Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  “Out of prison,” Brody pointed out. “Am I right? He was in prison for hacking?”

  “It was juvie and he fell in with a bad crowd. I actually talked to him while he was in. He got released right before his eighteenth birthday. I told him I would consider him for the Agency if he could survive a year in the Army.” Ten looked like he could use a couple of days’ worth of sleep. “I wanted to make sure he learned some discipline and that he was serious about changing his life. Hutch was smart and he was kind, but there was a lot of anger in him at the time.”

  “And that’s not why you recruited him.” Ezra sat across from Ten, his eyes on the former agent. “Don’t bullshit me. We both know why you went after Hutch in particular, and why he left when the Agency tried to keep him. It’s relevant information.”

  Ten sighed heavily before speaking. “Damn it. I recruited him because it was so obvious to me the kid wanted a family. His dad died when he was a teen. He came back to the States with his stepmother, but it wasn’t long before he ran away. He lived on the streets for a while. He finally found a place with a group called The People’s Revolution.”

  Erin had never heard any of this, but she knew that name. “Damn it. The anarchist group? The ones that hack political figures to prove the government is corrupt?”

  “That same one,” Ten agreed. “He got caught when he hacked a university system to prove they were glossing over a series of rapes perpetrated by the football team. His evidence forced the prosecution that landed three footballers one-year suspended sentences because, boys will be boys you know, and Hutch was sentenced to three years in juvie for hacking. No suspension for him.”

  “Our justice system in action,” Erin said under her breath. “How long was he in before you made a deal with him?”

  “Six months. I got him out, put him in the military and before long he was ready to work for me. I was right. He viewed me as a father figure and that kid was more loyal than any man I ever had.” Ten’s head fell back on a groan. “And then I dumped him on Tag.”

  “He had the opportunity like everyone on your old crew to stay at the Agency,” Fain pointed out. “He turned us down.”

  “Because his loyalty wasn’t to the CIA, Mr. Fain.” Ariel sat back, obviously considering the situation. “His loyalty was to Mr. Smith and to his team. His team left so he did as well.”

  “He was loyal to us.” She hated the fact that they were talking about Hutch like he was some kind of unsub. He was their friend. This all had to be a mistake. “You don’t understand how sweet he can be. And I’m not talking about his blood sugar level. When Theo was gone, he stayed with me when Case couldn’t. He never complained.”

  “He wouldn’t. I doubt Mr. Hutchins would complain seriously about anything. He would view service as a way to make a place for himself inside the family unit,” Ariel explained. “He likely volunteered often.”

  Hutch was always the first to offer to stay late or to go grab pizzas for everyone. He would hang out with the guys, and his apartment was always open if anyone wanted to play games. “Yes, he did, and the guys adored him. He had a place in a family. Our family.”

  “And then you left him with Hope McDonald.” Knight’s face was grim as he looked at her.

  “We didn’t leave him.”

  “You could have saved him sooner, but you wanted to be careful. You wanted to leave him in so he could lead you to Theo Taggart.” Nick said the words casually, as though they weren’t devastating. “That was your plan. If Hutch had told you exactly where he was, would you have gone in guns blazing?”

  After what had happened with Theo the first time they’d tried that, no. “Theo was too far gone. He nearly killed Case the first time they met up. We needed a carefully laid trap in order to save him.”

  “Yes, Theo,” Knight agreed. “Not Hutch. Hutch was smart. He could figure out the plan. He was the inside man. It was his job to take whatever she gave him while you waited for the perfect opportunity to save the man who really counted. Theo.”

  “It wasn’t like that.” Erin hated the way it sounded. That hadn’t been their intention at all.

  “Wasn’t it?” Nick waved a hand. “I’m not saying Taggart was wrong. If I am placed in this position and it is say, Brody, we were trying to save, I would do this for him. He is only an Aussie. He would need someone strong to take care of him.”

  Brody snorted. “Yeah, you’d save me. That’s a fine story, mate. But you’re right. Any one of us would do what it takes to save a teammate, so I’m with the girl here. I don’t quite buy it. And I never did understand why he walked away. All he could talk about that night was getting back to his place and taking up some game he’d been playing.”

  “He could have been planning his escape the entire time,” Ariel explained. “I’ve never met the man so I can’t know anything for sure, but if he does have problems with abandonment, he could have been angry with the whole group. I know McDonald didn’t give him the same drugs she gave to her soldiers, but you have to consider some amount of brainwashing was done.”

  “He would hate her.” She couldn’t accept this.

  “Hate is a weird thing,” Ezra said. “Sometimes it can transfer to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I can think of a scenario. Hutch had been dragged in to find Theo. He knew how much everyone loved Theo, but when it was his life on the line, you all were willing to wait.”

  “It wasn’t like we could barge in and save him,” Erin argued. “The plan of action we agreed on was best for both of them.”

  “I didn’t say it wasn’t, but we have to look at this from Hutch’s point of view,” Ezra shot back. “There’s no guilt here. But if you stand in his shoes, everything in his world was all about Theo. He gets kidnapped and his new ‘mother’ is all about Theo. The plans to rescue him have to wait for Theo. When he was finally saved, was anyone concerned with him? Or did you all gather around Theo?”

  “We thought he was dead.” Ezra might have said there was no guilt, but Erin felt it deep in her gut. She’d greeted Hutch, given him a hug, but all her energy had been on Theo. She had to admit, they had a point. He could have felt abandoned and Theo was right, too. No one knew exactly what had happened to Hutch while he was with McDonald. The doctors had looked him over and then moved on to Theo and Robert.

  “Then we have to acknowledge the fact that Hutch might have left on his own and sought her out on his own,” Ezra explained. “We have to consider that he’s banking on his place with McDonald as more settled and secure than the one with McKay-Taggart. Or he could be angry enough that he wants power and this is how he’s getting it.”

  “It’s all conjecture,” Ariel interjected. “But I’ll contact Kai and Eve and get their takes on the new information. And Damon and Ten will have to get together with Ian to decide how to handle the situation.”

  “If he’s been brainwashed, I’ll clean it out for him again. Ian won’t leave him behind and he sure as hell won’t issue an order than might hurt him.” It didn’t matter what was going on. Hutch was one of them and that meant he didn’t get left behind.

  They’d made a mistake by not being careful enough with him.

  How alone had he felt? Alone enough to learn to hate Theo?

  Erin took a deep breath and banished the ache in her heart. She would take it out later and examine it, poke and prod it so she could find some peace with her actions, but for now she had to soldier on. “What’s our next move?”

  “I’m sending Brody and Penelope to track the lead in Estonia.” Knight closed the notebook in front of him. “Darling, I hate to ask you…”

  Her blue eyes had taken on a gleam. “Don’t finish that sentence. I’m the only one who speaks the language. Well, I speak Finnish and that’s close enough. Brody and I will be fine. And you’ll take care of our boy.”

  Knight’s hand reached out and held his wife’s. “I will.”

  “I can totally babysit,” Kayla offered. “You have fun, Pen.”

  Damo
n tugged her out of her seat and into his lap. “It’s not fun. None of this is fun. Why don’t you all give me a moment with my wife? We’ll meet back here for tea and I’ll hand out assignments then. You’re dismissed.”

  Erin knew an order when she heard one. She stood up and Faith was suddenly beside her.

  “I’m so sorry you found out like that,” she said quickly. “Ten just walked in. He and Ezra didn’t get here until right before the meeting.”

  “He had to know,” Ten insisted as they walked out and into the hallway that led to the offices. Everyone was breaking up. The doors behind Nick, who was the last one out, closed and Damon shut the blinds.

  “Where’s Theo?” A spark of fear went through her system. He could be crazy enough to go after McDonald. He could do something stupid on an emotional whim.

  “I instructed the guards not to let him out until Knight countermands my orders,” Ten said. “I knew he was going to get upset. He seems different.”

  “He is different,” Kayla said. She hadn’t spoken the entire meeting, but she stepped up now. “Look, I know everyone’s been through bad shit, but we all handle it differently. I don’t know that therapy is going to work for him. I say that because it didn’t work for me. I spent six months in a prison unlike anything you’ve seen. I did not do well. When I got back it was home to a place that wasn’t home at all.”

  Kayla had been a double agent for the CIA. She’d worked in China’s MSS for years before she’d finally come back. She’d taken a job with the London office. Erin had always wondered why she’d chosen London.

  “But when you had the chance, you didn’t go back to the States.” She studied the younger woman. Kayla showed some scars of battle, but she had a bright smile and a sunny attitude. “I know Ian offered you a job in Dallas. You requested the London office.”

  “Because I wasn’t the same,” Kayla replied. “Because I needed something new.”

  “Theo doesn’t need something new,” Ten said with a frown. “He has a family.”

  A brow arched over Kayla’s left eye. “And I don’t? I assure you there are two men in Santa Barbara who would disagree with you. But I get that you’re saying he’s got a kid. I love my dads, but I spent very little time with them those first few months. It wasn’t until they showed up on my doorstep that things changed.”

  “Why wouldn’t you spend time with them?” Erin asked.

  “Because I didn’t think they could love me. Not the way I am now. I went into the service and I was so young. They knew a happy college student and I came back a thirty-year-old who’d killed more than once, who’d seen more horrors than they’ll ever know. I didn’t want to face the me I’d been.”

  Like Theo. “So you think being around me is hurting him?”

  She shook her head. “Not at all. My dads showed up a month after I moved here. They knew I was doing something for the government that kept me away from home and out of touch most of the time, but they didn’t know everything. So they showed up and demanded entry. That was when they found out about the kink. Yeah, that was a conversation. And they stayed with me. They were obnoxious and normal and the stupid thing was they brought a dumbass poodle with them. I grew up with dogs. I always had them around. It was the dog that finally did it.”

  “The dog?”

  She sniffled a little, her eyes watering. “That dog didn’t care. She only wanted someone to cuddle with. She didn’t care that I’ve had blood on my hands, that I’ve been brutalized and done my own share of damage. I ended up holding that dog and crying my eyes out and telling my parents everything.”

  “Uhm, a lot of that was classified,” Ten pointed out.

  Faith slapped a hand on her husband’s chest. “You hush. You’re the one who sent her in there.”

  “My point is, you might want to give him space and time, but what he needs is that one thing to hold on to, that one thing that makes him feel new and clean.” Kayla put a hand on Erin’s arm. “He’ll find it. I know he will. But you have to have faith. In him. In you. He loved you for a reason.”

  “He thinks he’s a completely different man now.” He kept telling her that. She couldn’t believe it. Theo was still in there somewhere.

  “He’s pissed off and angry with the world,” Ezra said. “Look, Kay’s got a point, but Theo’s a man and we process these things differently.”

  Ten leaned against the railing, looking out over the club. From this height, it looked like a dark, decadent jungle right there in the middle of the building. “He’s right. We’re not as willing to talk about it. We need other forms of expression. Has he been more violent? Did she train that into him?”

  “He isn’t violent.” She wasn’t going to have anyone thinking that Theo was hurting her. He had enough guilt and not once had he followed through on the impulses McDonald had planted inside him. “He’s strong. He still resists everything she forced him to do, but I do think he’s felt out of control for too long. Finding out about Hutch isn’t going to help.”

  “He’ll either believe that Hutch is working with McDonald and that a friend has betrayed him or he won’t accept it and he’ll be at odds with the rest of us.” Ten cursed under his breath. “Or he’ll think if Hutch was under her control, it’s only a matter of time until he falls prey to her again, too. If there had been any way to have kept this confidential, I would have, but he had to know.”

  She understood, though she too wished he could have been kept in the dark. It wasn’t smart because Theo had to know there was something going on or he could trust the wrong people. Still, the idea that Hutch would turn didn’t sit well with her. “Are you sure about that photo?”

  “There’s no question the photo is real,” Ezra confirmed. “Hutch is with McDonald. Why? That’s another question entirely. The profilers will give us any range of whys, but until we stand in front of him, we won’t know. I only spent a couple of days with the man, but this isn’t the person I got to know. I worry he’s gone rogue and he’s got plans of his own.”

  “That makes him dangerous,” Ten said. “The Agency won’t care what he’s doing there. Neither will any of the other groups out there looking for her.”

  “I can promise you MSS is going to want to get their hands on that drug,” Kayla assured them. “And they will use it. They would love to be able to build their perfect operatives.”

  If they lost Hutch, she wasn’t sure what Theo would do. “Is there anything you can do to protect Hutch?”

  “Only if the Agency gets to him first.” Ezra tucked his tablet into his bag. “I’ll do everything I can, but there’s only so much I can get away with. I’ve put Ten on the payroll for this one. We’re going to head out tomorrow. I’m not sure at all that they’re still in Estonia. We’re going to try to work it from the pharmaceutical company angle. I’ve got Chelsea on it, too.”

  Ten turned around, reaching for Faith’s hand. “You concentrate on Theo and making sure he doesn’t get more whiny than he seems now. I always knew Taggarts were whiny. Has he been listening to vagina rock? Because I would love to put that in my report to Big Tag.”

  She rolled her eyes, but it was nice to laugh. “He’s always listened to vagina rock. It’s so annoying. I think he was a poet in another life. At least if things were going to change with him, it could have been his musical taste.”

  Ten looked down at her, Faith by his side. “He’s in there, Erin. His sad-sack musical tastes haven’t changed and neither has he. He’s a bit harder, that’s all. The good news is, you’re a fighter, one of the best I’ve ever met. So don’t give up. He needs you now more than ever.”

  He needed her in a way he hadn’t before. Their positions had changed and it was up to her to break down his newly built walls. She couldn’t fail.

  It was the most important mission of her life. The only question was how did he need her this morning?

  She intended to find out.

  * * * *

  Theo pulled his body up and down, sweat beading
on his forehead. He wasn’t sure how many pull-ups he’d managed, but his muscles were screaming.

  It had been a couple of hours since he’d gotten the news that Hutch was back in the fold and he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

  Robert was currently visiting with the shrink, but Theo had decided on another path. He’d found the small gym on the fifth floor. It had everything he needed. Treadmill. Weights. Quiet.

  After a few miles on the treadmill, he’d lifted more weights than he should. Erin would kick his ass for not having a spotter, but he didn’t care at that moment.

  He pulled his body up one last time and dropped to the floor.

  What the hell was happening? How could Hutch stand walking next to her?

  Unless she’d used the drug on him. That was the only thing he could think of. He’d read Ten’s report about what they’d discovered at McDonald’s base. She’d made her grand breakthrough.

  Had Hutch been her first victim?

  “Dumbass.” Hutch had gone after her on his own, likely seeking revenge, and now he was caught in her web.

  His cell trilled and Theo groaned. Ian. Or Case. It could be Sean. It was most certainly one of his brothers calling to make sure he hadn’t gone insane and fled the safety of The Garden. They’d been calling all week to “check in.” Theo knew the truth. They were worried he would do something stupid.

  He thought about not answering. It would serve them right to worry. Fuck ’em.

  The phone trilled again and he forced his body up. They would call and call and send someone looking for him. It was better to answer the phone and get rid of them.

  Asshole.

  He stared at the phone and decided it was past time to be honest with himself. He was going to answer because he didn’t want them to worry. Or rather up until now, he’d seen a bit of worry from them as his due. They were the ones who’d left him behind. They could worry.

  Was that what he thought deep down inside? When he wasn’t rational, was he angry with all of them for not knowing he was alive and in pain?