Arousing Consequences
Page 30
“She told them I would be your type and made sure she acted as if she didn’t like me in front of you.” I stand abruptly, crying, knowing that sounds exactly like her but…kill my father. I cover my stomach as the tears fall faster. “She didn’t want you in the house when it happened.”
“Liar! Liar!” I run over to him screaming. “You son of a bitch!” I yell, hitting him and crying before Jackson comes swooping me up. “Get outta my fucking house!” I scream trying to fight Jackson through my sobbing.
“Get’em the hell outta here!” Jackson shouts carrying me upstairs. He sits on the bed as I cry and sob into his chest.
“Jackson…he said my mother…I can’t breathe.” I sob.
“Karisma…please…shhh.” He holds me tight cradling me as I sob into his chest. “Baby…I’m so sorry…try to calm yourself.” As time passes, I relax myself to hear what I don’t know…I know there's more. I want everything out now.
“Jackson, did Jonathan check his story?”
He sighs. “Yes baby.”
“So it’s all true?” I feel the tension is his arms.
“Yes.” He whimpers.
“Please tell me who Thomas Malcolm is.” He doesn’t respond. I stand between his legs and I see the sadness in his posture. “Jackson?” He looks at me and the fear he’s feeling overwhelms me.
“Karisma…” he puts his head back down.
“Tell me.”
“He tried to kill me.” He whispers at the floor. What? Oh God…no. My heart is racing.
“Jackson…” I say backing up from him. It gets harder to breathe. “Please…please tell me Malcolm isn’t the guy that was after you.” He looks up at me with tears in his eyes. “Jackson…No!... please…No!” I cry out as I grab for my stomach. Jackson reaches for me and I swat his hand.
“Karisma…I didn’t know.” He whimpers now standing…crying.
“My father died…cause of you!” I shout. “I have no one now! My father’s gone, my mother helped that happen…and you…I can’t do this!” I can’t even look at him, my heart is hurting. I have to get out of here. He grabs me before I walk away. “Don’t!” I yell trying to get away.
“Karisma…please…don’t go!” He begs as his desperate voice cracks. He jumps in front of me, but I can’t look at him. “Karisma…please look at me.” I slowly look up into his frightened, wet blue eyes as they pull me in…calming me. I love him….but I can’t be here right now. Learning this only makes me realize how little I know about him. “I need you in my life…you’re carrying a part of me.” He whimpers, placing his hand on my belly. Yes, I am…but I can’t help but feel betrayed.
“Jackson…I can’t be here right now.” He closes his eyes as tears fall down his face.
“You’re leaving me?” He whimpers. I can’t believe I’m actually contemplating doing just that.
“I feel like I don’t know you.”
“Karisma…you know me better than anyone.” He says pulling me into him…and I let him.
“Okay…so tell me…why me? Why were you so closed off before me?” He backs away from me with his head down. There’s something I don’t know and I’ve always felt it. “Why have you always felt undeserving of me?” I inch closer. “I know there’s something you’re not telling me Jackson.” He doesn’t respond…just stares at the floor. “Like I said…I can’t be here right now.”
He finally let’s me walk past him and I go to my closet to grab a change of clothes and pack a bag. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I definitely can’t stay here right now. When I come out of the closet, Jackson is sitting on the bed. Seeing me, he walks slowly over to me. The longing in his blues are torturing me, but I need more…I need him to tell me everything. He takes the bag from me, grabbing my hand, leading me downstairs. He must have called Richard, because he’s outside with my car and the Range Rover waiting.
“Listen, I want Richard to still guard you until Malcolm is found.” He says quietly. I nod as Richard takes my bag and returns to the truck. I turn to walk to my car but he pulls me back to him and stares down into me…weakening my resolve.
“Jackson…don’t.” I whisper. I know he wants to kiss me and try to get me to stay.
“Karisma…I love you so much.” He whimpers.
“Then tell me what I wanna know.” I wait for an answer, but he just stands there, letting tears fall from his eyes.
“Why can’t me loving you be enough?”
“Jackson…tell me everything…or I walk.” His blues turn gray as his nerves overwhelm him. Whatever it is…he must think it’s worse than knowing he’s the cause of my father’s death. I pull myself from his grip. “I’m tired of people who claim they love me, keeping shit from me!” I run to my car and drive out of there.
Driving away, I think about choices. We all make them. It may start with something honorable, but eventually a web is spun and that one honorable choice will lead to discreditable consequences. People who didn’t know each other were ultimately affected by that same honorable choice. Although we may have all played a part, there are only a few of these people that can never be forgiven. The loss is just too great. Jackson and I are not amongst those people, and I would have forgiven him if he would have let me in. I watch him fall to his knees in my rearview as I drive away from him…from love…from home. I glance down at my engagement ring, remembering our happiness and wondering if he was playing me too. The thought is too painful to ponder as I clutch the steering wheel, weaving back to the hotel where I will be alone with my sorrow, my pain…and our baby.
Jackson
I can’t believe she’s gone…and I let her leave…again. What the hell am I doing? I can’t tell her the truth now. She’s suffered too much already because of me and my choices. I had to let her go. Right? What am I thinking, she’s carrying my baby! I have to tell her everything and just let her decide. She loves me, my past is just that…my past. Hopefully, she’ll return once I open myself up completely and tell her about my downward spiral after my mother’s death, the drugs and the murder of Kimberly Monroe.
End Part One
References:
Jackson & Karisma’s Playlist
Silk – I Wonder
Kenny Bobien – You Are My Friend
Drake – Too Good
Chris Brown – New Flame
Notorious B.I.G. – Juicy
Carl Thomas – The Baby Maker
Terry Hunter – Mr. Wonderful
Tamar Braxton – Let Me Know
Brandi – When You Touch Me
Beyonce – Love on Top
Tweet – Boogie 2nite
Justin Timberlake – Not a Bad Thing
Beyonce – Dance 4 You
Maroon 5 – Secret
Tweet – Beautiful
Earth People – Dance
T-Pain – Booty Wurk
Luther Vandross/Cheryl Lynn – If This World Were Mine
Ciara - Promise