Faltering

by Jennifer Lyndon

  “It’s not funny, Talise,” I said sharply, irritated she was making light of my situation.

  “No, I guess not. I just don’t want you to have trouble sleeping next to me tonight, afraid my insatiable fingers will creep into your boxer shorts.” I glared at her and she suppressed the smile on her face.

  “I’ve never worn boxer shorts in my life,” I snapped. Talise started giggling, probably because she was imagining me in boxers.

  “Well, I guess I never noticed,” she said before punching my arm lightly. “It’s good news, anyway.”

  “What do you mean it’s good news?”

  “Well, you just have to clear this little misunderstanding up, and maybe you still have a chance with Lara.” Talise took a bite of green beans and started chewing. “You’re not going to try again to convince me you’re not still in love with her, are you?” she asked with her mouth full. I ignored her question.

  “How do you suggest I clear it up?”

  “Talk to her. Just tell her the truth,” she said between chews. “I can explain it to her if you want me to.” I nodded.

  “Good idea. I think she’s probably still at her house if you want to head over there now,” I said, my tone dripping with sarcasm. Talise only shrugged.

  “All right,” she agreed.

  “I was kidding,” I said sharply. “We both know it’s not that simple, Talise.” Talise scooted her chair back from the table. “I’m serious. I’ve never seen Lara this angry. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be anywhere near her. She has a temper, you know.”

  “Please,” Talise scoffed, rolling her eyes in derision. “Do you know where I grew up? Your little debutante doesn’t scare me.” She walked toward the door. “Will you wash my dishes while I try to repair your love life?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. I shook my head. “I don’t like her thinking I broke you two up. I would never do something like that.” Talise was starting to sound self-righteous.

  “Talise, it’s really not a good idea,” I protested. She only smiled at me and walked toward the front room. I pursued her to the door. “How are you planning to get there?” I called after her. Talise turned around and grinned at me.

  “I think I can manage,” she replied before setting off up the road in the direction of Lara’s home.

  Lara’s estate was only about a mile and a half from my mamma’s house. I regretted having pointed Lara’s property out to Talise the day before. I went back inside, allowing the screen door to slam behind me. I slowly finished eating. My stomach was tied in knots as I imagined Lara’s reaction to Talise. As I washed the dishes I started getting a bad feeling about Talise showing up over at Lara’s home unannounced. Suddenly it occurred to me that there were several guns in her home the last time I was there. As angry as Lara had been earlier, I wouldn’t put it past her to overreact. As I cleaned the kitchen, I couldn’t shake that sense of dread that was tensing my gut. I tried to relax and wait, but the anxiety grew. When my apprehension became overwhelming I took off at a run after Talise, hoping I could head her off.

  I was out of breath when I reached Lara’s home. The lights were on at the front door, the door I never used. I was tempted to go to the back door and see if the key was still hidden under the rock in the azaleas, but I thought better of it and approached the front door. I rang the doorbell and waited. No one came to answer. I rang it again, impatiently, pushing it a couple of times in quick succession. I was about to ring it again when I heard noise on the other side of the door. Lara opened the door and glared at me.

  “I suppose you’re here to collect what’s left of your girlfriend,” she said quietly. I shook my head. “I really didn’t mean to do it. She’s just so irritating.”

  “Talise is not my girlfriend,” I said without thinking, and then I had to ask, “Please tell me you didn’t shoot her, Lara.” Lara glared at me, shaking her head.

  “She’s back there,” she snapped, standing aside to allow me to enter, “in the kitchen.” Lara walked away toward the stairs. “Go and deal with her. I don’t have time. I need to finish getting ready.” Lara turned away from me and headed up the stairs while I hurried back to the kitchen. I found Talise sitting at the kitchen table with a dishtowel wrapped around some ice pressed to the side of her face. I bit my bottom lip as I stared at her.

  “You were right,” she said quietly. “She has a temper.”

  “What did you say to her?”

  “I told her I was sorry I’d caused so much trouble between you two,” she said quietly. “Then before I could say anything else, she punched me, hard.” Talise pulled the ice pack away from her cheek to show the beginning of a purple bruise along her jaw and a little trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth.

  “And then what happened?”

  “I was a little stunned. For a moment I thought I would pass out, so I braced myself against the doorway. Then my head cleared, and I saw her watching me with this satisfied expression, and shaking her hand like it hurt. And then she offered me some ice for my jaw. She led me back into the kitchen, prepared this icepack, and just left me here.”

  “Jesus,” I said under my breath.

  “I know. She’s a lot tougher than she looks, and meaner too. I take it back about liking her feistiness. She’s too much for me.”

  “I better go talk to her.”

  “Be careful. She comes at you fast. Be ready.”

  A nervous thrill ran through me as I headed up the stairs to find Lara. I knew she was in her bedroom. The door was ajar, so I went in. I found her at her dressing table working with her hair. She was wearing her light silk robe. For a moment I was tempted to slide it down her shoulders. I needed contact with her. I needed to touch her skin. Instead I spoke.

  “I can’t believe you punched her,” I said as I came up behind her.

  “Really?” I caught the fury in her eyes and looked away.

  “Well, maybe I can. How’s your hand?”

  “It hurts, and one of knuckles is swelling,” she said sharply. “It was worth it though. I was hoping to knock her down. I thought I’d hit her right, but then she caught herself on the doorframe.” I nodded, staring at Lara’s right hand, noticing the redness. “I remember asking you too stay away from me,” she said more evenly.

  “Well, I’m not going to do that.”

  “Sylvie.”

  “I love you, Lara. I’m not staying away,” I said softly. “And you have this thing with Talise all wrong.”

  “Please don’t do this. Leave us some dignity.”

  “Talise is straight, really straight. She likes big men, preferably construction workers and body builders by the looks of them.” Lara shook her head. “I’m telling you the truth.” Lara put the last pin in her hair and stood up from her dressing table. I stepped forward and caught her shoulders, trying to make her listen to me.

  “Let go. I’m running late.” I released her and she went over to her closet, disappearing inside. When she emerged she was carrying a long dress. She laid it out on her bed.

  “Do you think I’m lying, or do you not care?” I asked quietly. She froze for a moment, and then she started rubbing the backs of the knuckles on her right hand. When she looked over at me there were tears spilling out of her eyes. “Lara, baby.” I rushed to her and wrapped my arms around her. “Don’t cry.”

  “Get off of me,” she said sharply. She was pushing me away. “You’re a liar. Don’t touch me.” I tightened my hold on her. “You slept with her in our house, in our bed.”

  “I didn’t.”

  “I know what I saw.” She twisted away from me and took a couple of steps back.

  “She always sleeps naked, even now. But it doesn’t matter. I never wanted her. She never wanted me. She said the idea of having sex with me is gross,” I added. “We’re friends. That’s all.”

  “I saw you,” she said with less force as she covered her face. I stood next to her and she immediately tried to shove me away, prompting me to wrap my arms a
round her again. “Get away from me, Sylvie.”

  “Not until you hear me out. I was dressed,” I whispered next to her ear. “You didn’t see that, did you? I was wearing a gown, or pajamas, or something. I promise. I don’t even know why she was in bed with me. Unless, well, maybe she’d brought someone home with her, someone who was in the other room. She’s come to my room to sleep a few times when they won’t leave. She doesn’t like to sleep next to the men she picks up, but occasionally they fall asleep before she can get them out.” Lara wasn’t pushing so hard against me anymore. The tension eased from her as I continued to hold her. I guided her over to her bed and sat her down. I knelt on the floor in front of her. Her makeup was a mess, her mascara pooling around her eyes. She was watching me skeptically. “Lara you have to…”

  “No,” she interrupted. “I don’t have to do anything.” I nodded, taking in the devastation in her expression. “I can’t deal with this.” I waited as she watched me. “I’m not strong enough to get through it again. And I know you’re lying.”

  “Lara, I…”

  “I said no.” She rubbed the backs of her knuckles again, and then she leaned forward and kissed me. “Why do you have to be so beautiful?” she whispered against my lips.

  “Lara…” She pressed her lips to mine again, kissing me deeply. She started working on the buttons of my shirt. I pulled my shirttail from my pants in an effort to help, but she stopped and pulled back from me.

  “You need to leave me alone,” she said firmly. I shook my head.

  “Not until you hear what I’m saying.”

  “I have to be somewhere in thirty minutes and my makeup’s a mess now,” she said calmly. “Go spend some time with Josephine. She’s sleeping, but she’ll be up soon. And Hattie will be here in a while.”

  “Why do you need to go out tonight? What’s so important?”

  “Our engagement party. David should be here soon.”

  “Call him. Tell him you have a headache.” She shook her head.

  “It’s at my parent’s home,” she said softly.

  “You can’t love him, Lara. You love me.”

  “One has nothing to do with the other.”

  “Have you told him you like women?” She laughed and shook her head.

  “It would be a lie. I don’t now, not since you.” Her expression was smug. “You cured me, Sylvie. Dickie Lee’s been throwing herself at me for months and I haven’t even glanced her way. The thought of sleeping with her is repellant.” I bit my bottom lip to keep from laughing.

  “That’s because you’re in love with me, not because you’re straight.” She shook her head, her smile fading.

  “Please go. Let me finish getting ready.” I stood up and turned away, confident I’d made some headway with her.

  ***

  I spent the evening with Talise and Josie, Mamma having fallen asleep on the sofa rather early in the evening. Being with Josie was perfect. The ache I had in my chest since Lara took her from me eased as I watched her crawling around on the floor. I helped her with a puzzle, holding and gathering the pieces for her while she tried to decide what to do with them. Afterward, I fed her some bananas and cereal. When Talise fell asleep in the chair near Mamma I took Josie upstairs to her room. I wanted some time for just the two of us. Finally, after playing with most of her toys and having incoherent conversations in baby talk, Josie was tired. She fell asleep on my lap, playing with the buttons of my shirt. I tried to stay awake to wait for Lara, but she was out so late. I succumbed to sleep around midnight.

  I didn’t wake until I felt Josie being lifted from my lap. I opened my eyes to see Lara standing over me, our child in her arms. She moved over to Josie’s baby bed and gently laid her down. When she turned back she caught me watching her.

  “It’s late. David usually drives Hattie home. He’s going to take you and Talise too.”

  “How was your evening?”

  “Good,” she replied. I nodded. “David’s downstairs waiting for you.” I stood up from the chair and approached Lara. She took a step back from me. I pursued her until her back was to the door.

  “I want you,” I whispered, placing my hands on her shoulders. I kissed her softly, tasting the bourbon on her tongue and eliciting a sigh from her as my hands moved down her arms. I worked a knee between her legs and she started breathing harder, her chest rising and falling quickly. I reached down to ease up the hem of her dress, but her hand seized my wrist to stop me.

  “Don’t. Please. He’ll be up here an a minute.”

  “I want that minute,” I insisted as my fingertips brushed her thigh. I kissed her again, allowing my lips to trail down her neck and over her collarbone, down to the tops of her breasts. “You feel amazing,” I whispered against the flesh between her breasts. My fingers were dipping inside her panties when the door shoved us. Lara pushed me away, firmly, and turned to face the opening door.

  “David. I was just coming down,” she said casually, straightening her dress as he entered the room. “Sylvie, honey, this is David, my fiancé.” Her voice was pinched. She was nervous. I glared at him.

  “Pleased to meet you,” he said, glancing for nearly an instant in my direction before focusing back on Lara. I could tell she had captivated him to the point of obsession. I almost felt sorry for the man. “I was about to take Hattie and the other one home. Do you want me to take this one too?” he asked, indicating me. Lara let her eyes trail slowly over me, subtly betraying her mild intoxication. “Lara Leigh, honey?” he said trying to gain her attention. She sucked on her bottom lip as her gazed slipped down to my chest.

  “No, David. That won’t be necessary. Sylvie and I have some catching up to do. Just take the others, will you?” She finally returned her gaze to him, offering a stiff, hard smile.

  “You want me to come back over later?” he offered. She shook her head.

  “No, don’t. I’m really quite tired. I have just enough energy for my visit with Sylvie, I think,” she said, smiling more softly. “We have girl things to discuss.” She licked her lips and met his eyes as she reached for his hand, leading him from the room. I could hear her speaking softly to him, reassuring him, as she guided him down the hall, explaining something, their voices fading as they reached the stairs.

  About ten minutes later the sound of her footsteps approaching pulled me from my torpor. I stepped out into the hallway to meet her. She took my hand lightly in hers and led me directly into her bedroom. Immediately she brought me over to her bed.

  “Make yourself comfortable,” she suggested.

  I sat on the edge of the bed and began removing my shoes off. She headed over to her dressing table, slipping the pins from her hair. I watched mesmerized as she ran a brush through her pale hair and then she disappeared into the bathroom. I almost tore my shirt pulling it over my head, and then tugged my jeans off. I was completely naked and under the covers by the time she emerged from the bathroom, still wearing her dress, her face washed clean of makeup.

  “I need you to unzip me, honey,” she said as she approached the bed. She turned her back to me and I sat up to accommodate her. She allowed her dress to fall away from her, revealing shimmery hose and silver garters, and matching bra and panties. She bent to release her garters, and slip out of her panties.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I whispered, watching her. She smiled and tugged the covers away from me.

  “Let me see you, Sylvie. Last time we were together you still had some of the baby weight.” I fought the urge to cover myself as her eyes moved over me. “You’re perfect,” she decided, her fingers skimming over my breasts, teasing my nipples. Her mouth reached mine as she straddled me. “God, you feel so good.” I quickly unfastened her bra, a nervous thrill working up my spine.

  I seized her by her waist and lifted her off me so I could gain better access to her. She sighed as my mouth moved over her. I slowly tasted the smooth skin of her neck and then allowed my lips to travel the peaks of her breasts. I didn’t st
op there, but continued over her soft, tight belly. I paused to kiss the scar she had above her pelvic bone, and then dipped down to taste her. Her fingers tightened in my hair as I quickly brought her to orgasm. With my fingers and my mouth, again and again, I brought her back up just as she was coming down. As if starved for her I kept pushing her, higher and further, until she was a mass of nerves, glistening with sweat and almost whimpering beneath me.

  Lara was spent when I scooted back up next to her. I held her in my arms without protest as her breathing gradually became more even. After a long deafening silence, I felt her loosen against me, her breathing slowed, as she slept. In sleep she was so easy in my arms, allowing all the gentle kisses she had shied away from earlier. My face buried in her hair, I held her tightly to me, swearing never to let her go.

  I awoke to Lara’s lips, soft and quick, planting kisses on my face. When I opened my eyes she laughed mischievously.

  “Did I wake you?” she asked sweetly. She was lying on my arm, which had fallen asleep under her weight. I altered my position to ease it out from under her and she shifted on top of me. “I haven’t slept like that in ages,” she offered cheerfully. “We slept eleven hours.” She kissed me lightly and then collapsed on the other side of me. “I was supposed to be at a meeting of the Library Guild about thirty minutes ago.” She sighed and stretched out next to me.

  “What was the meeting yesterday?”