Twice Loved

by Wendy Lindstrom

  Kyle quirked a brow. “You’re finally going to get over there?”

  Radford glanced at Rebecca. He’d been waiting for her to warm up to his mother so he could leave her there in the evenings, but Rebecca still wasn’t ready. He would just have to take her with him. “Are you too tired to go for a walk with Daddy?”

  Before Rebecca could answer, William set his glass down with a thunk. “Would you carry Grandpa’s plate to the sink, sweetpea?” he said to Rebecca. She nodded, slid off the chair then gripped the plate with both hands. “Thank you, darlin’.” As Rebecca went to the sink, William slanted a look at Radford. “You don’t need to drag that little one everywhere you go. Let her stay here and help Evelyn with the dishes.”

  “I’m not sure she’ll want to stay.”

  “Let’s find out.” William tapped his spoon against his glass to get Rebecca’s attention. “I forgot to give you my spoon,” he said, grinning when she eagerly returned for it. “Might as well take your daddy’s plate, too.”

  Rebecca’s face brightened and she hurried to Radford’s side. He handed her his empty plate, but before she turned away, Kyle tapped her shoulder. “Do you want to take mine, too?” he asked.

  When she nodded with enthusiasm, he stacked his plate on the one she held then laid his empty glass on top. He ruffled Rebecca’s hair as she turned away, but she was too busy concentrating on the glass that rolled against her chest.

  Too late, Radford realized he should have removed the glass. Rebecca had only taken two steps before it rolled over the edge and shattered against the floor. The plates flipped sideways and she clutched them to her chest, covering the front of her dress with gravy and leftover potatoes. She stared down in horror at the broken glass surrounding her scuffed shoes.

  Evelyn knelt in front of Rebecca before Radford could leave his chair. She took the plates and put them on the floor. “I break glasses all the time so don’t you worry about it.” She wiped the front of Rebecca’s soiled dress with a dish towel then gently bumped her chin with the bunched-up cloth.

  Rebecca’s mouth puckered and the tears she tried to hold back spilled over her lashes.

  “Oh, honey.” Evelyn swept her arms around Rebecca and rocked her. “Don’t worry about that old glass. It doesn’t matter one bit.”

  “It broke,” Rebecca cried.

  Evelyn stroked her back. “It’s all right.” Her gaze went to Kyle. “What were you thinking?” she asked, her voice soft, but somehow condemning.

  Radford saw the regret in his brother’s eyes as Kyle looked at Rebecca. “I guess I wasn’t.” He pushed back his chair and stood. “Looks like I’d better learn before we have our own.” Kyle patted Rebecca’s shoulder then reached down to pick up the pieces of glass.

  William flapped a hand at him. “Leave that. She’ll be over this before you boys cross the yard. Now get goin’ or you won’t get anything done tonight.”

  Radford would have rather stayed and comforted his daughter, but William’s steady gaze told him Evelyn’s arms could do the job. Though his conscience lingered behind in the kitchen with his little girl, Radford followed Kyle outside and across the apple orchard.

  “Sorry,” Kyle said, keeping pace with Radford. “I feel like a fool.”

  “I know the feeling. Rebecca suffers my poor judgment all the time,” Radford said. “If she’s survived my mistakes, she’ll survive yours.”

  “I wasn’t just talking just about Rebecca.”

  “I know.” Radford swung an arm around Kyle’s shoulder and gave him a fond shake. “Forget it.” A fresh breeze lifted Radford’s hair off his forehead and he suddenly welcomed the few hours of freedom. “Let’s drag our little brothers out of the house.”

  Duke and Boyd were lounging in the parlor when Radford and Kyle hauled them from the sofa. They walked four abreast down Liberty Street, talking and bumping shoulders. Their feet struck up a rhythm on the hard-packed earth as they unwittingly matched their strides, their long legs stretching out in front of them as they walked a few hundred yards beyond the sawmill.

  “We just finished framing it up last night,” Kyle said, heading into the field beside the sawmill where the ribs of his house stood like a skeleton in the grass. He pointed to a spot in the northeast corner of the house. “The parlor will be there, the kitchen beside it, and the main bedroom in the back. There’ll be more upstairs, but I’ll finish them off after we move in. I want to get the house up so I can concentrate on expanding the mill,” Kyle said. “If we add another saw, it should increase our output by another twenty thousand feet a day.”

  Boyd glanced at the mill with a critical eye. “I suppose we could manage if Radford runs the new saw.”

  “He’ll be managing the livery.”

  “Radford should be sawing timber, not shoveling horse dung.”

  “I’ll run the mill myself, Boyd!”

  Kyle’s sudden irascibility surprised Radford—and made him angry. He was staying away to put Kyle at ease, to give him time to accept his presence again, but it appeared nothing was changing. Kyle was still possessive and territorial. A flash of irritation prodded Radford to defend his position, to have it out with Kyle and let the pieces fall where they may, but one glance at the mill made the words die in his mouth. The vast business was created with Kyle’s sweat. Not his.

  “You’re going to have a bride to think about, Kyle. You won’t have time to work around the clock once you’re married,” Boyd said. “If you think otherwise, I can’t wait to see how miserable your new wife can make you.”

  A slow, reluctant smile appeared on Kyle’s face. He took off his dusty hat and smacked Boyd on the shoulder. “You’re a pain, but you’re right.”

  Boyd grinned. “Of course I’m right.”

  With a grudging laugh, Kyle propped his boot on a large rock. “Think we can roll this monster away from the house?”

  His eyes were filled with mischievous challenge and so reminiscent of the old Kyle that Radford felt an acute pang of melancholy. There were many times during their youth when the four of them would combine their strength to achieve tasks they couldn’t accomplish individually. In the deepest part of Radford’s wounded soul, he missed the uncomplicated comradery they had all shared in those days.

  Taking up the challenge, the four of them squatted next to the rock, digging their fingers beneath the lowest possible crag until they each signaled their readiness by a nod of the head. Radford counted off three measured beats then gave the command to lift. Heads dropped and shoulders hunched. Necks corded and muscles strained.

  Radford glanced at the reddened faces of his brothers, and in that moment, the importance of moving the rock, of succeeding together became a symbol of belonging for him. The stone dug into his shoulder and he felt his forearms scrape across the gritty sides as the pressure built in his chest. Slowly, slowly, he felt the rock leave the sucking, wet earth. With a loud growl they bowled it over until it rolled like a listing ship. For good measure they gave it one more shove until the dirt-covered bottom faced the sky. Hoots of triumph abounded as they gasped for breath.

  Boyd sat on top of the filthy rock and hung his head. “Why didn’t we just hitch up a horse?”

  Radford squeezed Boyd’s shoulder. “You’re missing the point. We didn’t need a horse because we had each other.” With their combined strength, the four of them had been able to move the boulder, but more importantly, his brothers couldn’t have done it without Radford’s help. In those few moments they had needed him.

  Boyd slapped his hands to his thighs and stood. “It’s too late to do any work tonight. Let’s go to the Pemberton. Kyle’s buying.”

  “Like hell,” Kyle said. “Duke and I bought last time. You can put your money on the bar for a change.”

  Boyd caught Radford around the neck and pulled him along behind Kyle. “I think it’s your turn, Radford.”

  Two loud snorts came from Duke and Kyle, making Radford laugh. Their youngest brother was a clever rascal wit
h a manipulative side, but Radford couldn’t have loved Boyd more than he did in that moment. Boyd’s ability to charm anyone who crossed his path was a talent. His ability to make Radford laugh was a welcome gift.

  Chapter Ten

  Patrick Lyons thumped four foaming mugs on the bar in front of Radford and his brothers. Boyd caught his wrist. “Let’s go a round, Pat. I win, you buy this round.”

  Pat grinned and planted his elbow on the bar, but Duke yanked Boyd back by the collar. He dragged him to the empty stools at the far end of the bar. “I came to drink tonight, not break up a brawl because you idiots overturned some unsuspecting patron.”

  Kyle smirked at Radford. “This ought to be good for a free round. Maybe you should try Patrick next. You beat him good a few years ago.”

  “No, thanks,” Radford said. “I’ve been in enough battles without adding arm-wrestling.”

  “The war was a long time ago.”

  Radford rotated the bottom of his mug on the oak top of the bar, watching the golden liquid swirl up the sides. He gestured down the bar where Boyd was giving his victory whoop. “Every time I look at Boyd, I see Dad. He loved tipping with William and cutting up like Boyd is doing.”

  Kyle nodded in agreement. “One minute he’s got me splitting my sides over some dumb stunt he’s pulled, and in the next second I want to pound him for being such a pain.” Kyle shook his head and laughed. “Actually, he’s just like Dad in that way.”

  “Yeah. Kind of tough to see it so clearly tonight without getting dragged down.” Radford turned to Kyle with a melancholy smile. “Guess I’d just like to enjoy a beer without a head full of restless memories.”

  Kyle nodded as though he understood, but silence stretched between them for several uncomfortable minutes before he spoke. “Is it because you can’t stand the memories? Is that why you left after Dad’s funeral?”

  Radford shrugged. “I left for so many reasons I’m not sure I could list them all.”

  “I’ve always wondered if it was because of me.”

  Radford’s eyebrows went up. “You?”

  Kyle nodded. “Seems like I was always giving you grief. I was jealous that you were fighting for an honorable cause, earning respect, and making Dad so proud all he could talk about was you. I was angry that he wouldn’t let me go with you.”

  Surprise rushed through Radford. “Why? You should be counting your blessings that you didn’t. I wouldn’t want to do it again.”

  “You were excited enough when you left for Syracuse to volunteer with William. What happened? I’ve always wanted to ask, but you close up when the war is mentioned.”

  Radford took a long drink from his mug then placed it on the counter. “You ever killed a man?” he asked quietly.

  Kyle’s brows shot up. “No.”

  “Well, it’s the worst feeling you could ever experience. It doesn’t sound bad saying the word, but it’s sickening to hear a man scream and watch your bayonet sink into his chest while he stares at you in disbelief. It was the eyes that haunted me most. The way they’d drain of life and glaze over right there in front of me is something I’ll never forget.” He paused then looked at Kyle. “I did that to men.”

  “Gosh, Radford…I just…never mind.”

  “I puked the first time I did it.”

  Kyle caught Radford’s wrist and squeezed it. “I shouldn’t have asked. I’m sorry.”

  But Radford barely heard him. He was seeing the bloody faces of his friends, hearing the shots and screams, smelling the acrid smoke. And he was running through the trees...

  “Radford?”

  He jerked, his mind crashing back to the present as he ducked Kyle’s concerned stare. Radford scraped his wet palms across his trouser legs, reminding himself it was sweat and not blood he was rubbing off. “I think I’d like another ale.”

  “I think two would be better.” Kyle flagged Patrick over with the drinks and shoved two of them in front of Radford.

  Radford downed the first one, picked up the second and brought it to his lips. It hovered there a moment before he returned it, untouched, to the bar. “I could use a lighter conversation if you don’t mind.”

  “Actually, I’d appreciate it, too.”

  The silence stretched until Radford found himself groping for a topic. “So is Evelyn excited about the house?” he asked, speaking the first thought to enter his head. As usual, she was foremost in his mind, but he hoped Kyle hadn’t noticed.

  “Hard to tell. She’s worried about being away from William. We’ve asked him to live with us, but he’s determined to stay in his own house. If he does, it’ll be difficult for Evelyn to care for him after we’re married, which is why I want her out of the livery. It won’t be long before she’s got her hands full with William and a baby.”

  Radford took a long drink from his mug to cool the burning sensation that started creeping up from his stomach. Of course she’d be having Kyle’s baby. She’d be his wife.

  “Are you sure you’re all right?” Kyle asked.

  He finished his drink and banged the mug back on the bar. “I need another ale.”

  “I’m ready, too.” Kyle raised his mug and signaled for the bartender to bring another round. “I haven’t thanked you yet for running the livery for me, but I do appreciate it, Radford. If not for you, I would have suggested that William sell it.”

  “Evelyn would have shot you.”

  Kyle laughed. “She’d have been upset, but she would have forgotten about it once she had a baby to keep her busy.”

  Evelyn loved the livery. She needed to be there with her horses, whether she had ten kids or none at all. Marriage had no bearing on her dedication to her father or her business, and it baffled Radford that Kyle didn’t understand that. The Evelyn he knew would find a way to have a family and the livery. In fact, he’d wager his share of the mill on it.

  Hours later Radford climbed the porch steps, which was usually an easy thing to do, but tonight his feet refused to cooperate without considerable thought as to their proper function. By the time he managed the top step, he needed to brace himself against a pillar to keep from crashing through the front door.

  It wasn’t that he was intoxicated, really. His thinking was clear enough. It was just those feet of his that had suddenly developed a mind of their own. In fact, he was quite proud of himself. Any attraction he had felt for Evelyn had vanished into the white foam of his mug. The more he drank, the less often his mind wandered back to her, so he drank enough to chase her thoroughly from his thoughts like any good brother would do.

  Kyle deserved his allegiance, especially since he was such a good drinking partner. Radford chuckled, remembering how Duke and Boyd staggered from the bar in defeat and he and Kyle had taunted them for being too young to hold their barley. But Kyle’s pathetic attempts to mount his horse had Radford gasping with hilarity and stumbling along the boardwalk like an idiot. Those burly arms of Patrick’s had come in handy after all. Too bad he wasn’t here to open the door.

  It was playing tricks on him; moving left then right then left. Radford straightened, took a fortifying breath, and eyed the screen door. He watched a moment, timing its movements then lunged for the knob. His hand hit the wood frame with a resounding crack and slid upward offering him no cushion as his side slammed into the steel handle.

  He yelped and staggered back. Pain spread through his side and he saw a lovely vision of an angel in a thin white gown with gorgeous black hair flowing past her hips. The door handle must have punctured his side and killed him! Radford gripped his ribs, waiting to hit the porch floor, but before he had a chance to keel over, the angel clutched his arm.

  That’s when he realized it was Evelyn, and that she was standing before him in her nightclothes. Jarred from his stupor, he knew he was in no condition to resist temptation tonight.

  “Are you all right?” she asked, her soft voice filled with concern.

  Radford didn’t want her concern. He wanted her to go back inside th
e house and lock the door. His thinking was too scrambled from alcohol to talk with her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He’d just play drunk. He was drunk, so if he acted despicable enough, or just plain crazy, maybe she’d go back in the house and leave him alone.

  “What are you doing?” Evelyn asked, wondering why Radford was stumbling around on the porch. She had heard him when he first climbed the steps then listened for him to come inside. But after several minutes of his thumping, she decided she’d better see if he needed help, which he obviously did.

  He squinted at her then blinked twice with great exaggeration, listing far left then tottering back to center.

  “Radford, what have your brothers done to you?”

  “It wasn’t their fault,” he said belligerently.

  Her laughter seemed to annoy him because he gave her an adorable frown. Even his lip curled a bit. Oh, he was delightful like this. Heaven forbid anyone should be traveling by at this time of night and see her on the porch in her nightrail, because she wasn’t about to go inside. This was a side of Radford that her curiosity wouldn’t let her leave unexplored.

  He glared at her. “You can afford to laugh. You’re an angel, but I... well, I’m no good.”

  There was something in his confession that tripped Evelyn’s heart. Whether he was drunk or not, there was pain in his voice and she wondered what caused it. Maybe now that he’d dropped his guard, she could discover what he kept hidden behind those golden eyes of his. Her conscience hollered No fair, but she turned a deaf ear.

  “Evelyn is an angel,” he continued. “Her eyes are deep green...and her hair...” He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes. He spoke slowly and so softly that Evelyn had to move closer to hear him. “Her hair is the color of midnight in February. It’s the kind of hair that makes a man want to feel it on his face.” He cupped his hands as though he was holding something precious and fragile and slowly smoothed his palms across his cheeks. “I like her hair,” he whispered, and Evelyn felt the caress as surely as if he’d touched her.