Let Me Love You (Love #4)

by Megan Smith

  I feel a pang of guilt; this is why I should be there, for all this kind of stuff. It’s not fair that I’ve dumped all this on him. When we first started talking about opening the club I stressed to him that this could happen and he said it was completely fine and he could handle it.

  “Who was it?”

  Eli sighs, “Bri.”

  I didn’t have a good feeling when Eli hired her but I didn’t say anything, figuring it was just me being extra picky.

  “What happened?”

  I hear him shuffling papers, “Her drawer was almost one hundred and fifty dollars short.”

  “Damn.” We set up each bartender with their own drawers so they would be held responsible for anything that went in and out of it.

  “Exactly.

  “How’s everything else? Jaylinn?”

  Eli sighs heavily, “She’s moving on.”

  “Moving on?”

  “Look, I don’t want to tell you this but you need to know. I don’t think it’s my place but whatever.” Eli curses under his breath. “She came in the other night with someone.”

  God damn it. I look up to the sky and shake my head, annoyed, pissed, you name it, I feel it. I knew this was coming but in some sick kind of way I was hoping she’d wait it out a little longer. Like forever.

  “After they left I asked Layla about it,” Eli continues. “She said it was some guy from her class.”

  Fuck. I rub my hand over my chest in an attempt to ease the stabbing pain in my heart. It doesn’t help at all. If anything it just spreads the feeling over my entire body, makes me feel like I can’t breathe and my arms and legs go numb.

  “From what I saw they didn’t seem to be having a good time. The dude was tall as hell and they just looked fucking weird together.”

  He’s trying to make the situation better for me but no matter what it’s not going to hurt any less. I can’t be what she needs and I should be happy that she’s moving on with her life but I’m not. Not at all.

  “Hold on a second, someone’s at the door.” Eli yells at whoever it is to come in. “Oh hey,” Eli clears his throat. “Um, have a seat. I’m just finishing up my conversation.”

  My heart stops beating when Jaylinn’s voice replies, “I can come back.”

  I take the phone away from my ear and hang my head. What is going on? Why is she there? I reluctantly put the phone back to my ear.

  “Cooper?” Eli calls.

  “Yeah I’m here.” I say defeated, my heart shattering in a million pieces.

  “Well besides that everything else is going fine. Oh and everything at your house is fine too. I’ve been stopping by every other day to get the mail and shit.” Eli speaks quickly. He knows that I heard her.

  “And you’re taking care of her too I see.” I don’t have to say her name. Not only did I ask Eli to check on my house but I asked that he kept an eye on Jaylinn as well. I know she’s going to be spending some time there with Layla working at the bar when I’m not around.

  Eli huffs, “It’s not like that dude.”

  “I know, I’m being an asshole.” I rub the sweat from my forehead. “How is she doing, really?”

  “Pretty well.” He’s not providing details which means she’s still in his office.

  I lean back against the warm wall and put my hand in my pocket. “That’s good.”

  “Yeah.”

  Mason walks out and looks right and then left before spotting me. I nod my head towards the car and I follow behind him.

  “Well I’ll let you go. I’ll call tomorrow before my late morning practice.” I tell Eli.

  Jaylinn laughs at something and it’s a kick to my gut.

  Eli clears his throat, “Sounds good man.”

  “Later.”

  I end the call before he can even reply back. I didn’t need to hear anything else. I have enough thoughts running through my head of what could be going on. I know Eli wouldn’t put the moves on Jaylinn but in the pit of my stomach something doesn’t feel right. From the way Eli talks about Layla I thought for sure he would try to go after her. I’ve warned him that she had a boyfriend but he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

  Mason starts up the car after I’ve climbed in and closed the door.

  “You hungry?” I ask.

  Mason looks at me like I just said something stupid, “Do you even need to ask?”

  We stop at a steak house on the way home. It’s the first real meal we’ve had since getting here. Like I said, we don’t really get any down time.

  I rest my elbows on the table and immediately cringe from the sharp pain that shoots right up my arm.

  Fuck.

  “You fucked up your elbow didn’t you?” Mason asks, gauging my reaction.

  “No.” I say through clinched teeth.

  “You’re a hard headed asshole you know that?” Mason shakes his head giving that look I know. “You need to get that shit checked out.”

  I cradle my left elbow to my stomach and rest my right arm on the table. “I’m fine.”

  Mason snorts and takes another swig of his beer. The waitress comes over and we place our order for food and Mason orders us a shot.

  “You need something for that elbow.” He states, finishing off his beer.

  I pick up my beer now that I’ve finally got the pain to stop radiating up my arm, and guzzle half of it in one pull. I wipe my mouth with my arm, “Yeah maybe I do.”

  I’ll never tell Mason how bad it really hurts. I’m not a pussy, I’ll watch it for the next day or so and everything will be fine again. I down the rest of my beer as the waitress sets our shots down on the table.

  We down them quickly, and a few more after that, and talk shit about the other guys on the team. Who looks good, who is playing like shit, who’s not going to make it through the season. A few girls have come over to our table and tried to flirt with us but we both blew them off. There’s no way I could even think about another girl right now and neither would Mason.

  “You ready to get out of here?” Mason asks.

  I roll my neck, feeling the stiffness settling deep into my muscles. “Yeah, but stop at the liquor store first.”

  Mason chuckles, “That’s what I thought.” Asshole just had to rub it in my face that he’s right about my elbow killing me.

  I give him the finger and make my way to the bathroom before we leave. When I get back to the table Mason has paid the bill and is waiting for me at the bar.

  “Ready?”

  “Yup, let’s get the hell out of here.”

  We stop and pick up a twelve pack before we head back to our place.

  “Coach is going to fucking rip us a new ass tomorrow, you know this right?” Mason says as he places the bottle opener over the bottle cap and pops it off.

  I shrug, not really giving a shit. “Won’t be the first or the last.”

  Sitting down on the couch, I take the beer Mason hands me. He walks back out to the kitchen to turn off the light before joining me in the living room. I scroll through the channels trying to find something on TV, bringing my beer up to my mouth and taking a swig. I stop on Transformers and decide to watch it since there doesn’t seem to be anything better on. Megatron is blowing shit up.

  “I never thought I would say this but I really don’t want to be here. I feel like I’m failing Hailey by leaving her all alone.” Mason says taking a swig of his beer. “She cries every time we talk.”

  I nod, “Nah, you’re not. She knows the role and if she wasn’t up for it she wouldn’t have stayed around.”

  “You miss Jay?”

  Inhaling sharply I narrow my eyes at my brother. “What the hell would make you ask that?”

  He shrugs then sits up and takes his shirt off. “Just a question bro, relax.”

  I turn back to the movie; I’m watching it but not really paying attention to all the action on the screen. I lay my head back and close my eyes, an image of Jaylinn comes to the forefront of my vision; she’s lying in my bed with h
er chocolate colored hair fanned out across my pillow. She’s giving me a shy innocent smile, lying there with my number five baseball jersey on and a pair of panties. She’s beautiful. Her pretty blue eyes speak volumes to me, she’s turned on and wants me.

  Mason kicks my foot. “Don’t fall asleep on me. We’ve still got four beers to go.”

  I glare hard at Mason for interrupting my day dream. “I’m not sleeping asshole, just resting my eyes.”

  “That’s what you always say.”

  I fucking miss my girl. There is no doubt that I will never get over the feeling that I’ve lost something that was so important to me. She’ll always be there, within reaching distance but far enough away that I’ll never be able to hold her. Things are so fucked up.

  I reach up and grip my hair in my hands. “I miss her.” I mumble. I don’t know if Mason could have even heard me.

  “About fucking time you admitted it.”

  I sit up and rest my elbows on my knees and hiss as the pain shoots up my left arm again. “Fuck.” I rub my left elbow with my right hand, massaging the pain away. “What the hell do I do, Mason?”

  Mason takes a swig of his beer, “I don’t know because I don’t know what happened.”

  And there it is; the root of my problem. I haven’t told a single person about that night, or what the problem really is, because I made a promise that I wouldn’t tell anyone. I just don’t know what to do to move past it, so that we can be together like she and I both want.

  “I can’t, Mason. I made a promise and I can’t break that.” I explain.

  Mason watches me for a long minute. “Sometimes those promises are meant to be broken.”

  I think back to the one promise I made to myself and broke it. When I agreed to let her come to that party, I promised I would keep an eye out for her and make sure she didn’t get into any trouble. Look where that got me.

  I go into the kitchen and grab another beer for the both of us. I walk back into the living room and hand it Mason.

  “You’re going to need that.” I sit down next to him and replay the night of the party for him giving him the play by play up until I realized Jaylinn was missing.

  “Okay, I don’t see any problems.” Mason says looking confused like he’s missing a part of the story.

  My body starts to shake and sweat as flashes of Kevin hovering over a naked Jaylinn surface. I grip the end of the couch and take a few calming breaths.

  “I looked for her everywhere. No one had seen where she went. I ran upstairs and started looking in all the rooms but they all came up empty. I was staring at the last door and I knew something wasn’t right.” My stomach tightens. “No one would answer the door but I knew someone was in there, I heard the whimpering. I broke the door down and…” I swallow hard and Mason curses. “Kevin was laying there on top of Jaylinn. I yanked him off and when I got a glance at Jay all I saw was red, Mase. Fucking red.” I rub at my knuckles. “I kept hitting him in the face until he finally stopped fighting back. He fucking drugged her, Mason, she couldn’t move, he blindfolded her too.” My stomach rolls. “When I got a closer look at her she had a hand print on her right cheek, it was bruising already. I pulled the blindfold off her and her mascara was running down her face.”

  Mason’s face is red, his eyes wide and panicked. “He didn’t did he? Please, God, tell me he didn’t.”

  I shake my head, my eyes on the floor. “He didn’t. I made it just in time.”

  “Thank fucking God.” Mason sighs in relief.

  I continue on, “Do you know what it felt like to have to dress her Mase? She was fucking helpless. She couldn’t move, couldn’t even lift her head.” I pound my fist on the couch. “After I got her dressed I told her I had to get her out of there. I wanted to take her to the hospital but she wasn’t having it. She begged me to take her home with me.” Angry tears slip from my eyes; I reach up and wipe them away. “I love that fucking girl, Mason. I have for a long time but I denied myself because I didn’t think she had feelings for me.” I wipe more tears away. “Every damn time I see Jaylinn naked I see him on top of her. I can’t get it out of my head.”

  I sit up and pinch the bridge of my nose. I laid it all out for Mason and while it hurts like a son of a bitch to relive that night again I feel a sense of relief. A weight has lifted and I finally feel like the dark cloud is turning into a gloomy sky.

  “Damn, Coop.” Mason curses. “No fucking wonder you pushed her away. How the hell have you been dealing with this and not saying anything to anyone?”

  I scrub my face with my hands. “I just have. There was no other way until now.”

  “Cooper,” Mason says in a commanding tone. “You shouldn’t have kept all that in.” Mason places a hand on my shoulder, offering his support. “You should have come to me a long time ago Cooper. That’s some heavy shit neither of you should have handled on your own.”

  “I made a promise. I don’t break them.”

  “Like I said, some promises are meant to be broken.”

  “Mase, you of all people should know what it’s like to protect the ones you love. Look what you went through last year with Hailey. I was doing what I thought I needed to do.”

  Maybe I should have told someone about what happened sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t be stuck in the past. I felt weak though; powerless, consumed by a memory I couldn’t shake.

  “How do you feel now?” Mason asks.

  “Relieved that I told you,” I admit. “Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to say something?”

  “You should have.” Mason looks over towards the TV, lost in thought. “How did you go around campus knowing he was still out there? Did you worry he would come back after her?”

  I huff, “Nah, Eli and I took care of it.”

  Mason looks back over at me with a raised eyebrow.

  I shrug, “He got what he deserved and more. We beat the shit out of him, planted some drugs on him and called the cops. He was expelled from school and we haven’t heard a word from him.”

  Mason cracks a smile. “That’s how you handled it. But wait, didn’t Eli ask questions?”

  “Nope, apparently he had some paybacks himself for some shit that went down back in high school.”

  “So what now?” Mason asks after a few silent minutes.

  I shrug, “I don’t know.”

  The corner of Mason’s mouth pulls up, “There is no place like home plate, Coop. You need to talk to her; you can’t let her walk away. I promise you that you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t at least try.”

  He’s right, absolutely right. I want that home plate, I just have to figure out how to make it mine without fucking it up again.

  Can I move forward and leave the past where it belongs? If I want my heart back then yeah, the past needs to be buried in the past. I just hope it’s not too late.

  I say goodnight to Mason and head off to bed. I strip out of my shorts and t-shirt and climb under the cool sheets. I lie on my side and swipe my finger across my iPhone, tapping on the photos and scrolling through the pictures. When I find the one that I want, the one of Jaylinn lying on her back on the beach smiling up at me, I smile too.

  I want more of those smiling pictures.

  Friday night Layla drags me to Fierce. Okay, she didn’t have to drag me but it took a little convincing on her part. I figured I might as well go since I have absolutely nothing else to do.

  I arrive a little after ten and head to the bar when I spot Layla behind it. I sit on an empty stool beside Eli, my hands resting on the bar but nervously fidgeting.

  “Hey,” Eli leans over and kisses my cheek, making me fidget even more.

  “It’s pretty busy tonight, huh?” The club is packed which seems normal for the weekends.

  “Yeah it’s been pretty steady ever since we opened.” Eli explains, seeming satisfied with the turn-out.

  I look towards all the people dancing, having a good old time. I wish I was as carefree as them. />
  “Cooper and Mason come home Sunday, right?”

  I nod, “Yup. Mason is surprising Hailey at the baby shower.”

  “That’s cool. Cooper mentioned something like that now that I think about it.”

  At the mention of his name my mood shifts. I get angry. I don’t understand why he can’t get over it.

  “Speaking of Cooper, did you figure that curve ball out yet?”

  Layla puts a lemon drop in front of me and before I can say thank you, she’s taking care of another customer. Everywhere I look there’s people surrounding us but I feel alone, like no one understands. It’s dim in the bar, like most are, and it fits my mood perfectly, dark and gloomy.

  “No, not yet.” I don’t look over at him; instead my eyes are on my drink and the sugar crystals lining the rim of the glass.

  This is a weird conversation to be having with Cooper’s friend. Bringing the drink to my lips, the sweetness hits me first, then the sour.

  “I can help you with it.” He says, nudging my shoulder with his. My body rocks sideways a little but I catch myself and set my drink down on the bar.

  I scoff and stare at the wall where all the bottles of alcohol are lined up. “You can’t do that.” I say quietly but it’s loud enough that he hears me. “That’s breaking code.”

  Eli tips his head back and laughs loud, “What do you know about breaking code? Plus who says I’m breaking it? I’m just going to ride the fine line.”

  I narrow my eyes, “What are you up to, Eli?”

  “Listen and learn, pretty lady.” He turns me to face him, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

  Eli and I talk for hours, laughing and scheming. It’s probably wrong that we’re doing this but Eli bet me an entire month of his pay from the club that it will work. One date and a little flirting from Eli will send Cooper into a tailspin.

  So we’ve set the plan in motion, now I just need the courage to carry it out.

  Andrew, Cooper’s dad, is on his way to go pick Cooper and Mason up from the airport. Hailey is upstairs in bed where she belongs while MacKenzie, Chloe, Elle, my mom and I are converting the downstairs for Hailey’s baby shower. Hailey’s mom wasn’t able to make it because she had plans she couldn’t get out of with her other daughter. Hailey didn’t really seem to care in the least, probably one less thing for her to worry about. The doctor gave her strict rules that she is not to leave the house. We were planning to have the baby shower here anyway just because of the bed rest rules from earlier on in her pregnancy. She went to the doctors late last week and her blood pressure was high. The stress of Mason not being around is affecting her more than she’ll admit.