Getting Lost with Boys

by Hailey Abbott

  Molly and Eureka were looking better and better with each passing minute.

  “Don’t look until I tell you to,” Paul announced.

  Great, another order, she thought.

  “I don’t really like surprises, remember?”

  Cordelia bit her lip after she’d said that. If this had been Jake, maybe she would have been revved up for this. But he’d taken off by himself earlier that morning to rent a bike and do his own tour of the park.

  “You’ll like this one, I promise.”

  Suddenly, there was an incredibly strong gust of wind that almost knocked Cordelia on her butt. A whirring sound became louder and louder as the air whipped through her Anthropologie ruffled miniskirt like a tornado.

  “What’s going on?” she screamed above the deafening noise.

  “Okay, open your eyes!” Paul shouted back.

  Cordelia was in a state of sheer panic when she saw a helicopter landing a few yards away from them.

  “It’s a new thing we’re trying out. Tourists love the helicopter rides over the Grand Canyon, so why not over Yosemite? It hasn’t officially started yet, but I know the pilot, and he agreed to take us up,” he yelled.

  She choked back the taste of bile that was creeping up the back of her throat. When she found her voice, she shrieked, “Are you crazy? I’M AFRAID OF FLYING!”

  Paul screeched into her ear, “I know. This is exactly what you need, Cordy. Thirty minutes in a helicopter with me holding your hand. You’ll get over your fear, and when you go back to San Diego from Eureka, you’ll be able to take a plane!”

  The propeller kept whizzing above Cordelia’s head. She could barely think straight. “I can’t do this, Paul. I’m serious. Call it off, okay?”

  But Paul continued to smile knowingly. “Cordelia, listen to me. Fear is what traps people and keeps them from achieving their true potential.”

  Her mind flashed back to the other day, when Jake had told her how Molly worried about her little sister. Maybe Paul was right. Maybe he knew her better than she knew herself.

  “Going on this ride is the best way to deal with your fear of flying,” he continued at full volume. “You can’t spend your life like this. Think of what you’ll miss out on.”

  It was eerie hearing Paul utter almost the exact same phrasing that Jake had used seventy-two hours ago.

  “Hey, what’s going on?”

  Cordelia turned to see Jake leaping off his bike and running toward them.

  “Don’t worry about it, Jake! I have everything under control!” Paul shouted.

  Jake glanced at Cordelia, who was visibly shaking. Her hands trembled and her teeth chattered. She looked as if someone had thrown her in a blender. “She has a really bad fear of flying, man. You’re not thinking of taking her up in this thing?”

  “It’ll be fine,” Paul yelled, and reached out for her hand. “Let’s go, Cordy.”

  Cordelia’s eyes began to fog over, so much so that she couldn’t tell Jake from Paul. She just wobbled along behind whoever was yanking her arm and prayed that a bolt of lightning would strike the helicopter and the insanity would stop.

  But something even better happened.

  As Paul pushed Cordelia into the backseat of the cockpit, Jake hopped in next to her.

  “I’m right here, Cordy. We’re going to do this together, okay?” he said as he laced his fingers in between hers.

  Cordelia’s heart lodged in her throat. She couldn’t say much of anything except for something that sounded like, “Gurgle.”

  Paul jammed himself in next to Jake without much of an argument. But when he saw that Jake was holding Cordelia’s hand, he seemed very annoyed. “Take her up, Bob.”

  The pilot gave the crew a big thumbs-up, and suddenly Cordelia felt the helicopter rising off the ground. Her head began to spin as quickly as the propellers.

  Maybe I can get through this alive. It’s just mind over matter. Concentrate. No, don’t concentrate. Let your thoughts drift away; pretend it’s not happening. Wait, be zen. No, don’t be zen. Don’t be here now; be somewhere else in my head.

  “Hey, are you (something incoherent)? You just went (something garbled)!”

  She wasn’t even sure who was talking. Could be Paul or Jake, or maybe it was the pilot. Her hearing was getting as fuzzy as her vision. However, when she looked out the window, she was able to see that they were about a hundred feet off the ground. Immediately, her chest tightened as if she were having a heart attack.

  “No, no, no…” Wait, was that her voice?

  She thought she heard Paul. “Cordelia, you can handle this! Stay centered.”

  “Dude, she’s freaking out.” That was Jake, probably.

  “We have to land this thing.”

  She wanted to agree with whoever that was, but she couldn’t speak. Her teeth were chattering so much that all she could do was moan.

  “Cordelia, be strong,” she heard Paul say, but she was sure she felt Jake’s arms holding her tightly.

  “That’s enough,” Jake said. “Bob, could you bring us back down?”

  “No! She needs to do this; it’s good for her,” Paul snapped.

  “Can’t you see that she’s terrified?” Jake said boldly.

  “Take us down, now!”

  Cordelia didn’t remember what happened after that, but the second the helicopter touched down and the pilot cut the engine, her mental faculties began to return to her. Jake picked her up and carried her out into the field. She held on to his neck very firmly, and he whispered into her ear: “I got you.”

  If she’d had any energy whatsoever, she would have kissed him.

  Then all of a sudden Jake faked these wheezing noises, like he was out of breath. His knees buckled and they both came crumbling to the ground. Cordelia rolled a little bit in the grass, and Jake fell flat on his back.

  “God, you’re heavy. I’m surprised the helicopter could even take off,” he said while reaching over and poking her in the stomach.

  It was kind of a mean joke, but when Cordelia saw the endearing look on Jake’s face, she smiled. Then her smile turned into a giggle, which transformed into a series of laughs that were accompanied by the hiccups. Jake began laughing, too, and before long, he was in tears himself.

  Paul appeared on the scene and peered down at them as they grabbed at their sides and gasped for air.

  “Cordy, are you okay? You sound hysterical,” he said with concern.

  “It’s just—Jake said something really funny,” she blurted. She couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying, but she felt so…relieved.

  Paul scratched his head in bewilderment. “I guess I’ll tell Bob that we’ll try again some other time.”

  For some reason, this set off the giggling once more. Jake snorted a few times, and this just made things worse. Paul shook his head and wandered back to the helicopter.

  It dawned on Cordelia that her boyfriend had never made her laugh like this and that her sister’s ex-boyfriend had somehow become a professional at it. She glanced at Jake, who was lying down on the grass with his hands behind his head. Then he looked back over at her and grinned.

  “It’s okay, Cordy. The clouds look fine from down here too,” he said.

  Her heart was still rattling inside her rib cage. She inched over a bit closer to him, so that her hip barely touched his. “I suppose they do. It’s just…”

  Jake took his hand and brushed a few stray hairs away from her face. “What? That Nature Boy wasn’t able to get you over your fear?”

  “I don’t want to miss out on life,” she burst out a little too loudly. She’d never had such mixed-up emotions. Cordelia couldn’t even tell if she was panicking or if she was, well, more excited to be alive than she’d ever been before.

  “Remember what I said about risks? They’re better when they’re calculated,” he said, returning his gaze to the sky. “You’ll know when you’re ready.”

  Cordelia closed her eyes and felt the crisp breeze
nipping at her earlobes. Her heart suddenly calmed down and her hands, which had been balled into fists, opened up and relaxed. Her mind was devoid of anxiety, and all she could feel was the warm California sun showering her with affection.

  You’ll know when you’re ready.…

  Cordelia took her noontime “recover from the near-death experience” shower and scrubbed herself with Bliss Lemon and Sage Soapy Sap. Then she dried herself off, put on some fresh clothes (a pair of dark indigo Joe’s Jeans and a cute J. Crew paper-thin T-shirt), and made a solemn vow to break up with Paul Morgan. At first, she thought that cleaning herself off would help build her confidence and convince her that she was doing the right thing. But as she wandered through the cabins and approached the spot where she and Paul were supposed to meet, that theory went out the window. She was nervous as hell and wringing her hands so strongly that reddish welts were appearing on her skin.

  You can do this, she kept saying to herself. You just need to say it real quick: “Paul, you and I just don’t belong together.”

  The more she tried to rationalize, the more she felt the urge to empty the contents of her stomach into the nearest recycling bin. She held herself still for a moment and thought about what was about to happen and why she was so terrified. Was it because she was afraid of how Paul might react? Was she scared that she might regret breaking up with him? Could be. The only other boy she’d ever dumped was David Decker, Alexis Dunbar’s ex-boyfriend—Alexis was too afraid to do it herself, so she asked Cordelia to drop the bomb on him after their Science Olympiad competition. He never made another solar-powered scooter again.

  Then the suspicion that her fears were actually Jake-related grabbed hold of her and wouldn’t let go.

  God, this is not about Jake, Cordelia reminded herself. It’s about Paul not being the right person for you.

  Anyway, Jake was, and always would be, her sister’s ex-boyfriend. Not to mention obnoxious, rude, and so not her type. Case closed.

  As Cordelia approached the campsite where the folk-singing jamboree had congregated the night before, she spotted Paul. She took a deep breath and began to walk toward him when she noticed that he wasn’t alone. Maya was there. She ducked behind a tree and tried to get a better view, carefully trying not to disturb them. They were both on their hands and knees, crawling around trees and scouring through abandoned charcoal pits.

  “I found one,” Maya yelped.

  Cordelia caught a glimpse of something shiny in her hand.

  “What is it?” Paul asked.

  “A chewing gum wrapper,” Maya proclaimed.

  “That’s two points,” he replied.

  They’re picking up litter together, she thought. As a game?

  “Yay!” Maya looked so happy and animated, Cordelia could barely recognize her. “Hey, maybe we could incorporate this game in our tours. While people are admiring the sights, they could be looking for all those tiny things that the groundskeepers might have missed.”

  “That’s brilliant!” Paul exclaimed. “We could make it a contest. Whoever gathers the most points could get something, like a free pass to the Wawona Hotel or something like that.”

  Now Maya sounded doubtful. “I don’t know, Paul. Maybe we shouldn’t turn it into a competition for prizes. Wouldn’t that conflict with the notion that we have an obligation to the Earth? That we shouldn’t expect to be paid to protect our planet?”

  “That’s a good point,” Paul said. “But on the other hand, it may be years and years before people accept that. The Earth will suffer in the meantime. So I think the competition is justified.”

  Even from this distance, Cordelia thought she could see how Maya’s eyes were shining. “Oh, Paul, you always seem to know the right way.”

  Cordelia was mesmerized. Maya truly worshipped Paul in a way that she could never duplicate. Here was a girl who appreciated him and shared all his values and even enjoyed crawling around in the dirt looking for garbage in order to be with him. And suddenly she understood Maya. All her crabbiness was actually jealousy.

  She knew she should be feeling a stab of jealousy, too—that heartburnlike sensation that she’d felt when she heard Jake talk about giving Molly back rubs. She was thinking about it now and it still made her squirm. It was all there in black and white. Paul deserved a Maya, and Cordelia deserved…she couldn’t bring herself to follow where that train of thought led.

  Maybe she was just doomed when it came to boys. Maybe Molly had gotten all the boyfriend genes in the family. Cordelia felt miserable all over again, but she knew what she had to do.

  She came out from behind the tree and started down the slope. Maya noticed her first, and Cordelia saw all the joy vanish from the girl’s face.

  “What are you guys doing?” she asked.

  Paul got up and gave her a limp hug. She wasn’t too sure that he was happy to see her. “We’re just playing a game.”

  “Would you like to join us?” Maya asked snidely.

  Now that Cordelia really knew where Maya’s crabby attitude was coming from, she wasn’t offended at all.

  “No, thanks. Actually, Paul, could we take a walk?”

  “Sure,” he said, and took her hand. “There’s a pretty waterfall that way.”

  “Great,” she replied as they started off in an easterly direction, leaving Maya behind to play a solo version of the trash game. “Will she be okay?”

  “Yes, I’m sure we won’t be long,” Paul said suspiciously. “That is, unless you think Jake might want to join us?”

  Holy shit.

  Cordelia was stunned. Paul was right—he was one perceptive son of a bitch. Although he hadn’t put it in those terms exactly. Whatever. He seemed to know what was on her mind, which meant there was no reason to drag this out any longer. If only Cordelia could get the words out. This was a time she really wanted her Treo handy. She could have prepared for this and had a bunch of backup breakup lines ready in case she choked.

  Oh well, I guess I’m on my own.

  Silently, they continued along a path, the huge sequoias rising above them. She tried to recall the conversation she’d had with Jake in the Charger about how Molly had wanted him to change. Jake had tried, but finally he’d realized he couldn’t be someone he wasn’t, and despite the fact that he adored Molly, he didn’t want to be someone else if that’s what it took to make her happy. Molly needed a person who wouldn’t have to change. So did Paul, and so did Cordelia.

  He stopped her when they reached the waterfall and looked directly into her eyes. “Okay, you can tell me what’s wrong now.”

  She stammered for a second before getting right to the point. “Paul, I think you’re a wonderful person,” she said.

  “So are you.”

  “But I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I’m just not sure we’re the perfect match for each other,” she said while wiping her brow from heat and stress-induced perspiration.

  “Is this about what happened earlier today?” Paul asked. “Sometimes my enthusiasm gets the best of me.”

  “Well, what I’m trying to say is—”

  “I understand, Cordy,” he interrupted.

  She put her hands on her hips and stared him down. Now he wasn’t even letting her break up with him the way she wanted to. “But you haven’t let me finish, Paul.”

  “That’s all right,” he said sadly. “I’ve heard plenty.”

  “I just want you to have someone who clicks with you better, like Maya for instance,” she added.

  “Maya?” Paul immediately crossed his arms over his chest and began averting his eyes. “What do you mean, Maya?”

  Cordelia smirked. “She really likes you. I can tell.”

  He cracked his knuckles nervously. “She’s just interested in the ecological movement here, that’s all.”

  “C’mon, Paul. If you’re so intuitive, you had to have known this before I figured it out.”

  “Maybe,” he said, grinning a little.

  “Well, perhaps
there’s something to explore with her,” Cordelia suggested, hoping to soften the blow.

  “Kind of like you and Jake?” he countered.

  Cordelia suddenly began to cough uncontrollably. “No, of course not. We’re just…” She paused and tried to come up with the right way to classify them, but Paul beat her to it.

  “The perfect match?”

  “I don’t know, Paul,” she said truthfully. “I wish I did, actually. This would be a lot easier.”

  Paul closed in on her and placed a tender kiss on her forehead, kind of like her father used to when she was little. “I’m not going to lie. I’m going to miss you.”

  Cordelia gazed up at him as if he were one of the gigantic trees he loved so much. “We don’t have to miss each other. We could be friends.”

  “That sounds nice.” He smiled and reached for his back pocket. “Know what friends do? Lend other friends some money so they’re not traveling around broke.”

  “No, Paul. I couldn’t take your money,” she said bashfully.

  “Because you just shot me down like a gangsta?” he replied.

  Cordelia threw her head back and laughed. “Oh my God, you do have a sense of humor!”

  Paul put a few twenty-dollar bills in the palm of her hand. “And you have just as much intuition as I do. Here’s some good advice. You listening?”

  She nodded her head.

  “Don’t ignore it.”

  Cordelia put her arms around him and gave him a big hug. “I won’t. I promise.”

  Strangely enough, Paul didn’t tell her how she should be feeling or what she should do next. That was going to be entirely up to her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  They’d been on the road for five hours, and Cordelia had limited her conversation with Jake to very simple one-word answers to his questions. She was worried that if she allowed herself to say anything more than that, she might blurt out something cheesy, like how she’d been studying the cute dimple in his chin for the past two hundred miles.