Twice Loved

by Wendy Lindstrom

  “Are you behind at the mill then? Is that why Radford has been spending so much time with you this past week?”

  Kyle didn’t move away, but he hooked his hand over the pommel of his saddle. “I couldn’t tell you. Has it been slow in the livery?”

  “We’ve been swamped. Radford just pushes hard to get through the chores then makes sure I’ll keep Rebecca before he heads to the mill. I thought you needed the help.”

  Kyle didn’t comment, which was fine with Evelyn. She didn’t want to talk about the house or the mill or the man who had her emotions in a coil. She wanted to connect with her intended. Now.

  She smiled up at her handsome fiancé, enjoying the surprise she saw in his eyes. Maybe she needed to act bolder with him, to make him realize she was more than the girl he grew up with. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block thoughts of Radford as she placed a sweet kiss on Kyle’s mouth.

  He froze as if startled by her boldness.

  What had Radford done to her? Why couldn’t she feel the same joyful emotion in Kyle’s arms?

  Kyle’s hands shook as he set her away from him. “That was…unexpected.”

  “And shamefully forward. I’m sorry, Kyle.” And she was sorry. She’d wanted to shake Kyle out of his rigid business demeanor and show him the woman he was going to marry.

  But she’d only shown herself a heartbreaking lack in their relationship.

  As soon as Kyle left, Evelyn hurried upstairs to the balcony off her bedroom. She hid in the shadows with her back pressed against the wall, wondering if there was still a chance she could create more romance and connection in her relationship with Kyle.

  An easy breeze fluttered across her cheeks. The scent of cigar wafted past, and she glanced toward Radford’s bedroom door. It was open and he was sitting on the balcony, cast in the soft golden glow of his bedroom lantern. She could see the smoldering orange tip of Radford’s cheroot and his booted feet resting on the railing.

  Never had she felt more forlorn and vulnerable than she did at this moment, but she pressed her shoulders to the wooden slats and willed herself to stay away from him. The urge to run to him was painfully strong.

  But Radford was sober tonight.

  Suddenly, she wondered how long he had been sitting on the balcony. Her gaze swung to the driveway below where moments before she had made a fool of herself with Kyle. Radford had likely witnessed her pathetic behavior. Mortified, she whirled toward the door of her bedroom planning to hide inside.

  “Evelyn?”

  She halted with her hand on the door handle.

  “What do you suppose attracts people to each other?” he asked lazily, as if the answer was no more important than whether Evelyn thought it might rain tomorrow.

  It was laughable that he would even ask her such a question. Evelyn would have given in to the urge had she not felt so embarrassed and disheartened.

  “I think it’s deeper than physical attraction, don’t you?”

  She didn’t answer.

  “It’s the resonance of a laugh that can belong to only one person, the emotion they show when they touch something, the things a person says with their body and eyes. That’s what I think attraction is made of.”

  “I wouldn’t know, Radford,” she said, just wanting to hide in her bedroom.

  “Of course you do. What draws you to Kyle?”

  “You want me to tell you?” she asked, in amazement, turning to face him.

  “I didn’t think you’d mind the question.”

  She did, but if she didn’t answer, he would know she was embarrassed that he saw her kissing Kyle. “I admire Kyle. He’s strong and dependable and has made himself into a respected businessman.”

  “I’m talking about wanting someone, Evelyn.” Radford’s feet hit the floor and his knees swung in her direction. “You know that feeling deep in your gut that nags and pushes you to do things you shouldn’t do?”

  Evelyn’s gaze flew to his gray silhouette and her heart hammered her ribs.

  “Come here, Tomboy,” he said quietly. “Over here where I can see your face.”

  The caress in Radford’s voice beckoned and her traitorous legs moved forward, trembling with each step.

  “Closer. I want to see your eyes.” When she neared him, Radford stood up and faced her. “I know what happened the night I came home after drinking too much with Kyle. I should have never kissed you.”

  The breath left her body in such a rush that she thought she might fall. She flattened a palm against her stomach. “You remember?”

  “I couldn’t forget something that beautiful unless I was dead. And you were beautiful, Evelyn. If things were different...”

  Expelling a sigh of resignation, Radford moved away from Evelyn, away from temptation, and leaning his palms on the railing so he wasn’t tempted to reach out to her. His gaze settled on the livery where he and Evelyn had been building a future together, albeit for different purposes. Somehow it made sense to combine their intentions toward one common goal.

  He turned back. “I was a cad to take advantage of you like that.”

  “It was my fault,” she said, dropping her gaze to her clasped hands. She kept her face lowered, remaining silent in her obvious embarrassment.

  “You did nothing wrong. I forced that situation the other night.”

  “No you didn’t. My curiosity caused the problem. I wanted to kiss you to see if it was the same as kissing Kyle.” She backed away, an expression of hopelessness marring her face. “You did something to me.”

  “I know what I did.” He easily recalled how happy he’d felt in that brief moment of kissing her. Still, it was the deeper current of emotion that drew him to Evelyn, and for the first time in his life, Radford found himself falling in love. Evelyn had resurrected a part of him that had been dead for many years. She gave his daughter happiness and him a reason to look forward to his future rather than flounder in his past. She gave him friendship and the strength to face himself.

  “I wanted to know,” she said, her tormented gaze locked with his. “Now, I wish I didn’t.” She spun away and raced to her room, closing the door quietly behind her as Radford stared in confusion.

  What did that mean? What did she finally know? That he had to grip the railing and battle the beast inside himself when he saw her kissing Kyle?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Radford approached the partially walled-in frame of Kyle’s house with mounting anxiety, hoping Kyle was alone. They needed to talk. Radford couldn’t continue to battle his attraction to Evelyn while sharing the same house and working beside her each day. He needed to get away from her, to get back to the mill where he should have been all along. The livery was doing well enough now that Kyle could hire someone else to help out.

  Propping his saw against the wall, Radford dropped his sack of nails beside it. Voices from the other side were raised in argument and Radford sighed in frustration. The fact that Kyle’s defenses were already up didn’t bode well, but Radford wasn’t going to back down this time. He couldn’t afford it.

  Neither could Kyle.

  “How can you say that, Kyle?” The anger in Boyd’s voice echoed clear outside and made Radford pause, his senses alert.

  “Because it’s true. He’s at the mill every time I turn around. Just because he’s home doesn’t give him the right to something we’ve busted our backs over.”

  “The fact that he’s our brother gives him the right.” Duke’s voice sent a cold sense of dread down Radford’s spine. This wasn’t just another bickering match between Kyle and Boyd.

  “Where was Radford when Dad died and the three of us lived at the mill just to keep it going? He was off rubbing elbows with railroad barons and bedding a ballerina while we were stuck here sweating blood. I can’t believe you two can just forget that.”

  “Well, I can’t believe you would forget it was his money that bought the new mill,” Boyd argued.

  Radford sagged against the building.

&n
bsp; “It was Mother’s money.”

  “That Radford sent to her every month,” Boyd finished.

  Radford heard the enormous sigh clear outside before Duke spoke. “Kyle, you’ve got to get the chip off your shoulder. Radford did what he had to do.”

  “So did I. We’ve all had problems, but we didn’t run off.”

  “Kyle!” Boyd’s booming voice bounced off the wall. “The man went through a wretched war and he’s experienced things I can’t even imagine surviving! Do you have any understanding in that thick head of yours how he suffered, what it did to him?”

  “Did he care what we went through when he left!” Kyle shouted back. “Dad said we could depend on him, but we found out otherwise, didn’t we?”

  Radford stood outside alone, hearing firsthand the pain he’d caused his family by running away.

  “We were here for him, but he wouldn’t even talk to us.”

  “He couldn’t, Kyle,” Duke said.

  “Why not?” Something hard struck the wall. “Why couldn’t he have stayed and helped?”

  Unwilling to let Duke and Boyd fight his battles for him, Radford stepped into the doorway. “Because I couldn’t stand myself.”

  Three shocked men swung guilty looks in his direction. Only the drone of the wind broke the silence as they faced each other. Radford had considered taking the cowardly way out and leaving before they knew he’d overheard them, but he’d made promises to Rebecca as well as himself and he was through running.

  Boyd glared at Kyle. “I ought to knock some sense into you.”

  It didn’t surprise Radford that Duke automatically stepped between them. He had always been the peacekeeper, but Radford waved him back. “No, Duke. Let it alone.” He turned to Kyle. “From what I’ve heard, you’re the one who’s upset with my being home.”

  Kyle’s jaw stiffened and he didn’t answer.

  Radford ignored the silent challenge, determined to set the record straight here and now. “I’ll say this as clearly as possible to all of you. I didn’t come home to disrupt what you’ve accomplished, or to take control of the mill.”

  “Then why have you insisted on working with us when I told you we didn’t need the help?” Kyle asked.

  “Because I felt I owed you something. I didn’t think a strong back and another set of hands would be a problem.”

  “It wouldn’t if I knew your purpose for lending them.”

  “My purpose?” Radford gave a disbelieving laugh. “My purpose was to spend some time with my brothers. I have no other motives.”

  “You don’t need any when you’re the oldest son,” Kyle said. “Dad left the business to all of us, but he made sure we knew who was in charge if you ever came home. The whole time you were gone we busted our backs so we could eat, yet it was always with the knowledge that you could just sashay in and grab the reins any time you wished. You have no idea how hard we’ve worked for this.”

  “Your efforts are obvious. I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished. I wish I could claim as much.”

  Kyle snorted. “You can. You can claim anything you want when it comes to the mill.”

  In that moment, Radford finally understood. He would lose Kyle if he pushed his way back in. The thought of giving up the only bond he had left with his father destroyed Radford, but there was no other choice. The mill had offered him the chance to be with his brothers and work toward a secure future. But too much time had passed to resurrect an old dream. His father was dead, and Radford wasn’t willing to lose what he had left of his family.

  His knees weakened and he placed a hand against a door stud to steady himself. “I can’t blame a man for looking out for his own interest, Kyle. I’m sorry I caused problems between you three. I think it’s best if I forfeit my share of the mill.”

  Boyd threw up his hands and glared at Kyle. “You are unbelievable!” His feet thundered across the floor as he approached Radford. “Whether you’ve been here or not, you’re entitled to this business. Dad left it to the four of us. Not just Kyle.”

  “I don’t want it,” Radford said quietly, the lie wrenching his gut. He felt as if someone had just stolen his boyhood—that one time in his life when he had been truly happy.

  “Just because Kyle can’t see past his own ambition is no reason for you to give up the mill. Duke and I were just trying to get that through his fat head before you came.”

  Radford stuffed his hands into his tool apron. “Kyle’s right. I admire him for having the guts to speak his mind. I didn’t earn my place. I foolishly thought I could make up for the times I wasn’t here, but it’s too late for that.” Radford met the eyes of each of his brothers as he struggled to speak through an overwhelming wave of regret. “I’m sorry for that,” he said hoarsely.

  Kyle folded his arms across his chest. “We’ve worked hard for that mill, Radford. Now that we’re finally able to breathe without a noose around our necks, I want to protect our interest.”

  “I’d feel the same way in your place.”

  “You would,” Kyle said with certainty. “But Boyd has a valid point. I shouldn’t have spoken so hastily.”

  “You had your reasons.” Radford slipped the hammer from his belt and slapped the handle against his palm. “As far as I’m concerned, I’m out.” His misery was reflected in the faces that stared back at him and he wished he could run somewhere and bleed in private. “For now, I plan to concentrate on the livery and help finish this house.” Swallowing the pain of his past and the fear of his future, Radford nudged Boyd with his hammer. “Are you going to stand there all night or pound some nails?”

  Boyd shook his head in disbelief. “You’re serious, aren’t you? You’re really going to do this!”

  Radford tried to grin, but failed pathetically. “For a ribbon chaser you’re pretty astute.” He grabbed the sack of nails and tossed it at Boyd. “Let’s get this house up.”

  The sooner Kyle’s house was finished, the sooner Evelyn would be in it—and away from Radford.

  Evelyn pushed the wheelbarrow outside, bumping over the rutted ground in the paddock where Radford was tearing down the rotted horse shelter. He’d been quiet the past few days, but how else was he supposed to react after his brother’s fiancée admitted that she’d wanted to kiss him? She couldn’t even look at Radford now without a hot rush of shame scorching her face.

  Avoiding eye contact, Evelyn parked the wheelbarrow under a thick branch in the birch tree. She wove a length of rope through a swatch of netting containing a small bundle of hay for Gus then scooted it aside and stepped into the wheelbarrow. Steadying herself, she reached up and crossed the two ends of the twine over the tree limb.

  “Need some help?” Radford hollered.

  She shook her head. “I’ve almost got it.” Giving a firm tug, she hoisted the net of hay out of its resting place. Her makeshift platform teetered and she spread her feet to balance it. She leaned forward, wobbling as she struggled to tighten the knot, but the wheelbarrow tipped precariously to the side. Blast it! If she got down to move it, she would lose the net entirely and have to begin again. She had too many chores to waste time on this one. She inched forward, heedless of the tilting cart.

  Suddenly, two strong hands circled her waist and Evelyn nearly leapt into the tree. With arms suspended above her, she dropped her chin and looked down into Radford’s upturned face. From this angle, and only inches away, she noticed everything, the dampness on his forehead, the sunburn where his skin was tightest over his cheekbones, the shadow of whiskers that darkened his jawline and contrasted with his white teeth.

  “Go ahead, I’ve got you,” he said, but he didn’t look happy about it.

  His fingers spanned her ribs and sent ripples of sensation up her back. Desperate to escape Radford’s grasp, Evelyn tugged frantically at the rope. She tried to knot the rope, but her trembling fingers couldn’t accomplish the task. Something bit her beneath the chin and she jerked her hand to the injured area. “That hurt,” she said, rubbing he
r hand over a small bump. “I already feel a welt there.”

  “It was a black fly, and the welt you’re feeling is a mole.”

  She looked down. “What?”

  “You have a mole under your chin. Right there,” Radford said, lifting one hand to touch it.

  Her stomach flipped. She was melting all over herself and Radford was talking about moles? “I have moles everywhere. You have one, too,” she said. “It’s on your right arm just below your elbow.”

  Radford glanced down and angled his elbow, revealing the dark spot she’d noticed the day they were painting the porch.

  “Right there,” Evelyn said, satisfied that she wasn’t the only one with those ugly marks.

  Radford’s eyes met hers. “That’s a shrapnel fragment I couldn’t get out.”

  “You have a bullet in you?”

  He grinned. “Just a speck of metal. It doesn’t hurt.”

  “I thought it was a mole. I hate mine.”

  “Why? Some women used to put patches on their faces to get those beauty marks. You should consider yourself fortunate. The little one above your lip adds character to your face.”

  Evelyn laughed and snugged the knot. “Those women must have been out of their minds. I’d remove mine, if I could.” Evelyn gave the knot a hard cinch and dropped her hands. “I’m done,” she said, desperate to get away from Radford.

  She jumped as Radford swung her out of the wheelbarrow. She clutched his shoulders to keep from falling, but Radford’s eyes grew so dark, so intense, it reminded Evelyn of the night she woke him from a nightmare. She pushed away and stumbled backward into the cart.

  Radford caught her arm and tried to steady her, but she yanked away. Without a word, she grasped the handles of the wheelbarrow and rushed to the barn. It was just an accident, she told herself. They’d done nothing wrong. Her reaction was simply a mixture of surprise and embarrassment, that’s all. He hadn’t touched her on purpose.