The Sensorians: Trust

by Brigitte Morse-Starkenburg

  We both lay on our backs afterwards. Each sunk into our own thoughts. Phaedra broke the silence first.

  “You really are in love with her, aren't you?”

  I looked at her, wondering where that had come from. I kept silent. I didn't have to say anything.

  “Don't worry. I don't mind. I'm in love with Tristan and have been for years. He sees me as just a friend and pines after your sister too.”

  “Fuck me. Damned Zaphire,” I sighed despondently, feeling Phaedra's pain. “We're both fucking doomed,” I concluded.

  “I cried myself to sleep for months on end when I realised,” she sighed. “Have you cried over her?” she asked, genuinely interested. No goading.

  “I haven't properly cried since I was thirteen.”

  It was a painful memory. Phaedra wouldn't let it go though. She gently stroked my hand that rested on her stomach, whilst probing a little deeper.

  “Why? What happened?”

  “Markus taught me crying is never a solution. It made me fail a task in the Dark Room. I lost focus and it had dire consequences. Or at least I thought it had. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt and I vowed never to let that happen again,” I said bitterly.

  “Not everything has to be a solution. A good cry can make you feel better,” Phaedra tried.

  I didn't want to talk about it anymore. I turned towards her and caressed her face.

  “Shall I make you forget about Tristan and Zaphire for a few moments?” I whispered in her ear. She giggled as she pulled me on top of her. “I guess that's a yes,” I mumbled, silencing her giggles with my mouth.

  ◆◆◆

  “Are you ready for this?” Eliza asked me the next morning just before entering the meeting room. She gave me a funny look, just for a millisecond, but I spotted it. She could probably smell Phaedra on me.

  “No idea,” I sighed. It was going to be fucking hard.

  The whole team was there, even Michael. Phaedra caught my eye and winked. She said she would back me whatever, but she didn't know the whole story. I couldn't be totally sure she would respect me the same after this.

  As per usual, Markus started the meeting off. We didn't expect what he did next though.

  “Frank is going to lead this debrief. I'm too emotionally involved and can't guarantee I won't lose my temper. I don't want a repeat of last time.”

  Everyone looked at the still present bruise on my face and nose. I wanted to fucking hide. I hadn't told Eliza nor Zaphire, and I could literally feel their eyes burn into me. Markus was still bloody seething. This did not look promising, but as always, Markus proved he was a good leader, recognising he might not act rationally and therefore he had deferred to Frank.

  “Thank you Markus. I shall proceed then. We need to look at the mission to see what we can learn from it. To start though I'd like to stress again that it was not a complete failure and I'd like to congratulate everyone on their efforts. We're currently decimating Rick's followers and have sent out a strong message throughout the Sensorian communities across the world not to consider joining forces with him. We have reiterated the dangers of being exposed, which could lead to our gifts being abused, and putting us all in danger. The need for secrecy about our existence is paramount to our well-being and even our survival. Our number one rule is as important as ever. Sooner or later we'll deal with Rick as appropriate to our laws, and everyone involved with him will meet the same fate.”

  Frank paused a moment to let this sink in.

  I thought about Lois. This was going to be controversial and bound to create unrest. She had always been well liked and respected, especially by the younger generation. I knew when the time came to act on this I would have to bring this up and probably risk another disagreement with the leadership. I was not a fervent supporter of the death sentence, but the punishment was entrenched in our community and accepted as necessary. By most, but not all.

  My focus was drawn back to Frank, who had raised his voice slightly, having noticed my momentary inattention.

  “The mission started however, in an unusual, and dare I say it, illegitimate manner. For those who are not familiar with the events; Eliza and Zack decided to do this on their own, without permission or guidance from the leadership. Zaphire went to investigate, again without the leadership's knowledge and they managed to drag Sam and Brody in as accomplices. This cannot ever happen again. I know all of you will try and defend your decisions, but the leadership has decided that if this ever was to occur again, the people responsible will be stripped of all their responsibilities and will never work on any mission again. And on top of that they would get a hefty prison sentence. We have to nip this in the bud. I hope you all agree a community like ours cannot be undermined like this.”

  Frank stared at all of us one by one for what seemed like hours. Emotions were running high in the room. I tried to block them all out. I didn't want to get rattled. I knew we would get the opportunity to respond and I had to keep my fucking act together for that moment.

  “I want to let you know that each and every one of you are going to have weekly counselling sessions to help you through any trauma sustained. And it'll be obligatory,” he paused for a moment. “Stop rolling your eyes Zack and Sam,” Frank admonished us wearily. Nothing escaped the man's attention. “But before we deal with the offenders, I want to focus on finding out what we could do differently practically, if we find ourselves in a similar situation again. All go in groups of three and discuss,” Frank ordered.

  Phaedra sidled to my side and joined Archie and me. I spotted Zaphire move to Sam and Saleem, as far away from Eliza as possible, who ended up with Brody and Rob. We worked for about an hour and a half and at the end we actually had come up with some sensible conclusions. The other groups had some different views and an interesting discussion evolved from it. This felt good. It was constructive and we learned some valuable lessons. I kind of wished this session wouldn't finish as I wasn't looking forward to the next phase. It was inevitable though and it was about to start. We were allowed to get some coffee and told to get back in ten minutes. Nerves reared their ugly little heads.

  CHAPTER 60

  Eliza

  I was physically shaking now. I wasn't sure if I could get my point across to all these people. It had been hard the other day with Zack, but he managed to guide me through it. He wouldn't be able to do that today. I was on my own. Frank's explanation on how the leadership viewed our action was crystal clear, and looking from their viewpoint, wholly understandable. It was my turn to speak. I hope I didn't make it worse for me or anyone else. I was called to step forward and explain myself. I took a deep breath to regain control over my trembling body.

  “When I first thought of my plan, it made perfect sense to me. I was getting frustrated with the lack of progress and I couldn't see how else to get my father to trust me enough to let me be in his inner circle. My father is quite the genius in working out what people want and extremely hard to fool, so I thought if he picked up any suspicious reaction or move from our Sensorian Community, he wouldn't take the risk.”

  I was on a roll and explained all my inner struggles like I had done to Zack. The atmosphere hadn't turned hostile which spurred me on to lay everything out in the open. It was a relief to be able to be so truthful about my actions and feelings, even though it made me sound like a liability at times, or even untrustworthy. I hoped my actions spoke louder than my thoughts and would convince everyone where my loyalties were. I belonged here and I wanted to be a fully operational member of this community. If they let me.

  Frank nodded.

  “Any questions anyone?” he asked.

  There was a bit of a pause, like there always is in these situations, but I felt the room was full of questions. No one wanted to be the first one.

  “How do we know we can trust you? If you were able to deceive your father, you must be an expert at cloaking and in redirecting questions so it looks like you're not lying. How do we know you're not doin
g that to us, right now?” Zaphire piped up.

  Her fiery eyes pierced through me. It was the first time she had looked at me properly, but with so much venom I wished she hadn't looked at me at all. The tension mounted in the room.

  “Don't let your personal issues interfere, sis. It's clear she...,” growled Zack in my defence until Frank interrupted decisively.

  “Zack. Be quiet. Zaphire asked a valid question. Let Eliza answer it.”

  “Oh for fuck's sake...,” Zack grumbled, barely able to look at Zaphire.

  “What was that Zacharya?” Frank asked menacingly, eyebrows raised.

  “Nothing Sir. Sorry Sir,” Zack quickly apologised, narrowly remembering now was not the time to annoy anyone.

  I took another deep breath before I answered.

  “I understand why you find it difficult to trust me Zaphire. I'm so sorry for having captured you. At the time it seemed like it was the only option I had, to maintain my cover. I hadn't foreseen you would be used as a pawn by Rick or that he would hurt you. It was a spur of the moment action and I'll always regret it. However, I have always only had one aim whilst I was with my father; to take him and his organisation down. I'm totally and absolutely loyal to our Sensorian Community and its beliefs and values. I can't say anything else to convince you or anyone else who struggle to trust me.”

  I tried to catch Zaphire's eye during my little speech, but she stubbornly looked down to the floor. She was cloaking to the max and I couldn’t work out if what I’d said had made any impact on her. Zack had moved closer to me, grabbed my hand and gave it a little squeeze. I knew he felt for me and he found it hard not to help me fight my battle. A warm feeling spread across my whole body. He noticed, and promptly let go of my hand. I hated this.

  “Thank you Miss Mankuzay. We'll take your explanation into account when we decide how to deal with you,” Frank dismissed me, leaving me feeling a little bemused. It looked like I had to wait a little longer to find out what my fate would be.

  “Zaphire. Step forward please,” Frank ordered. “The leadership was extremely disappointed with your decision to break your promise to Markus and Laura. You were grounded and they gave you the benefit of the doubt to let you go and see Laura. You betrayed their trust by going off to find Eliza, by yourself.”

  “What the hell were you thinking?!” Markus butted in, not able to contain himself any longer. He was fuming and I was glad Frank was there to calm things down.

  “Markus, Sir. Let me handle this, as agreed,” Frank interjected sternly.

  “Do you have anything to say Zaphire?”

  “Not much, Sir. I wanted to find out for myself what was going on with Eliza. I paid the price for my selfish action.”

  “We agree with you. It was a poorly thought out, childish action. You have no excuse for your behaviour, other than being immature. We're going to remember that in any future mission you are involved with. You'll go back to basic training as you are clearly not ready for responsibility and you need to be closely monitored, like a child,” Frank condemned. “And that's the same for Sam, who should have resisted your request for help and reported you to Laura.”

  Ouch. That was embarrassing. I could feel Zaphire's shame flood the room, not able to cloak it. Sam shuffled shyly out of the way, wanting to hide as well. She declined to speak up for herself when given the opportunity.

  “Zaphire, you won't be punished any further than that. You've had to endure your imprisonment by Jean-Pierre and had time to regret your impulsive actions. Sam, you will go into isolation for two weeks to think about your actions.”

  As always they were so damned fair. Though I'm sure Zaphire would rather have had a stiff talking to and isolation than the humiliation she just had to endure. It did make me a bit worried they hadn't told me my punishment. I got the feeling that was not good news.

  CHAPTER 61

  Zack

  Fuck. Was I glad it was Frank leading this meeting! The outcome would be the same, but it was bound to be much less painful without Markus' temper flaring. I already felt exhausted dealing with all the emotions banded about in the room and the effort it took to shield from it. That's why they left me to last, I'm sure. I felt sorry for Brody, who really wasn't to blame for any of this. He'd just been a good friend. I hoped they would be lenient on him. After they spoke to him and he had his say, which wasn't much, it finally was my turn to step forward. Markus' stare was unbearable. It was anger and disappointment rolled into one. I tried to ignore it as much as I could.

  “Zacharya. I don't quite know where to start with you. Most of the time your decision making is impeccable and it's always a pleasure to work with you on a mission. You are loyal, clever, reliable and hard working, and you always have everyone's back. So this is hard. We can't ignore your blatant insubordination on this mission, which has led to the tragic death of Sonia, Ned's coma, Rob and Michael's injuries, Zaphire's kidnapping and ultimately the forced release of Rick. That is not a pretty list, is it Zack?”

  “No Sir.”

  I hung my head and lowered my eyes. This was indeed a disaster. I knew I'd fucked up monumentally. I sensed Eliza stirring behind me. I hoped she would keep quiet and not make this any worse for herself or me. But no. Of course she didn't fucking keep quiet. It was Eliza after all.

  “Sir, may I please speak?” her voice a little more shy than normal.

  Frank allowed her.

  “I know Zack was ultimately responsible for me. That was his task. But and this is a big but, I didn't give him a choice. I would have done it with or without his help. He could have told you what I was planning, but I would have denied it. I would have ended up in that cell one way or the other, and word would have come out. He decided to help me as the lesser of two evils. To protect me. And the plan worked to start with. I just hadn't foreseen what happened with Zaphire and by then we were so far into we couldn't turn back. I hope you can take this into consideration. Thank you for letting me speak, Sir.”

  Damn. She had learned a lot. A couple of months ago, she would never have spoken to our leaders the way she did now. I afforded her a little smile. I didn't think her defence of my actions was going to change any of their minds, but it was sweet and well meant.

  Frank glanced over at Markus and Laura. I got the feeling Markus wanted severe punishment, but Frank and Laura were leaning towards a more sensible consequence.

  “Thank you Eliza. We're aware of your manipulation skills. It has just shown us we have given you all too much responsibility too soon. We're partly to blame. The problem is that we have difficult times ahead. Rick will resurface at some point and there's a real danger that too many ordinary people are on to us. Many are aware of our gift at the moment and it will be hard to quash all rumours about us. Our community needs to be as tight as ever, with everyone obeying our rules. Having our most promising Sensorian breaking those rules left, right and centre is not conducive to this. As a consequence to your actions Zack, you'll have to earn back our trust before you can resume your role as a trainer and mission leader.”

  It was like being punched in the stomach. I had expected it, but it still fucking hurt. Was I even allowed to say anything in my defence? The others had been given the opportunity to express themselves. I was going to risk it. Couldn't fucking get any worse anyway.

  “Sir, may I have permission to speak?”

  Frank gave me the nod, but if people had heckles, Markus' definitely stood on end. I had to be ever so fucking careful.

  “Markus, Sir, and the rest of the leadership and team, I just wanted to say how deeply sorry I am for my actions and the dreadful things that have happened as a result of those. I realise how much I have disappointed you, Markus and Laura. You're right, I made the wrong decision this time, but it wasn't a decision I took lightly. I truly believed it was for the good of the mission. Mission comes first is our motto after all. So, maybe wrongly, I put the mission before being truthful to you. It killed me to do so. I've never been in such a dilemm
a before. But I made that decision. I took the responsibility and I'm proud of that, no matter what. The aim of the mission was to bring Rick's organisation down and capture him. We have nearly achieved one of the aims, and I ask you not to forget that. I still believe that we wouldn't have been able to do that if Eliza hadn't managed to infiltrate the way she did. Things don't always go as planned and I will bear the consequences, but I refuse to be accused of not being trustworthy or irresponsible. I take my responsibilities extremely seriously and will always put our community and the mission first, whatever the consequences and you know you can rely on that.”

  Okay, I'd said my piece. Now I waited for the fallout.

  Markus asked to speak. Frank allowed him, but with a heavy warning to keep it calm. Fuck. I hoped he listened.

  “Zack. You have so much potential and you know that,” Markus started but paused. I could feel the tension mount. I looked at Frank, who was entirely focussed on Markus. Willing him to remain calm. “But you can also be bloody stubborn and an arrogant dick.”

  “Language,” Frank interjected. Markus took a deep breath.

  “You need to realise you're still young and contrary to what you believe, you don't know everything. You can't go behind your superior's back. I just don't understand how you don't get that! In any other job, your arse would be out on the street by now.”

  He paused for a moment. I kept quiet.

  “I'm going to ask you a question now and you have to answer truthfully. We'll all know if you cloak, so don't. What your answer is will determine what consequences you will face. Do you understand?”