by Lynn VanDorn
He stirred his cereal and wondered if he could make it living with Tyler for what could be months. Maybe this attraction he felt would fade. In his experience, it generally did. Time and familiarity were bound to dull Tyler’s shine into something more ordinary. Or maybe he'd only imagined it in the first place. Perhaps he'd take one look at Tyler after he got out of his shower and see just a normal guy, rather than the heart-stopping creature who'd laid his head on Josh’s lap last night and then bewitched him this morning. The post-orgasmic light of clear day was good at dispelling that sort of thing. Then living with Tyler would be like rooming with Brad, except he'd never wanted Brad.
Josh looked up from his ruined cereal when he heard Tyler walk into the kitchen. He was wearing boots, tight jeans, and an even tighter blue Henley that was the same shade as the navy streaks in his hair. Tyler was as lovely as he'd appeared last night, smothering that small hope, although he looked less elfin with his hair styled to sleek perfection rather than just falling in soft waves around his face. Josh felt a stab of lust and then hated himself and Tyler and even Ryan a little bit for it. Fucking Lucy and her fucking football.
He'd be damned before he'd run at it this time.
“Um, about what happened this morning…” Tyler began, not looking at him.
Josh dropped his bowl in the sink with a clatter. “What about it?”
Tyler fidgeted, discomfort rolling off him. “I thought we should talk about it,” he said, looking like talking about what they'd done—what Tyler had done—was the last thing he wanted to do.
“Forget about it,” Josh said. “It's not worth talking about.” He stalked off to take his own shower before he gave in to the impulse to strangle his fake boyfriend.
–—
Sunday, September 18th 9:15 a.m.
Josh’s Lexus, on the way to town
Blue Lake, WI
Tyler kept chewing his lower lip on the drive into town. About halfway there he asked, “Are you mad at me? Stupid question. I can tell you’re mad. Dammit. I should have known this would happen.”
“Why would I be mad?” Josh replied, knowing that wasn't an answer and not caring.
Tyler worried his bottom lip some more. “This won't work if you're angry with me. We have to fix it, and it needs to happen before we get somewhere public.”
Josh huffed. “What do you want to do about it?” You started it, you fix it, hotshot.
“Going back in time and unsucking your dick isn't an option, unfortunately.”
Josh lay on the ground, the air knocked out of him, and Lucy stood above his wheezing form. She spiked that stupid football of hers right into his face.
“No,” was all he managed to say, his voice coming out thready and weak.
“Pull over. We need to talk while you're not driving.”
“There’s nowhere to pull over. Your timing sucks.” Forest lined the edges of both sides of the road and there was no shoulder.
“I tried to talk about it back at the house but you shut me down,” Tyler said. “There. Pull in there.” He pointed to a dirt and gravel road marked only with a wooden sign made unreadable by lichen.
Josh turned onto the little road. There was just enough room for his car before a locked gate with a “no trespassing” sign blocked the rest of the gravel drive that curled out of sight through the trees. “This is someone's driveway,” he said. “I can't just park here.”
“They’re clearly not home. This is fine.” Tyler unbuckled his seatbelt and bent himself like a pretzel, drawing his knees up to his chest, hugging them tight, and resting his chin on them. It looked uncomfortable as hell to Josh.
“Fine for what?” Josh put the car in park and turned off the engine. Tyler’s posture made it clear they weren't going anywhere any time soon.
“Our inevitable argument,” Tyler said, sounding resigned. “Okay, let's hear it. I know you're pissed off.”
“What exactly do you want me say, Tyler?”
“It'll be better if you yell at me and get it out of your system. If you let it fester it'll get worse, and when you do finally break, you'll want to break me, too, and I'm rather fond of my face. I kind of need it to stay intact.”
Tyler’s words were insouciant but his whole body was tense. Was he expecting Josh to haul off and hit him or something? “What do you want from me?”
“Your cooperation would be nice.”
“Is that what this morning was all about? Trying to get my cooperation?”
Tyler flushed and looked guilty as hell. Great. Nothing better than to experience one of the best blow jobs of your life only to find out for certain it was actually a combination bribe and pity fuck. Not to mention that it had been so awful that Tyler wished he'd never done it. Josh had had all sorts of sex ranging from fantastic to mediocre. This, however, was the first time he'd ever had what he'd thought had been awesome sex and it turned out instead to have been terrible for the other party. He wasn't even sure what he'd done wrong, but it made him want to punch something. Or someone.
“Come on,” Tyler said. “Scream at me. You know you want to.”
Josh eyed the man next to him. Tyler looked miserable and defiant and something else. Like he was waiting for that punch, knowing it was coming, dreading it, but not doing anything to avoid it, either.
“I never asked you to suck anything,” Josh finally said, not screaming. He tried to keep his tone even, but as he went on his voice got harsher and louder despite himself. “I was sleeping, minding my own business, and you announced you were going to deep throat me. Was I supposed to refuse? Did I fail some sort of test? What the hell, Tyler?”
Tyler flinched a little at that and Josh felt glad, then guilty for feeling glad, then angry for feeling guilty. He glared at Tyler and continued his tirade, this time not raising his voice.
“This blowing hot and cold shit has got to stop. You need to make up your mind what you want from me and this… thing between the two of us. Now. I'm not driving anywhere until we settle it.”
Tyler leaned his head back on the headrest and stared out the car’s sunroof. “I’d like to go back in time and fix things, but I can't. What I did this morning was wrong and stupid, but I can't undo it. And now you're pissed at me, and we can't go around being a happy sappy power couple because you look like I pissed in your cereal. Everything I did to try and establish a rapport with you was all for nothing. We’re back at square one because I fucked up. No, worse than square one, because at least yesterday you didn't hate me. I really am sorry, okay? I warned you ahead of time that I'm difficult. And you…” he waved his hand around, “…discombobulate me.” He gave Josh a weak smile. “I need you. I fucked up. I'm sorry. Please don't hate me.”
“I don't hate you,” Josh said. “I’m currently annoyed and frustrated by you, but I don't hate you.”
“Sure, you do,” Tyler said. “Don't sweat it. I'm used to it. And I deserve it.” Tyler radiated sincere contrition that might have fooled someone who wasn't used to that tactic, but the only one of Josh’s relatives who didn't employ it on a regular basis was Rachel.
“Stop trying to guilt me into not being angry with you. I’m not going to magically stop being mad just because you say you're sorry and give me big, sad eyes. Unlike you, I can't change my emotions like flipping a switch.”
Tyler scowled at him, which was infinitely preferable to his guilty hangdog expression. “Fine. I still need us to look like we're an actual couple that doesn't hate each other if we’re going to go out in public. If you can't manage that, just drive me back to the house now. Fuck, go ahead and toss me in the lake if it makes you feel better. Maybe we can try again tomorrow. Or not. I told everyone this was too much to ask of you, but did anyone listen to me? No. Because no one ever does.”
Josh thought about it. He could give up. Saving Tyler’s career wasn't his responsibility. Although wasn't there that adage about being responsible for the life you saved? He'd always thought that was nonsense, but if he threw up h
is hands and walked away now it would prey on his mind once his anger dissipated. That was just how he was wired. In his heart, he felt committed to this lunacy, like it or not, and while he didn't like it very much at the moment, he would do his best to help Tyler, even if that meant sitting in this car until he was no longer mad enough to want to drown him. Or at least get him really wet.
“You want to give up?” Josh asked. “I didn't peg you as a quitter.”
Tyler looked frustrated. “I'm trying to give you an out, you ungrateful idiot. Take it and run away like a good boy.”
“If I quit on you, what's your plan B?”
Tyler shrugged and looked away. “Obscurity. Community theater. Porn. I don't know. There are so many options open to me.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It's not helping.”
“Fuck you, Josh. How did you put that? Fuck you redundantly sideways.”
“If we’re going to make this work,” Josh said, ignoring him, “we’ll need to have some ground rules. I won't make it even a week without murdering you if I have to spend all my time trying to figure out you mean A when your mouth is saying B and your actions tell me C. Life is too short for that shit.”
Tyler just looked at him, unblinking.
“Are you paying attention to me, Tyler?”
“I'm hanging on your every word. This is fascinating. Truly. Do go on.”
“And you wonder why people hate you,” Josh muttered.
“No,” Tyler said, “I don't wonder about it at all. Again, you were warned I was a pain in the ass. You should have listened.”
“Do you really want me to give up on you and take you back to the house?”
Tyler was silent for several moments. “No,” he finally said, “but I'm fucked if I know how to fix this. I've already apologized. I'm sorry I'm not Ryan. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve your help. Yadda yadda. What good does any of that do?”
That threw Josh for a loop. “What does Ryan have to do with any of this?”
Tyler gave him a curious look. “Last time I checked you were still gone on him. Or did that change and no one gave me the memo?”
“My feelings regarding your brother have nothing to do with what happened this morning,” Josh said, still not sure where Tyler was going with this.
Tyler gave him a skeptical look. “Right,” he said, stretching the word out.
“They don't. I'm still pissed with you about this morning, and I fail to see what Ryan has to do with it. I don't remember him being there in the room with us.”
Tyler raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you sure about that?”
“Um, yeah. I'm pretty sure I would've noticed if he'd been there.”
“I don’t think you and I are participating in the same conversation,” Tyler said, “so I will try to be clear and use words of one syllable. Considering how many years of college you’ve had, I think you should be able to follow along.”
“How is it possible that no one’s ever smothered you in your sleep?”
“It's one of the great mysteries of the ages,” Tyler said, looking away.
Josh sighed. This was going nowhere. “Okay, Tyler, please explain to me why you ran out after sucking my dick like I was the worst one-night stand you'd ever had and how that has anything to do with Ryan, who, as far as I know, was in another state at the time. You can use words of multiple syllables if you like.”
Tyler turned back to stare at him. “I didn't run out like you were the worst one-night stand I'd ever had.”
“Yes, you did. I was there. You said it was all a mistake and ran out like your ass was on fire. What was I supposed to think?”
Tyler covered his face with his hands. “Jesus Christ, I am an idiot. Or you are. Or it could be both of us.” He dropped his hands from his face but looked away so Josh couldn't see his expression.
“Probably,” Josh said. “Care to share your insight with this idiot? Because I have no idea what you're talking about.”
“Josh, I said it was a mistake because getting a random blow job from your ex’s brother who you barely know is weird and skeevy and I shouldn't have done it at all, let alone without a condom or at least a conversation about if you have something I could catch,” Tyler said like he was explaining gravity to a small child. “I did not say it was a mistake for any other reason. Do you get that? I was being weird and gross, not to mention stupid and reckless. You were just… collateral damage.”
“Collateral damage?” That stung. “And that's it?”
“No, that’s not it.” Tyler looked at him for several long moments as if searching for something. “If you must know, you were…” He seemed to consider several different ways of ending the sentence, discarding each one until he ended up with a wistful, “…perfect, really.” Tyler groaned and closed his eyes. “How the hell did we manage to get here? Although in my defense, I still think you're mad for the wrong reasons.”
“In my defense,” Josh said, feeling less angry but still confused, “I think you might be insane. This is what living in California does to people. It makes them crazy.”
“Fuck you.”
“No, thank you. I'm sure it would end up being another mistake.”
“Look here,” Tyler said. “If we ever have sex, it will be premeditated and on purpose.”
“So, what was this morning, then?”
Tyler shook his head. “Oh, no, I am not answering that. You tell me, Josh. What do you think this morning was?”
Josh itched to say something caustic but restrained himself. One of the two of them should probably act older than twelve. Also, Tyler had said he was perfect. It put him in a far more amiable frame of mind and lessened his desire to throttle Tyler. “I think it was one of the top ten best blow jobs I’ve ever received, if you must know. Although I might be mistaken. You took me by surprise and I wasn't fully awake at the time.”
“Only top ten? I think you're insulting me now.”
“Okay, maybe as good as top three,” Josh said, deciding to be generous. “You're remarkably skilled and if things don't work out, porn is probably your best backup option. I think you could have a very lucrative career.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Tyler said dryly.
“No problem. I’d be willing to write you a letter of recommendation. ‘He’s bendy, has no apparent gag reflex, and is extremely fuckable.’ What do you think?”
Tyler gave him a bemused look, pursed his lips, then opened his eyes wide. “I think you want to fuck me.”
Josh froze. “What?”
“I thought… well, never mind what I thought. I was wrong, because you totally want to bone me and the real reason you’ve been pissed at me all morning is that you thought I didn't want you back. That's it, isn't it? Wow, how did I miss that? I really am an idiot. This is like a red-letter day for me in the getting shit wrong department.”
Josh felt his cheeks burn. This was when Tyler would laugh at him, at the whole situation. It was absurd when you thought about it. A cliché, even. Age and supposed experience making an ass of himself over youth and beauty.
“Don't look at me like that,” Tyler said. “Christ, I'm surprised, that's all. It's not like I think wanting to fuck me is a bad thing. I just wasn't expecting it from you, of all people. I was sure you still weren't over Ryan. My bad. Please, feel free to desire my toothsome self.” Tyler finished with a flourish of his hand like he was a game show model showing off a fantastic prize.
“Are you mocking me?” Josh asked.
“Not in the slightest. Well, maybe a little.” Tyler looked like he'd solved one of the world’s trickiest puzzles. “Don't get me wrong, I still think you're all kinds of freaky for wanting to fuck your ex’s baby brother, but far be it from me to turn you down, especially seeing as how you're here to save me. Okay, this works. You'll continue to be my fake boyfriend and we'll have sex and that'll fix the awkward. Problem solved.”
Josh stared at Tyler. He felt outraged and insulted and,
God help him, tempted. Damn Tyler, and damn him for being even the least little bit interested in the now happily grinning evil elf sitting in the passenger seat of his car. “So, let me get this straight. In return for me agreeing to keep on being your fake boyfriend, you're in turn agreeing to have sex with me. Do I have that right?”
“You know, when you put it that way, it sounds like a pretty conventional relationship.”
“No, dammit, conventional relationships are less transactional. My God, Tyler, this is probably the reason you're on speaking terms with only one of your exes.” Getting involved with Tyler was such a terrible idea.
Tyler made a face at him. “There’s no need to be nasty. I'm just trying to figure out how to make this thing between us work because I really need it to work, no lie. The only thing I'm any good at is acting. Well, that and blow jobs and looking pretty, but selling blow jobs is illegal and I'm too short to model for an actual career. Anyway, I'm still processing the idea that you want to have sex with me. Bear with me while I shift my world view. I never thought I, of all people, would break through the Ryan wall. Give me a moment to take it all in, will you?”
“The Ryan wall? What is it with you and him?”
Tyler threw on a superior expression, complete with raised eyebrow. Ryan used to do the same damn thing and it wasn't any less irritating when Tyler did it. “I'm pretty sure that's my line, honey. Which is to say I know you have a thing for him and this thing has been going on for over two decades. Excuse me for not realizing that you've finally moved on and want to plow my not-so-fertile but extremely well-toned fields.”
“There is so much fucked up about what you just said that I don't know where to begin. Plow your fields? Really?”
“Too poetic?” Tyler fluttered his eyelashes.
“I haven't been anything to your brother for nearly fifteen years, Tyler. Do you really think I was celibate the whole time, keeping myself pure on the off chance he'd renounce being straight and take me back?”
Tyler stopped pretending he was a shameless flirt and appeared to consider that. “It does sound unlikely when you put it that way. Exactly how much sex are we talking here?”