The Hen Party

by Cathy Bramley

  The answerphone was flashing in the hall and I scooped up Mittens and gave him a cuddle while I played the message.

  This is Nigel Rees from Coastal Cottages. Check out our website because your page is LIVE! Get ready for your phone to ring and your inbox to sing. Brightside Holidays, here we come!

  I’d tell Theo as soon as he got back. That would cheer him up and perhaps give him a positive reason to get in touch with Kate; I was sure she’d be thrilled to see her cottages looking lovely on her favourite website. I gave Mittens a celebratory kiss and skipped into the kitchen to whip up some scones …

  Afternoon tea was ready to serve. Light, fluffy and golden scones, dishes of bright red jam studded with strawberries and bowls of unctuous clotted cream. I carried the tray across to Penguin’s Pad where the girls had asked for their tea to be served and tapped on the door with my foot.

  Ruby opened the door, frowning at her phone. ‘What’s the code to the WiFi again?’

  ‘Elvis lives,’ I replied. ‘All one word, all lowercase.’

  ‘Sapphire did ask us not to post anything online …’ Catherine jumped to her feet to help clear a space on the coffee table.

  Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘Because of course we all know the world revolves around Sapphire.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Catherine firmly. ‘This weekend, it does.’

  She gave me a look of exasperation as I settled the tray down carefully. Aside from the three of us, only the two cousins were in the room and they were sharing headphones and listening to music in a world of their own.

  ‘Where is Sapphire?’ I said to Catherine. ‘And all the others?’

  ‘Everyone is fast asleep,’ she said anxiously.

  ‘Oh, how lovely! It’s the sea air and the massage, it knocks you out.’

  ‘It’s the itinerary I’m worried about. If they don’t wake up soon it’ll be shot to pieces.’

  ‘Oh no! Imagine that,’ said Ruby in mock horror. ‘Cool your jets, sister, this is supposed to be a fun weekend not an army exercise.’

  She took a scone and dipped it straight in the cream. Not that I was a purist about these things, I didn’t mind which went on first: the jam or the cream. But even I drew the line at dunking.

  ‘Jam?’ I said, offering her a plate and a knife.

  ‘I get jittery if we go off piste, as it were.’ Catherine sighed and pressed a hand to her forehead.

  The poor thing; she was the only one who hadn’t managed to relax properly yet. I handed her a cup of tea and forced her to sit down.

  ‘So what have you got planned for the rest of the day?’ I asked.

  Catherine consulted her piece of paper.

  ‘Afternoon tea at five. Right on time, thank you.’ She flashed me a grateful smile. ‘Brisk clifftop walk at five thirty, back here for six fifteen.’

  ‘Room inspection at six thirty,’ said Ruby with a snigger, smearing jam on the top of her scone.

  Catherine tilted her chin up and ignored her. ‘Then we’ll open bottle of champagne number seventeen and start getting ready for dinner at …?’

  ‘Eight,’ I supplied. ‘A south-east Asian banquet.’

  Catherine’s eyes lit up.

  ‘Sapphire adores Asian cuisine. Also,’ she pressed her finger to her lips, ‘don’t let on but I’ve organized some special entertainment for later.’

  ‘I won’t say a word,’ I promised.

  ‘Hey, everyone. A word about what?’

  We all turned to see Sapphire padding down the stairs clutching her phone. Her soft blonde hair shimmered and there was a rosy glow to her cheeks from sleep.

  ‘Hey,’ said the cousins in unison, tugging their earphones out.

  Catherine shook her head frantically at me.

  ‘About the calories in this cream,’ I said smoothly, pointing to the tea tray. ‘Besides, you’ve burned it off on the beach earlier, I’m sure.’

  ‘Correct answer,’ she said, yawning delicately. ‘By the way, do thank Eliza again. That mermaid photo shoot was the most fun I’ve had in years. And Danny was such a sweetheart.’

  ‘He said I had real talent,’ said Ruby, her blue eyes glinting. ‘Out of all the group, he said I was the most photogenic.’

  ‘You certainly posed for the most pictures,’ said Catherine pointedly.

  Ruby made faces behind Catherine’s back and the cousins giggled at her antics until Sapphire’s phone made a tinkling bell sound.

  ‘Ignore it,’ said Catherine with a groan.

  ‘I can’t; that’s the sound of an email from a VIP,’ Sapphire said, flopping down next to her friend. ‘I’d better just read it; it’s from the editor of My Dream Day magazine. I hope there’s not a problem.’

  ‘Let’s have some music,’ said Ruby, jumping to her feet. She plugged her phone into a wireless speaker and started dancing to some rap music. The cousins quickly joined in.

  I walked to the door. ‘I’ll leave you to enjoy your tea. Shall I knock on the other doors to let them—’

  ‘Oh no!’ Sapphire gasped, staring at her phone. ‘Apparently there’s a picture of us all dressed as mermaids on Facebook. Yet another leak! And My Dream Day says because I’ve breached my exclusivity agreement, they’ll no longer pay to feature our wedding.’

  My first thought was that thank goodness they’d already paid Theo for the booking. My second was, who posted the photo?

  ‘But how can anyone have got hold of the picture?’ I said, raising my voice over the music. Ruby was demonstrating to the others how to go low, low, low and gyrate their hips at the same time. ‘Was there anyone else on the beach when you were in your mermaid tails?’

  ‘A couple of old dears on the far side, but other than that, just us.’ Catherine rushed to her side. ‘Let me see.’

  Sapphire handed her the phone and dropped her head in her hands. ‘I knew we shouldn’t have trusted Danny. Photographers are all the same. Can’t resist an opportunity to sell a picture. And wasn’t he the one who revealed your whereabouts on Facebook when you were in hiding?’

  I looked over Catherine’s shoulder at the screen. It was a fantastic picture. All eleven mermaids stood in a row on the sand, one arm in the air and the other around their neighbour’s waist. Behind them was the lifeboat house and to the right was the edge of the cliffs. The photographer had timed the shot perfectly to capture a wave crashing against the rocks and a huge arc of white spray like confetti framed the edge of the picture.

  I felt a wave of unease. I really didn’t want it to be true. Eliza, Theo and Molly had all counted on this booking to go well for their fledgling businesses.

  ‘Did Danny even have his own camera?’ I said suddenly. ‘Didn’t he just borrow one of yours?’

  ‘Let me think.’ Catherine gazed up at the ceiling, eyes blinking. ‘All the photos he took were on mine or Ruby’s phones. He was only wearing a wetsuit. There was absolutely nowhere to hide in that outfit, I’d have spotted any equipment. The only lumps and bumps were …’ She turned pink and coughed. ‘No. Definitely no camera.’

  Ruby snorted. ‘You so checked out his equipment, sister.’

  Catherine leapt to her feet and jabbed Ruby with a finger. ‘Don’t you “sister” me. It’s obvious where the leak has come from.’

  ‘Ruby?’ The colour drained from Sapphire’s face. ‘Is it true?’

  Ruby snapped the music off and the cousins stopped waggling their bottoms, shuffled back to their seat in the corner and helped themselves to scones.

  ‘Yes,’ she snapped, folding her arms and squaring up to Catherine. ‘It was me. And I blabbed the address of the Scottish hotel to the press too.’

  I sighed with relief; Danny was in the clear. Thank goodness for that. But poor Sapphire – betrayed by her sister …

  ‘Poor lovely Poppy missed out on this weekend because I doubted her,’ Sapphire said, horrified.

  ‘I should go,’ I said, turning towards the door. ‘Let me know if I can do anything to help.’

  ‘I k
now you’re judging me,’ said Ruby, blocking my way. ‘But you don’t know how hard it is to get noticed when you’re a nobody.’

  ‘I’m still a nobody,’ I retorted crossly. ‘Most people don’t recognize me, even after being in Victory Road.’

  ‘But they know you for leaking the plot of the show and dumping ice on Cecily. I’d kill for that sort of publicity.’

  I gaped at her. There were no words to deal with that sort of mentality, even if she was right.

  ‘Ruby!’ exclaimed Sapphire. ‘You’re not nobody to me!’

  ‘I’m nobody because of you,’ Ruby spluttered indignantly. ‘I auditioned for Maidens of Mayfair first. I should have been star of the show. I’d have been the famous sister.’ She looked at me. ‘They sent two researchers round to check out my house, to make sure it was suitable for filming, and there was Sapphire in the kitchen flipping pancakes. They were supposed to come and look at my big bedroom with its own dressing room and Juliet balcony and my vinyl collection of Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals. They never even left the kitchen. Two hours later my dreams had gone up in smoke; they dropped me for her.’

  ‘I felt awful about it,’ said Sapphire quietly.

  ‘So you always say. But it doesn’t change anything.’ Ruby’s eyes filled with tears.

  ‘I did fight for Ruby to be in the show,’ Sapphire explained. ‘The producers said that she would get a cameo role as long as I agreed to take part.’

  ‘But I felt like a dog being thrown a bone.’ Ruby pouted and I experienced a wave of sympathy for her. I knew only too well what it felt like to be passed over for a job you’d been promised. The Cecily Carmichael incident still had the capacity to make me go hot and cold every time I thought of it.

  ‘I had to take the opportunity to try to raise more awareness of my research project into cleptobiosis in ants,’ explained Sapphire, ‘but so far I haven’t been able to shoehorn it into conversation in the show. So frustrating.’

  ‘Clepto what?’ I exclaimed.

  Sapphire laughed. ‘You know, when members of one species steal food from another. Ants are devils for it.’

  Catherine and I exchanged looks and I hid a smile. Maidens of Mayfair concerned itself mostly with shopping, eating and partying. I could see her problem.

  ‘Whereas I need the exposure on TV. I need to get noticed for me,’ Ruby put in.

  I felt my hackles rise. This trend of being famous for being famous really got my goat.

  ‘I’ve met plenty of reality TV stars over the years,’ I said steadily. ‘They come and go with each new show. But the ones who endure are the ones who have passion and drive and a star quality that attracts others to them. For fame to benefit you, you need to start with your passion. So. What is your passion?’

  ‘Singing.’ She stuck her chin up. ‘I want to be a singer.’

  ‘Oh.’ I hadn’t been expecting that. ‘That’s great.’

  ‘She is a very good singer,’ Sapphire agreed. ‘Dad’s got videos of her singing all the songs from The Lion King. Brings a tear to my eye every time. But—’

  Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘Here we go. But I’m not good enough to make it. Blah, blah, blah.’

  ‘No. You are.’ Sapphire’s hands balled into fists with frustration. ‘But you never turned up for your singing lessons, or practised for your exams.’

  ‘I don’t need to. Singing’s a gift.’

  ‘Your voice is a gift,’ I put in. ‘I don’t sing, but I do know that your voice is a muscle, the same as any other. And you need to put in the training to be the best.’

  Ruby frowned and picked at the skin around her thumbnail.

  ‘I just want a chance to shine. It’s not easy being in your shadow, you know,’ she told Sapphire. ‘You’ve always been the clever one, the good daughter. When I was little I copied you. Then when I got to fifteen I realized I’d never match up, so I stopped bothering.’

  ‘Sing at my wedding,’ Sapphire blurted out. ‘A solo. Something beautiful. There’ll be people in the audience who might be able to help you.’

  Ruby looked up, her eyes hopeful. ‘I thought you’d got a harpie?’

  ‘Harpist. I have. Catherine, when …?’

  ‘I’ll check the wedding itinerary.’ Catherine tapped on her phone. ‘Got it. Harpist to play Bach solo as played at Kate Middleton’s wedding while bride and groom sign the register.’

  ‘Amend it to read Ruby Spencer to sing … What do you want to sing?’

  Ruby chewed her lip while she pondered. ‘Oh I know! “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” from Les Mis!’

  Catherine paled. ‘The one about death? And loneliness?’

  ‘We’ll work on the song choice together,’ said Sapphire swiftly. ‘And you have to practise. Every day for the next two weeks. Promise?’

  Ruby threw herself across the room and into her sister’s arms. ‘Thank you, Sapph. I won’t let you down. I’ll go to my room now, find the lyrics and start rehearsing. Girls, you can help,’ she said to her cousins who obediently got to their feet.

  She kissed Sapphire’s cheek and then said in a small voice, ‘I’m sorry for posting that picture of us. I should have thought about your magazine deal. You’ve been so good to me and I’ve completely cocked things up for you.’

  ‘Forget about it,’ said Sapphire kindly. ‘What are big sisters for?’

  ‘That is a bit of a bind, though,’ Catherine said once the three younger girls had gone upstairs. She squeezed Sapphire’s hand. ‘What are you going to do?’

  Sapphire frowned. ‘Nina, you’ve had run-ins with the press, what do you advise to get them back on board?’

  I perched on the edge of the sofa and thought about it. I thought about what Maxine Pearce would say. A month ago I’d probably have come up with a whole list of ideas to get Sapphire’s wedding on the front pages of the papers. But things had changed for me recently. I didn’t feel the need to grab every photo opportunity any more, and certainly not those that didn’t focus on what really mattered to me – my acting career. Right now I was using my limited fame to benefit others and it felt really good. I wondered what was motivating Sapphire.

  ‘Do you really need them there?’ I asked.

  Sapphire shrugged. ‘Brad, my fiancé, is heading up a campaign to protect endangered Vancouver Island marmots. Our fee was heading straight to the charity. And the magazine promised to add a side column about it too.’

  Which, if my experience was anything to go by, would be a tiny afterthought and do absolutely nothing for Brad’s praiseworthy intentions.

  ‘Wouldn’t it be better to ask for donations instead of wedding gifts?’ I suggested. ‘And ask all the cast of Maidens of Mayfair to post a link to his campaign?’

  Sapphire blinked at me. ‘And have no press there at all?’

  ‘Maybe you could marry in private?’ said Catherine.

  ‘Yes, make it about you and Brad,’ I agreed. ‘Something just for you and your loved ones. Not the rest of the world. There’s something precious about that, I think.’

  ‘I could even ban the Maidens of Mayfair cameras,’ Sapphire said thoughtfully.

  ‘Think how lovely a day without press intrusion would be,’ I said.

  ‘Liberating.’ Sapphire sighed.

  ‘And you’d get to run the day your own way,’ I added.

  Sapphire grinned at her best friend. ‘Or in my case, how Catherine plans it.’

  Catherine went pink. ‘To hell with the clifftop walk, let’s skip straight to bottle of champagne number … Oh, who cares which number we’re on.’

  The rest of the hen party arrived just as Sapphire was easing the cork out of the bottle and I slipped away to get the table ready for dinner later. There was a whirring noise coming from the garden at the back of the house and I peered round the gate to see Theo in just a pair of shorts with the hedge trimmer. The sight of his bare chest reminded me: judging by the twinkle in her eye I was guessing Catherine’s special entertainment must have an element of
male nudity involved. Might she have booked a stripper? Or a butler in the buff, maybe?

  I’d find out soon enough …

  Chapter 10

  ‘Please light!’ I hovered over the candle with a match, watching as the flame burned ever closer to my fingers while the wick resolutely refused to catch fire. The kitchen was beginning to smell of burned fingernail.

  This was the only room at Driftwood Lodge big enough to seat eleven people. As kitchens go it was comfy and cosy, but a bit plain for the elegant dinner party look I was going for. I was trying to make up for that by using candlelight to add some ambiance and simultaneously create a few dark corners to hide the worst of the mess. And I was using Jethro’s entire stock of emergency power cut candles to do it. The hens probably wouldn’t go in the living room, but I’d put some candles in there just in case and turned off all the lights in the hall to make it look less of a landing strip and more like a dimly lit restaurant.

  Theo had gone over to the cottages with some appetizers to keep the women going while I finished off and I’d instructed him to stay over there as long as he could to buy us some time.

  Finally, with a few burned fingers and at least one singed eyebrow, all the candles were lit.

  There. Done. I stood back to admire my handiwork. I’d raided Eliza’s shop earlier this afternoon for anything vaguely eastern to decorate the room with and now delicate paper lanterns in jewel colours of pink, blue and emerald hung from the ceiling, bowls of matching paper flowers adorned the table and candlesticks in the shape of fat little Buddhas sat at opposite ends of the table. Eliza had also lent me some pretty multi-coloured fairy lights and I’d hung them above the Aga. The effect, if not totally authentic Asian, lent a party atmosphere to the otherwise homely room.

  What next? I scanned my list. Put plates in to warm in the bottom oven. I opened the cupboard but it was empty. All the plates were still in the dishwasher from lunchtime. But thankfully clean. I dried them off quickly but in my haste, managed to flick the tea towel in my eye, causing my eyes to water and temporary blindness.