Twice Loved

by Wendy Lindstrom

  Her heart jumped and her neck tingled and she thought of touching his face, just once. Just to see what his stubbled chin felt like. But she clutched her hands behind her back instead.

  Radford opened his eyes. “Go to bed, Evelyn.”

  She was silent a minute, studying him. “You need help getting inside,” she said. But when she reached for him, he swept his arms around her.

  His lips covered her own.

  Shocked, she stood stunned and…swooning while he kissed her.

  Grasping at her sanity, she pushed from Radford’s arms and rushed inside.

  Chapter Eleven

  The instant Radford saw daylight, he slammed his eyes shut and pressed his fists to his temples. Slowly, he sat forward, shaking, sweating, reeling; pierced by the hurtful morning light, the crashing headache, the rebelling stomach.

  Fragments of the past evening flashed through his mind. He saw the bottom of a glass, over and over, his brothers laughing and ordering drinks...and then he remembered kissing Evelyn.

  He’d betrayed Kyle.

  Convulsed with nausea, Radford hunched over, elbows to knees, face in hands, peering blearily through his splayed fingers as he fought back the urge to vomit. A small, pearlescent type object glowed up at him from beside the chair leg, but he was forced to wait until his stomach settled before reaching down to pick it up. It was a button from Evelyn’s gown.

  If only he hadn’t started that idiotic playacting. After all the alcohol he’d consumed last night, he’d been in no condition to think rationally. The alcohol had removed the filter between his brain and his mouth and he’d said things to Evelyn that should never have left his lips. Radford pinched the bridge of his nose. He’d talked about her eyes, and said he loved her hair. What a fool. The instant Evelyn stepped onto the porch, he should have gone to the livery instead of acting like an inebriated idiot.

  He should have never let Kyle talk him into getting corned to his eyebrows.

  The only compassionate way he could now handle the incident would be to let Evelyn think he didn’t remember it.

  Radford tucked the button into his pocket and scooted to the edge of the chair. With a hard push, he reached a standing position out of dire necessity and sheer determination. Though his legs were uncooperative, they were functional enough to carry him to the outhouse, which seemed an ungodly distance away. A long, long time later, he entered the livery where Evelyn was forking hay to Gus. “If there is a gun out here, please shoot me.”

  Evelyn started at the sound of Radford’s voice, dreading the accusation she knew she’d see in his eyes. When she dared to turn around, Radford gave her a wobbly smile and braced himself against a stall while guarding his stomach with his free hand.

  “I’d wager your brothers are in the same condition,” she commented, not knowing how to begin to apologize for her unforgivable behavior.

  Radford sagged against the stall. “I hope so.”

  He was so pathetic it deepened her shame. By his condition this morning, Radford had definitely been too inebriated last night to know what he’d been doing. Evelyn was to blame. “I’m sorry about last night,” she said, having no idea how else to begin to apologize, but knowing she must. “I accept the blame for everything.” And she did. Never had she thought to have such an encounter with him. Or any man for that matter. At least Radford had the excuse of being intoxicated. She had none, other than her maidenly curiosity.

  Radford’s expression changed from pained to confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, and frankly, I feel too wretched to care about anything. You could shoot me and I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

  He was serious! Evelyn could see it in his eyes. He really didn’t remember. Joy filled her. Radford wouldn’t be plagued with guilt and, well, she would just have to find a way to live with her shame. After all, it would never, ever happen again. If he didn’t remember then she was certainly not going to divulge their sinful interlude and put the weight of guilt on his shoulders.

  “I was apologizing for leaving you on the porch all night,” she said, scrambling for any excuse suitable to an apology. “I should have helped you to bed.”

  “Well, you might have to help me now.” He leaned his head against a post. “I think I need to sit down.”

  Evelyn put the hay fork aside. When she reached for his arm, Radford lifted his hand to stop her. “I was kidding, Evelyn, but thank you just the same. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He turned and slogged out of the livery, boot heels dragging.

  The instant he was gone, Evelyn rushed to Gus and stroked his forelock. Amidst profuse blushing, a slow smile started in the corners of Evelyn’s mouth and blossomed to fullness. Despite the awful thing she had allowed to happen, she suddenly realized that Radford had done her an enormous favor.

  He had taught her how to kiss.

  Now that she knew how, she would be able to please Kyle and perhaps they would find their missing bond. What a wonderful, uplifting thought! If she could please Kyle, maybe he would become a little less driven and a little more romantic. They could share their feelings like they used to do. Then she was certain they would fall in love.

  Her burden lifting, Evelyn giggled and kissed the stallion on the nose. He snorted and shifted back in his stall. “You wait, Gus. I’m going to surprise that fiancé of mine, just see if I don’t.”

  Later that morning, Evelyn entered the stuffy church and followed Kyle and Radford down the aisle. They were going to bring Helen home to play with Rebecca after church.

  Everything was quiet except for an occasional cough and the rustle of dresses and books opening as Pastor Ainslie began service. Evelyn sat on the overcrowded bench, her shoulders wedged between Kyle’s and Radford’s. Their lolling legs were hard and warm as they pressed against hers, but Evelyn kept her face averted, unable to look at either man without feeling guilty. Drawing her knees and elbows toward her body, she tried to avoid their touch, but to her dismay, both men adjusted themselves more comfortably against her.

  Being enveloped in the warmth of wide, solid shoulders, hard legs, and the scent of aftershave set her pulse racing.

  Suddenly, both Radford and Kyle clasped her hands. Evelyn jumped then ducked her head as she struggled to remember the words to the first prayer her mother ever taught her. Kyle’s wide, rough, lumberman’s hand contrasted with Radford’s callused palm and long fingers. Evelyn knew she’d feel those hands linked with hers for the rest of the day, but it was the urge to curl her fingers around Radford’s hand that made her face burn with shame.

  The instant the service ended, she rushed from the church and bumped into Amelia Drake.

  “Did you find the sermon that bad?” Amelia asked.

  Evelyn pressed a hand to her chest and whispered to her friend. “I had to get out of there. I couldn’t breathe.”

  Amelia’s eyes twinkled. “Pastor Ainslie does go on, doesn’t he?”

  Evelyn laughed and nodded her agreement, keeping one eye on her father while he approached with a limping gait.

  He stopped beside them, hooked his arm around Evelyn’s waist, and winked at Amelia. “You two are lovely this morning.”

  Knowing she looked frazzled, Evelyn glanced at Amelia’s warm smile and prim but attractive dress, and agreed with her father. Amelia always looked lovely. Suddenly, Evelyn felt as if she had returned to her school days when she used to hide in her baggy dresses like a turtle in its shell, shying away from attention, watching how the boys responded to Amelia’s beauty.

  “I didn’t see your pa this morning,” Kyle said to Amelia as he and Radford joined their group. “Is he out of town again?”

  “He’s right over there with Mama and Agatha Brown.” Amelia gestured across the yard to where Tom Drake stood talking in the middle of a small cluster of people. “He’d love to see all of you,” she said, issuing a warm invitation for them to join her family.

  “Thanks, Amelia, but I have to go to the mill with Duke. Give your pa my re
gards, though,” Kyle said then turned to Evelyn. “I’ve got to go. I’ll see you at supper.”

  Radford caught Evelyn’s eye. “It looks like Tom and Martha are leaving, too. We’d better go get Helen.”

  William offered Amelia his arm. “That means I get you all to myself for a few minutes.”

  “We’ll try to come rescue you before Papa proposes,” Evelyn said, sharing a smile with Amelia before she turned and crossed the yard with Radford and Rebecca.

  Throughout the morning, Evelyn watched the girls while she cut vegetables for stew. Rebecca studied Helen with a mixture of curiosity and wonder, but she didn’t shy away.

  Knowing the girls wouldn’t take time for more than a bite of lunch, Evelyn sliced bread and spread it with jam, but before she could set their plates on the table, Rebecca followed Helen outside. Curious, Evelyn moved to the window and saw them spread Rebecca’s blanket in the backyard. It was obviously Helen’s suggestion by the way Rebecca kept to her small corner, but it gave Evelyn an idea.

  She placed their bread and two small glasses of milk on a tray and carried it out to them. “How about a picnic today?” She bent over and set the tray between them.

  Evelyn would have left them alone then, but she saw Rebecca move so far back that only her knees remained on the blanket. That small, voiceless gesture changed her mind.

  Evelyn knelt on one corner. “Mind if I have a taste?”

  Helen picked up a slice of the strawberry-covered bread. She tore a piece and handed it to Evelyn then did the same for Rebecca. Helen gobbled the rest of her bread in one bite, looking like a little frog while she chomped away. When she finished, she stuck sticky fingers in her mouth and sucked them, flopping her head from side to side. Her braids flew wildly around her head and made Rebecca giggle. “It’s good!”

  Rebecca smiled then dropped her chin and rounded her shoulders as if to draw away from the attention.

  Evelyn reached over with two fingers and tickled Rebecca’s side. “What’s a matter? Don’t you like my jam?”

  Rebecca squeaked and squirmed away.

  “I do,” Helen piped in with her mouth full.

  “I can see that.” Evelyn swiped a blob of jam off Helen’s cheek. “You’re a mess, Missy Fisk.”

  The silly name made Rebecca giggle and she clapped her hands over her mouth, completely forgetting the jellied bread she held. The entire hunk stuck to her lips and nose, sending Helen into peals of laughter. After the initial surprise Rebecca began to giggle. Suddenly, it seemed she couldn’t contain the laughter that burbled from her throat. To Evelyn’s surprise, Rebecca mimicked Helen, flopping her head and sending a riot of curls springing wildly around her shoulders.

  And that is how Radford found them. A beautiful young woman sharing a torn blanket with two silly, noisy little girls on a warm Sunday afternoon. His own daughter was almost unrecognizable in her unreserved playfulness. Evelyn with her long hair shining in the sun, her laughter floating joyfully across the lawn, wiped the jam off Rebecca’s smiling face.

  This is how it should be, he thought. Sunday picnics in the backyard, his daughter playing with other children, himself eagerly awaiting the evening when he could relax with people he cared about instead of bunking with grumbling coworkers.

  “We’re having a picnic,” Rebecca yelled when she spotted him. She ran across the yard and grabbed his hand, dragging him toward the blanket while he followed along in astonishment.

  Rebecca never ran!

  They reached the others and she pulled on his hand, begging him to sit. Radford dutifully knelt on the blanket, his arm resting on his bent knee. His gaze collided with Evelyn’s pleasure-filled eyes. She was amazing. She had given Rebecca something that he thought forever impossible.

  Though his stomach was still averse to the thought of food, Rebecca was already handing him a sorry-looking slice of bread that he didn’t have the heart to refuse. He captured her hand. “Maybe I’ll have a nibble.” He dipped his head and nipped the tip of her finger. Her eyes widened and she squeaked, yanking her hand to her belly. Radford laughed at her reaction. “Do you think I’m a monster who’s going to gobble you up?”

  “Are you a monster?” Helen asked in awe.

  He fought back a laugh and made his scariest monster face. “Maybe I am,” he said in a horribly scratchy voice.

  Helen screamed and scrambled from the blanket. Rebecca giggled and raced after her friend. They hid behind the nearest tree, taking turns peeking around the trunk, Rebecca’s laughing face appearing every few seconds.

  Radford stared after her, realizing he was seeing the real essence of his daughter for the first time. Rebecca was not the fragile child he’d believed her to be. She was a curious, healthy little girl. Evelyn had seen that from the beginning.

  Something in the way Evelyn sat there, her face bathed in sunshine, so charming in her laughter, so naturally generous, made him achingly aware of her as a woman. He was infinitely more comfortable with the Evelyn who shoveled stalls and ended up as dirty as he at day’s end.

  Getting to his feet, he watched the girls wander off toward the swing and decided it would be a good idea to see if Kyle wanted to work on his house. “I guess monsters aren’t welcome at picnics. Sorry if I ruined it.”

  A soft smile crept across her lips and the green in her eyes seemed to darken. “You didn’t, Radford,” she said quietly. “The girls loved your teasing, and I like having you around.”

  An indescribable warmth radiated from her. He saw it in the way she treated Rebecca and tended her horses, and in her eyes when she smiled, her voice when she laughed. It drew him like cold hands are drawn to a warm fire.

  She shook the crumbs from Rebecca’s blanket then stood and gathered everything in her arms. “I need to check my stew.”

  Radford watched her walk to the house, back straight, striding confidently, no excessive swaying of her skirts. She was as individual in her walk as she was in her manner. No posturing, no overt displays of womanly charms, no aversion to dirt and hard work. There was nothing fancy about her, yet she was utterly attractive. And Radford wished she wasn’t promised to his brother.

  Chapter Twelve

  Evelyn rushed through dinner then pulled a chair beside the sink so Rebecca could rinse the dishes. It would slow her down, but she didn’t have the heart to ignore Rebecca’s hope-filled eyes. It was as if Rebecca saw each little chore that Evelyn let her help with as a special privilege.

  But Evelyn wanted to get Kyle outside so she could kiss him! She’d been building her courage for two days and was finally ready to test her kissing skills. Excitement mixed with apprehension when she looked at Kyle, but he was oblivious to her nerves as he talked with her father.

  “Look at you, sprite,” Radford said, joining Evelyn and Rebecca at the sink. “Your belly’s all wet. You look like you’ve been swimming in that tub instead of rinsing dishes.” He leaned over her and swished his hand through the water. “Any fish in here?”

  Rebecca laughed and grabbed his arm. He shook it around as though he’d caught one. “Look out. Here he comes!” He raised his hand and flicked his fingers at her, sprinkling her cheeks with fat droplets of water that made her squeal. He put a hand to her back to steady her. “Careful. You’ll fall on your head.”

  Evelyn couldn’t help but watch. Their horseplay reminded her of times with her own father and she looked to the table where he sat wearing a contented smile on his face. Her gaze drifted to Kyle and her breath caught. His eyes held such a wistful, pained look, Evelyn would have given her new stallion to know what he was thinking.

  When Radford picked up the dishtowel and dried a bowl, Evelyn gaped in surprise. “What are you doing?”

  “Helping. It’s been a long day for all of us.”

  It had, but never would she expect his help in the kitchen and it shocked her that he would do it in front of Kyle and her father. She glanced at them, but they seemed amused and not about to comment. Radford dried and Rebecca bab
bled, splashing in the water and piling plates right side up so Radford had to dump the water off before he could towel them dry.

  “Hey, sprite, where’d you hide all the forks?” Radford asked. He went to the table and peeked beneath it as if he’d find them there.

  Rebecca laughed and pointed to the stove. “Over there.”

  He went to the stove and checked in the oven. “Can’t see any forks in here.”

  “Right there,” she said, again pointing at the stove, but Radford pointed toward the door and widened his eyes in mock horror.

  “Don’t tell me you took them out to the horses!”

  Rebecca burst into a fit of giggles and teetered on the chair. Evelyn grabbed her as Radford shot across the kitchen. He scooped Rebecca into his arms and trapped Evelyn’s hand between Rebecca and his chest. The unexpected contact jolted Evelyn and their gazes collided.

  “Good catch,” he said, his smile fading.

  The fierce pounding of his chest warned her to pull her arm free and she stepped away from him.

  Kyle shoved his chair back from the table and stood. “I’ve got to get over to the house. You coming, Radford?”

  “Of course,” he said, setting Rebecca on her feet.

  “Good, because I’d like to hear if you have a plan to increase the livery business.”

  Evelyn caught Radford’s startled expression before he followed Kyle outside. Of course Radford had a plan. Where did Kyle think their new business was coming from?

  Annoyed by Kyle’s arrogance and his need to rush off before she could test her new kissing abilities, Evelyn finished the dishes in an agitated state of mind. Afterward, she tried to help her father to the porch, but he argued and fussed at her until she let him manage it himself. He’d even snapped at her before dinner, claiming he could make his own way to the table. With a sigh of resignation, Evelyn sat on the porch with him, letting her eyes drift closed while her father spent the evening spinning silly tales that made Rebecca giggle.