Cast Me Gently

by Caren J. Werlinger

  Teresa was more than willing to spend as much time in bed with Ellie as they could, but there hadn’t been much of that, except for sleeping. She’d been joining Ellie at the diner most evenings after leaving the store, and by the time they got home, they were so exhausted, they’d been asleep almost before their heads hit their pillows.

  Ellie stirred and rolled over.

  “Hey there,” Teresa whispered. She kissed Ellie on the cheek.

  “Is it time to get up?” Ellie moaned, rubbing her eyes.

  “It is if we intend to be at the diner before it opens.”

  Ellie’s eyes snapped open. “It’s Saturday.”

  “You know, if you do decide to manage the diner, you and Louise are going to have to work out who gets what days off. You can’t keep working seven days a week.” Teresa yawned. “And neither can I.”

  “Mrs. Bland, your prescription is ready.”

  Teresa handed the bag to the cashier and went to fill the next prescription. The Oakland store was completely different from Bloomfield or Morningside. Here, there was no coffee bar, and people didn’t come by to visit. The customers who came by this location were busy, on their way to or from work usually, and needed quick service. Lou had chosen this location, not because it was in an Italian neighborhood, but because it was in a busy section of medical office buildings between the University of Pittsburgh’s Presbyterian Hospital, Magee-Womens Hospital and Children’s Hospital.

  “I really like being busier,” Teresa had said to Ellie after her first week working there. It had taken her a while to become accustomed to the layout of the store, and the staff had been a little standoffish at first—“Staff! I’ve never had staff,” Teresa had said with a laugh. “I was the staff.” But when they saw Teresa unpacking boxes and restocking shelves, they seemed to have decided she was all right. Even though she was still working sixty to seventy hours a week, the hours flew by.

  “Hi, Mr. Benedetto.”

  Teresa turned around so fast, she cricked her neck. Lou came by three or four times a week to check on things and take the deposits to the bank, but it still caught Teresa off-guard. There was no eye contact between them as he went back to the office. She continued filling prescriptions until she heard him holler for her.

  “Yes?” she said as she went into the office. She couldn’t bring herself to call him “Pop.”

  “Everything okay here?” he asked from where he was bent over the ledger.

  “Everything’s fine,” she said.

  “Anything you need?”

  “How’re Francesca and the baby? Is Ana Maria taking it easy? How’s Anita’s blood sugar?” All kinds of questions about the family nearly burst from her mouth, but she didn’t dare. She had a feeling if she asked, she’d get some kind of response to the effect of “if you care that much, you can apologize and come home”, and she wasn’t going to do that.

  “We’re getting low on cash register tape.”

  Lou grunted, and Teresa went back to the pharmacy counter. All of her information about the family came from Rob now, and that was limited.

  “They’re okay,” he said when she and Ellie were there for dinner.

  She’d never realized how closely she kept tabs on everyone before, especially the aunts’ health, but Robbie didn’t know the answers to her questions.

  “You could call them,” Karen said, but Teresa shook her head.

  She couldn’t. Not yet. Not without knowing what her mother might or might not have said to them.

  “They’re fine, Bennie,” Bernie had said to her. “You’d know if they weren’t.”

  Teresa nodded, but she still worried. Sometimes she caught Ellie watching her with a guilty expression, and she tried then not to think about them so much.

  Lou finished the deposit. Teresa looked up as he exited the office. “Well, I’ll see y’uns in a couple days,” he said to no one in particular.

  Teresa watched through the store’s front window as he got into his Cadillac and became aware of a hollow, empty feeling somewhere in the vicinity of her heart. This was your choice, she reminded herself as she returned to work.

  She looked at her watch a while later. “Time to close up, Sandy,” she called. She locked the pharmacy while the cashier reconciled the register.

  “You going to the diner again tonight?” Sandy asked as she counted the drawer.

  “Yes,” said Teresa. “Louise’s surgery is tomorrow. I thought I’d go over and help out.”

  “Go, then. I’m good here.”

  “You sure?”

  Sandy glanced up. “I’m fine. I’ll lock up when I’m done.”

  “Thanks. Have a good night.” Teresa gathered her purse and drove over to the diner.

  “Hi, Julius,” she called to the grill cook as she came in. “Where’s Ellie?”

  He glanced up. “She took some sandwiches out. Been a while. Thought she’d be back by now.”

  Teresa deposited her purse in the office and went back outside, zipping her sweater against the cool May evening. She had no idea in which direction Ellie might have gone, and began searching the alleys and bus stops near the diner. The few street people she saw said that Ellie had been by offering sandwiches, but they couldn’t say how long ago. There was no sign anywhere of Ellie, and no response when Teresa called. She circled back to the diner, hoping Ellie had returned, but Julius shook his head. Worried now, Teresa headed back out.

  “Where are you?” she muttered as she tried to decide which direction to go. She walked several blocks, going toward some seedier sections of the city, afraid to venture too far into the dark alleys and spaces between buildings. She saw no sign of Ellie anywhere. Growing more desperate, she headed toward a small park where a lot of homeless people bedded down for the night. There, she saw a small figure seated on a bench, her knees hugged to her chest.

  Teresa nearly ran to the bench. “Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.”

  Ellie wiped tears from her cheeks.

  “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

  Ellie shook her head. “Nothing happened. Nothing ever happens. And everything is wrong.”

  “What do you mean? What is it?”

  Fresh tears flowed from Ellie’s eyes. “Louise is having open-heart surgery tomorrow. What if—?”

  “She’s stubborn and strong,” Teresa said. “She’ll be fine.” But would she? Teresa knew how scared she’d be if it was one of the aunts facing such a serious surgery.

  Ellie hiccupped. “And there’s never any sign of Daniel. Nobody has ever heard of him. I have no idea if he’s alive or dead. He’s my only family and I have no idea where he is.”

  She leaned into Teresa, crying. Teresa held her, wishing there was something she could say to comfort her, but what could be said? How long could someone stay alive if they were on the streets? It had been years since he got out of the army. He could be anywhere. Privately, Teresa had doubted that he’d even come back to Pittsburgh, but she didn’t say so to Ellie. That hope had seemed like a lifeline for Ellie, something she needed to cling to.

  “Come on,” Teresa said softly. “Let’s go back.”

  Ellie nodded and got to her feet, allowing Teresa to steer her in the direction of the diner. When they got there, Teresa insisted they go home. “Enough for one night.”

  KC was waiting for them when they got to the apartment. Teresa fed her while Ellie got ready for bed. When Teresa got into bed, Ellie moved into her arms.

  “Make love to me,” she whispered. “I need to feel you.”

  Teresa kissed her as Ellie shifted to lie on top of her. Impatiently, Ellie stripped off her top, lifting herself up so that Teresa could get her mouth on Ellie’s hardened nipples. As she sucked them, Ellie straddled her, begging for Teresa’s touch, moving with her as Teresa’s hand slid under her panties to find Ellie ho
t and wet, ready for her. Teresa nearly came herself as Ellie bucked against her hand. When her orgasm faded, Ellie collapsed against Teresa, crying again.

  “Don’t leave me,” Ellie whispered into Teresa’s neck.

  Tenderly, Teresa held her. “I won’t. I promise. I’ll never leave.”

  CHAPTER 25

  Ellie glanced up to check which bus was approaching. It was hers. She stood, keeping her head bowed as she climbed the steps, handing her card to be punched.

  “Hey, Ellie,” said Larry. “How ya—” He stopped abruptly and shifted in his seat. “Look at me.”

  Reluctantly, Ellie lifted her face. Larry’s nostrils flared.

  “Who did that to you?”

  She raised her hand to her bruised cheek. “I fell.”

  “Like hell you did. You tell me who did that, and I’ll—”

  “No!” She shook her head. “There’s nothing you can do. I’ll be fine.”

  He stared at her, his jaw working, but he said, “All right. You sit here behind me.” He glared at the man sitting there, who immediately got up to move to another seat.

  She could feel Larry watching her in his mirror, but she kept her eyes lowered. She was so angry, she was on the verge of tears, and she didn’t want to cry on the bus, not in front of Larry. She’d fled from the bank before closing, before counting her drawer—I don’t even know if I’ll have a job tomorrow.

  Had it all started only a half-hour ago, when she’d heard her name called from the second floor? She’d looked up to see Aaron Myers standing at the balcony.

  “Could you bring me that file?”

  He pointed to the counter where he’d set a file down while talking to Bill White a few minutes earlier. For weeks, she’d been avoiding going into the staff room by herself, knowing that he was watching for opportunities to corner her. He’d been getting more obvious in his attempts to get her alone. Grinding her teeth, she glanced over at Suzanne, who gave a tiny shrug. She came around the tellers’ counter, picked up the folder, and carried it upstairs where she found Myers in his office.

  “Here you—”

  “Come on in,” he said.

  She hesitated, but he’d gone behind his desk. She entered the office and set the file on his desk. So quickly, she wasn’t sure later how he’d done it, he had gotten around the desk and pushed the door shut, trapping her.

  “It’s about time we stopped this tease,” he said. His gaze ran up and down her body, leaving her feeling dirty, as if he had touched her.

  She took a step backwards.

  “I think this has gone on long enough,” he said, approaching her. “You’ve played very hard to get.”

  “I’m not playing anything,” Ellie said. “I want you to open that door, please.”

  He laughed. For one fleeting moment, she considered running behind his desk, using it as a barrier between them, but it seemed so childish.

  She pulled herself up to her full height and said, “I’m leaving.” She began walking past him, but he grabbed her arm.

  “Like hell you are.” He grasped her other arm as well, pinning her and pulling her to him. He mashed his lips against hers as she squirmed, trying to get free. Desperately, she bit his lip. He jerked away from her and raised a hand to his bleeding mouth.

  “You bitch!” He backhanded her across the face so hard that she was afraid he might have broken her cheekbone.

  Ellie fought to clear her head and keep her wits as he yanked her to him again. She raised a knee and caught him in the groin. He grabbed his crotch and doubled over, gasping for breath. She ran for the door, wrenched it open, and rushed down the stairs to the lobby where Suzanne and Linda were talking to Bill White. She stood, breathing hard, her face throbbing where he’d hit her. Bill glanced up toward the balcony and cleared his throat.

  “Well, I, uh…” He shuffled toward his office and closed the door.

  Ellie stared at the closed door for a moment, and then ran to the staff room where she grabbed her backpack from her locker and rushed out the back door.

  She raised her hand to her swollen cheek now, wincing. She felt Larry watching her in the bus mirror and, for a moment, she considered telling him who had hit her. Why should that bastard keep getting away with this? It was clear Bill White wasn’t going to do anything about it. She had no idea what kind of recourse she might have for filing a complaint, but if the higher-ups’ attitude was the same as White’s, she couldn’t count on any support from them.

  But what if I don’t have to go back?

  “I’m going to get off here, Larry,” she said, standing up.

  “You sure you’re okay?” He reached for her hand.

  She nodded, giving his hand a squeeze. “I’m fine.”

  She descended the bus steps and began walking. She hadn’t told anyone at the bank about Louise’s offer. She felt she’d learned enough in these past few weeks that she could step in as manager. She’d been basically doing it all since Louise’s surgery last week, going in every night after the bank to take care of the orders and paperwork. What if she just didn’t go back? She didn’t need the damned bank.

  But every time she’d considered accepting Louise’s offer and quitting the bank, there had been a moment of near-panic at the thought of being trapped in Pittsburgh forever. Ever since she was a little girl, she’d dreamed of leaving, of seeing other places, and now, it seemed life was conspiring to keep her here for the rest of her life.

  “I can’t leave Pittsburgh. I can’t leave my family.”

  She and Teresa had never talked about moving away, and Teresa had never said those words, but Ellie could picture her saying it if she brought up the possibility of leaving.

  Ellie looked around and realized she was only a block from her old house. She turned in that direction, slowing as she neared it. There, in the front yard was the elm tree she’d gotten stuck in when she was eight and Daniel’s friend dared her to climb it. She could still feel the thrill of hearing Daniel say to his friend, “Don’t ever dare Ellie to do anything, ’cause she’ll do it.” But she’d climbed so high, she became paralyzed at the thought of climbing back down again. Mortified at the thought of admitting she was afraid, she only replied, “I like it up here. I might stay up here forever,” when they urged her to come down. She could see Daniel looking up at her, and he said to his friend, “She does crazy stuff like that, too. C’mon.” They went away, leaving her up in the tree, but as soon as his friend had left, Daniel was back. “Hey, Jellybean. Don’t cry. I’m coming. Don’t be afraid.” He climbed up to where she was and talked her back down, branch by branch. “No one else has to know,” he said when they were safely back on the ground. “Just us.”

  Ellie stood looking up into the tree’s branches now. “Just us.”

  Teresa climbed quietly out of bed and went to get showered. When she came back into the bedroom to get dressed, Ellie hadn’t moved. In the half-light coming through the blinds, the ugly bruise on Ellie’s cheek showed darkly, and her insides burned.

  She leaned over and kissed Ellie lightly on the forehead.

  Ellie stirred. “What time is it?”

  “It’s early,” Teresa whispered. “It’s Saturday. Stay in bed. I have to do a couple of things before I go to the store. I’ll see you later.”

  “I love you,” Ellie said sleepily, her eyes already closed.

  Teresa smiled. “I love you, too.”

  Outside, it was a beautiful late May morning. Teresa got in the VW and headed, not to Oakland, but to Bloomfield. She had decided to come by early before either her mother or—God forbid—Gianni would be at the store.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Schiavo.”

  Mrs. Schiavo’s face lit up. “Teresita, it’s so good to see you.” She gave Teresa a tight hug. “Come sit down. Tell me how you are.”

  “Do you need help with the bread?
”

  “I already done it,” Mrs. Schiavo said with a wave of her hand. “I want to know how you are. Sylvia, she won’t tell me nothing.”

  She brought two cups of coffee and a doughnut to the table.

  “I’m good,” Teresa said. “I’m working down at our Oakland store now.” She tilted her head in the direction of the drugstore. “How are things here?”

  Mrs. Schiavo peered up at her. “I think not so good. She won’t say so, but I think your mama misses having you around. Gianni, he’s not a good worker, is he?”

  Teresa laughed. “You always see everything, don’t you? No, he is not a good worker. And now, maybe Ma and Pop see it, too.” She took a bite of her doughnut and closed her eyes. “I’ve missed you. I kind of miss being here. Any news?”

  Mrs. Schiavo filled her in on a few of the neighborhood births and hospitalizations and some gossip. “People ask about you, you know.”

  “Me?” Teresa said. “Who would ask about me?”

  “Everyone!” Mrs. Schiavo tapped her arm. “Everyone knew you, and they like to see you and have you around.” She looked at Teresa again. “They miss you. When are you coming back?”

  Teresa blinked rapidly. She took a sip of her coffee. “I don’t know. I’m really busy in Oakland. I might not be back.”

  Mrs. Schiavo studied her for a moment. “You and your mama, you’re not talking, eh?”

  Teresa shook her head. Surely, her mother was too proud to admit to anyone that her daughter was a lesbian, so she had no idea what Mrs. Schiavo might be thinking.

  “You want to live your own life, eh? Not the life your mama she want for you.”

  Again, she sees straight through the bullshit. “That pretty much sums it up, Mrs. Schiavo.”

  “Well, that’s a hard thing for your mama. I am sorry if you don’t come back.”

  “I had to come by and see you, though.” Teresa finished her coffee. “I need a dozen doughnuts.”

  A few minutes later, she sat in front of the aunts’ house. It was still early, not yet seven, but she knew Anita, at least, would be up. It seemed a lifetime ago that she’d left here, knowing she might not be welcomed back. She could never have imagined going weeks without seeing her aunts. She reached over for the box of doughnuts and got out of the car.