Brothers In Law

by Henry Cecil

  It was a pity in some ways, thought Roger at first, that Mr Storrington was still about the place. For it meant that the petitioner already had a companion and friend. But Roger soon adjusted himself to the new situation, and decided that the poor little woman who had never known happiness with her husband should be given a new and happy life with her new husband, and it would be Roger who would be responsible for giving it her. After he had been through the papers several times Roger asked if he could see Mr Grimes, and eventually Alec managed to sandwich him in between two conferences.

  ‘Well, my dear fellow, what can I do for ye?’

  Roger mentioned that he’d had a brief for the petitioner in an undefended divorce. Might he ask a few questions about it?

  ‘Of course, my dear fellow, of course. But ye won’t have any trouble, my dear fellow. Not like it was in the old days. That was a very different cup of tea, a very different cup of tea, my dear fellow. Nowadays it’s like shelling peas, my dear chap. In one door and out the other before you can say “knife.”’

  ‘This is what they call a discretion case. Does that make any difference?’

  ‘Oh, that’s all right, my dear fellow, just tell the judge the tale, tell the judge the tale.’

  ‘As a matter of fact my client committed adultery before her husband left her. Does that make any difference?’

  ‘Did he know of it, my dear fellow?’

  ‘Oh – no.’

  ‘Then that’s all right then, my dear fellow. What the eye sees not, the heart grieves not.’

  ‘I just wondered if it was desertion for a man to leave his wife if she’d committed adultery.’

  ‘Oh, yes, my dear fellow, so long as he doesn’t know, that’s desertion all right. You look up Herod and Herod. That’ll tell you all about it. And there are some later cases in the Court of Appeal. Now is there anything else I can do for you, my dear fellow?’

  ‘No, thank you very much. It’s most kind of you.’

  ‘Not at all, my dear fellow. Very glad you’ve had your first brief. Had to wait much longer in my day. But everything’s faster these days. I don’t know what we’re coming to. Judges on the Bench that haven’t been called twenty years. I don’t know, my dear fellow, I don’t know. But there it is, they will do these things, they will do these things. Goodbye, my dear fellow, goodbye, bye, bye.’

  Roger went back to the pupils’ room, very pleased with life. But, easy though his task was going to be, he wouldn’t leave anything to chance. First he would master the facts, then the law and then – then – glorious moment – he would have a conference with his client.

  ‘Hear you’ve got an undefended,’ said Peter. ‘I think they’re a bore.’

  ‘Have you done one?’ asked Charles.

  ‘No, but I’ve heard hundreds. Simple as pie – but an awful bore. No, give me something a bit meatier for my first brief.’

  ‘Haven’t you had one, then?’ said Roger.

  ‘As a matter of fact,’ said Peter, ‘it’s not a terribly good thing to have a brief too early in one’s career. Might come an awful cropper. Of course an undefended’s different. But I just don’t care for the sound of them. Shouldn’t want my friends to send me one of those. If that’s all the use they’ve got for me I’d rather they went somewhere else.’

  ‘“Said the fox,”’ said Charles, ‘“adding to his wife, ‘they always give me indigestion, anyway.’”’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ said Peter. ‘Anyway I can’t afford to waste my time here. I’m going down to the Bailey.’

  ‘Hope you get that dock brief,’ said Charles. ‘That’ll be a start.’

  ‘Well done,’ said Charles when Peter had left. ‘Who sent it you?’

  ‘Uncle of a girlfriend.’

  ‘Good show. I never seem to be lucky that way. Are you going to have a conference?’

  ‘I suppose so. It’s marked on the brief – two guineas.’

  ‘That doesn’t mean a thing, as a matter of fact. They pay it whether you have one or not.’

  ‘How odd,’ said Roger.

  ‘I suppose it’s the same with every job. There are always things which are difficult to explain to people who aren’t in it.’

  ‘I suppose there are. But I think I ought to have a conference, anyway.’

  ‘Is it sticky then?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think so. I spoke to Grimes and he said it was all right. But I think I ought to ask her a few questions.’

  ‘When’ll you have it?’

  ‘I don’t know. What ought I to do about it? Speak to Alec?’

  ‘Yes, I should think so. I’ve never had one yet.’

  ‘You’ve never had a conference?’

  ‘No, as I told you, we haven’t all got girlfriends with solicitor uncles.’

  ‘I am lucky.’

  ‘I should say you are. That’ll make up for what happened on your first day. Very different going into a Court knowing all about it – with your own case too. What’s it about?’

  Roger told him and then went to arrange with Alec for a conference.

  ‘You usually see them outside the Court, sir,’ said Alec, ‘but I can get them down here if you’d like.’

  ‘Yes, I think so, please,’ said Roger feeling very daring at giving orders to his clerk. Outside the Court did not seem to be the real thing.

  After that he went to the Bar Library and read the case of Herod v Herod and several other later cases in which it had been approved. It seemed clear enough. Then he looked up every other point of law he could think of. He went back to chambers with a note of what he had read. Then he went home.

  His mother was out. So he went straight to the telephone to thank Joy. ‘It’s terribly good of your uncle, Joy.’

  ‘He’s a dear old boy and if I give him a nice kiss, he’ll do quite a lot for me. Shall I give him lots more kisses, Roger?’

  ‘Oh, please, Joy.’

  ‘What’ll you give me then?’

  ‘We’ll go and dine.’

  ‘Lovely. Where? When?’

  ‘Well, I haven’t had the cheque yet. I wonder when they send it.’

  ‘I’d better give him another kiss, don’t you think? I like talking about kisses to you, Roger. Don’t you?’

  ‘Of course I do, Joy, it is sweet of you. I can’t thank you enough.’

  ‘Oh, yes, you can. And I’ll expect you to try.’

  ‘Of course I will.’

  ‘Promise.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Roger, darling – how lovely. I’ll go and see uncle tonight and we’ll dine tomorrow. I’ll lend you the money if the cheque hasn’t come.’

  ‘Oh – I couldn’t let you. But I can try mother.’

  As soon as he’d finished talking to Joy, blushing slightly he telephoned Sally.

  ‘Oh, Roger, I am glad. What’s it about?’

  ‘Well, I’d rather like to talk to you about it, if I might. It’s not the sort of thing I can mention on the telephone.’

  ‘Well, when would you like?’

  ‘You couldn’t come round now? I expect mother’s got enough food.’

  ‘I’d love it.’

  As soon as Sally had arrived Roger showed her the lovely brief, but he covered up the names with his hand.

  ‘You can’t possibly know the people in this case and it must be all right for me to tell you if you don’t know their names. Even they wouldn’t mean anything to you.’

  ‘All right,’ said Sally, ‘if you say so.’

  ‘D’you mind if I tell you about the case as though I were addressing the judge?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course not.’

  ‘May it please your Lordship,’ began Roger, ‘my client who is a lady of mature years–’

  ‘Stop,’ said Sally, ‘that won’t do. How old is she?’

  ‘Forty-five.’

  ‘Well – she’d hit you over the head with her umbrella for that – out of Court if not in. Why mention her age, anyw
ay?’

  ‘I think it’s important in this case. You see, Sally, there are things in this case which you and I wouldn’t talk about normally – I mean – I know everyone does nowadays, but you’re different. I do want you to understand that when I talk about – talk about this woman’s – this woman’s – er – behaviour – it’s only because it’s in the case.’

  ‘Strictly professionally,’ said Sally. ‘I suppose you’re trying to tell me she’s committed adultery.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Roger, ‘I am, Sally, I’m afraid.’

  ‘That’s all right, Roger, it’s not your fault; she did it, not you.’

  ‘Quite,’ said Roger. ‘I’m so glad you understand. Now may I go on?’

  ‘Please.’

  ‘May it please your Lordship, my client who is no longer young–’

  ‘No,’ said Sally, ‘if you must say anything about it, and I can’t yet see why you should, say what her age is. She may not like that, but she’d prefer it to any of your phrases.’

  ‘Oh, all right. My client who is forty-five is bringing this petition on the grounds of desertion. As your Lordship probably knows desertion is a matrimonial offence and consists of–’

  ‘Just a moment, Roger,’ interrupted Sally, ‘I don’t know anything about Courts and judges, but I suppose there have been a good many cases of desertion before yours.’

  ‘Oh, Lord, yes.’

  ‘Well – don’t you think the judge might know what is meant by it then?’

  ‘I said “as your Lordship probably knows–”’

  ‘D’you think he’d like the “probably?” Some judges are pretty touchy, I believe.’

  ‘All right then. As your Lordship knows–’

  ‘Well, if he knows, why tell him?’ said Sally.

  ‘I’m sure I’ve read that they say things like that, Sally.’

  ‘I expect that’s when the judge doesn’t know, Roger, and it’s a polite way of telling him. If it’s something that he must know and you know he must know it seems a bit odd to me telling him at all. You might just as well tell him that the case is brought under English law. I suppose every case is, unless it’s a special one.’

  ‘I say, you know, Sally, I do think you’re marvellous. You ought to have gone to the Bar. You’re going to be the most awful help to me. Oh – I could kiss you.’

  Sally said nothing. Roger did nothing.

  ‘Just another of your phrases, I suppose. Well, it’s better than saying I’m of mature years. Though I expect I shall be before – now where were we?’ she went on hurriedly.

  ‘How would you start, Sally?’

  ‘Well, I suppose, I’d say that it was a petition for divorce on the ground of desertion and then say shortly what the facts were.’

  ‘When would you mention the discretion?’

  ‘What discretion?’

  Roger explained what was meant by a discretion statement and told Sally what was in it.

  ‘But I don’t understand,’ said Sally.

  ‘But I thought I’d made it clear. Where a petitioner has committed adultery he or she has got to file–’

  ‘Oh, no, I understand all that. What I don’t understand is what the husband has done wrong.’

  ‘He left her and wouldn’t come back.’

  ‘Yes, but she’d committed adultery.’

  ‘But he didn’t know of it. It’s all quite clear. It’s in Herod and Herod. I read it this afternoon.’

  ‘Are you sure you didn’t misread it, Roger dear? After all you are fairly new to the game and I expect some of these things are difficult to understand–’

  ‘Now, look, Sally. I think you’re awfully clever and all that, and you’re going to be an awful lot of use to me, if you will, but when I say the law’s so and so you’ve got to accept it from me. I’ve looked it up.’

  ‘But Roger, I’m sorry to seem so dense. Do try and make me understand it. I gather the law disapproves of adultery.’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I suppose the law agrees that it’s a breach of the marriage vows or whatever the law calls them to commit adultery?’

  ‘Certainly.’

  ‘So if a wife commits adultery the husband is entitled to leave her.’

  ‘Quite.’

  ‘Well, that’s what happened in your case.’

  ‘He didn’t know.’

  ‘But surely, Roger, that can’t make any difference.’

  ‘Well, it does.’

  ‘I still can’t believe it,’ said Sally. ‘Look. Marriage starts with a husband and wife living together, doesn’t it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And if one leaves the other it’s desertion.’

  ‘Exactly. That’s what’s happened here. He’s left her.’

  ‘Not so fast, Roger. Is a wife entitled to have her husband living with her if she commits adultery?’

  ‘No,’ began Roger – and then seeing where this admission was leading him to, he went on: ‘Well, it depends. If the husband finds out he can leave her.’

  ‘And are you really saying that if the husband doesn’t find out – if the lady’s clever enough to conceal it from him – then she has the right that he should go on living with her?’

  ‘That,’ said Roger, ‘is the law of England.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ said Sally, ‘you know and I don’t. You’ve just looked it up. You’ve taken all your Bar examinations. But I just can’t believe it. You’re saying that, provided a man or woman is a good enough liar, he or she can commit adultery as much as they like?’

  ‘It sounds odd put that way, I agree,’ said Roger.

  ‘Well, isn’t that what you were saying?’

  Roger thought for a moment.

  ‘I suppose it is really. I must say it does sound strange the way you put it. I didn’t think of it like that, and I’m sure there’s nothing in the cases I looked at about it. I think I’d better look at them again. I say, Sally, you really are a wonder. I could – didn’t I hear mother?’

  ‘You should know by now, Roger,’ said Sally.

  ‘Oh, no, it’s the people next door.’

  ‘Yes, Roger. You were saying?’

  ‘Where was I now? Oh, yes – well, when do you think I should mention this discretion business?’

  ‘Wouldn’t it be a good thing to go and hear one or two undefended divorces yourself first, so that you can see when it’s normally done?’

  ‘How right you are. I will.’

  ‘May I come and hear you do yours, Roger?’

  ‘Of course – that is – well–’

  ‘Well, of course, if I’ll make you nervous, Roger–’

  ‘It’s not exactly that, Sally. You see – as a matter of fact – it’s like this really – of course I’d love you to be there – but, as a matter of fact, well – Joy’s uncle sent me the brief actually.’

  ‘Well,’ said Sally, ‘that was very nice of him – and her, but why should that make any difference? Or have they taken the whole Court for the occasion?’

  ‘No, of course not, but I expect Joy would like to be there – and I thought, I mean, mightn’t it be a bit embarrassing? For both of you, I mean. And as it was Joy’s uncle who sent the brief–’

  ‘And Joy who helped you to prepare it?’

  ‘That isn’t fair, Sally. I won’t ask you another time if you’re going to throw it in my teeth.’

  ‘I simply asked if I could come to hear you. I’m not throwing anything in your teeth. Joy and I won’t tear each other’s eyes out, you know. We’d be sent to prison if we did. Which of us would you defend, Roger, if we were? You couldn’t do both, could you?’

  ‘I think that’s a horrible question,’ said Roger.

  Chapter Eight

  First Conference

  Two days later Roger had his first conference. Peter and Charles went into Henry’s room so that he could have the pupils’ room for the purpose.

  Mrs Newent came with Mr Smith, a managing clerk from Messrs Thornton
, Merivale & Co, who introduced himself and his client to Roger. He invited them to sit down. They did so. Mrs Newent was attractive in a cheap sort of way, rather overdressed and too much made-up. She had very shapely legs with sheer nylon stockings and she showed Roger much too much of them both. His eyes followed their movements, which were fairly frequent, as a rabbit’s eyes follow a snake. From time to time with an effort he would look at the ceiling or out of the window or at the bookshelves, but it was no use. Back they had to come. He had never been so close to such things before. They revolted but fascinated him, and he simply could not help himself. He cleared his throat preparatorily to opening the proceedings. But Mrs Newent got in first.