Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  Maybe he should be the one sitting on the shrink’s couch.

  He grabbed the phone and looked down at the number, expecting one of his brothers. It was an unknown caller.

  A chill went through him. No one had this number. The cell was new. He hadn’t given it out and it was strictly personal, so he shouldn’t be getting robo calls or marketers.

  Who would be calling him? Who would want to cover their number?

  Only one way to find out. He dragged his thumb across the screen to accept the call.

  “This is Taggart.”

  “God, I’ve missed your voice.”

  Nausea rolled through him at the sound of her voice. Hope McDonald sometimes affected a little girl tone and it made him want to wretch. His mind was thrown back by the sound of her voice and he could feel the chill of the examination room on his skin, feel the needle going in as she stared down at him, her hand running across his bare chest.

  All you have to do is forget and we can be together. We’re supposed to be together. Forget her. She’s not good for you. I’m the one you were made for. You’re my reward for all my hard work.

  “Tomas, sweetheart, are you there?”

  He forced his brain to function. He wasn’t getting lost in nightmares. Not now. “My name is Theo.”

  She sighed over the line. “I’m sure that’s what they’ve told you, but identity is a relative thing. When you were with me, you were Tomas.”

  “When I was with you, I was a drugged-out victim, you fucking freak. Tell me what you’re doing with Hutch.” Hutch was all that mattered. “You do understand I won’t leave him to your tender mercies.”

  “You think very little of me,” she said sadly. “I called because I know you met with Smith and that other Agency asshole today.”

  She knew where he was? “How do you know that?”

  A clucking sound came over the line. “I’m smarter than you give me credit for. I’ve had someone watching you for weeks. You might have lost him back in Dallas but there’s always a footprint. I knew you wouldn’t leave your whore alone for long. All I had to do was figure out where she and the brat were to know you wouldn’t be far behind.”

  Fuck. He’d known this was a mistake, known he would bring Erin and TJ nothing but trouble. He would have to leave and not see her again until he’d handled the situation.

  “Look, I know you won’t believe me, but it wasn’t my fucking idea. I was trying to get away from her.” It was a calculated risk, but one he was willing to take. If she thought he had no interest in her, perhaps she would leave Erin alone. “I don’t remember her and I’m not sure why I ever wanted her in the first place. She’s obviously not my type. I think it was all about the operation.”

  He heard a gasp and turned, his heart clenching because naturally there was Erin. She stood in the doorway, her face pale.

  “McDonald?” She mouthed the word.

  He nodded. Fuck. He’d ripped her heart out of her body and kicked it to the curb and he couldn’t take it back. He couldn’t let McDonald know a damn thing.

  “Somehow I don’t believe you,” McDonald said.

  “I don’t care what you believe but I was surprised to find her and the kid here. She’s desperate to get me back, but I don’t want her. I don’t remember her or the kid.”

  “I can tell you he is yours,” she said quietly over the line. “I had a DNA test run.”

  He looked back and Erin was gone, likely running to get someone, anyone who might be able to trace a call that was probably untraceable.

  “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want a kid.” At least she wouldn’t hear him say that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want TJ. Not precisely. He couldn’t feel anything. He was numb and that was no way for a kid to live.

  “I wish I could believe that. I felt I had to call because I’m sure they’re spreading lies about me. If only you’d allowed your family to bring you back none of this would be necessary.”

  “Did you feel a damn thing when you found out those two men died? You did that. You trained them to kill themselves.”

  “I trained them to be excellent,” she corrected. “I trained them to be the best and to accept no failure. Can’t you see that’s what a mother does? When she loves her children, she won’t allow them to live with failure.”

  “I’m your failure.” He let his voice drop. “You failed with me, Hope. You tried and tried, but you couldn’t quite get me to forget. Guess what? I’m having real memories now. It won’t be long before I get it all back so you’ve failed utterly with me. Shouldn’t you walk out right fucking now and throw your body off a bridge?”

  He would pay to see it. Hell, he would pay to push her off.

  “It’s different with me. I’m too important. My failures are merely stepping-stones to changing the world. It’s a burden I have to bear. And you must, too. You’re the perfect soldier and that’s why you resist the drugs. I had to go back to the sounding board because you’re the reason I’m doing what I’m doing. It’s all for you.”

  She was beyond insane, but he might be able to use it. “Is it? Then maybe we should talk. You have Hutch, but I’m the one you want. You don’t need him. You need me. Meet me somewhere and I’ll exchange myself for him.”

  He heard a hiss and realized Erin was back again. She’d brought Knight with her. Both were looking at him like he was the biggest idiot in the world, except Erin wanted to cut his balls off and Knight wouldn’t waste the time.

  A long sigh came over the line. “I should have known you would be willing to sacrifice yourself, but unfortunately I think that would lead to a trap. You’ve spent too much time with those people and they’ve convinced you I’m bad. Besides, I need Greg. He’s proven to be an invaluable resource, and before you blame me for all manner of evil, I’ve never had to give him a drop of drugs. He came to me of his own free will. He sees what we could all be.”

  That simply wasn’t true. “He wouldn’t betray us like that. You did something to him. He doesn’t remember who he is. That’s the only reason he would be working with you.”

  “He believes in what I’m doing. He knows the value of the family I’m creating,” she insisted. “But I can see you’re going to need convincing.”

  He touched the screen to hit the speaker. Not holding the phone to his ear made it feel less personal.

  And then he wished he hadn’t done it because another voice came over the line. One he hadn’t thought he’d hear.

  “Hello, brother.” Hutch’s voice was deeper than usual. He was always so light, ready to make a joke, but now he sounded deadly serious. “I need you to understand that I’m here of my own free will. I’m not on any kind of drug because I need to maintain my skills in order to make the team stronger. You need to take some serious time and think about what you’re doing right here and now. We need you for the good work we’re going to do.”

  It was wrong. He was having another nightmare. “She’s fucking with you.”

  A low chuckle came over the line. “You want to hear something different, Theo? You want to live in make-believe land where everyone worships you because you happen to have the last name Taggart? It doesn’t work that way here. She’s not interested in you because you’re a Taggart. She’s going to take that away and then we’ll figure out exactly who you are.”

  Erin’s face had gone red.

  “Hutch, this isn’t you.” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The man on the other end of the line couldn’t be Hutch.

  “Brother, I’m more me than I’ve ever been,” Hutch replied. “I’ve finally figured out where I belong. Mother won’t leave me behind.”

  Had he gone fuck-all insane? “Mother had two of your ‘brothers’ kill themselves because they didn’t bring me in.”

  “They failed. They fell on their swords exactly as they should have. She teaches her children honor.”

  “Is that what’s going to happen to you? If you screw up, are you going to put a damn gun to your head?”


  “I wouldn’t do that because that’s not my place,” Hutch explained. “I’m not a foot soldier. I understand that there’s a hierarchical order that must be respected. It only makes sense. Some of us are more important than others. That’s what you need to understand. You have to accept your place in the order.”

  “You already have a place. You have a place at McKay-Taggart. Damn it, Hutch. You don’t have to do this.”

  A laugh came over the line, but it was dark and humorless. “Yes, I figured out my place at McKay-Taggart. I thought I was someone there. I was so wrong. That night when we were in Colombia, when we came to find you, that’s when I figured out how important I was to the Taggarts. Your brother let them take me. All he cared about was you. He didn’t even try to find me.”

  Hutch didn’t know the whole story. “We took you out a secret passage. He didn’t know what had happened until later. Case was devastated at losing you. He’s felt guilty about it ever since. He would have done anything to find you.”

  “Anything except actually come and get me. I gave them all the clues twice as to where we would be, but I assume they decided to not risk saving me if it jeopardized you. You’re the golden boy. Everyone loves Theo.”

  Theo shivered at the chill in Hutch’s tone. “It wasn’t like that.”

  “It wasn’t? Because that’s not what I heard after they rescued us. What I heard was how brilliant Erin’s plan was to save her boy. She left me there, but then I should have guessed that. I could have helped her out, been her friend, but she’s going to choose her boy toy every time. I was nothing but the idiot who did all the shit work. Guess what, brother? I got a promotion. While everyone was ignoring me and salivating all over you, Mother called.”

  “She called you while we were in Africa?”

  “She called that same night,” Hutch explained. “I don’t even know how she managed to contact me, but she cared enough to figure it out. She asked me to come home. All the rest of the team was too busy worrying about poor Theo to notice me. I left in the early hours of the morning and she made arrangements for me to join her. I’ve been working to rebuild what your clumsy brothers destroyed. And I don’t think that Mother is to blame for my brothers dying. I blame you, Theo. You killed them when you wouldn’t come home. We will try again and again, and every single man who fails in his mission will die. How much death can you have on your conscience? Remember that and I’ll see you soon, brother.”

  The line clicked and the screen showed the call was dead.

  Knight cursed under his breath. “Let’s go see if they could get anything. I bloody doubt it.”

  Erin’s face was pale as she started to follow Knight out of the gym. “I’m sure they were using a burner phone. They’ll toss it out and use another one the next time they call.”

  “Still, I got Nick on it as quickly as I could,” Knight was saying. “He might have found something.”

  He couldn’t let her walk out, not after everything he’d said. He followed her out to the hall. “Erin.”

  “Hutch is good.” Erin continued to follow Knight, turning toward the elevators. “He’ll either be comfortable enough to let us know where the call came from because he wants us to think he’s there or he’ll ping it around the globe so many times we won’t be able to figure out where he’s at.”

  “Erin, we need to talk.” He’d said what he’d said at the time and he’d even thought he was doing the right thing, but he couldn’t let her believe it. Deep down he knew that maybe it was all for the best, but he couldn’t do it.

  He might have found something worse than forgetting. The idea of hurting Erin that way…it ripped him to his core. It was wrong when he’d spent all his time before building her up. He was supposed to be the one man in the world who would never tear her down.

  “Theo, we can talk later.” Her jaw was tight, her shoulders up around her ears. “This is too important. We need to figure out if we can trace the call. Nick got on it as soon as I told him. Hutch talked for a long time. We might have a shot.”

  “I’m sorry,” Nick called out across the atrium. He stood one floor down and on the other side of the building. “He pinged the call all over. I was still following it back when he hung up.”

  Erin’s shoulders slumped. “Damn it.”

  Knight waved a hand to Nick. “Understood. I’ll be down in a moment and we’ll analyze the data. If she calls again, let us know.”

  “He’s getting rid of the phone.” Erin held out her hand. “Give it to me. He can track you through that thing.”

  “He knows where I am. He doesn’t have to track me.” But he handed her the phone anyway. “Someone has to call Ian and tell him what’s going on.”

  “Ian is out of touch,” Knight said. “I talked to Charlotte an hour ago. She says Ian and Case are on some kind of assignment. They’ve gone to ground and she doesn’t even know how to contact them.”

  “Bastard.” Erin handed the phone to Knight. “I’m sure we could call Top and find the executive chef has taken a mysterious and sudden sabbatical. I should have known he was playing some kind of angle. He obviously doesn’t want Ten or Ezra in on it.”

  “Or he wants us all to have plausible deniability,” Knight said. “All right then. You’re my responsibility. I’m going to find another safe house. I’ll have you out of here in a few hours. I’ll find a place for the three of you to go.”

  “The three of us? Erin isn’t coming with me and Robert.” He knew she would be angry, but he wasn’t shoving her into danger.

  “I’m not sending Robert with you at all.” Knight pressed the button for the elevator. “He’ll stay here. I know you trust him but that’s twice she’s found you and Robert was with you. It’s my call and I’m splitting you up.”

  “Then how are there three of us?” Theo didn’t understand that math.

  Erin’s eyes went wide and he realized he’d made a horrible mistake. “Are you serious? You cannot fucking be serious. I get it. You don’t want a kid, but at least you can admit he freaking exists. You know what? Fuck you, Theo. You might not want us to go along, but we’re coming. Wherever we stay you can have your own room and when Big Tag’s done doing whatever he’s doing, you can go your own way.”

  Shit. “I wasn’t thinking about the baby. He’s not a one. He’s more like a half.”

  She flipped him the bird and strode off, her hair swinging behind her.

  The elevator door opened, but Knight stayed back.

  “That was not well done of you, mate.” Knight put a hand on his shoulder as they watched Erin stomp off. “You’ve got some work to do. They don’t like it when you forget the children. I’ve found begging can work. Pathetic, really, but a man does what a man must do. Unless you meant what you said to the psychopathic bitch on the other end of the line. Are you trying to get away from Erin?”

  “No. Of course I didn’t mean that. I can’t exactly tell McDonald how much I want another woman. She’ll come after Erin, which is precisely why she can’t hide out with me. She needs to stay right here. I’ll leave. I’ll go completely on my own or I’ll go with Ezra and Ten. The Agency will protect me.”

  Or he could handle all of this on his own because Hutch had been right about one thing. He couldn’t handle more people dying because of him. He knew it wasn’t truly his fault. McDonald was making the choice, but Theo would remember those men for the rest of his life. They’d done nothing wrong. They were victims like him.

  How many would die so he could remain free?

  Knight shook his head. “We can’t count on the Agency.”

  “Fine, then I’ll go with Ten and leave Ezra out of it. You know I’m an adult who can make my own damn choices. If I want to leave, there’s nothing you can do about it.”

  A chilly smile lit Knight’s face. “Oh, watch me, mate. You have no idea the things I’m capable of. You try to leave and find out what will happen to you. I have a lovely cell on the fifth floor. Very neat and tidy. Soundproof
as well. You won’t be as comfortable as you are now, but that won’t be my problem. You’ll be alive and well when Ian comes back for you. That is my mission and I don’t intend to fail. Am I understood?”

  “Do you know what happened the last time a member of The Collective decided they wanted one of our team?” It had been the incident that led to his brother losing a truck and breaking a leg. “They blew up Sanctum. Are you willing to risk your club? Your son?”

  “My son can go to our country house along with his nanny, who happens to be a six-foot-seven-inch former SAS commando. I assure you, I can perform my duties and protect my family if I have to. Are you going to make that necessary for me?”

  “Damon, you have to see that there’s more at stake than me. How many of those men won’t go home to their families because they failed to bring me in?”

  “Not my responsibility. I feel for them, but I’m not allowing a member of my family to sacrifice himself. We’ve lost too much already.” Knight hit the button again. The doors opened immediately and he stepped in. “Don’t attempt to leave until I’ve settled on where to send you and your family. Erin and your son are targets as well. If you choose to split up, then let me know and I’ll assign someone to Erin. Robert is going to stay here under my supervision. If it helps at all, I believe Ian’s up to something. That means we shouldn’t have long to wait. If this is his last move, it should be over fairly quickly and you can get on with your life. But if you want that woman to be in it, I suggest you follow her and beg.”

  The doors closed.

  And Theo knew he had a decision to make. No matter what, he couldn’t leave things with Erin. Not like this. He turned and prayed he could find the words to fix things between them.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Erin slammed the door to her room and briefly thought about putting her fist through a wall.

  He was the stupidest man alive. She’d figured that out long ago, but she’d let hormones take over and now she’d done it. She’d had a kid with the stupidest man alive.