by Emma Nichols
“Maybe like this?” I wrapped it casually around my neck like some scarf and started walking. When I realized he wasn’t right behind me, I turned. “You coming?”
He blew out a breath. “Yeah. I’ll grab the diaper bag.”
We made our way into the hospital and with DeSean blocking for me, it seemed to go rather smoothly, other than the shouted questions I mostly ignored. After all, I was focused on getting to Lauryn. Still, there was one question I couldn’t ignore.
“Whose baby is that?” a male photographer shouted.
Wrapping my arms more protectively around my son, I looked him directly in the eye and replied with one word. “Mine.”
At first they were completely silenced, but the group recovered quickly and began asking follow up questions. None of it mattered as we pushed past them to climb on the elevator. Security had arrived and helped clear our path.
“Thank you,” I murmured to the big, beefy guards.
They nodded as the elevator doors closed. DeSean pushed the buttons and we were soon on our way up to the neuro floor. “You done good, Tradd. We’ll take a different route out.” He stared at me for a moment. “How’s Rip?”
I smirked. “You like calling him that, don’t you?”
He chuckled. “Rip sounds totally badass and absolutely perfect for a rock god’s kid.”
“I’m no rock god.” I frowned as I looked down at my son. “I’m a single dad. But I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure I’m not single for long. I want Lauryn back. I want our family.”
“Even if it means you have to change your lifestyle?” DeSean’s brow shot up.
I looked away. Maybe I wasn’t completely there yet. Maybe I shouldn’t have even said that much. After all, I knew nothing of Lauryn’s condition and I’d been a father for all of sixteen hours. From what I’d seen with the other kids around the breakfast table, they didn’t stay this small for long. Then there was talking and talking back. There was running around, which often resulted in being chased. And everything became a projectile.
“You don’t have to make any of those decisions today,” he reminded me as he nudged me off the elevator. “Right now, you just need to see how Lauryn is doing.” He leaned in. “And then you need to let Ross and Julian know.”
I groaned. “You’re a real nag.”
“Just part of my charm.” He snickered.
As soon as we hit the floor, I grew even more serious than I had been before. My stomach hurt and I knew my body was responding to my fear. I was bracing for the potential of another kind of loss. When we were apart, in the back of my mind, I always believed we would find each other again. If she died, then I had to accept our story was over, our song was done, and the loss would overwhelm me.
With DeSean’s help, we found the room. A nurse froze as we entered the room. “Can I help you?”
I wrapped my arms more tightly around Ripley. “I’m here to check on Lauryn.” I stared at her still form on the bed. “I brought our son.”
Her head tilted as she looked at me, then Ripley. She smirked and gestured to the wrap. “I’ll call for the doctor to come speak to you, and while we’re waiting, I’ll help you with that.”
“It’s fine,” I mumbled.
She shook her head. “It’s not safe. I’ll teach you how to do it so he’s comfortable and secure.”
I was about to open my mouth to object, but she disappeared out the door. “Can you believe that?” I scowled at DeSean.
“Buddy, if I were you, I’d take the help. It’s for Rip. It’s not a dig at you.” He chuckled. “Okay. Maybe a little one.”
My brow rose. “You helped me put it on, remember?”
Then we chuckled together. “I guess it’s a dig at me too.”
Soon the nurse reappeared and she made short work of unwrapping me, then showed me how to do it properly. “Around here, then over him. Cross in the back and tie here.”
My mind was spinning. “Let’s try it hands-on one time.” I had to figure this thing out. Almost as soon as I finished securing Ripley to my chest, the doctor entered the room and held out his hand.
“I’m Dr. Hima.” He firmly shook my hand.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Tradd and this is our son, Ripley.” I jerked my head toward DeSean. “He’s our friend and bodyguard.” I took a deep breath to prepare myself for whatever he had to tell me.
“Well, the MRI confirmed the CT scan. No bleed on the brain. Some swelling. We’re monitoring the pressure. For now, she’s medicated to prevent seizures and under mild sedation to heal. We’ll keep checking her.” He studied me seriously. “Do you have any questions for me?”
I nodded. “How long do you think she’ll be like this? What kind of lasting effects will she have?” I swallowed hard and my last question was barely louder than a whisper. “Will I ever have my Lauryn back?”
Dr. Hima tucked his hand under his chin while he prepared to answer my questions. “It’s hard to say how long until she regains consciousness. And we won’t know the extent of the damage until she does.” He eyed Ripley. “I’m sure this isn’t what you want to hear, but I’d rather be honest with you than set you up for disappointment.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m expecting we’ll have to keep her sedated for a good week to ten days while we monitor the swelling.”
“So what do I do?” My brow furrowed.
“Visit. Sit with her. Talk to her. There’s evidence that patients can hear us even while comatose.” He gestured to the chair. “You can’t sleep here, but you can stay as long as you’d like during visiting hours.”
Another nurse peeked into the room and caught his attention, which had him scurrying from the room after making his apologies. “Guess you can settle in,” DeSean murmured. “And make those calls….”
I studied the room and shook my head. “She can’t get better here, like this. We need to make some changes.”
“What lengths won’t you go to in order to avoid those calls?” DeSean shook his head.
I pulled out my phone and began to type up a list. He peeked over my shoulder, then eyed me with raised brows. “What?”
“You think this will make a difference?”
“It has to. I want her to wake up surrounded by all her favorite things. I just want this to be a nap. I want her to feel refreshed.” I shrugged. “This is all I can do for now.”
“Fine. I’ll do this, but before you get into trouble with the label…” DeSean began.
I growled. “I’ll fucking call Julian and Ross. Okay? Will that make you happy?” In my arms, Ripley squawked and squirmed.
“You’re upsetting the boy.” DeSean nodded at my little guy.
“Well, you’re upsetting me,” I complained.
“Just do it.” He huffed as he passed me the diaper bag, then turned on his heels and rushed from the hospital room.
For a moment, I stood there just trying to breathe while I held Ripley and stared at Lauryn. Finally, I sighed and pulled my phone from my pocket. I called Julian first. “Hi,” I began quietly.
“I saw the news,” he responded briskly. “I’m sorry about Lauryn.”
“Thank you.” My voice cracked while I spoke.
“So, you have three concert dates left—”
“I can’t. I don’t want to leave her.” I had countless objections I was prepared to lay out, but he interrupted.
“The accident is regrettable. Unfortunately, we have a schedule to keep. What’s a week? You leave tomorrow for Vegas. You perform there and then take a teeny tiny hop on over to California. Two concerts. Three days apart. You can literally leave the stage in Sacramento and go straight back to Reno. Problem solved. Good talk.” Julian clapped his hands, his signal that the conversation was over.
“Wait. We have a son,” I snapped. “What am I supposed to do with him?”
“You’re rich. Get a nanny.” Julian sighed. “Now, if you want to stay rich, you’ll do your job.”
And that’s why I had avoide
d calling. This was what I’d feared all along.
8
Tradd
“How’d it go?” DeSean asked as he peeked back into the room an hour later.
“How do you think it went?” I snapped.
“Well, according to the nurse who warned me before I entered the room, you been pacing and fuming for a good forty-five minutes.” He shook his head. “Guess I don’t need to ask if you called Julian.”
“Nope.” The ‘P’ popped to further emphasize my anger.
DeSean rubbed his forehead. “He making you go?”
“Yup.” Another pop.
He took a deep breath. “I brought the stuff.” He set the bags on the floor and I wandered over to them to start unloading.
“Where are the flowers?” I frowned. “She loves flowers.”
“I worked a deal with the gift shop downstairs. She will get a fresh bouquet every day. And they will be everything but roses.” DeSean tried to smile, but it didn’t meet his eyes.
I nodded. “Thank you. She hates roses, ever since her mother’s funeral. Now she associates them with death.” I wrapped my arms around my body, hugging Ripley even as I sighed and huffed.
“You too mad right now,” he commented as he pulled the blanket from the bag.
With a sigh, I murmured, “You found it.”
“Yeah. She had it folded in her bedroom closet. What’s with the blanket?” DeSean asked.
“I bought it on one of our trips. We found it in Italy. It was our souvenir and then we had it on every bed we shared after that.” I smiled sadly as I ran a hand over it. “I was surprised she took it, but I’m sure it’s because I had it stuck in her bag on our last tour.”
“I bet she’ll be happy to see it on her when she wakes up.” Then he moved to the other side of the bed to help me spread it out over her.
Numbly, I nodded. “I can’t leave her,” I whined. “How the fuck am I supposed to perform when I’m going to be thinking of her the whole time? I’ll be worried and distracted.” I raked my hands down my face.
DeSean came over and laid a hand on my shoulder. I knew he meant to comfort me, but I shrugged it off. He held up his hands and backed away. “I get it.” He blew out a breath and eyed me for a moment. “So, let’s problem solve this.”
“There’s nothing to solve. I have to go on the road. Three more concerts in two states over the next week,” I grumbled.
“Do you really? Does it have to be the road?” He wore a mischievous look on his face.
Narrowing my eyes, I stared at him a moment before speaking. “What are you getting at?”
He pursed his lips for a minute, obviously still thinking. “Couldn’t you just fly in the day of the concert in time for the sound check and leave right after the concert each night?”
I stopped pacing and scowling long enough to process his idea. Part of me was in such a foul mood, I wanted to find fault with anything anyone said, but the devious part of me grinned. I met his waiting gaze. “I could. The label wouldn’t pay for it, but luckily, I can afford it. I’d only be gone the better part of three days instead of seven.”
“Yes. See? Okay. So, we’ll make some calls. I know one person with a private jet.” DeSean chuckled.
“You do?” I frowned.
“Yeah. You do, too. Leo isn’t your average rich guy. How do you think we managed to all get here for the wedding on such short notice?” He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I bet if you pay for fuel, he’ll let you use it while they’re in Fiji.”
My shoulders sagged in relief. “That would be awesome.”
DeSean murmured, “I’m going to go talk to him in the hall.” Then he ducked out of the room.
While I started breathing again, Ripley began squirming. “Time to eat, huh?” I calmly unwrapped the Moby and set him on the bed beside Lauryn while I worked to get his bottle ready. “I wish I hadn’t missed everything,” I murmured to him while I tried to get organized. “But I’m not going to miss a thing from now on. Somehow, I’m gonna win your mama back. She loves me. I know she does. And me…well, I’m nothing without her. I need her more than I need the stage, or the fans. She’s my music.” Then I picked him up, gave him a bottle and started to hum.
When I looked up, I realized DeSean had returned and he was taking pictures or a video. “Hey.” I frowned.
“You’re going to want this to share with Lauryn. She’s going to want to see you were here taking care of everything while she was hurt, and not pawning this off on others.” He inhaled deeply and nodded. “So, what’s that song you’re humming?”
My brow furrowed. “I’m not sure yet. The tune came to me overnight while I was trying to get Ripley to sleep. Music seemed to soothe him at first.”
“He’s your boy. I’m sure the sound of your voice will always make him feel better. You do that for a lot of people; otherwise you wouldn’t have a career.” He watched me a minute before he spoke again. “Well, I reached Leo. He’s more than happy to let you use the jet. He won’t even let you pay for the fuel.”
I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I swallowed hard. “That’s amazing. He doesn’t have to do that.”
“He’s a billionaire. He wants to. Let him.” DeSean shook his head. “You have enough other expenses to consider right now. After all, you said you’d pay her medical bills and I promise that won’t come cheap.”
I sighed. “You’re right. Okay.”
“Now, there’s something else I think you need to consider,” he began quietly.
“What?” I frowned as I took a seat in the chair beside Lauryn’s bed.
“For one, you need increased security if you’re bringing Ripley.” His eyes widened. “You are bringing Rip, right?”
I licked my lips. One more thing I hadn’t considered. I sucked at this fatherhood thing. “Yeah. I need to. Julian told me to hire a nanny for the tour.”
“Is that what you want to do?” DeSean asked.
I could tell he was trying not to show his emotions, but it was clear where he stood on this matter. “Of course not. I don’t want some stranger taking care of my son.” I gazed down at the baby in my arms. He had wrapped a finger around my pinky while I fed him. His eyes were open, studying me. Less than twenty-four hours ago, I didn’t know he existed. And before last night, I was a complete stranger to him. “I’m not sure what to do.”
DeSean squatted in front of me and rubbed his hands together. “I have a potential solution if you’re up for it.”
“I’m open to all possibilities.” I nodded and inhaled deeply while bracing for his suggestion.
“Pax and Avery are going back to Charlotte. They’re flying commercial and taking Keyon with them. Mama Delta will watch him for the next week or so at the house.” He paused.
“I’m paying attention. Continue,” I urged.
“You weren’t saying anything,” he argued.
“There’s nothing to say yet.” I groaned.
“Okay, so, Tegyn and I could go with you to the concerts. I’ll provide the extra security for Rip while you perform, and Tegyn can help with caring for him. She’s amazing with kids,” he babbled slightly as he explained.
“I saw her with Ripley last night. You don’t have to convince me.” I could barely speak. This was huge. “You’re rearranging your life to help me? Send the label an invoice for the nanny and the security, since they’re making me do this.” I shook my head.
“You got it.” DeSean snickered.
“And I think we should move out of the hotel. We could stay at Lauryn’s place. At least then Ripley would have his stuff. And it’s baby-friendly for Zara, too,” I reminded him. “I don’t think Lauryn would mind. If she does, I’ll fix it. Plus, we’ll all be together.” I frowned. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Absolutely. It’s late now, but we can still check out and stay at her place tonight.” DeSean stood. “I’ll just duck out of the room to let Tegyn in on the plan.”
I nodded.
Then before he could leave the room, I added, “Thank you. For every bit of this.”
“We’re friends. Don’t ever doubt it. And my friends are extended family. We love hard. We care deep. There’s nothing we won’t do for each other.” He shrugged like it was no big deal.
I forced a smile. This was almost too good to be true. Still, I worried I was taking advantage of him and his family somehow. Then another thought occurred to me. How much more would I need from him before this was through? What would happen after the tour ended?
9
Tradd
“I think I’m ready, babe.” I leaned over the bed to kiss Lauryn’s forehead. Ripley squeaked in his stroller. “Excuse me. I think we’re ready.” I blew out a breath. “I won’t come back tonight because it’ll be too late, but I’ll be here bright and early in the morning.”
She was still unconscious, but I knew her so well, I could absolutely picture everything she would say.
“Come on. I’m much better at bright and early with Rip waking me.” I chuckled. “And would you believe I don’t mind it at all?” I stared at her a moment. “Yes, I know it has only been three days, but I feel like I’m turning over a new leaf.”
I reached out and smoothed her hair back from her face. “I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol. I’m in bed before midnight so I get a couple of hours to sleep before he wakes me for another feeding. And…I think I wrote a new song. It’s still a little unpolished, but it’s Ripley’s lullaby. Wanna hear it?”
Sinking down in the chair, I pulled the guitar from the case. “Check this out.” I started to strum the guitar and angled myself toward them. I’d barely played more than a few chords when DeSean leaned into the room.
“Now, you know I hate to break things up, but we gotta go.” He slowly made his way to Lauryn’s side. Glancing at me, he asked, “How’s she doing today? Any change?”
I swallowed hard and shook my head. “The doctor said to expect things to stay the same. They check her but mostly leave her to rest and heal.” I blew out a breath and leaned over Lauryn. “I hate to leave you. My God, you have no idea how much I want to stay.” I sighed. “I’ll be back in the morning, as promised. I love you, babe.” I pressed my lips to her temple and tried to ignore the hospital smell on her. Her normal scent was completely masked by the unmistakable odors of rubbing alcohol, and dressings on her injuries.