I Need You

by Mercy Amare

  “So have you heard from Gabe this morning?” Ty asks, changing the subject.

  “My phone was taken by the police,” I remind him. “Plus, I’m not in a huge hurry to get it back. When I have my phone, my stalker sends threats to me. I’d rather be blissfully unaware that my stalker is watching me every minute of every day.”

  “I doubt they’re watching every minute,” Ty says. “Not unless they hired somebody else. I mean, obviously Kasbian and Brian didn’t work out. They both were going to tell you the truth. I don’t think he’ll make the mistake of hiring somebody else again.”

  “Here’s to hoping.”

  “Anyway, Gabe told me to tell you that he’s not coming to school today,” Ty says. “He was up all night working, so I think he’s just going to sleep all day.”

  I frown, feeling disappointed. I know he’s doing this for me, but I was really hoping he would be at school for my first day back. I have a feeling that it’s all going to be very overwhelming, and I could have really used his support.

  Cole pulls the car in front of us, and we all get inside.

  My stomach is in knots as we take off. It feels like the first day of school all over again. It’s been about a month since I’ve been there, and everybody knows what happened. I have a feeling that the day is going to be crazy.

  I think about seeing my old friends — Courtney and Victoria. It’ll be weird, considering Ariana isn’t there anymore. Kasbian won’t be sitting beside me in my first period class either. And I know he was helping my stalker, but I can’t help but miss him. He was a good friend. He was going to tell me the truth. I can’t bring myself to hate him… At least, not in the way that I hate Brian.

  Olivia.

  Oh my God, she’s going to be at school.

  I wonder if she will talk to me, but quickly dismiss the thought. She won’t talk to me. She made that much very clear. And I don’t blame her, but still… it hurts. I miss my best friend. My ex-best friend. Whatever.

  “What are you thinking about?” Toby asks, turning in his seat to look at me.

  “Just nervous,” I answer. “Especially about seeing Olivia.”

  “Olivia won’t be there,” Ty tells me. “After what happened last week, she transferred schools. I mean… everybody knew it was her brother who did all those awful things. I don’t blame her for switching schools.”

  “Were people mean to her?” I ask. “Because I don’t blame her. It was all Brian. Not her. She is a good person.”

  “Nobody blamed her for what he did,” he answers. “But you know how high school is.”

  “Is today going to be weird?”

  “I don’t know,” Ty says. “Everybody always asks about you. I know that they miss seeing you around. It’ll probably be crazy.”

  “Does anybody… blame me?”

  “Why would they blame you?” Toby asks. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “I know… but all those awful things… the deaths. None of it would’ve happened if I wasn’t here.”

  “The person who is doing this is… sick,” Ty tells me. “It wouldn’t have matter if you were here or not. All this bad stuff would’ve eventually happened. Maybe to your baby sister instead of you, but it would’ve happened.”

  “Why would somebody hurt my baby sister?” I ask.

  “I don’t think this is about hurting you, Kihanna,” Ty answers. “I think it’s about hurting your dad.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Let’s not talk about it today,” Toby says. “Let’s talk about happy stuff. Non-stalker stuff. Today is your first day back at school after a month. You should enjoy the day.”

  “You’re right.”

  The car pulls into the parking lot of the school. I take a deep breath and get out of the car. This is my senior year. I missed prom because of my stupid stalker… I have missed… so much. They’re not worth any more of my time or any of my thoughts. Today is about me, and I fully intend to enjoy every second.

  8 a.m.

  I can’t wait to be on the other side of the country.

  Toby walks into the building first, followed by me, Ty, and Cole. Literally every eye in the hallway turns to stare at us, and suddenly it feels like the first day all over again. Of course, then I was worried that I wouldn’t make any friends. I miss that carefree version of me. Now, as I walk down the hall, I wonder if today will be my last day to do this. Will I even live to graduate from high school? It’s not something an eighteen year old girl should have to worry about.

  “Kihanna!” I look over to see Courtney, who is standing beside Emmett, waving at me. He has his arm strung lazily around her.

  I walk over to her. Ty, Toby, and Cole follow. Really, as if one bodyguard isn’t enough, I also have Ty and Toby. I have a feeling they aren’t going to leave my side except when they have to go to class.

  “Hey, Courtney,” I say, then give her a side hug. “You look good.”

  It’s true. Courtney used to have super long brown hair, now it’s cut off to her shoulders. She has copper-colored highlights in it, and it looks good on her. I can also tell she’s gained a little bit of weight, which is great because she used to be underweight. She looks… healthy. Happy.

  “Thanks,” she says, grinning. “The medicine has helped me a lot. And Emmett. I don’t think I could get through this without him.”

  I look over at Emmett, who has his eyes on Courtney. He has a huge smile on his face, and I can see how much he truly cares for her. I’m glad that she’s happy. She deserves it.

  “We’re going to Harvard this fall,” Emmett tells me.

  “That’s awesome!” I tell them both. “Ty, Gabe, and I are going to Berkeley.”

  “Oh, I thought you were going to Stanford,” Courtney says. “Berkeley is a great school though. I considered them, but when I got my acceptance letter from Harvard I knew I couldn’t turn them down.”

  “She just wanted to be close to me,” Ty tells her, putting his arm around me.

  I roll my eyes and remove his arm. “It will be nice having people I know at college. Plus, Stanford is so close. Close enough that I can live at home. I kind of want to get away from Mountain View for a little while. Berkeley is only an hour away, and I can come visit my family anytime I want. But I won’t have to visit if I don’t want to.”

  “I know what you mean,” Courtney says. “My mom was a sobbing mess the day I got my acceptance to Harvard. She’s been so clingy lately. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the summer. I can’t wait to be on the other side of the country.”

  I wonder for a moment what my mom would’ve been like. I know she would be happy for me, getting accepted to Berkeley. She would miss me, but I know she wouldn’t hold me back from something so amazing. Of course, before I left for college I would’ve spent as much time with her as possible, and I would miss her like crazy. I do miss her like crazy.

  “I think my dad is happy for me… going to Berkeley,” I tell her.

  “He did try to talk her out of it,” Toby says. “I’m pretty sure the thought of Kihanna going to school with Ty and Gabe scares him. But the fact that I’ll be joining her next year definitely helps.”

  “You’re going to school with both of your ex-boyfriends—”

  Ty cut’s Emmett off. “Actually, Gabe technically isn’t her ex anymore. I don’t know how he’s done it, but somehow he’s managed the get the girl twice. I’m obviously the better catch, but whatever.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “Ty, even if Gabe wasn’t in the picture, there would be no you and me. It’s never going to happen. Ever.”

  “Just like old times,” Courtney says.

  “Have you heard from Ariana?” I ask.

  Courtney’s frowns and shakes her head. “No. She won’t respond to any of my texts or messages. She deleted her Staying Connected account. What happened to her… it really changed her. I don’t think she will ever be the same.”

  Everybody falls silent, but I know what they’r
e thinking.

  Me.

  It’s my fault.

  All of this happened because I came here.

  “You’re a strong person,” Courtney says, breaking the silence. “After all you’ve been through, you’re still here. You’re still fighting. Ariana obviously couldn’t take it, and to be honest, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to either. Don’t give up. At one point in my life, I considered you one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose you too, Kihanna.”

  “I will fight to the death,” I tell her. “I have an amazing future ahead of me, and I’m not going to let some sick freak steal that from me. I’m just sorry about what’s happened to everybody else because of me.”

  “I don’t blame you,” she says. “And I’m sure that Ariana doesn’t either. You’re the victim here.”

  “Thank you.”

  That is why Courtney and I became friends. She’s such a nice person. She always knows exactly what to say to make me feel better.

  “I’m serious. No matter what happens, fight for your future. Fight for Berkeley. Fight for Gabe. Fight for your family… for your new baby sister. I hate that we stopped talking to each other. I got distracted.” She looks up at Emmett and smiles. “It was a good distraction, but still… you’re my friend. I never should have abandoned you when you needed me the most. So whenever you need me, call. It doesn’t matter that we’re going to school on opposite sides of the coast. We’ll always be friends.”

  “Thank you,” I tell her again. “That’s actually exactly what I needed to hear.”

  “Good.”

  “Where is Victoria?” I ask her, knowing wherever Courtney is, Victoria is usually close by.

  “I don’t know,” she answers, her face falling. “Victoria and I… we’re not close anymore. She has new friends. I’m proud for her, I really am. But I miss her. Maybe you should talk to her. I know she misses you.”

  “I doubt it,” I say. “After Christmas break, Victoria has kept her distance.”

  “That’s because Toby broke her heart,” she says. “It was her own fault if you asked me. But she’s gotten over Toby. She got back with her ex.”

  “Her ex?” I ask, trying to remember his name. “The guy she cheated on?”

  “Yep. She’s happier than ever,” she answers.

  “Good for her.”

  The bell rings, so Courtney and I say our goodbyes and I head toward my first period class. Ty and Toby head to their own classes, but Cole follows me. I decide right then that today is going to be a long day.

  12 p.m.

  He makes her happy.

  Today has been pretty crazy, to say the least. Everybody has been so kind, and they have all encouraged me. It seems that everybody at school knows everything that has happened to me.

  Nobody blames me.

  And I know that it truly isn’t my fault, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. I just assumed that people would blame me — especially those not close to me. The thought that everybody is on my side makes me feel so much better… lighter, even.

  In the lunchroom, I find Ty and Toby sitting at a table alone, so I join them. Cole sits at the other end of the table, giving us a little privacy. Not that I will ever have privacy as long as I have a stalker. He knows what I’m doing always. The thought makes me feel sick to my stomach.

  As I sit down, Victoria walks over to the table and sits down beside me.

  “Kihanna, can we talk?” she asks.

  “Of course,” I say. “What’s up?”

  She looks up at Ty and Toby. “Hey, guys.”

  They both nod at her and say something like ‘what’s up’.

  She turns back to me and sighs. “I just wanted to tell you sorry for how awful of a friend I’ve been. When we got back from Christmas, I was heartbroken, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior. What Toby did… what I did… it wasn’t fair to blame our failed — relationship? friendship? — on you. I knew what was going on with your stalker and I still abandoned you. For that, I am sorry.”

  “I don’t blame you. Honestly, it was safer for you not to be friends with me after—”

  She cuts me off. “Safe or not, you were my best friend, and I turned by back on you when you needed me most. I am so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault. To be honest, after Christmas… things got better. I went three whole months without hearing from my stalker. I thought that he had decided to leave me alone. Little did I know that I was spending almost every waking second with my stalker…” My voice trails off, and I feel a sharp pain in my chest. I wonder when Brian’s betrayal will ever stop hurting. Or if it ever will.

  “I heard about Brian… that he was your stalker,” she says. “I also heard that he was killed. I’m sorry.”

  “Brian was… an out for me. My stalker gave me an ultimatum and I took it. Brian happened to be there when I needed him most. I should have known… should have seen the signs,” I say. “He will always be my biggest regret. I hate all the time that I wasted with him. He never deserved me.”

  “You’re right. He didn’t,” she says. “I talked to Courtney earlier. She told me that you’re back with Gabe.”

  I nod.

  “I’m happy for you, Kihanna. You and Gabe belong together,” she says. “I’ve always known that. So has he. Everybody saw how hard the break-up was on him. I’m just glad that you two managed to work things out.”

  “Thanks. Me too.” Though I don’t deserve him, and I probably never will.

  “I better get back to Matthew,” she says, grinning. “It was good talking to you again. We should keep in touch.”

  “Definitely,” I agree. “I’ll see you later.”

  Victoria gets up and walks back over to her friends. A blond guy kisses her on the cheek, and my heart warms. I’m glad her ex forgave her. She deserves to be happy, and I can tell that he makes her very happy.

  3 p.m.

  Breaking up with you was the worst mistake of my life.

  When I get home from school, Gabe is waiting there for me. Which makes me unbelievably happy. Ty and Toby both go off to do their own thing, and Gabe and I head toward the basement. The basement has become my room, basically. At least until I am brave enough to stay in my own room again.

  “You weren’t at school today,” I say.

  “I was up all night,” he tells me. “I’m sorry I missed your first day back, but I’ll be there tomorrow.”

  “Good,” I say. “Did you find out anything else? About my stalker…”

  He sighs and looks me in the eye. “I haven’t found anything more than I did before, but I believe I know who your stalker is. I’m about ninety nine percent sure.”

  “What about the one percent?”

  “Well, at one point I was positive your stalker was Ty,” he says. “I was stupid to think he would ever do that, but the signs pointed to him. He is… or was… the only person that would have reason to want to hurt you.”

  Because of the affair that his mom had with my dad all those years ago. The same affair that got his mom killed. He’s right. Ty did have motivation, but it’s not him.

  “So who else could it be?” I ask. “Does anybody else truly have a motivation?”

  “I think this whole thing has more to do with your dad than it does with you. No. I don’t think. I know,” he says. “This whole time, we’ve been looking for somebody that would want to target you. We were stupid. You’re too nice to have made enemies. We could’ve figured this out a lot sooner if we would’ve just looked at your dad instead of you. It makes so much more sense.”

  “Then who is it?” I ask. “Gabe, who do you think it is?”

  “Who would want to target your dad?” he asks me. “Think about it, Kihanna. Who is psycho enough to do everything that has been done to you? Who can kill without remorse? Who is powerful enough to get away with it?”

  Who is powerful enough? There are a lot of people around here that are powerful. A lot of people have so much money that they
can buy their way out of almost any trouble.

  But there is only one person sick enough to do all of this.

  One person who was sick enough to kill his own wife in front of his child.

  “Mike Newman.” Even as I say his name, I almost don’t believe it. Ty is such a good person. I know that he’s messed up because of what happened, but he doesn’t let that define him. I know he uses women to cope, but he would do anything to protect me.

  Gabe nods his head. I think he doesn’t want to admit it out loud. I get it. He grew up around Senator Newman. He was best friends with his son. To know that it was him who did all of this to me… to us… it’s too much.

  I walk over to the couch and sit down.

  I am feeling completely numb. This I did not expect.

  “This is going to break Ty’s heart,” I tell Gabe.

  “He knows. When we found that the text was sent from Ty’s house, Ty knew immediately that it was his dad,” he says. “It makes sense. He’s been the money behind the whole operation. Usually he doesn’t like to get his hands dirty.”

  “Poor Ty.”

  “Also, I think we know what happened to Jacqueline. After Thanksgiving, Ty walked in on his dad with Jacqueline. He has affairs all the time, but usually he’s smart enough not to have them with underage girls. It was only a few days later that Jacqueline went missing,” he says. “He obviously used Jacqueline’s death to his advantage when it came to you, but it wasn’t about you. You’re not the reason for her death.”

  I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders at his words.

  It wasn’t my fault.

  Truly, none of the deaths were my fault. Jacqueline died because she got in over her head with a powerful man. Keith died because he cheated on a girl that had a psycho brother. Kasbian died because he got scared. He made a deal with the devil and knew it was wrong.

  And Nicholas… he died because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

  “You’re right,” I tell him. “None of this is my fault. I am the victim.”