My Fraternity Big Brother

by Natasha Palmer

  “I went a little too far. I’ll tell you about it later. He probably needs ice or something”

  “Let’s get you some ice and I’ll drive you back to the dorm. I’m Hunter by the way. I don’t think we’ve met,” he said.

  “I’ll walk back,” I said.

  “You don’t have to do that. It’s easier for me to drive you.”

  “No I’ll walk.”

  “Let me drive you.”

  “I said I’ll walk so fuck off,” I said to him.

  “Okay,” he said. A few brothers walked in the room and were about to ask me if I was okay or something when Hunter said, “Leave him alone guys. Give him some space.”

  I heard Hunter say to the girl, “This is really bad. Go in there and end it in the next five minutes.”

  I walked out of the house in agony. I had never felt so much pain. It was a hundred times worse than nicking yourself on the hand with a knife. I wanted to beat the hell out of the bros. I hated them so much. The person I hated the most was Travis. He told me to keep an open mind and that it’d be fun. A fucking liar. I wanted to punch him in the face.

  The walk back to my dorm was brutal. I shuffled into my dorm room since I couldn’t walk normally anymore. Blood had completely drenched the back of my pants and socks. My roommate Chris noticed something was up immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “Nothing,” I said softly. I raised my hand up and wiped away some snot from my nose, snot that came about because of crying so hard.

  “Dude is that blood? Holy shit it is. That’s a lot of blood.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “What the hell happened?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “No way. I’m calling an ambulance.”

  I didn’t argue. I walked over to my bed and climbed onto the bed and lay on my chest.

  I was taken to the hospital. The doctor asked me repeatedly what happened and I kept telling him that I didn’t want to talk about it. He eventually stopped asking. He stopped the bleeding somehow. I wasn’t paying attention because he had drugged me up on some Vicodin. He ended up prescribing me some painkillers and some disinfectant cream to put on it for a week. He also recommended that I sit as least as possible for a while to let it heal. The best part about it was that I was going to have some gnarly scars. That last part is sarcasm.

  Chapter 5

  I received numerous phone calls and texts from the fraternity members, including Travis, and my pledge bros. I let them all go straight to voicemail and then deleted it all. I wasn’t going to sue them, but I didn’t want them to know it. I loved the fact that they were probably freaking out thinking that I was going to sue them. Whenever they approached me in public, I would tell them to leave me alone unless they wanted a scene. I knew I had to talk to one of them eventually because I wasn’t going to pay for that hospital bill. If they made me do that then I decided that I would sue them.

  A week and a half later, my pledge bros Patrick and Todd, the ones I played basketball with visited me. I didn’t ask them too. They snuck their way into my dorm. I say snuck because there are locks outside of all the dorm buildings, so only people who lived in that building with a keycard could get in.

  I sat at my desk on the computer looking at ESPN’s website. My roommate wasn’t there at the time and I had my door open at the time in case anyone in the hall wanted to stop in to say hello. I heard the door close behind me. I turned around to open it again because I figured that it closed on its own somehow.

  “What the fuck,” I said surprised. “Get out. Get out now before I start yelling.”

  “Just listen to us for a second,” Patrick begged.

  “Please,” Todd said.

  “Fine. What is it?”

  “Can you come back to the frat?” Patrick asked.

  “Why would I do that after receiving a lovely gift of scars on my ass,” I said sarcastically.

  “We miss you,” Todd said.

  “Yeah okay.”

  “We do. We as in your pledge bros,” Patrick said.

  “The bros promised that they won’t really haze you anymore except for maybe big bro night, but no physical shit anymore,” Todd said.

  “So I can be the odd duck out and not have to do anything with my pledge bros,” I said.

  “We don’t care. You got your ass literally beaten to a bloody pulp. Anything we have to do is child’s play compared to that. None of us had to endure that. We really don’t mind,” Patrick said.

  “That sounds nice. I’m down for hanging out with you guys, but I don’t know if I want anything to do with the bros,” I said.

  “Do it for us then. We miss you and when we all cross it’ll be the bond between us. Your pledge brothers are who you end up being close to anyways,” Todd said.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said.

  “That’s all we ask for,” Todd said.

  “Now get out of my room,” I said smiling.

  “Okay. By the way the bros said they would pay for anything you had to buy,” Patrick said.

  “Awesome. I’ll send my hospital bill right over then.”

  Todd’s mouth dropped open. “You had to go to the hospital,” Todd said.

  “Yeah I did.”

  “Wow. That’s a lot worse than anyone thought,” Patrick said.

  “You can tell them then and now they really won’t haze me if I come back,” I said.

  “No they won’t,” Todd said.

  “We’ll get going. Please come back man. We miss you,” Patrick said.

  “Bye. I’ll think about it. Leave the door open please,” I said. They left and I sat pondering if I should go back to the frat.

  I returned to the frat with hesitation. They all apologized profusely and they paid my hospital bills. I told them I wasn’t going to be a part of hazing and they agreed. My pledge bros still had to deal with hazing. It was mainly being put through intense workouts at 4AM in the morning and doing stupid shit for the bros. I didn’t have to do any of it and none of my pledge bros resented me for it. I’m sure some of the fraternity guys did, but screw them.

  I started to hang out more with my pledge bros and a few of the fraternity members. I enjoyed spending time with them at parties. Travis approached me a few times begging to talk to me, but I ignored him and told him to leave me alone. I didn’t respond to any of his texts or listen to his voicemails.

  I couldn’t stand to talk to him. I was so angry with him that he lied to me. That he said it’d be fun. It was not. Yeah it was a mistake, one that I’ll always remember because of the scars on my ass. I didn’t just feel angry with him though. I felt uncomfortable because of the night I had spent at his house. It made me question my sexuality because I kept thinking about him and imagined him holding me again. I felt ashamed for thinking and feeling these things. I missed him a lot, which made things more complicated. I didn’t understand why I missed him and I was terrified of being gay. I figured ignoring him was the best approach.

  Chapter 6

  I placed my cell phone on speakerphone. I pressed dial and waited for her to pick up. I paced back and forth nervously.

  “So nice of you to call me in the middle of the day. You haven’t done that in a while,” she said sweetly with a hint of annoyance thrown in.

  “Hello”

  “How are you? I miss talking to you.”

  “I’m good. Can I talk to you about something?” I asked.

  “I’m glad. Sure. By the way I got an A on my sociology midterm. I studied so hard for that damn class. Memorizing compounds and everything. Are you proud of me?”

  “Sure,” I said annoyed.

  “That doesn’t sound like you are. I’m sorry I’m not a fancy engineering major like you. Sociology has its importance in society too.”

  “I know it does.”

  “Good. I hate having to reiterate that.” I bit my fist. So fucking annoying. “I got hit on some guys who were returning from their mission. They said I was beautiful
and that they were looking for a wife. Some of them were cute, but I just want you. I can’t wait till we get married and we can have sex like you want and have a bunch of kids. I want 7. I’ve told you that right? Yeah I have. Multiple times. Sorry about that,” she said giggling.

  “I’m done,” I said.

  “Done? Done with a paper? That’s good. I have to start writing one of mine.”

  “No I’m done with us. I’m done with you. I’m done with the relationship. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t do it,” I said.

  “You’re breaking up with me?” she whispered in the phone. I was glad I was finally able to shut her up.

  “It doesn’t make sense for us to stick together. All we do is fight.”

  “It’s the frat. Isn’t it? I told you not to join that frat. Are they telling you to break up with me so you can bang some sluts?”

  “You’re not listening to me.”

  “I’m listening loud and clear. Did you cheat on me? Did you have sex with some slut because I wasn’t willing to until we were married?”

  “No. I’m just unhappy with the relationship,” I said.

  “Unhappy. Stop thinking about sex all the time.”

  “It’s not that. You don’t even listen to me. Like when I had to go to the hospital for the fraternity thing.”

  “Don’t get me started on that. First you engage in some sick perverted act and expect me to have empathy for you. I told you not to join the fraternity. Then you decide to go back. Why? You know how much that pissed me off. I should be the one breaking up with you.”

  “You didn’t even listen to why I wanted to return. You didn’t even let me express my feelings after the event. You just kept telling me that I needed to sue them and that I was stupid for wanting to return,” I said.

  “Well you do need to sue them and you were stupid for returning to them.”

  “It’s through. I’m done. Goodbye.”

  “Four years and you’re throwing it all away!”

  “Bye. I wish you luck and I do care about you but I can’t do this anymore,” I said and then I hung up. I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to fight with her anymore. I didn’t want to deal with her belittling me anymore. I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t listen me.

  She called me ten times in the forty minutes after I hung up, but I just ignored her and deleted the ten voicemails. I didn’t care anymore.

  I lay down in my bed to take a nap. It was five weeks after the lashing and there was a special event for us pledges. We all figured it was big bro night. I fell asleep wondering who my big bro would be.

  Chapter 7

  I sat in a car with a pillowcase on my head surrounded by a few of pledge bros. An ominous song played on loop. We didn’t know where we were going. The car eventually stopped and we were guided into a house and some of us were sent into a bathroom. Three of my pledge bros stood with me in the shower. They periodically forced us to drink alcohol. They would take a pledge out of the room for a bit and then bring him back and take another and so forth. This occurred for probably two to three hours. I felt myself get progressively drunker as the night went on. I wasn’t ever pulled out of the shower because what they were doing was considered hazing, so I didn’t have to do it.

  One by one my pledge bros disappeared. Eventually they helped me out of the house and back into a car that played the same ominous song over and over again. I still had a pillowcase on my head. I was pretty drunk. I just wanted to know who my big brother was.

  The car stopped and the driver got out. He opened the door and helped me out. He ushered me into a house and had me sit down on a couch. He then walked back towards where the door was. I heard it shut. I was left alone in a random house with a pillowcase still on my head. I sat for five minutes and then started debating whether to just take it off.

  I didn’t have to. The light turned on and I heard someone walk over. I felt their presence in front of me. The pillowcase slowly started to be raised. The exit of the pillowcase passed my chin, then my nose and then my eyes. It took a second for them to adjust. When they did, shock swept through me.

  “No. No! No!” I said standing up. I almost fell back over because I was drunk but I stayed up on my feet.

  “Bradley. Please just listen.”

  “How are you my big brother? I haven’t talked to you in weeks. You can’t be. This is some sick joke right,” I said. Rage started to brew inside of me.

  “It’s not. I’m your big brother.”

  “No. I won’t accept it. I hate you,” I said. I walked past him towards the door.

  “Bradley. Wait.” He grabbed my arm.

  I turned around and faced him. “Why should I wait?” I pushed him. “You lied to me. You fucking lied to me.” I pushed him again forcing him backwards. “I went through the worst pain I’ve ever been through. I bled. I have scars on my ass now.” I shoved him backwards and he slammed against the wall. “You’re a fucking liar.” I punched him in the stomach.

  “I know. I’m so sorry that happened. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”

  “No it wasn’t. I trusted you. I believed you when you said it’d be an interesting new experience and that I should stay open minded,” I said crying. Tears flowed down my eyes.

  “I hurt you. I’m so sorry. I have felt so bad these past few weeks. I’ve tried talking to you.”

  “You did hurt me.” I shoved him against the wall again. “I trusted you. I felt so connected with you.”

  “I felt connected with you too.”

  I punched his chest. “I liked you.” I punched it again. “I enjoyed cuddling with you.” I moved from crying to sobbing. I punched him again. “I wanted you to hold me in yours arms again. I didn’t care if it was gay or not.” I slammed my fist into his chest again. “I hated you for making me feel this way since you’re not gay and have a girlfriend. I’m not gay, but I want you to hold me. I want you to kiss me. I’m sure you think I’m a freak, but I don’t care.” I collapsed into his chest. I was too tired and too drunk to fight anymore.

  He wrapped his arms tightly around me and held me closely. I cried into his shirt. I felt him release his hug. His hand ran through my hair. I felt his hand rub my cheek. It slid to my chin and he tilted my head up to look into his eyes. His other hand came up and wiped the tears out of my eyes.

  He looked me in the eyes with his deep gaze that made my heart flutter. “I’ve missed you too. I’ve thought about that night we had every day. I loved holding you in my arms and talking with you. I have fallen asleep so many nights picturing myself holding you,” he said.

  “Really?”

  “Yes.” He placed his hand on my cheek and lowered his face. I closed my eyes and felt his soft lips connect with mine. I kissed him gently and felt his lips dance with mine. I opened my mouth and felt his tongue enter my mouth. It clashed with my tongue creating electricity in the air. My penis gained full strength almost instantly. I pushed him against the wall and felt his large cock against my leg. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and tasted his saliva. I withdrew my tongue and then nibbled on his teeth. I felt him take a deep breath as he enjoyed the pleasure I gave him from my nibble.

  He pushed himself off the wall. He stopped kissing me and grabbed my hand and dragged me into the bedroom. He pushed me onto his bed and jumped on top of me. He kissed me passionately and hard. His hard cock rubbed against my leg causing me to feel immense joy. He stopped kissing me and quickly pulled off my shirt. He then ripped his off and then started pressing his lips against mine in a furry of pleasure.

  Our naked chests pressed together. I grabbed his body and pulled it as close as I could to mine. I felt his nipples rub against my skin and my own nipples. Our abs rubbed against each other creating fireworks in the air. He reached his hand down and placed his hand on my cock. I was wearing pants and desperately wanted his hand to actually make contact with my penis.

  He stopped kissing me and looked me in the eyes. “I guess your
hands don’t lie. Quite big,” he said smiling. I smiled back at him. He kissed me gently and then he moved his lips down and kissed my pectorals. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his luscious lips against my skin. I moaned softly as he bit my skin softly. He moved down to my nipple and sucked on it and then nibbled on it.

  “Oh my god,” I said softly. He stuck a hand up and ran it through my hair. His fingers running through my hair made my brain scream in ecstasy. He lowered himself even more and then kissed my abs. He then brought himself back up and kissed me gently. His tongue glided into my mouth and grazed my mine. I felt like I was in heaven. I had never felt such attraction and intense passion with someone. Elizabeth could not compare.

  I flipped him over and took control. I got on top of him and kissed him aggressively. I stuck my tongue inside his moist mouth and held his tongue captive as I berated it with passion. I stopped kissing and moved to his ear and nibbled on the bottom of it softly. He moaned in delight.

  I moved to his neck and kissed him softly and then bit him like a vampire, except it was soft. A love bite. I kissed his chest and slowly moved my way down the middle of it. I made sure as I slid down that my groan slid down his leg so that he could feel my rock hard cock along his leg. I felt his cock move against my abs and then my chest as I kissed him lower and lower. I wanted it so bad. I wanted to feel what it was like to have a penis in my mouth.

  I reached the bottom of his abs, near his pants. I reached my hands up to undo his zipper. He grabbed my hand and prevented me from unzipping his pants.

  “No,” he said.

  I looked up at him confused. “No?”

  “Not tonight. You’re drunk.”

  “But I want it.”

  “I know you do, but I can’t let it go that far. I’d hate for you to do stuff besides kissing and then regret it in the morning.”

  “I won’t.”

  “You don’t know that. You’re not thinking clearly.”

  “Please?”

  “No. Now come back up here and kiss me.” I obliged and moved back up to kiss him. I was slightly annoyed because I wanted him inside my mouth. I wanted to make him moan in ecstasy and shout to the heavens as I got him off.