Return to Roseglen

by Helene Young

  ‘Hmm.’ Felicity looked up. ‘I don’t know why it never occurred to me before, but I asked Mum. She had a series of ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘It might explain why Ken was so precious to them.’

  Georgina scoffed. ‘Or maybe it was because he’s the firstborn son. Isn’t that always the way?’

  ‘Maybe. Did you want to stay on the property? If it had been an option, I mean.’

  ‘No.’ Georgina shook her head, knowing that wasn’t entirely honest. The land had an almost cellular pull, but she wouldn’t have survived another summer of Ivy’s tyrannical reign. Better to cut and run. ‘I always had lofty ambitions.’

  Felicity laughed. ‘Taking on aviation in the 1970s? Lofty indeed.’ She hesitated. ‘I’m glad we’re good. I feel like when Ivy goes there’ll be nothing binding us all together. I’m not ready to be an orphan.’

  Her eyes were glassy as she turned away, but Georgina could only take another sip of her coffee. She didn’t do emotion, no matter how desperately Felicity might have needed a hug.

  Felicity leaned on the back railing, watching the two dogs doing a boundary patrol in the pre-dawn light, their pace more leisurely than determined. She and Georgina had arrived back at Roseglen late last night and, so far, it had been peaceful. Or, at least, there hadn’t been time for Georgie or Ivy to misbehave yet.

  She looked across the horizon. The sun was chasing the stars from the inky doona of the night sky. Its subtle presence was everywhere, tipping the trees on the ridge with gold, turning the paddocks from silver to fawn. After a few minutes, a strengthening wedge of light arced towards the morning star like a laser light homing in on a patient.

  The air was dry, sharp on her tongue. In the stand of trees by the dam the currawongs’ warbling sonatas were greeted with cynical amusement by the kookaburras. She missed the snort of the horses and the stirrings of cattle. The land felt bereft. The trees, with no stock to shade, stood aimless. The hiss and click of an irrigator should have been marking the seconds somewhere in the distance. Instead, the home paddocks had been deemed no longer fit for duty. The task ahead was daunting and she could feel her body heating up.

  Perhaps she shouldn’t have crammed so much into today. She was anxious enough about the meeting with the lawyers. She was surprised at the speed with which Ivy had organised the meeting. Did that make it much worse than she feared? Were the rumours about Ken selling Arran Downs true? She’d be very surprised if Ken was personally in debt, since he’d received a generous pension for having served so many years in parliament. Selling Arran Downs didn’t mean there’d be any money in the wash-up to go to Roseglen.

  And she had a job interview in Mareeba today at a medical centre. She should have focused on one thing only. It had been thirty years since her last interview and while Georgina had put her through a mock interview on the drive out yesterday, her nerves jangled. Was there any point even contemplating breakfast?

  In the house she heard the flush of a toilet and a firm tread on the boards. Her precious quiet time had ended.

  ‘Kettle’s still hot, Georgie,’ she called.

  ‘Great. You want a refill?’

  ‘I’m fine.’ She listened to the precise movements behind her as Georgina warmed her cup, dropped in a tea bag, a spoonful of sugar, added the water, turned the cup three times clockwise, then anti-clockwise, removed the bag with a spoon, squeezed it dry, then added the smallest dash of milk. She’d blow on the top, then take a sip and purse her lips as it burned her mouth. Patience was not her sister’s strong suit.

  Georgina pushed open the screen door and came to lean beside her, her gaze roaming over the yard. She made flannelette pyjamas look elegant. ‘Have to admit I was a little disorientated waking up. It’s all very pretty with those pale window drapes and matching cushions on the lowboy. And the bed’s miles more comfy than my old single, but I missed that bedhead with the carved roses. It doesn’t feel like my bedroom anymore. Funny how it can feel so familiar and different at the same time.’

  ‘Ivy had a bit of fun redecorating all the bedrooms.’

  ‘And she did a great job. Can’t deny she has style.’

  ‘She even spruced up the bunkhouse for guests.’

  They drank their tea in silence and a hint of breeze stirred the leaves on the rose bushes.

  Georgina turned to face her. ‘How’d you sleep?’

  ‘Good. And you?’

  ‘After all the hotel rooms and crappy camps I’ve spent time in, I can sleep anywhere.’

  ‘So, how do you think Ivy’s doing?’ Felicity glanced along the verandah at the window to her mother’s bedroom. It was closed.

  ‘She’s so much frailer than I remembered,’ Georgina said. ‘It’s hard to reconcile the snowy-haired little sparrow with the arrogant hawk whose all-seeing eyes missed nothing. What did you call her again? Dragon Lady?’

  ‘Fire-breathing dragon,’ said Felicity. ‘Not much fire left now.’

  ‘Not much breathing left, either.’

  ‘Georgina!’

  ‘It’s the truth. She struggles to breathe when she walks. And you can’t tell me she walks much anymore. She sits on that pink walker and scoots around like a kid on a skateboard.’

  ‘I’ve organised to pick up a wheelchair today. Get her back into her social life. Clothes shopping’s on the agenda too.’ Felicity knew she’d have to pay for them herself.

  ‘She certainly can’t stay here alone. She’ll have a bloody fall and that will be that.’

  ‘I can’t believe she keeps that fall alarm in her top drawer except when I’m here.’

  ‘Oh, I can. She’s so stubborn. Frederic, that mule you adopted in primary school, had more flexibility. So what’s with her and Mitch?’

  Felicity gave her sister a sharp look. ‘Mitch?’

  ‘I heard her talking to him on the phone yesterday. As soon as I walked in she pretty much hung up on him.’

  Felicity laughed. One tiny bright spot in it all. ‘I think Mum’s lined up a job for Ella. Mitch is short a pilot for mustering and she used to fly for him.’

  ‘Match made in heaven,’ Georgina said, punching her sister lightly on the shoulder. ‘I told you it would work out fine.’

  ‘And maybe they were talking about Mitch’s ecotourism venture at the caves. It’s supposed to be all hush-hush. He was going to drive us out last time but something came up. We should check it out.’

  ‘Tourism? Good for him. The Hill needs someone to breathe some life into it. Ivy could do worse.’

  Wex and Lady moseyed over for a pat. Felicity thought she could see the opaque signs of cataracts in Lady’s eyes. Unlikely Ivy would do anything about them. Working dogs were working dogs and these two had had a splendid retirement.

  ‘Do you regret not having children, Georgie?’

  Her sister looked at her for a long moment before she nodded. ‘Yeah. I do.’ Her laugh was mocking. ‘Bloody arrogant of me, but I look at Ken’s kids and reckon I could have done a better job than he did. I might be blunt, but I’m not morally bankrupt. They would have known right from wrong.’

  ‘You would have been a great mum.’ Tears welled in Felicity’s eyes and she half turned away. She never used to be this weepy.

  ‘Hey, it was my choice. I knew from the start what I was getting into.’

  ‘With your career? Because of Ivy?’

  ‘No, not Ivy, although she could have been enough to turn me off them for life. No, it was Dan. He didn’t want kids. By the time I worked out that maybe I did want them after all, it was too late. I never found anyone else who I thought would make a great dad.’

  ‘I had no idea.’ Was that the reason why Georgie had walked out? ‘Did you talk about it?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘It wasn’t negotiable.’

  ‘Do you still love him?’

  Georgina looked to the horizon where the sun had finally made a f
ull wattage appearance and claimed the sky. ‘I care about him a great deal, but I have no idea what love is.’ Her voice was rough around the edges. ‘I also believed that as I got older, I’d find a measure of wisdom. But . . .’ She tried for a smile. ‘All I seem to find are more questions.’

  Felicity nodded. ‘I kept wondering when I’d feel like an adult. Then one day all hell was breaking loose on the ward and it occurred to me that I was the adult, but no one had handed me the baton and said, “It’s your turn now.” Suddenly I was it.’

  ‘And now all this shit with Todd, then Ivy, and now Ella losing her job.’

  ‘Precisely.’

  ‘Did you love Todd?’

  Felicity sighed. ‘After thirty years there were days when I wondered who the stranger was having dinner in my house. I kept making excuses for him. I probably should have left the day I found out Todd had been keeping a separate bank account to hide frequent visits to gentlemen’s clubs.’ She ran out of words. It was too early in the morning for this sort of confession.

  ‘Bloody hell. I had no idea.’ Georgina looked horrified.

  ‘I was still breastfeeding Sean at the time. Maybe I went too easy on him. It would’ve been hard on them if I’d left then.’

  ‘And how are the kids now?’

  ‘Sean’s moved in with his father,’ Felicity admitted, ‘but to be fair he needs somewhere to live when the house sells. Ella only rings him when she wants to stick the knife in.’

  Georgina laughed at that. ‘That gene missed a generation. She and Ivy are pretty good at cutting to the chase. Don’t get me wrong,’ she hurried on as Felicity rounded on her. ‘That’s not a criticism of Ella. She’s a gorgeous young woman with a whole lot more humility and empathy than Ivy ever had.’

  ‘Sshh, Mum’ll hear you.’

  ‘Bollocks. She’s still refusing to wear those expensive hearing aids.’

  ‘Georgie!’ Felicity had to stifle her laugh. Inside the house she heard the familiar clunk of wheels over the floorboards. ‘She’s up.’

  ‘How come she caved in so fast and agreed to talk to the lawyers about options with the property?’

  ‘I guess we’ll find out. Something hiding in the books we don’t know about?’

  ‘If there is, does that change your plan to move back here?’

  ‘No.’ Felicity shook her head. ‘I’m here for Mum. The property’s a challenge I need. Let’s see what the lawyers say before I start to worry anymore.’

  Georgina’s smile was lopsided as she looked out over the land and Felicity left her to linger.

  It wasn’t until they were in the car and driving to Mareeba that Ivy started showing signs of nerves. Felicity reached across and patted her mother’s hands as she fidgeted. ‘How’re you doing, Mum?’

  ‘I’m okay.’ Her tremulous smile reminded Felicity of a young Ella on her first day at high school. That had been one of the few times she’d seen her daughter wobble. She’d never seen this expression on Ivy’s face.

  ‘We’re not trying to be difficult. We just want to understand what needs to be done.’ Felicity gently squeezed her mother’s fingers and willed some warmth into their tips.

  ‘I know that.’ There was a sharpness there that Felicity couldn’t decipher. ‘I may have been a silly old woman.’

  ‘How bad can it be, Mum?’ Georgina asked from the back seat. ‘Mitch’s grazing fees should be enough. Doesn’t sound like he wants to change the arrangement.’

  ‘Yes, but Ken’s still cross about that.’

  Georgina made a gagging noise and Felicity glared at her in the rear-view mirror. Her sister slumped back.

  ‘He’s never liked being told he couldn’t have his own way,’ Ivy murmured.

  ‘We’ll sort something out,’ Felicity said.

  ‘I do wish I shared your optimism.’ Ivy’s eyes were fixed on the road ahead.

  Felicity’s phone rang and she answered on the hands-free.

  ‘Ella! The three of us are driving to Mareeba.’

  ‘Cool. Going shopping?’ Her voice boomed through the car.

  ‘Yep. How are you? I’m sorry we couldn’t stay longer.’

  ‘No, I’m fine. That clever little Granny D has found me a job. I’m going mustering!’ She squealed the last word.

  Ivy sat taller, her smile smug.

  ‘That’s wonderful,’ Felicity said, glancing across at Ivy. ‘When do you start?’

  ‘As soon as Regional Sky will let me go. They’ve given me a month’s notice, but rostering is trying to free me up earlier. Mitch’s aircraft is in Mareeba being serviced. I can fly it from there and then pick up my car later.’

  ‘What about your lease?’

  ‘I’m working on that. I may have found someone. Not sure. But the best news? Did Granny tell you?’

  ‘No. She hasn’t mentioned any of this,’ Felicity replied.

  ‘I’m coming to live at Roseglen! The aircraft can stay on our strip. How cool is that? All of us under the same roof again.’

  ‘That’s great news, Ella,’ Georgina said. ‘Can I come mustering?’

  ‘When was the last time you flew anything this small?’ Ella sounded doubtful.

  ‘Fifteen years ago on safari in Africa. It may not have been completely legal.’

  They all laughed, but Felicity knew her sister wasn’t joking. She hoped to goodness she wasn’t serious about wanting to muster.

  ‘I’m sure if you asked Mitch nicely, he’d let you.’ Ella didn’t sound convinced.

  ‘Excellent. And you can do some spying for us. Find out what’s really going on with the Trethowan place,’ Georgina said.

  ‘You’ll do no such thing,’ Ivy retorted.

  The misty-eyed old lady had been banished by the dragon. Felicity and Georgina exchanged a look again in the mirror.

  Ella laughed. ‘It’s okay, Granny D. I’ll check with you first. Hey, I’ve got to go. Call waiting. Love you all.’ She hung up.

  ‘That was kind of you, Mum,’ Felicity said.

  ‘Nothing kind about it. Everyone wins.’ Ivy retreated to look out the window again.

  ‘So what’s the hot news in town, then?’ Georgie asked, several minutes later. ‘Who’s the president of the CWA now?’

  Ivy brightened. ‘That dreadful Starling woman. She keeps insisting we should give up running cake stalls on Wednesdays. It’s worked for fifty years. There’s always comfort in a slice of homemade cake. Mind you, some of the young ones have plenty of good ideas. You know young Bethany, one of the Clarks? She’s been voted Rural Woman of the Year for Queensland. I’ll bet my hat she goes on to win the national title, too.’

  ‘The Clarks as in the ones I went to school with?’ Felicity asked.

  ‘That’s right. She’s the youngest. Married a lovely bloke but the poor man was killed in a dreadful accident when his shirt got caught in a post-hole digger. Left her to bring up the three kiddies and manage the station alone. She’s done it all and more.’

  ‘So she’s still on the old Clarks’ place, then? What happened to the boys?’

  ‘They all had bright lights in their eyes and left for the city.’

  ‘Lucky her,’ Felicity muttered.

  Ivy glared across at her. ‘What’s that supposed to mean? You couldn’t wait to head south yourself.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s quite right, Ivy,’ Georgina interrupted. ‘I distinctly remember you and Dad telling us that cattle raising was men’s work. Women went and raised families and had appropriate careers, like teaching or nursing.’

  ‘It made no difference to you.’

  ‘It might have made a difference if you’d encouraged Lissie to take over the farm. But no, that precious boy of yours was far more important.’

  ‘Hey!’ Felicity knew this could end in Ivy having a tantrum. ‘I’ve had a very rewarding career nursing and what’s done is done.’

  Ivy humphed and Georgina grinned, unrepentant. Either she was enjoying riling her mother or it was a diversiona
ry tactic. Felicity kept the topic firmly on the neighbourhood, vast as it was, for the rest of the trip.

  They had to hunt for a park in Mareeba’s main street. Felicity finally found one near a ramp and close to the lawyer’s office. As she walked around the car to retrieve Ivy’s pink chariot she nodded at a local woman pushing a pram. They shared a smile. Beginning of life and end of life. We start and end being pushed on wheels, Felicity thought. And nursing had allowed her to be part of many people’s lives in a way few could. The warm sense of satisfaction when someone left hospital, on their way to recovery, was precisely why she did the job she did. It had been a good career for her – even though it was second choice. Could she walk away from nursing altogether?

  ‘Here you go, Mum.’ She wheeled the walker around to where Ivy was trying to push the car door open despite its weight. ‘I’ve got it.’

  ‘Yes, I know,’ Ivy snapped, glaring up at her.

  It was a measure of Ivy’s stress and Felicity wished they didn’t have to do this.

  Old Mr Denzell already had the office door open. ‘Mrs Dunmore, do come in.’

  ‘Mr Denzell, how lovely to see you.’ Ivy straightened, her smile charming again as she held out a hand to the solicitor. ‘How’s Edith?’

  ‘She’s very well, thank you. Sends her regards.’

  Georgina cleared her throat and Old Mr Denzell beamed at them. ‘Felicity, Georgina, forgive me. Ivy must be delighted to have you both home.’ Ivy had sailed through the doorway, leaving them to follow in her wake. ‘So good to have the three of you together today. The next generation taking over, eh? Just like here. Time waits for no man.’

  Felicity shot a sharp glance at Georgina, her throat constricting. ‘Is Ken here?’

  ‘Yes, yes, your mother thought it best.’

  Behind her Georgina swore under her breath. Felicity summoned a polite smile as Denzell continued.

  ‘Ken’s done such a marvellous job looking after Mrs Dunmore, but it must be a relief to have you home now.’

  ‘I’m sure he’s over the moon,’ Felicity said, still smiling at Mr Denzell.

  ‘So come this way, ladies. We’ll get started.’

  ‘Come on, kiddo,’ Georgie growled in her ear. ‘Time to take the whip and see if a couple of heifers can’t still rout an old bull.’