Undeveloped (Life Unfiltered Book 1)

by K Leigh

  Without the influence of other’s opinions, it’s hard to decide what it is I really want. I know it isn’t to feel obligated to a relationship. I know it isn’t to be with a boy who doesn’t make me ache for him when he’s away. And it’s definitely not to be with anyone who disrespects me, my body, and my choices.

  In that moment, I make a split second decision, and it’s the freest and happiest I’ve felt in months. I’d rather be alone than fit into a mold someone else expects of me.

  Natalie

  Past

  A new summer always brings new possibility…

  The creak of the car door opening has me turning my head just in time to see a foot step out of the driver’s side, the expensive looking sneakers shining out of place on the dusty lot. They’re way too clean for camp sneakers. Glancing down at my list, I check the last two staff members. Matt and Eric.

  I know Eric, the games and activities instructor, and he doesn’t drive a BMW. So this has to be Matt, the board member’s son. Apparently, he’s so important that his last name isn’t even necessary because it isn’t listed in the column with all of the others. The only thing keeping his first name company is his cell phone number.

  I’ve always had a thing about numbers. I practically have the whole church contact book memorized, and any time my parents have to call someone, they don’t even look it up anymore. Matt’s number is relatively simple, so after one simple look, I already have it memorized.

  I look up to see the guy that must be Matt slamming his door shut. A lean but well-toned body moves toward the trunk, clad in khaki pants and a polo shirt. Blond waves stir in the breeze and his watch glints in the afternoon sun. After a moment of watching him struggle with his luggage, I sigh at my people-pleasing nature and decide to go help. Standing abruptly, I nearly knock the papers off the table, catching them right before they fly off into the breeze. Thankfully, Matt is so occupied with his own struggles that he fails to notice mine.

  I walk around his car, where half his body is leaned over into the trunk, and catch an eyeful of him bent over, those khakis hugging his legs and waist perfectly. Nothing is left to my imagination, and I have a whole new appreciation for the preppy look. Boys at my school never wore khakis. It was either jeans every day or dress pants at church, funerals, or weddings.

  Clearing my throat so as not to startle him with my sudden appearance, I come to a stop at the trunk. “Need help?” Somehow, I keep my voice from shaking, despite the swarm of nerves that had taken flight in my belly.

  He emerges with raised eyebrows and a blank expression. His eyes travel down my body, burning into every inch of my skin, and back up before landing on my lips. Do I have sunscreen smeared on my face? Or something left from lunch? Surely Kate would’ve told me.

  “If you have time, sure,” he replies, a flicker of annoyance flashing in his eyes. Eyes that are almost feral, a vivid green with flecks of gold. “I’m Matt.” He grunts as he jerks the culprit of his struggles loose from its hold. He cradles the camera bag like one would a baby, his hands moving over the fabric with careful affection.

  “Natalie,” I reply, taking it without a second thought. “You’re a photographer?”

  Matt’s exterior changes faster than the speed of light as he throws his head back and laughs, “It’s only a bit of an obsession.”

  Thinking about my interest in photography, it seems like more of a hobby than a career. “I like taking pictures, too. I wouldn’t call myself a photographer, though.”

  Upon closer observation, I notice the expensive material his bag is made of. I’m itching to unzip it and have a look at the camera inside, but that would be extremely rude. My mom would probably pass out at the thought.

  The next thing out of the trunk is a suitcase, followed by a shiny leather briefcase. Who the hell brings a briefcase to camp? Shaking my head, I continue watching him as he closes the trunk, parking the suitcase beside him.

  “Let me get your lanyard.” I secure his camera bag on my shoulder and head back to the tent. His footsteps crunch behind me, and I fleetingly wonder how I look to him from behind. I don’t think I’m the best looking girl, but I also don’t think of myself as unattractive either. I guess I’m pretty average, but I’ve just never cared much about my looks. Connor would always tease me with the “I hate to see you go, but I love to watch you leave” line, so I had to have something going for me back there. But with Matt behind me and my shorts stuck to my thighs, I realize my mother might have been right about their questionable length.

  Blowing my hair out of my eyes, I pick up my clipboard, skimming down the list for the Wasps’ cabin number. “When you’re not helping in the kitchen, you’re the backup for cabin five.”

  Silence follows my statement and when I look over my shoulder, I find Matt leaning against one of the tentpoles, texting furiously and all but oblivious to the fact I’m talking to him. Rude.

  “Of course, you’ll sleep in the staff cabin,” I continue, but when his eyes don’t meet mine, I speak up a little louder. “Matt!”

  He must have finished his message because he tucks his phone into his pocket and moves closer to me. His scent hits me at once and it’s different from anything males around me have ever smelled like. Clean and light, the opposite of grease or grass. I wonder if he’s ever changed a tire or mowed the lawn. Hell, he may not even have a lawn. Maybe he lives in some ritzy high-rise apartment.

  “The Wasps. Got it. But I have no clue where the staff cabin is. Would you mind showing me?” He flashes a smirk and I’d bet money that it normally gets him anything he wants. Not this time.

  I’m half-tempted to give him a map and let him find his own way up the hill. He hasn’t outright said anything offensive, although the cell phone thing did get to me. There’s just something in his tone that rubs me the wrong way. My dad would probably call him pretentious. He definitely lacks the southern charm I’ve been accustomed to my whole life. In the south, even when you’re being rude, you’re still polite about it.

  But, leaving him on his own would go against every grain of said southern charm that’s been instilled in me since birth. And while something about him grates my nerves, I can also acknowledge that part of it is me internally pushing my intrigue away. No way can I handle having this reaction to another guy so soon.

  “I’ll have to show you when another staff member comes. I can’t leave the table right now.” I tap my clipboard with my pen, watching his reaction.

  “That’s fine. I’m sure I can find my way.” Matt’s smile dims as if he’s disappointed, and he reaches for his camera bag. A strange flash of recognition hits me and I squint at him, trying to figure out why he would seem familiar.

  “Natalie! Lovely to see you.” The voice of the camp director, Tonya, distracts me from my perusal of Matt’s features.

  “Hey, Mrs. Tonya!” I greet her.

  She hugs me around the camera bag, her arms resting at an awkward angle on my shoulders. “New camera?” she asks.

  “No, this is his.” I nod toward Matt, whose forlorn expression is now replaced with an easy smile.

  “Hi, Aunt Tonya.” He leans in and she kisses his cheek. For a moment, I feel trapped between them, Matt’s scent alarmingly overwhelming as the distance between us shrinks.

  “Hey there, Matt.” As they move apart, I’m grateful for the absence of him in my space. “I half expect you to set up a dark room while you’re here this time.”

  Snapping around to look at him, I catch his eye just in time to see the slight blush spread across his cheeks. Never been here. Yeah, right.

  “Matt has been taking pictures since before he could walk.” Tonya explains to me, affection clear in her tone. “He’s won awards and had a few exhibits in museums. Super talented.”

  “And Aunt Tonya supports my dream more than my parents ever will,” Matt replies with a wry smile. Something clicks inside me and I realize that Matt’s fallen expression made me think of…myself.

  “Every
one needs a cool aunt,” Tonya jokes.

  “I was just waiting for Natalie to have a free moment,” Matt tells her. “She’s going to show me where the staff cabin is. I haven’t been here in forever, so I don’t remember.”

  “Well, I’ll take over here,” Tonya says, snatching the clipboard from my hand in the blink of an eye. “You all get moving so you can unpack and be on time to the bonfire. And Matt, there’ve been several reports of staff sneaking out to party at night. I’m going to be on high alert this year, so watch out.”

  “Sure thing.” Matt tips his head to Tonya, then gives me a mocking bow. “After you, m’lady.”

  Turning away so he can’t see me, I roll my eyes. Why in the world would someone lie about having never been to camp.

  Maybe he didn’t want to seem like a know-it-all, or maybe he thinks he’s too cool for camp. Remembering his comment about no one supporting his dream, I wonder if he’s afraid we might think differently of him as a board member’s son. No one likes the boss’s kids.

  But whatever his reason, it was still a lie.

  Our journey is quiet, neither of us saying a word to the other until he stands in the middle of his room, the last empty one in our cabin.

  “They seriously have boys and girls in the same cabin?” he asks.

  “The hope is that we’re trustworthy, I suppose. They’re letting us watch kids all summer, after all.” Checking my watch, I glance back up in time to catch Matt’s amused expression.

  “You’re joking, right? They probably just hope that we save our sinful ways for when the campers aren’t around.”

  Flustered by his honesty, I duck my head to hide my flushed cheeks

  “Like when they sneak out, as Tonya mentioned,” he remarks.

  “Yeah, I’ve heard them leave on Friday nights.”

  “You don’t go with them?” Matt asks, putting his clothes away neatly as we talk. He smooths the wrinkles out of his shirts with extra care after tucking them into the drawers.

  “Um, no, I don’t.” I’d been invited a few times, but I’m not much of a rebel. Back home, I once snuck out to a barn party with Kate, but that’s been my extent of the party life. I doubt this year will be any different.

  “Not your idea of fun?” His smirk grows as he surveys me, eyes lingering on the hemline of my shorts. I’d heard mutters before.

  Preacher’s daughter.

  Goody-goody.

  Too pure to go out with the bad kids.

  Connor’s perfect little girlfriend.

  And these assumptions were right, for the most part. My parents would die if they caught wind of me being reckless enough to sneak out of camp. What would the church think?

  As he turns away from me, I watch him slide his phone out of his pocket again.

  “It’s really not,” I say, but he’s either enthralled in his messages again or he just doesn’t care to reply.

  The plan was for me to lead him to the bonfire after he got his things settled, but I’ve had my quota of playing helpful tour guide to the camp’s new celebrity. Turning on my heel, I leave the room, taking care to slam the door behind me.

  Natalie

  Past

  Today, I learned I shouldn’t be so quick to judge…

  “Welcome to Shady Grove Summer Camp.” The outdoor amphitheater is packed to the gills for the opening night ceremonies. Everyone’s listening to Tonya, a buzz of excitement humming in the twilight. “Who’s ready for our bonfire kick-off and Charades night?”

  The kids whoop and clap with sparkling eyes, chattering in undertones to one another. The Ladybugs are an exuberant bunch.

  When I left Matt earlier, I had found Kate and the girls bonding and braiding one another’s hair to prepare for the evening. When not helping in the kitchen, I’m responsible for assisting Kate with her kids, and I’m actually excited to spend the evening with them.

  One of the taller girls nudges me. “We’re going to win Charades, Natalie.” Her lips clench together, eyebrows furrowed determinedly.

  “No doubt, Amanda,” I tease, pulling one of her braids. “We’re against the Wasps, though. What do you think are our chances?” She follows my gaze to the boys in the row across from us.

  “They don’t look that tough,” she says, clearly unimpressed.

  Before I can respond, Kate leans over to whisper in my ear. “They have the new guy, right?”

  I had failed to mention to Kate that I had already met Matt. In all the hustle and bustle of getting to the bonfire, I never found a chance to. Sure enough, there he is, squeezed between two prepubescent boys. To my complete surprise, his phone is nowhere in sight. Seth probably made him aware of an extremely important camp rule: no phones during activities. It’s too big of a liability, and as counselors, we have to be vigilant at all times.

  “I think that’s him.” Kate’s breath tickles my ear, making me jump. “He must be helping Seth tonight.

  “I’m not sure he needs help,” I giggle, watching Seth joke around with the boys, his eyelids peeled up to reveal his pupils. When he catches us looking at him, he waves with a goofy grin.

  “He’s so good with kids.” The longing in Kate’s voice catches me off guard. Her and Seth have been together for so long that I assume they’ll end up married with kids one day. But now’s definitely not the time.

  “Still a little early for kids, right?” I ask her with raised eyebrows.

  “Oh, I know. But someday, a few would be nice.” Her hand moves to her abdomen in a familiar move that I remember Violet picking up early in her pregnancy. But as quickly as her hand graces her stomach, it’s gone again, maneuvering around to grab her water bottle from her bag and downing what seems like half of it. I seriously hope she isn’t already pregnant. I love my best friend, and Seth is a great guy, but they are in no way ready for a baby.

  Suddenly, Tonya claps her hands three times, followed by the whole group clapping three times in return, the familiar action to get the campers’ attention. I table my questions, shooting Seth a suspicious glance as Tonya continues talking about the rules for the night.

  My best friend’s boyfriend is watching Tonya with rapt attention, but my eyes travel, locking on another gaze immediately. Matt stares back at me, almost defiantly. Then, to my surprise, he smiles. Not the smirk I witnessed earlier, nor a gruff look of disdain, but a genuine smile. As if we share an inside joke. I try to turn away before he sees my own smile, but I’m sure he caught a glimpse. I wonder if he’ll be breaking the rules and sneaking out later tonight.

  “All right, the bonfire is set up at the fire pit and Seth will light it up for us.” Tonya

  points to Seth, who animatedly waves his book of matches around for everyone to see. A chorus of shouts fill the air while Seth bows theatrically.

  “Marshmallows and hot dogs are set up down there as well. Counselors, please lead your groups down one at a time. We’ll start with the Caterpillars,” she finishes.

  As everyone files out of their seats, the room is alight with laughter and talking, everyone bumping into one another as they flit around the room. I take the lead for the Ladybugs and Kate pulls up the rear.

  When I look behind me as everyone lines up, I see Seth staring across the crowd at Kate, his face lit up like the Fourth of July. Despite her objections, it’s possible for them to be pregnant; they’ve been having sex for a while now. I had been the one to go with her to the health department to get on the pill.

  Pulling myself out of my thoughts about Kate, I realize I’m now standing beside Matt as he leads the Wasps. He jerks his head in the opposite direction when I look over at him, and a part of me feels giddy at the fact that he had been looking at me.

  Amanda pulls on my shirt as we walk, talking in a loud whisper that I’m certain everyone can hear. “I really do think we can beat them. That one boy has been picking his nose the whole time. He probably doesn’t even have a brain left.”

  A burst of laughter escapes me, echoing in the trees around us
. When I move to cover my mouth, my hand grazes Matt’s. His cool skin presses against the back of my hand for a split second, and an electric current pulses at the point of contact until I pull away from him. Glancing over, I see that he’s still on the move, chattering to one of the boys in his group, and seemingly oblivious to the spark igniting between us. Perhaps he hadn’t felt the same thing I had.

  After collecting myself, I move down the path, pushing away thoughts of Matt and focusing on the night ahead.

  “What the heck was that?” Seth approaches me at the s’mores station, stabbing two giant marshmallows with his roasting stick.

  “What was what?” I grab a few for myself, eyeing the chocolate candy on the other side of him.

  “You acted like Matt had cooties or something,” Seth whispers in my ear, looking over his shoulder. “He’s a big deal around here. I’m not saying you have to like him, but don’t be rude.”

  “Oh, Seth, he didn’t even notice me.” Bristling at Seth’s reprimand, I wonder what his deal is. “And I didn’t act like he had cooties, it just surprised me. Completely different.” Reaching around Seth, I pick up a candy bar. “I never thought you’d be one to care that much about social status, though.”

  “I have a lot to worry about right now,” Seth’s face drops, his shoulders slumping. “I’m just stressed out. I’ve applied for a full-time job with the charity that runs the camp. Matt can give me a crappy report if he doesn’t like it here.”

  He doesn’t notice me watching his eyes travel to where Kate sits, helping the girls build their s’mores and passing out napkins. She has a marshmallow stuck to her cheek, the flames dancing in her eyes as she moves from girl to girl.