Submission is Not Enough Kobo

by Lexi Blake

  It was far worse than thinking of her in another man’s arms. At least she would get what she needed.

  Fuck, he loved her. He loved her, but he couldn’t be the man he’d been. And he couldn’t bring her and a child into his fucked-up world.

  He had made the mistake. It was on him, but he could give her some comfort. One last day. He could give her the barest minimum that he should. He could hold her. He could make the rest of the day easy on her.

  It might be the last time he ever held her.

  “It’s all right, baby. You cry. Let it all out.”

  She held on to him for the longest time, her body shuddering in his arms. He rocked her, his heart aching. It felt good to hold her. Like this was his right. It was nothing but an echo from long before, the memory of the life he’d had.

  Erin tilted her head up, her face blotchy and red and still the most beautiful one he’d ever seen. Her emotion wasn’t given away easily. He’d earned it the first time around, earned being the one to stroke back her hair and tell her everything would be all right because they were together.

  “I’m okay, Theo. I’m sorry I lost it like that.”

  If he didn’t do something, she would get off his lap and they would be done. She would pull back into her shell, and he couldn’t stand the thought of it being over. He did the only thing he could think to do. He lowered his lips to hers and kissed her.

  It was a good way to get hit, but he was willing to risk it for another few moments with her. In the morning they would be apart, perhaps for a very long time. She would never look at him the same again. All his chances would be gone, but if they could have another hour together, something he could hold on to for the rest of his miserable life, he would take it.

  He would even take a punch to the face if it meant one more kiss. Somewhere in the back of his stupid brain he was practically begging for it. Let it scar so he could see her there when he forced himself to look in the mirror.

  Instead, her hands came up, cupping the sides of his face as the kiss turned incendiary.

  Her mouth opened, tongue coming out to run along his bottom lip like she couldn’t wait to taste him.

  Pure need crowded out all the softer emotions he’d felt. The need to brand this one last encounter onto his psyche in a way no one could take from him. No drug could ever make him forget how good it felt to have her soften and open for him. She was the flower that had refused to bloom, preferring to protect herself with thorn after thorn. He’d been the man to ease them away so she could open and feel the sunlight, so she could be the warm woman he’d known her to be from the moment they’d met.

  That had been his true talent. Ian was the strongest, Sean the smartest, Case the true soldier, but Theo had been able to see past all the bullshit of the people around, to find the core of beauty everyone missed.

  She’d been his prize. She was still the prize. He simply didn’t deserve her anymore.

  He began to ease her over, but her hands came up, tugging on his hair.

  He growled her way. She wasn’t playing the way they’d agreed to. “Stop it, brat. Lay on the bed. Let me take care of you.”

  She twisted her body with the ease of an athlete, shifting in one swift move so she was straddling him. “I’m not your brat anymore. Doms don’t leave their subs. Whatever contract we’ve had, it’s broken, so this is my way or you can leave.”

  The alpha male inside him flared and threatened to take over. He could show her his way. Oh, he could pin her down and take her, and there wouldn’t be a damn thing she could do except use her safe word on him.

  Something about the stubborn set of her jaw made him stop.

  He was leaving her, but sometimes Doms were just men who couldn’t stop the tide of shitty fate. And sometimes Doms bent to their subs needs, shoving their own aside. Erin needed to take back the power she’d lovingly given him. She’d needed to break with him in a way that was clear and unforgettable. She would be alone and would need control.

  It was time to give it back to her.

  He eased himself back, giving her the dominant position.

  She looked down at him, tears glistening in her eyes, but he knew his girl. There was no way she backed out now. This was her path and she would walk it. Taking him one last time would be her first step to moving on from him.

  She reached down and took his tank in both hands, ripping it in a show of feminine strength.

  She stared at him for a moment, her lower lip disappearing behind her teeth as though she couldn’t figure out whether to lick him or not.

  His dick throbbed in his sweatpants, so close to her pussy but not quite about to touch. There were layers of protection between them and he wanted to rip them all away until he was deep inside her. He could forget about the rest of the world, let it all narrow down to nothing but the feel of her silky body surrounding him, cradling him.

  But this wasn’t his show. He’d given that up when he’d given up her.

  Her hands came out, palms flat on his chest as she ran them from his collarbone down to his pecs and abs. Warmth flowed between them as she explored him with her fingers. She brushed them over his nipples, making them tighten with need.

  “Don’t think this means anything, Taggart. After you walk away, don’t come back looking for sex.”

  He hadn’t dreamed of it. She wouldn’t allow it. Coming in and out of her life would hurt her, but it would harm the boy worse. TJ would become the center of her world and she would fiercely protect him against everyone.

  The harshness of her words didn’t match the way her hands stroked over him, brushing over every muscle as though memorizing its feel. “I won’t, baby, but you can’t leave your job. You need it and you need to have family around you. I’m the one who needs to leave. My decision. My sacrifice.”

  Her hips moved, rolling her pelvis over his cock. “I don’t think that’s going to work forever. You’ll want your family back.”

  His hands came up, touching her waist and flowing down to her hips. “I’ll stay away as long as you need me to. I promise. You’re more important.”

  “Shut up, Taggart.” She hauled her shirt over her head and tossed it to the side.

  He moved his hands to the cups of the lacy bra she was wearing, a whisper of a memory floating through his brain. “You never used to wear pretty things. I told you something. I bought you lingerie and then I said something to you.”

  “You said I was beautiful and I should only ever be allowed to wear beautiful things.” She unhooked the back of the bra and tossed it to the side. Her nipples were already sweetly taut and his fingers itched to roll them and watch her eyes dilate. “Save the bullshit for the next woman. I want some stress relief. It’s been a day.”

  He saw right through her. The tough chick was back, but it was armor she needed. He’d wounded her and it would take a long time for the scars to heal. She’d only ever let one man in and he’d turned out to be so flawed. “Take what you need from me, baby. Take whatever you need.”

  She rolled off him, getting to her feet. “Take off your pants and lie back on the bed.”

  They should talk. Her tone was harsh and he didn’t want their final time together to be so rough. “Erin, please. Come here and let’s get into bed and we can talk. I still don’t think you understand everything that happened here today.”

  “If you aren’t out of your pants and lying back on the bed by the time I finish undressing, I will walk out and I won’t see you again. You’re not in control of this. I am.”

  He groaned inwardly because either way he went he would hurt her.

  In the end, he couldn’t reject her physically. He’d already rejected her enough for one lifetime. She would shut down her heart because of him. He didn’t want her shutting down her sexuality, too. It would be the only way to get to her. If she kept practicing BDSM, she might find a Dom she trusted enough.

  Lucky man.

  Lucky man he suddenly wanted to murder.

  Theo
kicked off his shoes and socks and shoved his boxers and sweats down. “I should take a shower. I’m sweaty.”

  “You smell like man.” Her eyes were on his cock as he pushed his body up the bed to a comfortable position. He had the feeling he was in for a hard ride if that look in her eyes was any indication. “Stroke yourself, Theo. Do you have any idea how much I love that cock of yours?”

  It loved her. It only fucking wanted her. Even when he’d been half out of his mind on drugs, the fucker had a brain. His brother always told him not to think with his dick because his dick was an idiot. Fuck Ian. His dick was the smartest part of his body since it knew damn well when to come to life and when to play dead.

  No need for that now. His cock was straining. He took himself in hand, gripping his dick hard as he pumped up and down. She wanted a show? He could give her one.

  She ditched the last of her clothes and his cock proved it could take even more blood from his brain. She was a fucking goddess. Slender with long limbs and graceful breasts. They were bigger than they’d been but still fit his hands perfectly. Her ass was a thing of beauty. A drop of pre-come pulsed from the slit of his cock, letting him know he wouldn’t last terrifically long.

  There had been a time when he could fuck her long and hard. Hours he would spend torturing his sweet sub and bringing her to orgasm over and over before he would give in and let go. Best days of his life. They’d been in one of the worst situations the world had ever seen, utterly surround by death, and yet most of what he could remember about Africa was the joy of being inside her.

  “Don’t ruin this, Theo. I can tell when you’re trying to remember. Please don’t. This is what it is. One last moment with you. Not the Theo from before. I had my time with him. I’m saying good-bye to you.”

  He let the memory float away and concentrated on the moment. This he could hold on to. This he could call up later when the nights were lonely as hell because no matter what she did in the future, he wasn’t sure he would ever take another lover. She was it for him. She was everything, and the idea of anyone else made him ache inside.

  “It’s gone. No future. No past. Here and now with you, baby.” He stroked himself from bulb to base, thinking of nothing but how gorgeous she was, how much he needed her on top of him. “Take me. I’ll play your game because I think you need it, but take me soon or we’re going to lose that chance. Just looking at you makes me want to come. That’s all it takes. You walk in a room and this is what happens.”

  He kept his eyes steady on her, but he was certain his dick had gone a nice shade of purple. He would be ripe and ready to fuck, but then that was the state his body seemed to prefer when close to her.

  “Don’t you dare come without me.” She climbed on the bed, kneeling next to him. “Stop. I want to touch you.”

  “I want to touch you, too. I want to get my mouth on you. You can be in charge all you like, but don’t deny me this. Come up here and put that pussy right on my face. Let me taste you again.” If she said no, he would regret it for the rest of his life, but he would give her what she wanted and not say another word.

  She twisted and leaned over, her mouth nearly on his cock.

  Fuck, he wasn’t going to survive this. He wanted to give back to her, not be another asshole who took and took from her. His hands fisted at his sides as he swore he would be still. How many times had she taken what he gave her? He was determined to do the same for her.

  Her leg hooked over his chest and he was gifted with the sight of the sexiest pussy in the history of the world not an inch from his face. Her scent invaded his every sense, heightening his awareness of how aroused she was. Her pussy was wet, the labia beautifully swollen as though it reacted to him the same way he reacted to her. Desperate. Needy. Hotter than hell.

  “Do your worst, Taggart. I know I intend to.”

  He figured out what she meant in the next moment when her mouth covered his cockhead and sucked up the drop there. His eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head.

  She wanted to make this a competition? Oh, he could give that to her. He shoved his nose in her pussy, breathing her in. So fucking good. He didn’t play around this time. No teasing. Just a full-on feast for a man who would starve forever after. He would eat his fill of her.

  He dragged his tongue through her labia, loving the spicy taste of her arousal. Slightly sweet, like the woman herself. He sucked at her, drawing her tender flesh into his mouth. He let his hands come up, gripping her hips and holding her down when she squirmed against him.

  He knew he’d hit her sweet spot when she groaned around his cock. The sound made him shudder like a wave of cool water rushing along his skin, making him feel alive. It was washed away with the warmth that hit him as she worked her tongue over the slit of his dick. He could feel himself pulsing, giving her more.

  He needed to make her come on his tongue. He had to make sure she found her pleasure because he was rapidly rushing toward his.

  He shifted his right hand up, finding her clit and pressing down as he speared his tongue deep inside her body. He pressed his body up, fucking her hard with his tongue and circling her clit in a way sure to make her crazy. Circle, circle, press. He had the rhythm down. He’d preformed this service so damn many times. It was his favorite thing in the whole world. It was his home.

  Circle, circle, press, fuck. Every long penetration of his tongue sent his senses reeling. His body was taut, every muscle tight and desperate for release, but he was soldiering on. He wouldn’t give in to the need. All that mattered was Erin and showing her how he felt. He needed her to understand. If not in her mind, at least her body would know how much he cared about her, how much he wanted and needed her. It had to be enough to see her through the dark times to come, enough to show her how beautiful she was so she could accept the love of a worthy man.

  Over and over he worked her clit until finally he felt the beginnings of her orgasm. Her body went tight and then he was shocked at the complete desertion as she rolled off him.

  “No. It’s not going to be that easy, Taggart.” She turned and straddled him. She reached back, gripping his cock with an expert hand. She was a goddess looming over him with upthrust breasts and a haughty stare. “We come together or not at all. I know you’re up to the task. That monster cock of yours always gets the job done.”

  “Let me get a condom.” He wasn’t going to leave her pregnant and alone again. He hadn’t meant to in the first place.

  She moved his cock into place. He could feel the heat of her pussy nearly scorching him. “I’m on the pill. I started after I weaned TJ. I knew you were alive by then and I felt optimistic. We’re good, unless there’s a reason you want me to grab one.”

  “I’m clean.” He’d had all the tests after he’d come home. Still, it hurt to think about why she would ask. “I don’t think I cheated on you.”

  She stared down at him and one hand came out, caressing his face as her eyes softened. “Baby, that wouldn’t be cheating. That would be rape.”

  He traced her curves, feeling the warmth of her skin, the way she gave to him even when she didn’t have to. “I don’t remember.”

  Her lips curled up in the softest way. “It doesn’t matter because I don’t care, Theo Taggart. What could have happened makes no difference to me. Right here and now you’re mine. Then, you were mine. The only thing that is separating us is you. Not her. She has no hold on you that you don’t allow her to have. I’ll beg you one more time. Choose me. Let go of what she did. Let go of the pain and pick me. You won’t regret it. I’ll work every single day of my life to make you happy.”

  He wanted it. So badly, but he couldn’t believe it was real. “She’ll hurt you.”

  The saddest look crossed her face and she nodded. “All right, Theo. Your choice. One last time, my love.”

  She moved his cock into place and began to lower herself down.

  He couldn’t contain the low groan that accompanied the pure pleasure of her pussy clamping down ar
ound him. Perfection. How he’d missed this. Would miss this. He’d made a horrible mistake because the truth was better than any fleeting memory. Wet heat engulfed him but more than that was the feeling of peace that swept through his body, sinking into his soul. This woman was his, made for him by God or the universe or whatever a man believed in. She was divinely created to take him and make him into a better human being with the pure will of her love.

  He let all other thoughts go but the joy of thrusting inside her. His hips pulsed up, trying to move as deep as he could. She was controlling the motion and it threatened his sanity. So slow. She moved carefully, as though every moment was something to savor and store in her memory. Inch by inch she lowered herself. She didn’t pay attention at all to his attempts to speed up the process, merely continued her slow exploration.

  Her back bowed, thrusting her breasts out as she took his final inch and made them one.

  So good. She felt perfect and good and all the right things of the world. He could feel her in his spine—a deep heat that suffused him.

  She moved back up, sliding along his cock. Her pussy was so wet, she slid up and down with ease.

  He caught her rhythm, their bodies moving fluidly as though born to make this particular music together. His whole being focused on hers as her back bowed and clenched around him. Her skin flushed and her mouth opened on a keening cry that seemed part pleasure and part loss.

  He wanted to draw out the moment, to grasp it tight and stay right here with her forever. So the loss never had to occur. This was as elusive as his memories. His balls drew up as she clamped down on him and he couldn’t help but let go. He came deep inside her, gripping her hips and fighting to hold on.

  She fell forward, her body sagging into his.

  He let his arms enfold her, pulling her close.

  One last time.

  He breathed her in and suddenly was shoved back in time. The memory crystallized as clear and pure as if he were experiencing it for the very first time.

  * * * *

  Dallas, TX

  Eighteen months before