Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  Theo pumped into her one last time, finally giving over to the driving need to come. How this woman managed to do this to him, he might never know. Only with Erin could he literally fuck for hours and still want more.

  Peace wrapped him as he let his body fall to cover hers. He finally had her exactly where he wanted her. She was in the home he’d bought for them and while she might pretend this was all about the mission, he planned on her never leaving. She would wake up in a couple of months and find a ring on her finger and a collar around her neck.

  “God, what are you thinking, Theo,” she said, her breath still heavy from all the exercise. “Do I even want to know? You’ve got the most arrogant look on your face.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose. What was there to be humble about? He had the coolest job in the world. He had a whole group of ride-or-die friends. He had a family around him that was rapidly getting filled with nieces and nephews.

  He had his girl.

  Yeah, he was pretty much the shit. He kissed her again and rolled off her, feeling the cool of the air conditioning around him. Being back in Dallas with her was the perfect way to transition from the op to real life. “I was thinking that by morning Ten will likely be in a better mood.”

  She went still beside him. “I thought he was staying on the couch.”

  It was almost the end of their op. Months they’d spent in Africa, then three weeks outside Munich, and now they were back home in Dallas. Earlier that day, they’d introduced Faith to her promised Master, who happened to be Tennessee Smith. He’d shown up tonight wanting to talk to Faith, but Theo wasn’t so sure he was going to end up sleeping on the couch. Ten had a job to do and he was moving quickly.

  Once they had the intel they needed, his time with Erin could be over. So he’d been the arrogant bastard who’d had his brother buy them a house, move her lock, stock, and barrel in, and all for their “cover.”

  He wasn’t letting the love of his life get away. No way. No how.

  “He’ll be in bed with her before morning,” Theo said with confidence. “No doubt about it. I’m going to go get this thing off me. Can we think about getting you on the pill now that we’re back here? Think of all the money we’ll save.”

  “How about I cut your balls off and we won’t have a problem?” She rolled over, putting a hand on his chest. “I’m joking. Yes, I’ll look into it, but I’m serious about Faith not getting hurt. I like her. She’s not involved in any of this.”

  There it was. There was the soft heart that beat under all those layers of stone. He pulled her hand up to his lips. “I think Ten’s in deeper than he imagined. Sparks kind of flew when those two met. Don’t worry about it, baby. It’s all going to be okay. There’s a chance she never has to know what we were doing there. It’s not like Ten’s going to the press himself. He doesn’t want his face plastered everywhere.”

  It was a long shot, but they might be able to keep their friendship with Faith.

  Erin yawned. “If you say so. I have a bad feeling about it.”

  “You worry too much.”

  “You don’t worry enough,” she replied as she brought her hand back and stretched.

  Fuck, but she was gorgeous all sleek and sleepy and satisfied. “That’s why we’re prefect for each other.”

  She sat up, rolling those pretty eyes of hers. “So you say, Taggart.” Those eyes went wide as she looked down at him. “Theo…tell me that happened afterward.”

  What the hell was she talking about? He glanced down and saw his swimmers were on the wrong side of the condom. “Shit.”

  He bounced off the bed and ran to the bathroom. On closer inspection, there was a decent-sized hole in the latex. He would bet it hadn’t happened after. Nope. The thing probably hadn’t been meant for hours of fucking.

  He walked back, having cleaned up, and Erin was sitting up in bed. “Hey, you okay?”

  She sighed. “I suppose if an accident’s going to happen, it’s a fairly good time for it to happen. It should be fine.”

  She was saying all the right things, but he could see that she’d retreated. She got up and disappeared behind the bathroom door.

  He stared after her. She could be so tough, but he thought they’d gotten through this crap. Did she think if she stayed in there long enough, he would go to sleep? The minutes rolled by and he waited. Finally the door opened and she crept out.

  He was waiting for her. He hauled her close and pulled her up against him, her feet dangling off the floor.

  “Theo! What are you doing?”

  He kissed her hard. “Would it be so bad? I think you would look cute all round and pregnant.”

  Even in the low light he could see the way she flushed. “It would be horrible. But I told you, it’s not likely to happen.”

  He hauled her back to the bed. Something else was going on here. “Because of the timing?”

  She shrugged and tried to turn over. He knew all her moves. He simply plastered himself to her back, spooning her and cuddling her close. After a moment, she sighed and relaxed back against him. “I’ve got fertility issues, that’s all. I don’t always ovulate and that makes it hard to get pregnant. The crazy thing is I’m supposed to be on the pill to regulate all that crap, but I stopped about a year ago because it didn’t matter.”

  He hugged her close, knowing how hard it was for her to talk about her past, but he had to ask the question. “Is that why you didn’t have kids with Frank?”

  Her first husband. Frank, the limp-dick moron, as he liked to call him in his head.

  “I didn’t have kids with Frank because he was a cheating, lying sack of shit.” She was silent for a moment. “It was one of the things that went wrong. We tried for a year and that’s when the doctors found out the problems with my ovaries. It’s not that I can’t have kids. It’s harder for me than most women. It might take patience. Might take fertility drugs. He didn’t want to wait. Last I heard he’d married some chick he picked up at a party and they have two kids. Of course I also heard he’s cheating on her, so there’s that.”

  Between her father and her ex-husband, he’d been left with a hearty mess to clean up. He kissed her hair, pulling it back so he could run his lips along her neck. This was pure affection, with no intent to end in sex. This was nothing more than a man wildly in love with a woman, worshipping her body and soul. “I don’t care. I want you to marry me when this is done.”

  She elbowed him, turning in a flash. “Theo. What is wrong with you? I tell you I might not be able to have kids and you ask me to marry you. Do you have a martyr complex or are you really that stupid?”

  He reached for her hair, sinking his fingers in and tugging it back so she had to look at him. “Next time we’re at Sanctum, that’s a non-erotic spanking. Don’t you tell me that I have a martyr complex because I love you.”

  She stilled, her body tense. Tears glimmered in her eyes. “You love me.”

  “Yes, I’ve been saying that for a while now.” He softened his hand, bringing it around to caress her cheek. “I love you, Erin. If you did happen to get pregnant from that condom breaking, I wouldn’t be upset. I would use that sweet baby as leverage to make you marry me because that’s what I want. I want you and me and any kids we get to have. None if we can’t, but baby, there’s always a kid out there who needs a mom like you.”

  Her arms went around him, clutching him like she would never let go. “You love me. You’ve said it before, but I didn’t believe you. You love me.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you, too, Theo.” She laid her head on his shoulder.

  The sweetest words he’d ever heard. He held her until she fell asleep and prayed that one in a million chance had happened that night.

  A baby with his girl. Nothing would be better.

  The world was kind of perfect and he intended to keep it that way.

  * * * *

  London, England

  Present day

  “Are you okay?” Erin’
s voice broke him out of the daydream.

  That’s what it felt like. He knew he was awake, but he also knew he was stuck in memory. Sweet, amazing, beautiful memory.

  He’d been there, in their bed back in Dallas, wrapped around her. Now he was here in her bed and she was getting dressed again. Instead of being in his arms, cuddled close, she stared down at him with worried eyes. All in all he wished they were back home.

  He let go of the memory. It was still in his head, but he didn’t try to push it further. He didn’t have to. He could ask. “Did Ten sleep with Faith that night?”

  She shook her head as though trying to clear it. “What? I’m pretty sure he sleeps with her whenever he can. They’re married.”

  Yes, it had worked out for them. He’d called that one. “The first night in our house. Faith came with us and Ten showed up. He was going to sleep on the couch, but I told you I thought he would end up in bed with her. I was right, wasn’t I?”

  “You remembered something.” Her eyes glanced away and she suddenly seemed interested in making sure her shirt was smooth. “Yes, if it’s the same night I’m thinking of, then yes, they were in bed together the next day, but Big Tag cock blocked Ten and it wasn’t until later they actually had sex. Is your head all right? Your eyes closed so I thought you were going to sleep. I didn’t realize you were trying to remember.”

  He moved to sit at the end of the bed. “It wasn’t like that. I wasn’t forcing it. Sometimes a scent or a sound will trigger a memory and I kind of ride it like a wave. As long as I let it go when it’s time, I’m fine. I feel fantastic. And it was the night we conceived TJ. Unless there was some other night the condom broke. Or did we decide to go ahead and try?”

  Her skin went pink. “No, we weren’t trying. It was that one time. I didn’t get a chance to go see the doctor about the pill so we were still using condoms. I think that probably was the night. Can you put on some clothes if we’re going to talk?”

  He didn’t see why. She’d seen everything. “Why don’t you take off your clothes and we’ll talk? I haven’t asked some important questions. How did you feel when you realized you were pregnant? Were you pissed at me? Think about it, baby. That had to be a one in a million shot. One mistake and you were knocked up. These boys don’t mess around. Taggart sperm.”

  She stepped into her shoes. “I was terrified out of my mind since my mom cut out when I was a kid and my dad hated me. I spent the first few weeks thinking about who to farm the kid out to. Tell the next woman you sleep with to make sure she’s up to date on her contraception or you’ll leave her with a present, too.”

  He reached out as she turned, catching her wrist. “Erin, I didn’t mean anything by it. I remembered and I was excited. I remembered how I felt when I thought you could be pregnant. I wasn’t afraid.”

  “Well, you’ve made up for it now.” She took a deep breath and her eyes were weary when she looked at him. “I have to go. I have things I need to do and not much time to do them. The babysitter can only watch TJ for another two hours. I’ve got to cram everything I need to do into those hours since we’re leaving in the morning.”

  He didn’t want to leave her. Still, he had to admit she was right. He had made up for his youthful arrogance. Now he couldn’t see anything but how fragile they all were. But he could help her. “I’ll take TJ.”

  TJ, not the boy. He had to stop distancing that way. The man he’d once been had longed for that kid because it had been a piece of him and a piece of Erin. He was gone now, but the least Theo could do was honor his old self by spending an afternoon with the kid. It would make Erin’s life easier.

  Erin huffed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “You need to work. It might be the only time I get to see him. Look, everyone has said I should spend time with him. I can change a diaper, Erin. I’m not a complete moron. He’s not tiny anymore.”

  She was silent for a moment. “All right, but you have to call me if things go sideways. I do need to get some work done. And I have to find a place for us to go.”

  “So let me handle TJ. How bad can it get?”

  She frowned again. “Well, he is a Taggart.”

  The good news was, he was used to being around Taggarts.

  “I’ll let the babysitter know it’s okay for you to take him.” She still looked like she thought this was all a bad idea, but she grabbed her bag anyway.

  It might be, but it was the last thing he could do for her. And maybe, if he did a good job, she would let him stay with her one more night.

  Hell, if he wasn’t a complete idiot and he managed somehow to kick Hope McDonald’s ass into the great beyond, maybe she would want to date or something.

  He followed her down the hall, a little optimism squeezing through his darkness.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Theo walked back to the room, trying not to wake the kid. TJ. He was trying not to wake TJ. The kid was asleep, wrapped for now in a blanket. When he’d picked him up from the lady on the sixth floor, he’d tried unconvincingly to argue that maybe TJ should stay there for a bit longer. Just until he was awake and stuff.

  The sub named Janet had swiftly explained to him that her hairdresser waited on no baby and if he wouldn’t take his son, she could always call Erin.

  She’d been touchy and quick with that threat. It was one every man knew well. It began early on in life. Don’t screw up, kid, or we’ll call your mom. That morphed somewhere along the way into a man not wanting to have his wife called in.

  “Don’t tell Mom on me, kid,” he whispered as he approached the door. “I’m probably going to be bad at this. She doesn’t need to know that though. We should keep some things between ourselves. The ladies don’t need to know everything.”

  The baby on his shoulder kept right on sleeping, but his arms shifted out, as though trying to wrap around Theo’s neck, but not quite making it. Baby? He was practically a toddler. He was a solid kid. What had he been like when he was brand new? All wrinkly and red and probably still cute.

  He stopped at the door. He needed to get the key card out of his back pocket. There was only one problem with that. Apparently the sleeping prince currently being secured by his left hand required a lot of crap to get through a day. That was being held by his right hand. There was a diaper bag slung over his right shoulder and he was carrying a large stuffed dog named Spot that was needed to entertain the kid.

  A real dog would be less trouble probably. He could train the dog to carry around all of TJ’s stuff. Yeah, he kind of liked that idea. A big dog that would make people think twice about messing with his kid. He’d always wanted a dog, but the trailer had been too small.

  Wow, they were coming faster and faster. Random memories that made up his life. Kai had been right. When he calmed down and let the world flow over him, the whispers of his old life came back.

  What would Erin do if he showed up at the house with a puppy? TJ and the puppy could grow up together.

  She would murder him because she would have to be the one to clean up after the puppy. And the baby. In the house he’d forced her to live in.

  He tried to shift the stuffed dog under his arm, but the diaper bag was pretty damn heavy and when he leaned forward, it tried to come off his arm and go crashing to the floor.

  Was this what Erin went through every day? Juggling everything with no help. That’s what he was sentencing her to. He was sending her into hiding with no help. It was necessary. It wasn’t being done to hurt her. It was all to make sure she was safe from the psycho who was after him.

  Yes, because Erin Argent couldn’t take care of you, a baby, and assassinate a psycho without breaking a nail. And then she would clean Bertha, cook dinner, and the house would be in perfect order. You’re the one she doesn’t need, dude. You’re the one making things harder on her.

  When had that voice started talking to him? It wasn’t the normal, dark voice that told him everything was going to be shitty.

  If you had hal
f a brain, you would take this time to clean up her place, buy her some really good takeout, make sure the baby’s asleep when she gets home, and be waiting to serve her dinner wearing nothing but an apron. Oh, and have a beer ready for her. Yeah, then she might take you back.

  That voice was way too optimistic. And maybe a little sexist, though in a reverse way. It didn’t matter. He needed to get inside and get TJ down for the rest of his nap, and he could prove to Erin that he was at the very least capable of not killing their sleeping son.

  Why was that suddenly so important to him? A few hours ago he would have said it didn’t matter because he would likely never see them again, but something had happened when he’d made love to her. He’d seen how good it had been once. Maybe they couldn’t have that again, but if they could find even a quarter of the happiness he’d felt in his memory, wasn’t that worth fighting for?

  Was it fair to ask her to wait for him? Probably not and he likely wouldn’t do it. He would be noble and let her find someone who wasn’t so burdened with the past.

  And who the fuck is that, dude? She’s found her himbo with nothing between his ears and a six-pack to drool over. That was you. The next guy is going to have substance, and anyone with substance is going to have a past. Why not freaking you? She still has a total thing for your abs.

  He sighed and tried to shut up his inner voice. He hadn’t been a damn himbo. He’d been a decorated Navy SEAL/CIA operative who happened to have a nice six-pack. It wasn’t like he showed it off to get stuff.

  Mostly.

  The freaking door. He’d been standing in front of the door for how long? Was this how she would find them both? Completely stumped at how to both hold his child and open a door. Some dad he was.

  He dropped the dog. He could get it after he laid TJ down. He let the bag drop to the floor and reached for the keycard.

  “Mama.” TJ’s head had come off his shoulder and he was staring at Theo, blue eyes sleepy as he obviously tried to figure out what the hell was going on. He was wearing overalls and a T-shirt with dinosaurs on it. His blonde hair was a mop around his head that needed to be cut into a high and tight to make the kid a little more masculine. Erin had let his hair grow out in a halo of ringlets that would get the kid beat the shit up when he went to school. Theo would know. His mother thought his curls had been cute, too.