A Small Indiscretion
Page 33
“Sweetie, what’s going on?”
Nina looked at her, confused. “Where have you been?”
Marianne knew she couldn’t tell Nina the truth. Instead, she found herself saying, “I was at Lola’s dinner party. You know how late those go.” It was just before four a.m., so theoretically it was possible.
Nina blinked and then said, in a small voice, “He found someone else.”
“Robert?”
Nina nodded.
“What will you do?”
Nina shook her head and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “He doesn’t know yet what he wants to do. He says he can’t choose between us.”
Marianne wanted to scream as loud as she could. But instead she took a deep breath and hugged Nina even closer.
“It’ll work out for the best. I promise. It will be for the best.”
Marianne knew that Nina didn’t need to hear those empty words. She’d been in the same situation all too often. It was incredibly painful to see her daughter enduring the same pain—standing there torn apart with such grief. That feeling of powerlessness. Nina had been betrayed by a man the same way she’d been betrayed by Hans. She took the guilt upon herself. She’d been a terrible role model for her daughter.
“I need to change. Let me tuck you up in my bed so you can warm up. You’re freezing.”
Nina let herself be led into Marianne’s room and crept into her bed. Marianne tucked her in, just as she’d done when she was a little girl. Nina had always had difficulty sleeping in her own room—more so than the other two.
“I’ll be right back with something hot to drink.”
Marianne hurried to the bathroom but left the door open, just as she’d done when Nina slept in her bed when Hans was away. Nina had said she didn’t like the door closed; she liked to hear Marianne brush her teeth and move around in the bathroom.
Marianne pulled off her clothes and hung her dress on her robe’s hanger. She took off her panties and threw them right in the washing machine. The water in the shower took forever to warm up, and she stamped her feet on the cold bottom of the tub. Then she scrubbed her body as fast as humanly possible and even ran some shampoo through her hair, following with some conditioner. She wanted to get rid of the smell of smoke, as well as the last bit of hairspray remaining in her hair. Then she brushed her teeth, which felt fantastic. She brushed her hair and put on her robe. She completed everything in double time, not wanting to leave Nina alone for too long.
Marianne found some flannel pajamas and rag socks, which she placed at the foot of the bed. Then she sat beside Nina and ran her hand over her forehead. Nina was staring at the ceiling and biting her lip.
Marianne spoke gently and softly. “I found a pair of pajamas for you and a pair of warm socks. Come. Let me help you change.”
Nina sat up and Marianne pulled off Nina’s thin sweater, replacing it with the soft, warm pajama top. Marianne had received the pajamas as a Christmas present from Sigrid a few years back. The flannel was high quality and had light-blue stars. Once Nina pulled on the pajama pants and the socks, they headed for the kitchen.
“So what do you want? Tea or hot chocolate?”
“I’ll have what you’re having.”
Marianne decided to make hot chocolate. Nina didn’t need caffeine right now. She needed to sleep. Hot chocolate was the best for that. Marianne found some slices of white bread in the refrigerator and dropped them in the toaster. After a while, she heard Nina say in a fragile voice, “I don’t understand why I didn’t just tell him to go to hell.”
Marianne looked down at the toast she was buttering. She said, “It’s not as easy as you think. Never do what other people think you should do. You have to do what’s in your own heart.”
After a few seconds’ pause, Nina asked, “What would you do?”
Marianne placed the plate of toast on the table and filled two mugs with steaming hot chocolate.
“Are you asking me what I would do if I were me, or if I were you?”
“If you were me.”
Marianne looked directly at her daughter. “Then I’d tell him to go to hell.”
Nina looked right back at her. “And if you were you?”
“Well, if I were young and had no children, I’d do the same. Tell him to go where the sun doesn’t shine.”
“But if you had children?”
“Then I would wait and see how things develop.”
“If you had children, you wouldn’t leave him?”
Marianne looked at her mug and swallowed. “No, I wouldn’t. You have obligations to consider with children in the picture.”
Nina sat still. She was breathing heavily. “Did you want to leave Pappa?”
Marianne felt that question like a fist to the face. She had to hold back her own tears. “Yes. Yes, I did want to leave him. I was a coward.”
“But you had us.”
“Yes, but if I had faced our problems then, maybe you wouldn’t be here now, suffering the way I did. As a parent, one has to be a role model. I certainly wasn’t successful there.”
Nina sat silently. “Was Pappa unfaithful before we were born?”
“Not that I knew. I don’t believe so. I think that came later, though I ought to have seen what kind of a person he was from the beginning. If I had been more attentive, perhaps I would have seen it coming.”
Nina chewed her toast, although Marianne could see she wasn’t hungry.
“How did you find out?” Marianne asked.
“I didn’t. He told me.”
“How long has it been going on?”
Nina shrugged. “He didn’t want to say. Obviously, for a while or it wouldn’t have come to this. A few months, perhaps? Maybe I didn’t notice because I was grieving for Pappa.”
The words cut Marianne like a knife. She had to blink away her tears. She was also boiling in anger. How could Robert hurt her daughter like this? Just when she needed her husband the most. Instead of support, she got a knife in the back. What an asshole.
Nina shivered. “Do you mind if I go back to bed? I haven’t slept much.”
“Go right ahead. Just crawl back into my bed. I’ll be fine.”
Nina slowly headed for the bedroom.
Marianne put the dishes in the dishwasher and thought of having a cigarette. She didn’t feel like it. Perhaps she shouldn’t have spoken so freely. Nina needed her support now.
She went into the hallway and picked up her cell phone. A text had come from Ralph about ten minutes earlier.
My little runaway. I thought I’d treat you to a good breakfast, but with your heathenish morning hours, I see that was an impossible dream. I am eternally grateful for our evening together. I truly hope we’ll get to repeat it another night. Yours for all eternity, etc., etc., Ralph.
Marianne smiled. She took the cell phone into the living room and set it next to the morning paper. She stretched out on the sofa and pulled the blanket over herself, thinking she’d flip through the paper’s cultural pages. But her eyes closed as soon as she started, and the paper fell to the floor. She surrendered and let sleep take over.
CHAPTER 81
Paula jerked awake to Jens clearing his throat. He was standing over her with his arms crossed over his chest.
“So, when were you going to tell me you were fucking some damned foreigner?”
She blinked, trying to guess how he’d found out. Did someone call him during the night?
“What are you talking about?”
“Stop playing fucking dumb. Don’t think for one second I’m such an idiot. It seems all of Djursholm is aware that you went to Lotta’s place to fuck that waiter. How charming!”
Paula took a deep breath. She stared at this man who was her husband. Then she decided to fight.
“Maybe I did. Everyone knows you’re s
leeping around. All of Djursholm knows our marriage is on the rocks. Now they really have something to gossip about.”
“Do you realize what you’ve done? You won’t be able to show your face at the girls’ school. Every single person there knows.”
Paula quickly calculated that Purran must have started the rumor. Or even Lotta herself. She knew not to trust anyone in this town. She stared right back at Jens. “So what? All the men, with all their little affairs, pick up their children. They have their au pairs and their whores. What’s the difference?”
“You’re pathetic. I want you to move out immediately. Today. You’ll never share custody of the girls.”
Paula felt her eyes burn. She stood up so she could look him in the face.
“Go ahead: call me a whore if it makes you feel better. But let me tell you a thing or two. You will not threaten to take the girls from me, is that clear?”
Jens was shocked by her anger and took an involuntary step backward. Paula continued. “I know exactly what went on in that little Right Now group of yours, and I think the press would be extremely interested, too. All about the sex and the people involved. Just let me make a statement to the press about the whole dirty game and cite you as the source. And send a copy to your friends on that island. They won’t be happy about that kind of publicity. And when it comes to who has the right to live in this house, I want to remind you of our prenuptial agreement. Remember that? Remember that my father forced us to sign it before we married? As far as I recall, the down payment for this house came from my maternal inheritance.”
“Remember, little wife, my salary has allowed us to live here. You don’t even have an income.”
“I wonder how much you know about family law? I am going to stay here with the children and I’ll have main custody. Yes, of course I will, because you’re never here, you travel too much. I want you to leave right now before the girls wake up.”
Jens stared, stupefied. Paula had to duck as he threw a punch at her face. She jumped to the side and shook her head.
“If you try to hit me again, I’ll call the police.”
Jens tried to show he couldn’t care less about her threat, but he controlled his outburst. He stomped up the stairs, and she heard hangers banging down as he pulled clothes from the closet. She looked at the clock and realized the girls were already awake. She guessed they were staying in bed, too frightened to get up, and she hoped Jens would just leave as fast as possible. She didn’t want to argue any longer; she certainly didn’t want to get into a physical fight. She decided to stay out of his way on the ground floor.
Ten minutes later, Jens stormed out of the house. He revved up the Porsche and screeched out of the driveway.
When she was sure he wasn’t coming back, Paula ran upstairs to the girls. As she’d suspected, they were hiding in their beds with the covers over their heads. Her youngest was crying. Her oldest wouldn’t look at her.
“I know it sounded terrible, girls, but everything’s okay.”
“Are you and Pappa getting a divorce?”
“Yes, we are,” Paula said. “We aren’t happy together anymore. You’ve probably already noticed that. It has nothing to do with the two of you. It’s just between Pappa and me. Come downstairs now, and we’ll eat breakfast. Then I’ll call the school and tell them you have to take a sick day. We can go into the city and do something fun instead. All right?”
Paula had no idea if it was psychologically beneficial taking the girls downtown to do something fun when they faced losing their sense of security. On the other hand, sending them to school seemed worse.
She went down to make breakfast. She picked up her phone and put it on the charger. There was a message on the phone.
“Finally! Just you and me! I’m longing for you!”
First she thought it was from Passi, but then she realized it was from that same anonymous number. Her breath caught in her chest, and she had to hold on to the countertop to keep from fainting. Stars whirled around, and she sat down on the floor. Desperately, she called Passi.
Hi, Passi. You’ve got to help me. He’s starting to send messages again. I don’t know what to do! Have you reached that guy you thought could help me?
CHAPTER 82
Marianne woke for the second time that morning in a place that wasn’t her own bed. Her neck was stiff, and her sofa pillows, which had seemed soft and welcoming a few hours before, were hard and lumpy. Shocked, she saw it was already ten in the morning. How could she have slept so long? Nina must still be asleep.
Marianne got up as quietly as she could. She pulled her robe closer around her body and hoped that Harry would soon tell the building manager to turn on the heat. Once she flushed, she listened for Nina’s breathing but didn’t hear anything. The apartment was suspiciously silent. Without making a sound, she opened the door to her bedroom. Her bed was empty and it had been made. She found a note on the pillow. Marianne thought that the morning was repeating itself in an unusual way. She shook her head and looked for her reading glasses.
Dearest Mams. I’m sneaking back home while you’re sleeping. Will be in touch. Love, Nina.
Marianne frowned, feeling a lump in her stomach. She read the note again a few times before letting it fall back on the bed. She wanted to scream at Nina and tell her she had to leave Robert before it was too late. But last night, she’d talked calmly and diplomatically. As usual. To her daughter, she should have been more direct and put her foot down. Probably Nina had slept for a while, dried her tears, and then gone back to Robert thinking they could still work it out. She would tell that disgusting idiot that they could solve everything, that there was no need to rush.
Marianne could hear her own reasoning in those words. She picked up the note and tore it into little pieces, ending up with a paper cut on her forefinger. She tried to call Nina’s cell phone, but it was turned off. She went into the kitchen and lit a cigarette, while turning on the coffee machine. She wasn’t at all hungry for an egg this morning, but she took out a pan to boil two anyway. The coffee tasted sour, and she boiled the eggs too long. She tried the morning Sudoku with no success. Her brain wasn’t working at all. She didn’t know whether to blame all the wine she’d had during last night’s adventures, or her distress over passing her wishy-washy ways of dealing with men to her daughter, destroying her life in the process. If she’d been stronger and left Hans, maybe Nina wouldn’t be going through this now. That was the hard truth. Her telephone rang, and she hoped it was Nina.
“Hi, Marianne. Torsten here.”
“Hello!”
Marianne realized her voice sounded harsh. She quickly changed her tone to something more pleasant. “Sorry, you caught me by surprise.”
“I did? All right. Well, I’ve sent over yesterday’s reports by messenger. They should be there any minute.”
“Thank you, that was kind. Anything specific turn up?”
“No, nothing that hit me right away, but I want to see what you come up with. Are you all right, otherwise?”
“Yes, as I said, I was expecting someone else on the other end, not you.”
“So that explains it. I’m heading into the interrogation room now, but give me a call when you’ve finished reading.”
Marianne thought he sounded disappointed about something. She hoped she hadn’t put him off.
The reports arrived ten minutes later, and Marianne practically ripped them from the messenger’s hands. She had a desperate need to take her mind off things.
Once her eyes adjusted, she read rapidly. On the fourth document, she frowned. She went back to the first and read them all again, more slowly. Then she leapt to her feet and ran for her phone. She called and asked to be connected to the local station in Danderyd. It took her a few minutes to find the right person and tell him what she needed. Then, taking a deep breath, she called Torsten, who answered after two rings.
CHAPTER 83
Augustin jogged behind Torsten, putting on his jacket as they headed down the stairs.
“What’s going on?”
“Jidhoff called. She’s figured something out.”
“What?”
“She just told us to get right over.”
Augustin’s telephone rang at the same moment they jumped into his sports car. He looked at the display and hesitated. Torsten looked at him questioningly.
Augustin shook his head, then clicked the call off. He put his phone in his jacket and started the car. “I’ll take it later. Which is fastest, Kungsgatan or Hamngatan?”
At that time of the morning, the traffic wasn’t bad, and Augustin was parking in front of Marianne Jidhoff’s apartment in ten minutes. They hurried up to the third floor, and Augustin’s phone rang again. Torsten laughed.
“Must be a girl. Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me, even if we’re partners.”
Augustin shook his head. “I’d tell you if it were a woman. Right now a friend wants something from me. He’ll just have to wait a minute.”
Marianne opened the door. It was obvious she was thinking about the case. Her hair was a mess, and she was wearing more casual clothing than the day before. She had on sweatpants and a hand-knit sweater with a scarf collar.
“Let’s go into the library. I have a map there.”
Marianne had put up a number of Post-it notes on a bulletin board. She’d written large letters on them.