Damage Control

by Lynn VanDorn

  Great. To top it off, now he was being flirted with by this child in the most obvious way possible, despite being with his fake boyfriend who Arik didn't know was fake. Tyler decided the kid didn't deserve a pony after all.

  He opened his mouth to say God knew what, although it was bound to be unkind, but Josh saved them both by cutting him off. “Arik,” he said, having checked out his name tag, “Tyler is always thrilled to meet one of his fans, but we really do need to get his phone replaced. It fell into the water and I'm afraid it didn't survive.” His voice was deep, pleasant, and professional, what Tyler suspected was his doctor voice. It probably made all the pimply teenaged girls wet their panties just listening to it.

  Arik wrenched his gaze away from Tyler. “Oh, right. I remember you from yesterday. Your phone fell into the lake, too.” A tiny frown marred his smooth brow. Oh dear. He was thinking. It looked like it might be a bit of a struggle, too.

  Tyler decided to help the poor boy out. “It sorta happened at the same time. Josh and I got a little carried away on the dock. Okay, maybe a lot carried away.” Tyler beamed up at Josh, pouring every bit of manufactured devotion he was capable of into his expression.

  Arik looked back and forth between Tyler and Josh, his eyes wide. Tyler could practically see the wheels in his wee brain turning.

  “Hi,” said Josh, deciding to put Arik out of his misery, “I'm the boyfriend.” He’d put on a toothy grin while he held out his hand for Arik to shake, which the kid did only out of sheer reflex. “Now. About that phone.”

  Arik’s face flamed as he realized that he'd just made a fool out of himself in front of someone he idolized and that idol’s handsome, charming, and much larger boyfriend. Clearly rattled, he stuck to business for the first half-hour of figuring out what phone Tyler wanted, then getting everything set up. Tyler, for his part, was on his best behavior, and Arik started to calm down when he realized that Tyler wasn't going to scream at him and Josh wasn't going to take him outside and beat him up, or worse, call corporate.

  Tyler played up his role of besotted boyfriend, referring to Josh as “honey” and snuggling next to him. Josh seemed to tolerate it fairly well, which Tyler thought was a good sign.

  As Tyler stood on tiptoe and whispered in a bored-looking Josh’s ear, “When we're done here we need to go to the drugstore next,” he heard the electronic shutter noise of a digital camera. Tyler focused on the source of the noise and saw Arik holding his new phone.

  “I took a picture of you two,” he said, and shrugged. “You looked cute together.” Homeboy was working to dig himself out of the hole he'd made.

  Tyler took the phone and looked at the picture. In it, Josh’s eyes were unfocused behind his glasses but he was smiling, as if he and Tyler shared a private joke. Tucked against him was Tyler’s face in profile, his lips close to Josh’s ear. No one seeing it would think they'd pretty much been at each other's throats mere hours ago.

  “I love it,” Tyler said, and gave Arik a real smile. “Thank you.”

  Arik beamed with pleasure, and if he'd had a tail he would have wagged it. “Can I take one with my phone?” he asked. “And another with you and me?”

  “Sure,” Tyler said. “No problem.” He made Josh pose with him again. This time he whispered, “When we go to the drugstore, make sure you buy enough condoms and lube to shock the cashier.” The result of that picture was even better than the first, with Josh blushing a bright pink as Tyler’s lips touched his ear. Then he had Josh take a picture of him and Arik. In that one, Tyler looked a bit smugger than he would have liked while Arik grinned like an idiot.

  “Oh my God, the people in the forum are going to all shit themselves when I post this.” Arik sounded like this might be the pinnacle of his short life so far.

  “Forum?” Josh asked. “What forum?”

  Arik handed Tyler a bag with the new phone’s box and other accessories in it. “Uh, the Tyler Chadwick sub on Reddit.” At Tyler’s blank look he added, “It's a place online where people who are your fans can post things about you. It's not a big sub, but it's pretty active, especially lately. You know, because of the new movie and video and all.” He gave Tyler a beseeching look. “I don't suppose you'd be willing to do an AMA about it. I think there’d be a lot of interest.”

  “A what, now?” Tyler was lost. Apart from the bare minimum that Purvi bullied him into doing, Tyler largely avoided social media. He didn't have the attention span required for it and left most of it up to her. That was why he paid her and put up with her, after all. Well, that and her being his best friend and managing his life like she was a four-star general for Team Tyler. He looked down at the phone in his hand. He’d need to call her soon. He couldn't remember the last time he'd gone this long without at least texting her.

  Meanwhile, the kid, unaware that his attention had wandered, had launched into some sort of spiel. Too bad Purvi wasn't here. She ate this shit up. “It stands for ask me anything. A lot of celebrities do them: actors, writers, politicians, that sort of thing. Seriously. Check it out. Here.” Arik wrote on a card and handed it over. “This is the name of the site. Also of your forum, if you want to check it out. If you contact the mods and offer to do an AMA, I can't imagine they'd say no.”

  Tyler grabbed Arik’s hand and brought his fingers to his lips and gave them a brief kiss. “I’ll mention it to my publicist now that I have a phone on which to call him. It was lovely meeting you, Arik,” he said. “A pleasure.” Tyler smiled at the dazed expression on Arik’s face. It spoke of never wanting to wash that hand ever again.

  –—

  Sunday, September 18th, 12: 30 p.m.

  Sitting in Josh’s Lexus in a pharmacy parking lot

  Blue Lake, WI

  “Are you sure this is a good idea, sweetheart?”

  “No,” Tyler said, unable to lie to his mother. “I think there's a more than a fifty-fifty chance it’s going to be a disaster, but what choice do I have?”

  “You didn't need to drag that Rosen boy into it. He's been through enough, hasn't he?”

  That Rosen boy was currently shopping for condoms and lube while Tyler sat in his car and made phone calls, first to Tom the publicist, then a brief one to Purvi, and now to his mother. Tyler had been joking when he'd said that they needed to buy enough stuff to shock the cashier, but with as long as he was taking in the store, it looked like Josh had taken him at his word. Not for the first time, Tyler wondered if perhaps he was biting off more than he could chew. Oh, well, the die was cast and all that. The chances of Arik not posting the pictures he'd taken of Tyler and The Boyfriend were so small as to be microscopic.

  Tyler huffed. “This is not my fault! It was Ryan’s plan and I'm pretty sure Josh agreed to do it mostly as a big fuck you to him, not that that jackass even noticed as far as I can tell. You know how Ryan is.”

  His mother clucked her tongue in disapproval. “Yes, I know how he is, but you still could have said no.”

  Yes, he could have, but he hadn't wanted to. Saying no would've meant either finding a stranger to pose as his boyfriend, trying to weather the scandal alone, or just giving up on his career, none of which were palatable options. Saying yes meant he'd have a reliable, trustworthy pseudo-boyfriend who was a known quantity. That he wanted to climb said pseudo-boyfriend like a tree was beside the point.

  “I'm kinda backed into a corner here, Mom.”

  She sighed. “You'll do what you want. You always do. But if things go sideways, which no doubt they will, I'll be here. You know that.”

  Tyler swallowed past the lump in his throat. “I know,” he said. “But it’ll be fine. You'll see.”

  “You always say that,” she said.

  “I'm not always wrong,” he replied.

  His mother laughed. “No, not always. I remember Josh as being such a nice boy. Is he still?”

  “He’s a nice man. When he's not angry with me, of course. Actually, he's pretty nice even when he's mad.”

  “Try to beh
ave, Tyler.”

  “People keep telling me that,” he said.

  “Then maybe you should listen to them.”

  “Yes, Mother.”

  “That was advice, sweetheart, not an order,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

  “Okay. Mom, I should probably go. He's walking back to the car. I'll call you later, promise.”

  “I love you. Bad decisions and all.”

  “I love you, too, nagging and all.”

  Tyler didn't need his mother to remind him that he had a bad track record when it came to making plans and decisions. He sometimes thought his life was one long series of bad ideas and worse decisions. Not protecting his laptop with a good password. Dyeing his hair blond that first time so he would match his brothers. Talking two horny JV football players into a threesome. Making that first cut. Allowing himself to ever be alone with Mr. “Please Call Me Michael” Koenig in his office. Not kicking David out sooner. All the shitty things he’d done to Ethan to push him away. Cutting in the dark at the end of a dock.

  This “long-time acquaintances with benefits” plan was bound to be another one to add to an already lengthy list. Tyler didn't care, though, because he wanted Josh with every cell of his selfish body, consequences be damned. He'd deal with the fallout later, in his own way.

  Josh opened the driver's side door, slid in, and tossed a bag onto Tyler’s lap. “The cashier didn't seem shocked. Either I didn't buy enough, or she's already seen it all and has ceased to care.”

  “You were in there long enough.”

  “I had to weigh my options,” Josh said with a crooked grin.

  “I'm sure you did.” Tyler said.

  “You get anything accomplished while I was comparison shopping lube?”

  “As a matter of fact, I talked to Purvi, who is delighted I'm still alive, Tom the publicist, and my mother. You should call yours, by the way, unless you want your parents to get one hell of a surprise.”

  Josh ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes. “I know. That just isn't a conversation I'm looking forward to.”

  “Yeah, I'm not the type that men want to bring home to meet their parents.” Or their friends, or coworkers. Of all the guys Tyler had dated, the only one who had taken him home to meet his family was Ethan, who, tellingly, was just like him.

  “Tyler, you've already met my parents. That's part of the problem. They know I've known you pretty much your whole life. That first summer I came here you wanted everyone to carry you around everywhere—your mom, Ryan, even me. One should probably never date someone they carted around on their shoulders when he was a kid. It's weird. And then there's the other thing.”

  Tyler had zero memory of being carried piggyback by Josh, but he could see how that might be weird. “Hopefully not too weird or you just wasted,” he looked at the receipt, “almost fifty bucks. Damn. You are not fucking around.”

  “Yet.”

  “Ha ha,” Tyler said. “What was the other thing about bringing me home? Other than it being weird.”

  “Okay, so I came out in college. I think my parents have come to terms with it now, but at the time there was this sort of unspoken expectation from them that was like, ‘let the boy get this out of his system, then he can settle down with some nice Jewish girl and give us grandkids.”

  “And I'm about as far from a nice Jewish girl as you can get.”

  “You are a princess,” Josh said, and Tyler threw a box of condoms at his head.

  “They are aware you're thirty-four, right?” Tyler pointed out. “They have to have figured out by now that you're not going to get being gay out of your system.”

  “Yeah. Mom has gone from trying to set me up with this nice girl she knows to that nice boy. Or boys, because she's relentless, no matter how many times I ask her to stop trying to set me up. As for Dad…”

  “What?” Tyler asked.

  Josh looked away. “It’s complicated. They’re my parents. They don't have to make sense. I'll call them this week, I promise. I just need to work up to it. Anyway, what did your publicist say?”

  “He said that the photographer he had come up here is already bitching up a storm about how impossible the place is, duh. Tom wants to cut his losses, so at the photographer’s suggestion we've been ordered to go eat lunch at The Pier and make sure we sit outside so our lunch date can be documented. Then the photographer is going to meet us back at the lake house and get some supposedly candid shots of us on the boat.”

  “So, the plan for the rest of the day is more of me playing devoted boyfriend. You know, never in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that I'd end up as some actor’s arm candy.”

  “I am not just ‘some actor,’ I'll have you know.”

  “Well, I'm not just any old arm candy,” Josh huffed.

  “That you are not,” Tyler said. “Let's go get some lunch.”

  –—

  Sunday, September 18th, 12:57 p.m.

  The outside seating area of The Pier restaurant

  Blue Lake, WI

  Purvi: I'm bored. What's happening now in the soap opera that is your life? Have you fucked the doctor yet?

  Tyler: We’re eating lunch, so no.

  Purvi: Send me a picture

  Tyler: Of my lunch?

  Purvi: NO! Of Dr McDreamy.

  Tyler: It’s Rosen. Josh Rosen.

  Purvi: Like a Jewish James Bond?

  Tyler tried to picture Josh as a secret agent and failed.

  Tyler: Heh. A decided no.

  If there was a photographer taking pictures of them, he was being damn subtle about it. Tyler didn't care, though, because he was having a fine time eating lunch with Josh while at the same time carrying on a text conversation with Purvi. The lake was pretty, the sun was shining, and there was a nice breeze. It felt like he was on an actual date, only without the awkwardness of having to get to know the other person while being on his best behavior.

  Between eating their house salads and waiting for their entrées, Josh reached for his hand and held it while they talked. That elicited a look from their waitress, but that was all. The other diners didn't seem to either notice or care. Not that he'd expected stoning or anything, Tyler supposed, but he thought maybe they’d encounter more hostility, even if it was of the passive, evil death stare from outraged moral citizens variety.

  Then he thought of the kid at the phone store whose gayness was screamingly obvious and who just as obviously didn't care who noticed. It had been a little surprising for Tyler to see, but in a good way. He was used to it in San Francisco and LA, where being gay was just another thing that made you you, like the color of your eyes or the size of shoe you wore. In his memories of growing up in Highland Park and spending summers here, things had never been so easy or open. Everything had been a struggle. But maybe that was more because of his father, rather than where he'd been living at the time. Escaping his father had made him feel free to be anything, including himself. Here and in Illinois, even though he'd never really hid his sexuality, his openness had always been defiance rather than pride.

  On the table, Tyler’s phone vibrated, and he looked at it like it was a bomb about to go off. He missed his pre-video life, when phone notifications were usually from Purvi because she was bored or wanted to nag him about something. Today Purvi was almost drowned out by a wave of people wanting to talk to him, harass him, insult him, or just bother him. Tom kept telling him to stay positive, that they’d turn this all around and the video would be nothing but a fifteen-minute wonder. Tyler doubted it, but he was trying to keep his doubts to himself.

  “Smile,” Tyler said, “and try to look less constipated.”

  Josh made a face and Tyler took a picture of him like that. “Nice, Ty. Very mature.”

  “Are you going to give me a real smile or not?”

  Josh gave him a plastic smile, so Tyler leaned forward and tickled his ribs. He laughed reflexively and Tyler took the picture. “What was that for?”

&
nbsp; “Tom texted me. Among other things, he’s ordered me to take pictures like we’re actually happy people on a happy date.”

  Josh looked put upon.

  “This is what you signed up for, remember? That means you get to help me generate fodder for my Instagram account, which thank fuck someone besides me is maintaining. God bless Purvi. One more selfie of both of us and I’ll leave you alone. For now.”

  Josh allowed himself to be selfied with good grace. They were probably garnering dirty looks by this point, but it couldn't be helped.

  Tyler: Would you like to see what Dr McDreamy looks like?

  Purvi: YES!

  Tyler: Here. [attachment]

  Purvi: Holy shit. He's hot.

  Tyler: I know, right?

  Purvi: Wow. I would totally bar his mitzvah.

  Tyler: That doesn't even make sense.

  Purvi: He’s like what you’d get if Adrien Brody and Hugh Jackman had a baby.

  Purvi: Can I have him when you're done with him?

  Tyler: You’re mental. He doesn't look like Hugh Jackman.

  Tyler: Well, maybe a LITTLE. If you squint.

  Purvi: I can see it.

  Tyler: You’re insane. And no, you may NOT have him.

  Purvi: Why not?

  Tyler: So many reasons: 1) gay 2) no, really, I'm not kidding, there is no converting this one, forget about it, you'll only embarrass yourself, gay 3) good luck getting him out of Illinois 4) what about Kevin?

  Purvi: :( Good point.

  Purvi: Kevin says he would totally go gay for Dr McDreamy.

  Purvi: Correction: bi. Kevin claims no man is hot enough to make him forsake pussy entirely. Not even you. Isn't that sweet?

  Tyler: I think Kevin’s a keeper.

  Purvi: Don’t forget to send pictures to your publicist. Sheesh, do I have to do EVERYTHING for you?