Given Time

by Anthony Burn

  ‘I haven’t played since I was at school,’ I said. ‘I don’t think I was ever very good at it.’

  ‘Do you fancy a game, if I give you a head start?’

  I wasn’t sure what he meant by a head start, but I was grateful for the distraction; there was a sentimental Christmas film on the TV, and Lauren and June had asked if it was okay with me for them to watch it. I’d had no objection and settled down with them, but they had kept up their conversation and showed no indication of stopping, making it impossible to follow the dialogue above their chatter. It was during the first commercial break that Brian had asked his question, and I assumed that he’d decided I needed rescuing.

  ‘Sure, why not?’ I said. ‘But let’s see how hopeless I am before you do me any favours.’

  I picked up my beer glass, which he had been conscientious in keeping topped up, and followed Brian through to the dining room. He switched on the overhead light and a couple of table lamps before closing the curtains against the dark of the back garden. A quick rummage in a sideboard produced a chess set, and as we arranged the pieces I was pleased that I hadn’t made a fool of myself by forgetting where each of them went.

  ‘Would you like a brandy?’ Brian asked. He produced a bottle and glasses from the same sideboard.

  ‘That would be nice, thank you.’

  I was already the wrong side of light-headed from the continual top-ups of my beer, but as we weren’t due to leave for several hours yet and I wasn’t driving I had no problem with accepting his offer.

  He poured a large measure into each glass.

  ‘Are you trying to nobble the opposition before we start?’

  ‘Well, you know, just in case you’re bluffing about how bad you are.’

  ‘Oh, it’s that serious, is it?’

  ‘I’m always serious,’ he said, and gurned at me.

  I laughed at his silly expression and we started the game, but it wasn’t long before my inexperience and lack of strategy became apparent. Unable to think more than one or two moves ahead, I soon found I was losing my pieces at almost every turn.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, waiting for him to make a move. ‘I’m not much of an opponent.’

  ‘Don’t be too harsh on yourself,’ he responded. ‘For someone who hasn’t played for a while you’re not doing so badly. That noise isn’t putting you off, is it?’

  ‘What noise?’ I asked, wondering if he meant the sound of the TV and the women talking coming from the other room, but as I listened closely I heard a slight clanking from the radiator behind me.

  ‘Our boiler is starting to play up,’ he explained. ‘It’s not too bad today, but sometimes you can hardly hear yourself think in here. I’m just hoping it will keep going for a while longer, because our double glazing upstairs is on its way out too and I can’t afford to do them both at once.’

  I was unsure of how much sympathy I should express, so I remained non-committal. ‘There’s always something.’

  ‘Yeah, we’ll either freeze from the draught through the window frames, or from having no heating. One way or another we’ll be snowmen.’

  He laughed, but I was beginning to detect an undercurrent and I wondered whether that was why he had been plying me with drink all day. I nodded, but said nothing as I waited to see where he was going.

  ‘Naturally, it doesn’t help having to save for the trip to the States. We can’t really justify the expense, but June has set her heart on going to see Jack.’

  ‘I can understand that,’ I told him.

  He picked up a pawn and made his move. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all this,’ he said, and I began to think I might have misjudged him.

  ‘Not a problem,’ I said, hoping to sound sincere as I looked at the board to ponder my next move.

  ‘I expect our little house is a pale comparison to your luxury apartment,’ he suggested.

  ‘Not at all,’ I told him. ‘You have a lovely home. It’s very similar to the one I grew up in.’

  ‘Oh, that’s right,’ he said, ‘I keep forgetting that you haven’t always had money. Lauren told us you’d won on the lottery.’

  That was news to me. Lauren had never asked, and with her apparent nervousness about my money I had never told her. With some thought, I realised she had spoken to Amy so many times that it was bound to have come up, but I was curious as to why she hadn’t said anything to me.

  ‘Yes, just over fifteen months ago,’ I confirmed.

  ‘I hadn’t realised it was that recently.’ He smiled. ‘I trust you saw all your family and friends right?’

  ‘Yes, absolutely,’ I said, and I knew I hadn’t misjudged him after all. I became resentful, and decided I wouldn’t volunteer any help. If he wanted money, he was going to have to ask for it.

  The silence grew between us, and I guessed he was either waiting for me to offer or was working out how to ask me.

  ‘Listen, Kee,’ he began, his voice tentative, ‘we’re so grateful for what you’ve done for Lauren. We’ve never seen her happier or more excited about what she’s doing. She’s obviously head over heels in love with you, and we’re very fond of you too. I feel really bad about this, and believe me, I honestly don’t want to ask you this, but…’

  He stopped to take a deep breath, and hearing him appear to struggle, I felt my antipathy draining away as I softened towards him again.

  ‘…is there any way you might be able to help us out?’

  He’d chosen his words carefully, so that any negative response would make me seem stingy, and now I wondered if he’d been practising what he was going to say.

  ‘How much did you have in mind?’ I asked.

  He became coy. ‘I’m so embarrassed about this. I really don’t want to say a figure in case I offend you. I know you’re a generous man. Would you mind if I asked you to make us an offer?’

  I smiled at his tactics. He’d left it to me to come up with an amount that wouldn’t seem mean-spirited. ‘How about twenty-five thousand?’ I asked.

  He was quiet again, and pulled a pained face. ‘I was hoping that perhaps you could be a bit more generous.’

  The tension between us increased as his ambition became clear; he wanted me to make him rich, not help with his problems. My offer would have sorted out his troubles and paid for their trip to America several times over, but that wasn’t enough. I wasn’t bothered about the money – I could easily give him many times what I’d suggested and not even notice it – but it irked me that I’d been trapped by his tactics, and I felt less inclined to be as lavish as he’d hoped. Then another thought occurred to me that swung the pendulum back very much in his favour. My love for Lauren was so strong that I couldn’t envisage ever wanting to be without her, and because of that her parents would always be a part of the package. As such, I didn’t want to cause any animosity with them that might impact on my relationship with her.

  I drew my own deep breath. ‘I could give you a couple of hundred thousand now…’ I began, and as I said the words an idea popped into my head that, if I’d only thought of it sooner, could have rescued the situation. I tapped my pocket, checking for the time device even though I knew it was safely in its hiding place at home. ‘But the rest is tied up in the gallery. I can run it past Lauren to see if we can let you have any more.’

  His eyes flew open and the panic in them was easy to see. ‘No, there’s no need to involve Lauren in this,’ he said, far too quickly. ‘That’s very kind of you, Kee. Thank you, but let’s just keep this between ourselves, okay?’

  We drove home in silence later that evening. I assumed it was because Lauren wanted to concentrate in the darkness and not get into any more arguments about her driving. I was quite pleased about the absence of conversation, because although I was far from relaxed in her car, it gave me time to re-examine the day’s events.

  After I’d made the transfer into Brian’s account, and he’d thanked me for the tenth time, we’d made a pretence of playing another coup
le of games but neither of us were concentrating on the moves. Soon after, we called it a day and went to join the women in the lounge. As we’d entered, I noticed June raise her eyebrows to Brian and he’d answered her silent question with a small nod, but then carried on as if nothing had happened.

  I’d watched them in consternation at their lack of reaction to having been given a life-changing sum of money, and I’d finally understood the looks that had passed between them earlier when Lauren had been talking about our trips. They had calculated that I was spending huge amounts on our excursions, and presumable saw my gift to them as an entitlement rather than any stroke of luck on their part.

  Obviously, part of their silence had been because they didn’t want Lauren to know, and I was unhappy about that too. I was already keeping a massive secret from her, but it was one that only I knew about, and there was safety in that. With co-conspirators the chances of her finding out were greatly increased, especially when they started spending more money than they would normally have. I’d watched Lauren, as she’d slowly sipped wine from the glass that had lasted all day, and I’d felt a degree of guilt that was not wholly of my making.

  The afternoon had dragged into evening, and even though Brian had kept me plied with drinks, the conversation had become dull and I’d been relieved when Lauren had finally decided it was time to go. We’d made our goodbyes and June had whispered a thank you as she gave me a motherly hug.

  Lauren announced that she was going straight to bed when we got home, and in my slightly inebriated state I was immediately excited as I remembered her promise from the morning. After drinking steadily all day I’d only had an hour in the car for the effects to wear off, and while I wasn’t incapacitated or even unsteady on my feet, my head was still reeling to some extent. While Lauren cleaned her teeth I jumped into the shower, turning the water to cool in an effort to clear some of the fuzziness.

  By the time I had finished Lauren was under the covers, but as I climbed in and reached to embrace her she turned her back on me and let out a deep sigh.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m totally pissed off,’ she hissed, and shrugged away from me.

  ‘What’s the matter? What’s happened?’

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she growled into her pillow. ‘I don’t want to talk about it.’

  ‘Don’t be so childish,’ I snapped. ‘If there’s a problem, let’s sort it out.’

  She turned to glare at me, and the amount of anger in her eyes left me shaken. ‘Don’t you dare call me childish. If I’m a child, it’s because there are no fucking grown-ups in my life anymore.’

  ‘What the hell are you talking about?’

  ‘Did you give my father money?’ she demanded.

  There was no point in denying it. If she was this upset, she knew the answer to her question. ‘How did you know?’ I asked.

  ‘I heard you,’ she said, but before I could ask her how when she’d been watching TV and talking to her mother, she continued, ‘I don’t know if I’m more pissed off with him for asking or you for giving it to him. Were you going to tell me?’

  Again, I could tell that she already knew. ‘Your dad asked me not to,’ I said, and I could hear how lame that sounded as the words came out.

  ‘So are you in a relationship with me or with him?’ she snarled. ‘How much did you give him?’

  ‘If you know so much, why don’t you tell me?’ I retorted.

  ‘Now who’s being childish? How much?’

  ‘It was nothing, babe. I promise.’

  ‘Don’t call me “babe”. I hate that,’ she yelled. ‘Answer the fucking question.’

  My instinct was to shout her down, but her intensity filled me with contrition and my voice came out as little more than a whisper. ‘Two hundred thousand.’

  ‘God, I should have known. That may be nothing to you, Mr Bountiful Fucking Multi-Millionaire, but that’s over four times his salary. He’s never had that sort of money before. How could you?’

  Remorse gave way to renewed petulance. ‘You’re the one who told him I’d won the lottery.’

  ‘What’s that got to do with it?’

  ‘It’s got everything to do with it,’ I told her. ‘If you have money because you earned it then most people respect that, but if you suddenly come into a lot of money, especially if you win it, then people around you always think they should get a share. Lottery winners are always fair game for a handout.’

  ‘My dad’s not like that,’ she said, but I could see from her expression that it was becoming obvious the evidence was against her.

  ‘Everyone’s like that. Think about what your friends did to you,’ I reminded her.

  She fell silent, and I saw the pain in her eyes that I’d caused with my last remark so I quickly apologised for bringing up a bad memory.

  ‘Anyway, I can’t see what your problem is. I was only helping your dad out. Don’t you want your parents to have money?’

  ‘You just don’t get it, do you. I’ve never asked you for any. Never asked how much you’ve got, because I want you to know that I love you for you, not for your money.’

  ‘You do still love me then?’ I asked.

  ‘Of course I do, but it doesn’t stop me being pissed off with you. There’s another reason I’ve never asked: it’s because I don’t want either of us to feel like you’ve bought me. Now I feel like I’ve been traded on the slave market.’

  ‘It’s got nothing to do with you,’ I said.

  Her anger erupted again. ‘It’s got everything to do with me,’ she snapped. ‘I’m entitled to know when my father is selling me to the highest bidder.’

  ‘No, no, I’m so sorry. That came out wrong,’ I said quickly. ‘I didn’t mean it was none of your business. I meant it has nothing to do with our relationship. There were no strings attached. I don’t own you. If something happened and you were ever to leave me, I wouldn’t demand the money back.’

  She calmed down a bit, and I was grateful for the respite because my head was starting to ache. ‘Yeah, but if we did split up, my dad might feel like he was obliged to be on your side and I’d always be in the wrong. Oh God, this is so fucked up. Why did you do it, Kee?’

  ‘To be honest, I didn’t feel like I had much choice,’ I told her truthfully. ‘I love you so much and I want to make you happy, but if I’d turned your dad down then your parents might resent me for it. There would always be friction between us if your parents and I didn’t get along.’

  ‘Yeah, I suppose I can see that. We would still be okay, but it’s much better knowing that my parents like you. Okay, I’m sorry I had a go at you. I know your heart’s in the right place. I’m still pissed off with my dad though.’

  ‘Do you want me to ask for the money back?’

  She shook her head and sighed, but I wasn’t sure if it was in exasperation or in answer to my question. ‘Let’s just forget it.’

  ‘I’m sorry you were upset by this, and I promise that no one has bought you. I would never try to do that. Are we okay now?’

  I kissed her, and she gave me a wan smile. ‘Yeah, we’re okay.’

  I kissed her again and her smile brightened. ‘Are you sure?’ I asked in a silly voice.

  She laughed. ‘Yes, I’m sure.’

  I kissed her for a third time. ‘So, can I have my Christmas present now?’

  The smile disappeared instantly and she groaned. ‘Can we leave it for tonight? I’m really tired.’

  I nuzzled up to her neck. ‘But you promised,’ I whined.

  ‘I know I did, but I really don’t feel like it now. Can’t we do it in the morning? I’ll make it up to you then.’

  ‘It won’t be Christmas in the morning,’ I said, and kissed her before she could answer, caressing her breast at the same time. She made a small response so I kissed her harder in an attempt to elicit more passion. ‘Go on, you know you want to,’ I said.

  Her face said she didn’t, but I was too aroused to give up. ‘
Pretty please?’ I bleated.

  She sighed. ‘Oh, go on then. If you must.’

  I pecked her cheek and climbed triumphantly on top, entering her straight away. In my debilitated condition I barely noticed her wince of pain, nor her continuing discomfort as I thrust into her dry insides. She returned my first kisses, but she quickly lost interest and dropped her arms from around my back to down by her sides.

  ‘Try to make an effort,’ I asked her. ‘You said it was going to be special.’

  She scowled and turned her face away.

  Twenty-five

  It took me three attempts to finish, by which time her bottom lip was split and there was blood streaming from her nose. I came to my senses, and immediately felt contempt for my actions. Lauren curled up into a ball with her arms protecting her face, alternately howling and gasping for breath, while I raced to retrieve the time device and flew into the bathroom.

  I jumped into the shower and turned back the time. The water started running at exactly the same moment that the sound of crying from the bedroom stopped; I saw Lauren put down her toothbrush and walk unscathed from the bathroom, but it did nothing to ease my distress. My fingers lost their grip on the time turner. It fell from my hand and rolled away into a far corner behind the bathtub. Cool jets played over my shaking body; I dropped to my knees, and bent down with my head in my hands until my elbows hit the shower floor.

  I crouched miserably in the bottom of the cubicle, a number of terrible thoughts swirling through my mind, but above all was the vision of what I’d just done to my beautiful girlfriend. I’d grabbed her jaw to hold her face toward me. The first strike had brought the same expression of incomprehension I’d seen the previous occasion I’d hit her. The second punch split her lip and changed her look from bafflement to fear. When the third shattered her perfect nose, her eyes filled not only with tears but also with terror.