, and I’d like you to meet my parents. I want them to meet the girl I love even just once – even if you’ll never come back to me again.”
The words left her painfully confused. She felt like she was missing something, but she couldn’t grasp what it was. “I don’t understand why you need me to meet them.”
His lips twisted in a crooked smile. “Just come. You can bring anyone you want to bring – Marcy, Valencia, anyone. When you’re there, you’ll understand.”
Chapter Thirteen
The fundraiser held by the Christopoulos family was star-studded, something she should have expected but failed to. Held at the grand ballroom of Aehrenthal Hotel, the red carpet event was clearly a success, with media reporters by the dozens jockeying outside to take the best photos of the guests.
Walking down the red carpet had been a nerve-wracking experience, and it made Jaike feel glad that she had not come alone. On one side was her best friend, Marcy, who looked resplendent in one of her usual glittery designer outfits. And on her other side was Marcus, the secret she had been keeping from everyone.
Marcus was a gorgeous half-Italian, a few years older than her and heir to a fortune that could probably rival Derek’s. Like Derek, he was a na
tural-born Dom. But unlike Derek, the knowledge had not allowed him to lead a normal life. It had broken him, the way understanding her baser nature had broken Jaike. It was because of that they had met, with Jaike and Marcus sharing the same therapist. A bond had instantly formed between them, and they had kept in contact with each other through emails, seeing in each other the kind of confidante they could always trust. Broken people always stuck together. It was a fact of life.
“You’re fidgeting again, bella,” Marcus whispered in her ear as his arm went around her waist.
He had never been this tactile before, but she supposed things were different now.
“Sorry, I’m just nervous.”
“You shouldn’t be. I’m here for you, whatever happens.”
She looked up at him with a grateful smile. “I know.” And she did know, but somehow she still couldn’t stop herself from feeling restless. There was something about this night that she couldn’t quite place, and it was driving her crazy.
Marcus’ gaze strayed to her throat, where her fingers were playing with the choker around it. “Do you want to take it off?”
She shook her head quickly. “Never.” Marcus’ choker was her strength. It reminded her that she belonged to someone she could really trust, someone who would never be able to break her heart. No matter what Derek planned now, she would be ready for it because she had Marcus.
Beside her, Marcy whispered, “Do you see him anywhere?”
“No,” Jaike whispered back, not bothering to pretend she didn’t know who her friend was talking about.
When they descended the ballroom’s sweeping staircase, usherettes dressed in formal gowns were ready to take them to their table, which Jaike realized uncomfortably was right smack at the center.
Again, something about the whole setup nagged at her, but still the truth eluded her. She was frowning so hard, immersed so deeply in her thoughts, that she didn’t realize someone had taken the seat across her until she heard someone say her name.
Jaike was stunned to find Christien di Luca smiling at her across the table, looking even more sophisticated than usual in his pinstriped suit. “Hello, Jaike. It’s nice to see you again.”
“H-hello.”
Christien offered his hand to Marcus. “Christien di Luca.”
“Marcus Ravelli,” Marcus answered smoothly, accepting the other man’s hand for a shake.
After greeting Marcy as well, Christien’s gaze returned to Jaike, his eyes sober. “As this feels as good a time as any, I wanted to apologize to you for being a part of what happened that time.” Christien chose not to mince words, knowing that speaking about what happened in a sincere but matter-of-fact manner would be the best way to minimize Jaike’s discomfort.
“I will not lie. Derek had been so lost in his pain that night that he allowed us to invite as many Doms as possible to the event. However, we didn’t let him know that there were only the five of us present – me, Nick and Jason Christakos, Reid Chalkias, and Nathan Callis. Also…” His tone became soft and gentle, and just by that alone, Jaike braced herself, knowing that what he was going to say next could hurt her.
“All of us turned our backs the moment you entered that room. None of us saw a thing.”
“None?” Her voice wobbled. She wanted to be sure, really sure that Christien wasn’t lying to help her save face. “Don’t lie to me, please. I can’t—”
“I swear on my grave. None of us saw anything. We had a feeling it would not end…well.”
Jaike’s breath swooshed out of her, and she suddenly felt like a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. “Thank you,” she said shakily. “You didn’t have to tell me that, but thank you.”
“I had to,” Christien said calmly. “Because my friend is still and will always be in love with you, and I want to help him win you back.”
Jaike was struck speechless at the words, and even more so when she saw who was walking towards them. It was all of Derek’s friends – the Christakos twins, the famous model Nathan Callis, and of course the Prince of Darkness himself.
She suddenly remembered the last time she had talked to Reid, and now she understood why he had been so guarded then. He had even given her time to ask the right question, but she hadn’t. Because, then, she had chosen to trust Derek.
Her resolve strengthened at the memory. Never again. Never again. Never again.
Cameras around them began to flash when the men took the remaining vacant seats on Jaike’s table. She could easily overhear what the reporters around them were gossiping about. At her table, she was the only one who wasn’t famous, and everyone was wondering whether it was her or Marcy who had managed to snag one of the BBFs as a boyfriend.
Throughout it, the other men had introduced themselves to Marcy and Marcus, all of them effortlessly courteous. But the moment the round of greetings ended, Derek’s friends apologized to her one at a time.
“If it’s any consolation, Jaike, I told him it was a bad idea. I only had to meet you once to know you were someone he could trust.” This from Nick, and Jaike knew by the distant look in his brilliant blue eyes that he was comparing her to his ex.
“What Derek did was unspeakable,” Nick’s twin Jason told her quietly. “But it was a mistake born from love, and I hope because of that, you will consider giving him another chance.”
“I’ve known Derek for a long time, Jaike. We both have darkness inside us, but you know what makes him different from me?” Reid asked. “He never lost hope that someone like you would come along. All his life, he had only wanted one thing – to have a girl he could truly love. And that was you.”
Everyone turned to Nathan.
The model, who looked even more ethereal than usual in his all-white tux, only shrugged his broad shoulders in response. “I can’t think of anything to say yet.”
His friends cursed him in Greek, which made Jaike laugh nervously.
Turning to Marcus, she whispered, “I’m scared. I think I want to leave.”
“If it’s what you want, then we will leave, bella. I won’t let anyone stop us.” His tone became steely at the end, and she knew it was a promise Marcus meant to keep.
She started to stand, and Marcus pulled out the chair for her.
Marcy stood up as well. “Are we going?”
Jaike nodded. As she started to turn to Derek’s friends, thinking of something to say, she felt the hairs on her nape stand and she knew she was too late.
He was here.
Whirling around, she found Derek walking towards her, accompanied by an older couple. The man stood tall and powerful, his resemblance to Derek so strong he could only be Derek’s father. The woman next to him was a beautiful elegant blonde, who Jaike guessed uneasily was his mother.
What was he planning? She just didn’t get it at all.
Derek stopped right in front of Jaike. The first thing he noticed about her was the choker around her neck – and it was not his.
Jaike knew the moment Derek realized what she was wearing and what it meant. His eyes darkened in torment and she held her breath, telling herself that she was ready to have Derek look at her with betrayal.
But he didn’t. His eyes only became hooded, his face a stoic mask as his gaze slid to Marcus.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,” Derek said, his tone cool.
“Marcus Ravelli.” Marcus offered his hand.
“Derek Christopoulos.”
“I know. The man I’m supposed to thank.”
Derek’s brow rose. “For the invitation to this party?”
Marcus’ arm curved around Jaike’s waist as he pulled her to him. “No. If you had not lost Jaike, she would never have come to me.”
The words were unexpected, causing Jaike to look up at Marcus in shock.
It took a moment for Derek to speak. “I see.” He looked at Jaike, searching for any sign – any damn sign that would tell him this night wouldn’t end in vain.
But even now, Jaike couldn’t meet h
is gaze.
She was looking at the man next to her, and the way her body trustingly stayed close to Ravelli made Derek realize that Jaike had really chosen another man to be her Dom. Why not Angelo? Derek wondered. The moment he thought of the question, the answer came to him in a flash, and it was another sin to lay at his feet.
She had not chosen Derek or even Angelo to be her Dom because they were both threats to her heart. She had chosen this man because somehow, she was sure that this man would never have the power to hurt her.
He looked at Jaike. Look at me, baby. Look at me.
But she didn’t. She was no longer the Jaike he knew, no longer the Jaike who was capable of loving, and it was all his fault.
“Derek? Don’t you think it’s time to introduce us?” His mother’s gentle words drew him out of his thoughts.
The cynical part of him was telling him it was too late, but Derek stubbornly ignored it. He had to try. He had to try just one last time. “I’m sorry. Mom, Dad, it’s my pleasure to introduce Jaike Hepburn.”
Jaike couldn’t believe this was really happening. But it was, and she couldn’t find it in herself to be rude. Derek’s parents had done nothing to her. They didn’t deserve to be snubbed.
Managing a smile, she quickly offered her hand. “I’m honored to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Christopoulos.”
“Please call me Richard,” the older Christopoulos said warmly as he shook Jaike’s hand. “I have heard wonderful things about you.”
“You’re very beautiful, dear,” Derek’s mother said. “As expected from the girl that my son’s in love with.”
Jaike paled.
Behind her, Marcy gasped.
Beside her, Marcus remained silent, but his gaze became watchful and considering.
“You’re all he’s talked about. He was very adamant we had to meet you now. Apparently, he’s done something foolishly hurtful to you. He’s always been passionate, this boy of mine, and sometimes, it clouds his judgment.” Her voice softened. “Whatever he’s done, I apologize for it, too. But I also want you to know Derek’s a very good man. I hope you could give him a chance—”