Wings and Faith

by Joy Redmond

  As a tear slid down her check, she felt strong, warm arms enfold her. The fog of pain lifted from her heart. “Everything is going to be okay. I know what the feeling means. I just don’t see any way for things to be okay. How can I go on living without my oldest daughter and my grandbaby?”

  Warmth spread through her entire body. “Okay. I know not to argue. You know what’s lying ahead. I’ll just rest assured that you’re telling me that something great is coming and I don’t have to worry. I just hope whatever it is, it’s soon.” She patted her shoulder as if she were trying to pat the hands that were holding her together.

  Three hours later, she pulled her mother’s car into the garage. She ran into the house, crying, “Abbie! Mama is home. Where are you?”

  Abbie came running into the kitchen. “Mama!” she cried, and wrapped her arms around Mandy. “I’m so glad you finally came back. It feels like you were gone for a year. Me and Grandmother have had fun but I’m ready to go home and see Fluffy. I hope Debbie is taking good care of him, and I hope Wanda doesn’t get mad at him when he misses the litter box.”

  “Well, darling, tomorrow we’ll be on that big silver bird and on our way. I’m sure Fluffy is fine. Do you want to see some pictures of your little niece? She’s a little beauty.” Mandy looked around the kitchen with a sitting room that was separated from the kitchen by a snack bar. “Where’s your grandmother?”

  Before Abbie could answer, Mandy heard footsteps coming from the basement stairs. “I’m right here. I was working on an oil. Abbie wanted to sit by the front window and keep watch for you. She’s stood at the window for the past two days. Did I hear you mention pictures?”

  “You sure did. Come on into the living room. I’ve got a purse full. Kati’s neighbor had a Polaroid, and she let me borrow it.” They went into the living room and Mandy proudly showed off her precious grandbaby. “Isn’t she a little beauty?”

  Abbie tenderly held each picture as she smiled and her eyes danced. “Mama, she looks like a little papoose.”

  Iris gingerly took the pictures from Abbie. “She sure does. Her daddy didn’t look like an Indian to me. But then he seldom held his head up or made eye contact. But look at that dark hair and dark complexion. Are her eyes brown?”

  “I can see brown rims around the blue. So, I’m saying they’ll be brown. Kati has brown eyes and so does Jay. And yes, he has a lot of Indian in him. He says he’s one-fourth Cherokee. So, she is a papoose,” Mandy said, and she wanted to reach inside the pictures and pick up her beautiful Tina.

  Otis came into the living room. “I was across the street, talking to a neighbor and I thought I saw you pull into the garage. How’s the new baby?”

  Mandy proudly showed her dad the pictures. Otis’s smile went from ear to ear. “Iris, do you believe that we’re great-grandparents? We need to go see this baby, soon.”

  “We’ll go see the baby as soon as this snow lets us. I hope we can make it to the airport tomorrow and get Mandy and Abbie on the plane. We’re supposed to get more snow tonight,” Iris said.

  “We’ll get them to the airport, Iris. We’ve been driving through snow all our lives. You fret too much,” Otis answered, but his voice was tender.

  For the rest of the afternoon, Mandy and Abbie snuggled on the couch, looked at the pictures several times, played Chinese checkers, and then went to bed. Mandy was anxious to get back to Florida and thaw out and be in her own bed.

  The next morning, Mandy woke up excited to be heading back home. She peered out the bedroom window and saw the fresh snow, which she figured was another three inches. “I’ll be glad to get out of snow country. Abbie, come on and get up, honey. We need to leave early so we can get through the snow and get to the airport on time. I’m sure Grandmother and Granddaddy are up and pacing the floor.”

  An hour later, they were headed to the airport and Mandy couldn’t get on board fast enough. She told her parents to let her and Abbie out in front of the airport and not fight the snow in the parking lot. Otis nodded his head in agreement and pulled up front, then Mandy and Abbie hugged and kissed them.

  Otis took the suitcases out of the trunk, hugged them again, wiped his tears, and then got back in the car. Mandy and Abbie waved as they drove away. Mandy placed her hand on Abbie’s shoulder. “Come on, Abbie. Let’s get out of this cold and get our bags checked in.”

  As Mandy stood in the check-in line, she dreaded the two-hour layover in Atlanta, but she was excited knowing she was Florida bound. Then she remembered the many miles between her, Kati, and Tina and her heart ached. She squeezed Abbie’s tiny hand and her sweet daughter brought her comfort.

  They had a smooth flight back to Tampa, and Wanda was waiting for them at baggage claim. They collected the suitcase and walked outside into the warm and inviting sunshine. Mandy drew in a deep breath. “How wonderful it is to smell the scents of Florida and feel the warmth.”

  As soon as Wanda pulled into the driveway, Abbie bailed out of the car and ran across the yards on her way to Wanda’s house, crying, “Fluffy,” all the way. Mandy unloaded the suitcases and just as she was headed for the front door, Abbie came running with Fluffy in her arms. “He’s happy that I’m home. He’s missed me. I can tell. He just keeps licking my face. He’s kissing me!”

  Mandy’s heart warmed. “Again, it’s just you, Fluffy, and me. But we’ll be okay. Let’s get inside and fix us a big dinner. That airport junk wasn’t very good. And if you want, we’ll bake some brownies. And we’ll give Fluffy a few bites. He’s the only cat I’ve ever known that would eat sweets.”

  “We’ll be fine, Mama. You know they’ll be back to see us,” Abbie said, and hugged her mother as if to assure her that life would go on and they’d be happy.

  Four months passed and Mandy didn’t hear anything from Kati. Her nerves were on edge and for the first time in her life, she started suffering with severe headaches. Dr. Barrows gave her a prescription for Valium or she wouldn’t have been able to sleep a wink. Even with the sleep aides, she tossed and turned and when she did doze off, she had horrible dreams, seeing dead babies stacked in piles. She’d wake up in a sweat, her heart pounding, and tears would be running down her face. I have no idea what these crazy dreams are about. I wish the spirits would show me something or send me messages through thoughts. I can’t take much more.

  Mandy sat up in bed, rubbed a hand through her hair, then reached over and turned on the bedside lamp. She swung her legs off the bed and slipped on her slippers then walked over to the dresser where she looked at her reflection in the mirror. “Who are you? Which personality is taking over? Nikko, I let you take the lead when we left Kentucky. Nikko is tough. She’s doesn’t crumble and fall apart. She kicks ass and takes control of every situation. Mandy, if you’re back in the lead, you need to go back into hibernation.”

  She stood, watching the face of the reflection, waiting to see a sign of which one was in the lead. The expression didn’t change. It was just a face looking back at her. Just as she headed back to bed, she heard a soft whisper in her head. Nikko is in the lead. She’s strong, but she’s human. We’re both on overload. Give us a break!

  The first of June, Tony called and his voice was full of excitement. Mandy had barely said hello when he began talking so fast he didn’t seem to be taking a breath between sentences. “Mama, I got my driver’s license back in October. I got an after school job and I have to work all summer to make the payments on my car, so I won’t be coming to Florida this summer. I got a black Mazda. It’s super cool. Grandmother and Granddaddy gave me the down payment, and Granny Pearl and Poppa Lester are going to put me on their insurance policy, but I’ve got to work and make my payments. I’m working at Kroger’s. I’m not crazy about being a stock boy and a bagger, but it’s a job. Right?”

  “Yes, Son. It’s a job and I’m proud of you. It’s nice to know that one of my children is willing to work for what they want. I’m sure going to miss not having you for the summer, but I do understand. Have you
heard from Kati?”

  “She called and talked to me and Granny and Poppa right after Tina was born, but we haven’t heard from her since. You know Kati. She only calls when she needs or wants something. I’m going to drive to Missouri and see my little niece next weekend. Granny and Poppa said they want to go with me.”

  “That’s great, Son. I’m so happy that you’re going. Give them my love and tell Kati to please find a phone and call me collect.”

  “I will, Mama. I’ve gotta go. It’s time for me to go to work. I’ll call you as soon as I get to Missouri. I’ll take Kati to a phone booth and we’ll both talk to you. Okay?”

  “Please do, Son. I’m about to lose my mind. I love you.”

  “Love you, Mama. Bye.”

  Mandy hung up the phone. Her hand rested on the receiver as she mumbled, “I never thought I’d ever see the day when I’d say I need a drink, but by golly it sure sounds good.” She picked up the phone and called Wanda.

  “Why don’t we get Vickie to keep the girls tonight and let’s go down to the corner bar? I could use a few stiff ones and maybe listening to music and dancing will get me through the night before I cut my bloody throat. Life is more than I can bear right now.”

  “Sounds like a plan to me. You know Vickie will keep Debbie and Abbie – she always does. I’ll pick you up at eight and we’ll go whoop it up for the night.”

  By eight-thirty that evening, Mandy had knocked back a few Jim Beams with 7-up, and was feeling no pain. She danced, laughed, and sang along with the band until closing time. All of her heartaches and worries just flew out the window and she felt like the old Mandy. She knew the pain would return the next day, but for a few hours she was going to allow herself to be under the influence and enjoy the false sense of having no cares.

  The next week, Mandy was on what she called automatic pilot, but her mind and soul was with her grandchild. She did her job, and since she didn’t receive any complaints, she figured she had done alright. When she went home in the afternoons, she did her duties for Abbie, and after Abbie went to bed, she opened the cedar chest and pulled out her stack of journals.

  She had been writing since she was twelve-years-old, and she had twenty journals filled. She picked up the one on top and noticed her last entry was made May 21st, 1980. “I’ve got some catching up to do.” After writing for several hours, she felt more relaxed than she had for the past several weeks. Her nerves were calmed, and she was able to sleep a few hours with no Valium.

  Friday afternoon, she came home from work, collected Abbie from Vickie’s and wondered about heading back to the corner bar for a little joy juice and dancing. Just as she came through the door from the garage that led into the dining area, the phone was ringing. With her heart pounding, she raced for the phone. “Hello!” she cried.

  “Hi, Mama!” Kati said. “Guess where I am!”

  Mandy couldn’t catch her breath and she couldn’t speak. She just gripped the receiver and her head begin to spin. Twice, she opened her mouth, but nothing came out. The joy and anger of hearing Kati’s voice filled her to the core.

  “Me and Tina are at Grandmother and Granddaddy’s. And Tony is here. Will you come get me and Tina? I left Jay and I want to come home.”

  Mandy’s heart lit up and broke the spell and she was able to speak. “Of course I’ll come get you!” she said and her heart pounded with joy, but then anger took over as she continued. “Why haven’t you called me before now? Do you have any idea how I’ve lost my mind worrying about you and the baby? I’m your mother and I need to know what’s going on—”

  Kati interrupted. “Cool your jets, Mama. I didn’t call because I wanted to spare you from all the shit I was going through. I didn’t have a way to get out of Missouri until I called Granddaddy. He and Grandmother came in his old farm truck, loaded our stuff while Jay was off with his drinking buddies, then we came to Kentucky. It’s a long story. I’ll give you the nitty-gritty when I see you. When can you come get us?”

  “I’ve already taken my vacation days, but since it’s Friday night, I’ll pack me and Abbie a bag, and we’ll get on the road within the hour. I’ll drive straight through and I should be there by the time you’re getting up in the morning. But we’ll have to leave Sunday morning. I have to be at work Monday. Is that soon enough?”

  “Sure! I’m anxious to get back to Florida. But how are we going to get all my stuff in the station wagon? I’ve got a crib, a playpen, a pumpkin seat, and other things for Tina, and all my clothes and stuff. Granddaddy had a load in the old truck.”

  Mandy wiped her brow, her mind spinning. “Well, I’ve still got the trailer hitch on the car. I’ll rent a U-Haul when I get there. How does that sound?”

  “Sounds great! Hold on. Tony wants to talk to you.”

  “Mama, I’m coming back with you too. You’re going to need some help driving. That’s a long way to drive straight through. We can take turns and you can get a few naps,” Tony said, and his voice was music to Mandy’s ears.

  “What about your job?”

  “Well, my Mazda has already broken down. It’s in the shop and I’ve got to save up a lot of money before I can get it fixed and get it back. The way I see it, I can find a job in Florida, save my money and by the end of summer, I should have enough to get my car back.”

  Mandy swayed, but managed to grab the top of the stepstool and she squeezed so hard her knuckles turned white. “I couldn’t be happier. My adrenaline is pumping so fast and hard, I don’t think the drive will faze me. See you soon. Love you. Give my love to the rest.”

  “Love ya, Mama. See you in the morning.”

  Mandy placed the receiver back on the hook and sat for a few seconds. Tiny tingles of delight ran through her body as she jumped up and danced a little jig. “Oh, my God! All my children are coming back, and I just gained another one. My grandbaby. Hallelujah!” she cried, and thrust her arm and fist into the air as if she had just won a boxing match. “That’s what the spirits were trying to tell me when I left Missouri after Tina was born. They knew this day was coming. They knew my heart would be full of joy again and I was going to get my family back.”

  Abbie came running into the kitchen. She seemed to be stunned out of her wits as she watched her mother dance around the floor and she kept talking to herself and yelling hallelujah. “Mama, are you drunk?” she said.

  “Yes! Mama is drunk on happiness. Tony, Kati, and Tina are coming back home. We’ve got to grab a change of clothes and our toothbrushes, then you take a few cans of Friskies and Fluffy over to Debbie. Tell her we’ll be back in two days. We’ve got to hurry!”

  “We’re going back to Kentucky? Why can’t they fly down here? I don’t want to leave Fluffy and I don’t like that long drive.”

  “Honey, please don’t give Mama a hard time. Just do as I asked you. Get Fluffy down to Debbie first. Then grab a change of clothes and a pillow and blanket. You’ll sleep in the back seat and by the time you wake up, we’ll be there.”

  “Fine!” Abbie said as she opened the pantry and picked up cans of Friskies. “Come on, Fluffy. Follow me to Debbie’s house. You’re gonna have to stay with her. I think Mama has lost her mind!”

  Mandy was finally ready to leave and got into her car. Abbie dragged her feet but managed to climb in as Mandy looked at her watch. “It’s ten minutes after six. With any luck we’ll be there by nine o’clock in the morning. She glanced at the gas gauge. I’ll gas up once we get out of Tampa. Buckle up, honey. This is going to be the happiest trip I’ve made since we took off for Missouri. You were almost five and you probably don’t remember that trip.”

  “I remember,” Abbie said. “I remember how happy you were and you sang songs with us all the way. I like to see you happy again. Ever since you came back to Florida after Tina was born, you’ve been a person that I don’t even know. Will you be your old self when we get back home this time?”

  “I’ll be better than my old self. I’ll be dancing, singing, and walking on cloud
nine – wherever cloud nine is.” Mandy laughed and Abbie laughed with her.

  When Mandy crossed Highway Nineteen, she whispered, “God and angels be with us.”

  “Amen,” Abbie whispered.

  Then Mandy felt a strong pair of hands squeezing her shoulders. I know you’re with me. Stay with me. Thank you. Whoever you are.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Three wonderful, happy months had passed since Mandy had picked up her daughter and granddaughter. Mandy was ecstatic that her three children were back home. Though she hadn’t been happy when she learned Kati was pregnant with Tina, she was a happy grandmother who thought she had the most precious grandbaby in the world.

  Fluffy seemed to like Tina too. He watched her every move and stayed close to her. Fluffy even ran off anything that came near the baby, and that included the lizards.

  Mandy was in bed with plans to read her new book. She picked it up and finished reading the first page. She jumped when she heard a loud banging coming from the back door. Mandy put down the book and made her way through the bedroom. She opened the door and jumped back when Abbie’s orange bike fell forward and almost mashed her foot. She picked it up, put it back in its parking space in the garage, and went back inside. She crawled back into bed and began to read.

  One chapter later, she heard the same loud bang on the back door. She got out of bed, went to the back door, unlocked and opened it. Orange Bike fell across the doorway again. Mandy picked it up, put it in its parking space and said, “Don’t knock again. You’re not coming in and I’m tired of your tricks. Stay put! Whoever you are.”

  Mandy went back to bed, turned out the lamp and she didn’t hear another sound. What the heck was that all about? Was it a message? A prank? It makes no sense, she thought.

  Mandy and Wanda still frequented the corner bar when they felt the need to let their hair down and have a little fun. Mandy met many men, but none of them struck her as one that she cared to spend any time with except on the dance floor.