Living for Today

by Kennedy, Brenda

  I kiss and hug Mom and Dad before they leave. Walking into the house, I sigh. “It’s great having company, but wow, that was a lot of people.”

  “It was. I’m glad to have a few days of doing nothing before the guests start to arrive.”

  “Me, too.”

  “When is Drew coming back?”

  “In a week or two. I needed some space. Things with him are great, but they’re just moving so fast.”

  “They are, aren’t they?”

  “I like him. He’s wonderful in every way, but so much has happened in such a short time.” She stares up at the ceiling. “I just want some time to think.”

  “I get it. Go down to Tybee Island and spend the day.”

  “Do you want to come with me?”

  “I think I’ll pass. I want to read Xander’s new book.”

  “Do you want me to stay around here? It sounds like that book is going to be a tear jerker.”

  That’s putting it mildly. “No, I’ll be fine.”

  As soon as Skylar’s gone, I lock up the inn and lie on my bed and read. This book is written differently from Xander’s other books. This could be a biography. It begins when his cancer is confirmed growing and spreading and when the doctor tells him he will die within the year without aggressive treatments and surgery. He writes about walking into the inn and seeing me for the first time. This book is written in first person and he describes his rapidly beating heart and his thoughts of seeing the most beautiful woman in the world. I cry. He changed the names of the characters, but he described them perfectly to our true appearance. He also used the real name of the inn and the tearoom.

  To read about Xander’s inner thoughts is private and personal. I had no idea what his first thoughts were of me. I read a little, and then I cry a lot. I don’t stop reading until the book is finished. The book is amazing. Xander said in the book that he was madly in love with the innkeeper. Everything about the book was about our short life together. Did he really love me? He never said those words if he did. I often wondered if I loved him. I miss him, and I wanted more time with him. He loved me. He wanted me happy.

  Setting the book down on the nightstand, I cry myself to sleep.

  Standing in the corner of the room, I focus on the vision before me. A man who looks like every picture I have ever seen of Connor saunters across the room toward me. He’s wearing a black suit, with a red tie. His hands are in his pockets, and he’s sexy and handsome. His smile reveals straight white teeth, but I can’t look away from his mysterious, beautiful, almost black eyes. The noise in the background has faded out to near silence. The people who were standing around us are now just a blur. The only thing I can see is the man in front of me. “Connor?” I whisper in a soft shaky voice. He removes his hands from his front pockets and in his right hand is the shiniest razor blade I have ever saw. “What are you doing?” I ask. He quickly lashes out and slices my throat.

  I try to scream as I reach for my cut throat. There’s so much blood. I thought Connor was dead. How can he be alive? The blood is hot and thick as it gushes from my neck onto my hands. I try to close the gaping hole in my throat, but it’s useless. I scream, but nothing comes out. I need help. I need Skylar, or Chase. Where are they?

  “Ava, It’s me. Wake up. It’s just a dream,” Skylar yells.

  I kick and cry. He’s here, he’s right here! Why can’t she see him? He has a razor! Be careful!

  “Ava, please, wake up!”

  I open my eyes and it’s dark. I can just make out the outline of Skylar. My face is hot from tears. I touch my face and my throat then look at my hands to make sure it’s not blood. It’s not. I touch my throat again and it’s intact. Thank God.

  “Ava, it was another dream,” she says softly.

  Once I realize she’s right, I say, “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “You don’t have to be sorry. Are you okay?”

  “He had a razor. He cut my throat.” I touch my throat with both of my hands. “It seemed so real. It felt so real. I could feel the blood. I couldn’t talk.”

  “Oh, Ava.” Skylar sits on the bed and hugs me. “I’m sorry that bastard hurt you.”

  I can feel my body shake. “I’m tired of crying, I’m tired of these nightmares, and I’m tired of Connor still hurting me.”

  “I am, too.”

  “Well, I know one thing for sure.”

  “What’s that?”

  “This was a dream and not a memory. If he did cut my throat, I never would have survived it.”

  “The nightmare was that bad, huh?”

  I swallow and touch my throat. “Yeah, it was.”

  Skylar sleeps with me that night. I don’t have any more nightmares. Early the next morning there’s a knock at the door. She says walking into my room, “Special delivery for Miss Ava Emerson.” Skylar bounces onto the bed holding a small red, beautifully wrapped package with an attached note.

  “A late Christmas gift? But from whom?” I open the gift and inside are no-bake oatmeal cookies.

  “Um, my fav.” Skylar takes one and pops it in her mouth. “Who sent them?”

  “Xander,” I say, holding the note I just read. She chokes and I laugh. “Nichole says in the note that they’re from Xander.”

  “I knew I liked that guy. “ She makes me smile. “How many’s in there?”

  I peek inside the box. “Looks like a couple dozen.”

  “Just leave my half on the kitchen counter and I’ll eat them later.”

  “Your half?”

  “I’m sure he meant for me to have some.” She laughs at her own joke and I have to giggle. “Go change so we can go out to breakfast.”

  “Okay, that sounds good.”

  Skylar

  If I could go to hell and kill Connor, I would. I can’t express how much hatred I have for that man. I love Ava and he’s hurt her. Even in death, he’s hurting her. According to Dante, author of The Divine Comedy, traitors against family are punished in the lowest of the nine circles of Hell by being frozen in ice up to their neck. A wife beater is a traitor against family. If Connor had been violent only against others who were not family members, he would have been punished in Circle Seven’s river of boiling blood. I used to pray to God to help her, now I pray to Xander to find Connor and get him for hurting her. Well actually, I pray to God and talk to Xander, hoping he can hear me.

  She sees Doctor Adams and she also sees a counselor for her nightmares, but nothing is working. Why are her dreams suddenly changing from memories to nightmares?

  Ava’s been sad since Xander’s death. I don’t think she loved him, but I know she cared for him. When everyone went home after Christmas, she let me read what he signed to her in his new book. It was enough to make me cry, and I never cry. I called Drew and told him that I needed some time. I like him, but I’m worried that every time Ava sees him, she’ll think of Xander. She doesn’t need a sitter, but I have this need to protect her. Especially since I couldn’t keep her safe when she married that bastard Connor.

  Chase has been calling and texting Ava a lot since Xander’s death. He has feelings for her, and I wish he would just confess them to her. He won’t. “The time is not right,” he says. I have no idea what time it needs to be, but he needs to hurry up. I told him when we were in college she was interested in him, but he didn’t believe me. Then Connor came in and swooped her off her feet. God, I hate him. I wonder what the penalty is for digging up a corpse and beating it with a baseball bat. Whatever the punishment is, it might just be worth it. Tonight after we watched Sleepless in Seattle, I went to bed and called Chase. I want him to know that Ava’s nightmares are back. There isn’t anything he can do about them, but he would want to know. When I get up to get something to drink, Ava’s bedroom door is ajar. When we were in college, she couldn’t sleep unless the room was pitch black and quiet, but now I see a night light on and her door slightly opened. Connor has surely done a number on her. I make a mental note to
buy a shovel and a baseball bat tomorrow from the department store. Peeking in her room, I ask, “Can I sleep in here?” I walk in without waiting for an answer and climb onto her large queen-sized bed.

  “Can’t sleep?” she asks.

  “No, not really.”

  She’s lying in bed, holding her cell phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Texting Chase.”

  “It seems no one can sleep tonight. What’s he doing?”

  “He wants to come up tomorrow for New Year’s Eve.”

  “Let him. We don’t have any plans.”

  “Exactly. I don’t want him sitting around with us playing cards when he could be out partying it up.”

  I laugh. “Are we talking about the same Chase?”

  She rolls her eyes. “You know we are.”

  “Then you should know that Chase doesn’t party.” I look at her and remember her amnesia. “Oh sorry, I keep forgetting.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Tell him to come, and I’ll call Drew and see if he wants to come, too.”

  “I thought you needed some time from him?”

  “I miss him. I’m ready to see him again.”

  “Okay, sounds good. I’ll text him.”

  “Okay, I better call Drew to make sure he hasn’t moved on without me yet.”

  “You don’t think he has, do you?”

  “Nah, it just been a few days.”

  The next day, the cleaners come to get the rooms ready for the guests, while Ava and I clean the house. We had family and friends here, and although everyone did their part to help with the cleanup, it still feels dirty.

  We have a food delivery coming in today for the inn, so we decide to make do with that food instead of running out and fighting the crowds in the grocery store to buy more. Ava and I shower and dress in jeans and a hoodie. Chase shows up first. He brings flowers, champagne, and some store-bought hot appetizers.

  “A man after my own heart,” I tease. He hands me the flowers. “Not those. These.” I pick up the box of Publix chicken wings and take one. “I love these.”

  “Good. Here, Ava, these are really for you.”

  “Thanks. I’ll put them in water.”

  Ava and I put the food and the chips in our own serving dishes, and set them out on the table. I do this partly because one, it looks better, and two, I plan on taking the credit for everything when Drew gets here.

  “Should I start a fire outside?” Chase asks.

  “Do we have stuff for s’mores?” I ask.

  Ava says, “Yeah, there’s some left from the last time we had them.”

  “Then yes, you should definitely start a fire.”

  Ava stands and says, “I’ll help you.”

  I watch as Ava and Chase walk outside carrying some old newspapers with them. I look from the large window at the interaction between them and wonder if she can see the way he looks at her. I notice she’s different when he’s around. She’s happier. He’s happier. Anyone can see the chemistry between them, except for her.

  “Wake up and see it, Ava,” I wanna yell.

  When I hear a car pull in, I get butterflies. Drew is getting out of his car with a duffle bag, a small box, and a dozen of the most beautiful red roses I’ve ever seen.

  “Hey,” I say, walking off the steps to meet him.

  He turns to look at me as a smile spreads across his beautiful face. “I’ve missed you,” he admits right away.

  That’s one of the things that I like about Drew. He doesn’t leave me guessing about what he’s thinking. He tells me.

  “It’s been only a few days,” I say, getting closer to him. He doesn’t take his eyes off of mine.

  “That may be, but it felt like much longer.” He drops the flowers, box, and duffle bag onto the ground and kisses me. The kiss is deep and passionate. Things heat up quickly and I’m ready to take this to my bedroom. I’ve never been in a relationship where there was so much sexual attraction. It’s not just sexual attraction; it’s physical, emotional, intellectual, practical, and even spiritual. It’s everything all combined into one. I was afraid up until this very second that it was just sexual attraction.

  “How long are you staying?”

  “As long as you’ll have me.”

  “Good. You didn’t bring many clothes.”

  “I can buy more or just keep washing these ones.”

  We laugh.

  “Come on. Let’s get you unpacked. Chase is starting a fire.”

  “Are we having s’mores?”

  And this is why I love him. Like him. I like him. I don’t love him. This is why I like him. Not love. “You know it.”

  While he unpacks, I put the flowers in water and carry them into the bedroom. “These smell wonderful.”

  “They look nice, too. I was really surprised at how big the blooms were.”

  “You noticed the size of the flowers’ blooms?”

  “Yeah, Dad made sure Xander and I knew how to buy flowers at an early age. We always bought Mom flowers for every holiday beginning when we were old enough to use the potty, I think.”

  “That’s pretty young.”

  “No age is too young to make a woman feel special.”

  “I guess not.”

  “What’s in the box?”

  “No-bake cookies for Ava.”

  “From Xander?”

  “Yeah, how’d you know?”

  I laugh. “Nichole sent her some the other day and said they were also from Xander.”

  “She said that he told her to make sure she got some for every holiday.”

  I have to know. “Do you think he knew he was going to die?”

  “I do. He dedicated his last book to her. He wrote the last book about her. He signed the proof copy for her so she’d have his complete set of books.” His eyes got watery. “I think he wanted to live, but he knew he would die.”

  “Did he love her?”

  “That, I don’t know. He never said. I know that she made him happier than I’ve ever seen him.”

  Must have been love. “She was pretty happy, too.”

  Ava

  Chase builds a fire and we talk nonstop about everything and nothing. He talks about work, and about his condo. He says the lease is coming due and he has no idea whether to renew it, or find himself someplace more permanent to live. “You’re thinking of buying a house in Lake City?”

  “That’s where I live and work. Only makes sense to buy a house there.”

  “Smart ass. I mean, are you staying in Lake City forever?”

  “Smart ass, huh?” He laughs. “Forever’s a long time. I have no idea what the future holds, but I would like to get some place that I can make mine.”

  “Still have no desire to open a practice here in Savannah?”

  He searches my eyes. “I’d love nothing more than to be closer to you and Skylar, but I’m not sure how it would work out. My clients are all in Lake City.”

  “Hey, where’s the wine and the s’mores?”

  I look up and Drew and Skylar are walking outside. She looks happier today than she has in the last few days since he left. “I’ll get them,” I say, standing to walk into the house. I turn around and ask Chase, “Do you want a beer?”

  “Sure, sounds good.”

  I get everything together and place it all on the wooden trays. There’s enough food to make two trips outside, and to feed more than the four of us.

  Chase sees me through the window and comes in to help me. “You have everything?”

  “I hope so. If not, I think this is plenty.”

  “After you.”

  We eat outside and Drew and Chase keep the fire going. As it gets later, the night air gets colder. I go into the house and get a couple throw blankets for everyone. The guys don’t need them, but Skylar and I are freezing. We hear fireworks in the far distance, alerting us that midnight is fast approaching.

  Drew talks about his military days and the explosion that kill
ed his comrades and altered his life forever. He says, “It started off as a normal day. My comrades and I were moving things into a new location. As we got further down the dusty road, there was an Iraqi sitting on the embankment. Just him and his old dog. He nodded as we approached. Nothing seemed threatening about him or his pooch. That was our first mistake. The second mistake was to pass him. That’s when the Humvee blew up. I didn’t lose consciousness like my friends. I watched the man get up and walk away with his dog following behind him.”

  Chase listens, never interrupting. “I’m sorry for your injuries, Drew. I can’t imagine what that was like for you.”

  “My leg was in pretty bad shape. After weeks of trying to save it to no avail, I was relieved when they said they were going to have to amputate. It was painful to try to save the mangled limb. I knew then and I know now, I’m better off without it.”

  Chase swallows hard and says, “Thank you for your service. It’s greatly appreciated.” He stands and shakes Drew’s hand.

  Just before midnight Drew and Skylar stand and grab the trays of food. “We’re turning in. Happy New Year, and we’ll see you both in the morning.”

  “Not waiting for midnight?”

  “Not this year. I’m beat.” Skylar smiles and I barely catch it. I stand and hug them both. Good night and Happy New Year.”

  Chase hugs Skylar and shakes Drew’s hand. “You guys have to get up early for breakfast, right?”

  “Not tomorrow, the guests we have didn’t want breakfast. They said they’ll be too hung over to eat.”

  “Nice,” Drew says.

  “I know, right?” Skylar laughs. “We did say we’d have coffee, drinks, and pastries out for them if they changed their minds.”

  Chase says, “Might want to have some bottled water and some packets of Tylenol on their nightstands for them when they get home tonight.”

  My eyes get big. “That is a brilliant idea. I’ll be right back.”

  “Hey, wait. I was just kidding.”

  I yell over my shoulder. “I know, but you’re a genius. I’ll be right back.”

  As I’m collecting six bottles of water and six packets of Tylenol, I see Chase cleaning up outside. I run upstairs and place the waters and the Tylenol on the bedside tables of the guests who are staying with us. This is such a great touch, and I wish I had thought of it first. I hurry downstairs to turn the television on to watch the ball drop. Chase is standing in the kitchen putting the drinks away.