Wings and Faith

by Joy Redmond

  Mandy was speechless. Another baby coming and my son has no job to help with the bills.

  Tony said, “I’m going over to Jesup to get my books to study for my GED, then go take the test. Once I get my GED, I’ll head back to Kentucky, and his fall I’ll enroll in college. That should make you happy.”

  “I’m very happy with that decision, Son. And Kati, I’ll be happy about the baby once I get over the shock. Don’t you think you need to call Tim and tell him he’s going to be a daddy?”

  “I already called him. He said for me to call him or his mother when it’s born and they’ll come up to see it. That’s all he had to say.”

  “Dear God!” Mandy said, and she made herself shut up about her other thoughts.

  Soon, Mandy started cooking supper and she invited Kati and Tony to say for the meal. By the time it was ready, Gill pulled into the driveway and Abbie jumped out of the car. Here we go again. She’s going to start whining and complaining about having to stay two hours at the shop after school. How I wish a bus ran out here for the kids who go to private school.

  Abbie came inside and said, “Mama, Fluffy isn’t out by the door. He always sits and waits for me to come home. His bowl of food hasn’t been touch either. Have you seen him today?”

  “Honey, I didn’t think to look for him. I know he’s always waiting for you. I thought he was in his usual spot.”

  “Well, he’s not!” Abbie wailed. “He’s gone!”

  Tony got up from the couch. “Come on, Abbie. We’ll drive down all the roads and all around the lake. We’ll find him. He probably lost track of time.”

  Abbie ran to Tony’s car. As Tony headed out the door, he called out over her shoulder, “Go on and eat. We’ll eat when we get back.”

  Cats don’t lose track of time, Mandy thought. I just hope you two find him with a girlfriend.

  And hour later, Tony pulled into the driveway. Abbie bailed out of the car, burst through the front door, ran upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

  “We couldn’t find him. Maybe he’ll come home by dark,” Tony said.

  “Well, can this day get any worse?” Mandy asked, as she threw her arms into the air, then let them fall limp to her sides as if they had fallen out of socket. She just stood, not sure if she had the strength to clean up the kitchen.

  As she stood, she closed her eyes and took ten deep breaths, then thoughts ran through her head as if they were a soft whisper, Fluffy isn’t coming back this time.

  I already knew, she silently whispered back to the spirit. She dropped her head and tears ran. Bye, Fluffy. Fly with the kitty angels. You were loved.

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Mandy watched Abbie carefully for the next two weeks after Fluffy’s disappearance. Every morning before she left for school, she set out a bowl of food and water for Fluffy. That Monday morning, Mandy watched as Abbie went out the door. She didn’t set out a bowl of food and water for him and it was as if she had accepted that her beloved pet was gone and she didn’t cry.

  Mandy heaved a sigh of relief. She’s finally come to terms with her loss. She’s a trouper.

  Mandy headed upstairs, showered, dressed, and was ready to leave the house before the bug man came to spray for palmetto bugs. The stink made her sick, so she’d open the windows and go spend several hours with Kati and Tina until the bug spray smell was at a level that she could stand. She always left the front door unlocked and the bug man would come in, spray, then lock up when he left.

  Just as she was headed out the door, she saw Tony’s car pull into the driveway. She waited for him to park, then he jumped out of the car, ran toward her waving a piece of paper. “Looky! I got my GED!”

  Mandy took the paper and as she held it, her heart warmed. “I’m so proud of you, Son. You did it!” She gave him a big hug. “I was on my way over to Kati’s. I can’t stand the smell of bug spray. Where are you headed?”

  “I’m headed back to Kati’s. I’ve got to pack all my stuff. I’m on my way back to Kentucky tomorrow. I need to find work and I’m sure the hospital will hire me back. Then come fall, I’ll be off to college.”

  “I hate so see you go, Son, but you’re doing the right thing. You can still come see me on holidays and when you have semester breaks.” She looked up when she heard the roaring of a truck as it pulled into the driveway. “Bug man. Let’s go,” she said.

  As soon as they walked into Kati’s trailer, Tina ran to Mandy and the hugs and kisses began. Mandy sat down on the couch and placed Tina in her lap. “Nana will read to you in a few minutes.”

  Kati sat beside her mother and she was shaking her foot up and down as she always did when she was excited or when she was mad. She’s smiling, so I’m going to assume she’s happy, Mandy thought. “What’s got you all smiles today?” Mandy asked as she patted Kati’s leg.

  “I just got off the phone with Jillian! She’s pregnant and we’re both due in September. Our due dates are two weeks apart. Me first. I hope hers comes early and we give birth the same day. She’s so happy.”

  “That’s wonderful, honey. I hope I get to see Jillian’s baby someday. It’ll be like my own grandbaby. By the way, have you told your grandparents about your baby?”

  “Yeah, I finally called them. Granny Pearl didn’t fuss about me not being married, but she wasn’t happy about it. And of course Grandmother boo-hooed as if I had just announced a death instead of a birth, but I expected no less. I’m sure she’ll be calling you soon, then you’ll have to listen to the bawling and squalling and she’ll tell you how you failed at teaching me to be a decent lady.”

  “I’ve learned to ignore her. Though I’d still like to bop her upside the head every time she calls and we play twenty questions, and of course I never give the right answers. Same old, same old. Just let it roll.”

  Mandy spent four hours with her children, then she hugged and kissed them all and said goodbye to Tony. “I’m not going to cry, Son. Just stay in touch and come to see me every chance you can.”

  “I will, Mama. I love you.”

  “I love you, Son,” Mandy said, then hurried on her way before she broke down. She drove away wiping her tears. Will I ever get used to Tony leaving? Every time he leaves me, he takes another piece of my heart.

  The months passed and Gill and Mandy celebrated their first anniversary. Mandy was more in love than she had been the day they had gotten married. He has some quirks, but if he can put up with me and all my baggage, I guess I can overlook his shortcomings. He’s a sex fiend, and as much as I enjoy it, there’s nights when I’d like to take a break, she thought, then giggled. I’m still his princess and he makes me feel like a giddy teenager.

  September 3st, Kati called Mandy. “I’m in labor, Mama. I’ve got my bag packed and Julie, my neighbor, is going to keep Tina. I’m ready to get this over with.”

  “I’m on my way, honey,” Mandy said.

  On the way to the hospital, Kati was doubling over in pain. “Mama, after this one is born, I’m going to get my tubes tied. I’ve got two kids who have no daddies and I don’t want to go through this again. I can’t afford these two and I know you can’t keep on paying what my little check doesn’t cover.”

  Mandy patted Kati’s leg. “That’s the best idea you’ve ever come up with.” Thank God. I don’t think I could handle another pregnancy and knowing Kati, she’d be pregnant again this time next year, she thought, as she sped up the road.

  That afternoon at 4:32, Kati gave birth to another little girl, Leigh. Mandy picked up her grandbaby and said, “Hi there, little darling. I’m your nana. I love you so much.” She kissed the sweet cheeks, then handed her back to Kati. “She sure doesn’t look anything like Tina. But they do have different daddies. Abbie doesn’t look anything like you and Tony.”

  Mandy stayed with Kati until the nurse came into the room and took Leigh back to the nursery. “I’m going, honey. I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll go by the trailer and get all the bottles sterilized and I’ll pick up a cas
e of Enfamil for you. We’ve got everything else ready.”

  “Bye, Mama. I love you,” Kati said, and tears rolled as Mandy hugged and kissed her. “I’m getting my tubes tied early in the morning. Just stop on your way home and pick up Tina and keep her for the night, then take her back to Julie in the morning.”

  “Mama loves you too, sweetie. I can’t believe you’ve made me a grandma twice and I’m just forty-two. Jeez. A lot of women are having their first babies at my age.” She laughed, patted Kati’s arm, and hurried out of the room, her heart full of happiness and sadness. Another baby without a daddy, she thought, as she made her way outside to her car. God and angels be with us. I know you have a plan. And thank you for giving Kati a nudge to get herself fixed so there won’t be any more.

  Three days later, Mandy brought Kati and Leigh home. Tina was thrilled to have a baby sister and she wanted to hold her and give her a bottle. Mandy sat beside Tina as she fed Leigh. “You’re a natural, honey. Now you have to put her on your shoulder and pat her back. When she burps, then give her the rest of the bottle.”

  Mandy stayed until it was time for Tina’s afternoon nap. Leigh was asleep and Kati was ready for a nap too. She kissed them all goodbye and promised to be back the next day.

  Mandy was exhausted by the time she went to bed that night, and she was thankful that Gill wasn’t all over her. After over a year it’s time you took a break for one night, she thought, as she shut her eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

  Suddenly, she felt a cold breeze blow over her. She shivered, sat up, and grabbed for the blanket. Then chills ran up her spine as she saw Jillian standing at the foot of her bed. She was cradling a tiny baby in her arms, smiling, her eyes twinkling, then she waved and disappeared.

  “No!” Mandy cried.

  Gill rolled over and said, “Who are you talking to?”

  “Nobody. I was having a bad dream,” she answered. Jillian and her baby came by to say goodbye. Dear God, did they both die in childbirth? How will I ever break the news to Kati? How will I ever get over losing sweet Jillian? she thought, as she got out of bed. There was no way she was going back to sleep. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was two minutes past midnight. The midnight hour is when Jillian and the baby came. That’s more proof that they are gone.

  She got out of bed, ran downstairs, sat on the couch and cried so hard, her whole body shook, and the hurt was as deep as when she had learned of the death of her mother and baby brother. “Bye, my sweet Jillian. Bye little darling, though I don’t know your name. Fly with the angels.”

  For the rest of the night, Mandy sat, remembering the fun times she had spent with Jillian when she lived in Missouri. Jillian’s smile would always be glued to her eyeballs, and that brought her comfort, somewhat. As the memories kept running through her head, she chain-smoked, trying to come up with the right words to tell Kati. Mandy realized she had dozed off when she heard Gill coming down the steps. “What are you doing on the couch?”

  “I kept having bad dreams, so I thought I’d try a different spot.” She went upstairs and woke Abbie. “Time to get up, honey. Get dressed and I’ll have your breakfast fixed and your lunch packed.”

  As soon as Gill and Abbie went out of the house, Mandy hurried for the phone. Just as she touched the receiver the phone rang. With a trembling hand she picked up the receiver and managed to say, “Hello.”

  She held the phone and felt as if she might faint as Effy told her the gory details of Jillian’s death. Jillian had gone missing two weeks ago. Late yesterday afternoon her body was found in a field. She had been shot in one leg, one shoulder, and through the head. Her body was badly decomposed, but the baby was removed. She had been carrying a baby girl. Nobody had a clue as to who would have done such a heinous thing to a nine-month pregnant woman. Nobody knew of any enemy that she or her husband had. The killing was presumed to be random, but it was under investigation.

  Mandy thanked Effy for calling and hung up. The room was spinning and she pulled out a chair, sat down, and put her head between her knees. Don’t pass out. Hold it together. You’ve got to go tell Kati, she told herself, and she didn’t think she would be able to muster the strength to do it. She sat for a few minutes. Then she felt warm, strong arms enfold her. Thank you. Hold me together and help me find the right words.

  She picked up her purse and went to the car. The two mile drive to Kati’s trailer felt like twenty miles. She parked the car, drew in a deep breath, then stepped out of the car and the familiar sensation of lead feet took over.

  She tapped on the door, then opened it. “Kati, it’s Mama,” she said, as Tina ran down the hall to greet her. She picked up Tina. “You’re getting so big it’s hard for Nana to hold you, kid.”

  “I be dis many,” Tina said, as she held up three fingers.

  “I know, little sweetie. Nana’s little girl is growing up too fast.” She kissed her cheek and stood her on the floor. Then she walked over to the crib, which was setup in the living room and gazed down on Leigh, who was in a sound sleep.

  Kati came out of the bathroom and headed up the hallway. “Hi, Mama. I was hoping you’d come by today.”

  Mandy sank down on the couch and pulled Tina into her lap. “Kati, come sit by Mama,” she said as she patted the cushion.

  Katie sat down. “What is it, Mama? You’ve got a glazed look in your usual sparkling eyes.”

  Mandy wasn’t sure she would be able to find her voice. The knot in her throat was taking her breath. “Honey—” Mandy hung her head and tears ran down her face.

  “What, Mama? You’re scaring me.”

  Mandy drew in a deep breath and as quickly as she could get the words out before her voice shut off, she began with Jillian appearing to her and on through the conversation with Effy. God, that came out cold and callous, she thought. I just spit it out. But I’ve never had to do this before.

  “No! God, no!” Kati cried, as she dropped her head onto her mother’s shoulder.

  Mandy held her for a long moment and felt Kati’s body shake with hard sobs.

  Tina jumped out of Mandy’s lap and crawled into her mother’s lap. “You cry, Mommy”

  Kati wiped her eyes and said, “Mommy is okay, sweetie. I’ve got a headache.”

  “Okay,” Tina said, then jumped out of her mother’s lap and ran to her bedroom to play.

  When Tina was out of hearing range, Kati said, “I hope they find the bastard who shot her and I hope they cut his balls off, then hang him in a tree until he bleeds to death! He killed two people! I can’t even go to their funeral because they’re in Texas.”

  “I know, honey,” Mandy said, and continued to hold her daughter.

  Mandy stayed until late afternoon and took care of Tina and Leigh while Kati cried it out. When she was ready to go home she asked Kati if she should take the children with her.

  “No, Mama. I need to just sit and hold my girls. Jillian never had the pleasure of holding her little girl. I’ll be okay. It’s just going to take a long time for me to come to terms with this. Just come back tomorrow.”

  “I will, sweetie. And if you want me before tomorrow, just call.”

  Mandy went home and pulled into the driveway just as Gill and Abbie were getting out of the truck. She drew in a deep breath. The hardest part is behind me. Now, to tell Abbie.

  Abbie had vague memories of Jillian, but she cried. Mandy held her. She’s still grieving over Fluffy, Mandy thought. This is a lot of grief for a thirteen-year-old to go through.

  A few days before Thanksgiving, Tony called and said he and his girlfriend, Belinda, were coming for a visit. It had been a long nine months since Mandy had seen him, the longest they had ever been apart. She was so happy that he had gone on to college as he has promised.

  She was walking on air as she shopped for the biggest turkey she could find at Piggly Wiggly and she filled the grocery cart to the brim with other goodies. She was still grieving over Jillian and her baby, but her heart filled with joy a
t the thought of having all three of her children and her granddaughters for the holidays.

  Tony and Belinda arrived the night before Thanksgiving. They spent the night with Kati, then they all came over for the big meal. Mandy liked Belinda, and she hoped she was the woman who would be a positive influence on her son.

  Christmas was a great day, though Tony was missing.

  Mandy and Gill brought in the New Year by themselves. Abbie and Liz had plans. Kati’s neighbor babysat her children while she was at a party. When the clock struck midnight, Gill kissed Mandy with the same passion as before. They ended the night with hot, passionate lovemaking. When they were spent, they both lit up, smoked the proverbial after sex cigarette, then Gill rolled over and was snoring within a minute.

  Mandy was wide awake. She got out of bed and stared out the window. The sky was brightly lit with stars and it was beautiful. She slipped on her terrycloth robe and went downstairs. She picked up a pack of smokes from the kitchen table, then went outside and sat in the lawn chair on the small patio.

  She gazed at the stars and her mind went back to the nights when she and her brothers would stare out the grimy window in the apartment they lived in for a few months with Daddy in Indianapolis. They had spent hours pointing to objects they saw amid the clusters. And her eyes stung as she remembered how all three of them had sworn they could see the faces of Mama and Evan shining down on them. She gazed upon one star that was bigger and brighter than the other stars with a smaller star beside it.

  Mandy smiled, waved, and whispered, “Hi, Mama. Hi, Evan. Happy New Year in Heaven.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Mandy had just finished cleaning the kitchen when she looked at the wall calendar. February 3rd. Time is marching on, she thought, then was startled when the phone rang. “Hello,” she sweetly said.